Tropes you see on the road

[IronStar]

On 21/11/2025 at 21:12, Lord Sterling said:

* This is one that isn't that common yet, but very likely to seen on our roads very soon. 

Olivia-Chelsea, the 'Temu' Jaecoo.

Olivia-Chelsea, who is generally in her late 20s to her early 40s is one of those pretend 'busy' women who has a fake smile, a fake semi-posh accent, always takes the same kind of selfies from above and juts out her cleavage in said pictures (as well as adding a fake filter on the pics). She doesn't own a house and buys everything on finance. Her job is either as a social-media "influencer" or working within some unspecified managerial office role.

She thinks she looks wealthy, but all of her stuff is generally 'Temu/Ali Baba' bought, they usually get thrown out after 2 years as she tries to keep up with the latest trends.

Her vehicle aspirations were of a Range Rover/Land Rover Discovery or even an Evoque, because nothing shows how successful (read: desperate for attention) she really is than owing one of those. But Olivia-Chelsea could never justify the financial options.

She needs (wants) a "statement" car and her social media accounts have led to seeing other people like her raving on about this new Chinese car called Jaecoo. So, she goes to place that "sells" them and is immediately sold on the modern looks and features, she signs yet another finance agreement which will see her cash poor.

What she doesn't realise (and, doesn't really care about) is parts availability, running costs and poor crash safety protection, plus the general fit and finish of everything. So long as its shiny, new and big, she cares about little else.

When she takes it out, most people will either be indifferent or confused. To many, it looks like some random new electric car, to others, they are quietly guffawing under their breath knowing how poor this vehicle really is having literally just scratched the surface of research.

A friend of mine bought something called Chery Tiggo 8 Pro. I went to take a look, primed to tear him a new one. 
I couldn’t. It’s really good. Fit and finish is on point. Has all the toys you could possibly want. Great seats, very comfy suspension. Tons of space. Very reasonable consumption considering it’s a 7 seater SUV. Generous warranty. Amazing price and even better value for money. 
Not fast by any means, but as a humongous SUV, does it really need to be?

The sole obvious negative, other than the name which sounds like a phone you’d order off AliExpress, was a slowish gearbox. Think ~2015 Mercedes autobox.

I’m not the target market, but I really like it and think it’s a ton of car for the money. Would.

Sorry.

[sheffcortinacentre]

53 minutes ago, Rocket88 said:

Ford perverts are, without doubt, the most pig headed, blinkered, motoring bores on the planet. Dave Mathewson is a prime example 

It's not know as the RS yawners club for nothing.

[Metal Guru]

4 hours ago, sheffcortinacentre said:

It's not know as the RS yawners club for nothing.

Aren’t most owner's clubs dominated by by people who want to bore you to death about the tiniest detail about their choice of car?

[dozeydustman]

5 hours ago, Metal Guru said:

Aren’t most owner's clubs dominated by by people who want to bore you to death about the tiniest detail about their choice of car?

Yes, but die hard Ford owners do the same thing and slate any other brand as utter shite. Most other (almost) die hard Healey, Jaaaaaaag, Triumph fans I have met use a metaphor along the lines of one man’s meat is another man’s poison, and rarely heavily lay into the pitfalls of a Stag, for example.

[reb]

6 hours ago, Metal Guru said:

Aren’t most owner's clubs dominated by by people who want to bore you to death about the tiniest detail about their choice of car?

My old 850 TDI had an 850R bumper on it, quite a common mod and admittedly looked quite mean, it was there when I got it but I wouldn't have fitted it myself because they are ££££. Anyways, after I fired it through a wall the bumper ended up cracked open and dangling. At that point I wanted to patch the car up, cat B be damned. I posted on the owners club asking if anyone had a standard bumper for sale. I'll admit I did post a photo of it, figuring the ragebait would drive engagement and get the post a bit more reach.

A couple of people PM'd me to say they had bumpers, but both of them started off by asking "why did your car have an R bumper anyway?"

Not like it's a common mod or anything.

 

Bloody rivet counters.

[Metal Guru]

Mr or Mrs What’s the point in speeding up?

They crawl out of the town 20 mph zone at 10 mph because they’re so shit scared of any interaction with the law. 
When they get to the 30/40 zone they still keep 10 or so under, because “they’re safe drivers and it’s a limit not a target”.

When they get to the NSL sign however, they don’t bother to speed up at all as they know they will soon* get to the next town 5 or 10 miles away and they’d only have to slow down again.

Ironically, they often speed up at the 40mph sign at the next town because it’s nice and straight and lit, while the NSL section has a couple of bends and is a bit dark. 

[Knotty Ash Towers]

2 hours ago, Metal Guru said:

Mr or Mrs What’s the point in speeding up?

They crawl out of the town 20 mph zone at 10 mph because they’re so shit scared of any interaction with the law. 
When they get to the 30/40 zone they still keep 10 or so under, because “they’re safe drivers and it’s a limit not a target”.

When they get to the NSL sign however, they don’t bother to speed up at all as they know they will soon* get to the next town 5 or 10 miles away and they’d only have to slow down again.

Ironically, they often speed up at the 40mph sign at the next town because it’s nice and straight and lit, while the NSL section has a couple of bends and is a bit dark. 

I've noticed this a lot in North Wales since they brought in 20mph zones. When the speed limit goes up to 60mph, some people refuse to go above 35mph...

[Supernaut]

Why bother speeding up?

There's a corner in 3 miles, I'd just have to slow down again.

Bloody maniac, overtaking me! I'm a safe driver!

[sierraman]

Dave the Trade. Drives a 2014 Transit, slowly everywhere.

Pricing strategy is all over the show, arrives at 10am, sits in his van having a fag then comes in has a cup of tea, starts talking about something he’s read in the Daily Mail, makes a mess of whatever it is he’s doing and blames it on materials being poor quality as to why the shower bar he’s installed is on the piss. In fact his trade is talking, as that’s what he spends 90% of his time up to 2:45pm doing. Then goes off for four pints of Madri in the local then drives the van home, via the takeaway. Has a hugely inflated idea of his skills and how much it’s worth. Persistently over running on jobs and will cause delays by generally very poor time management.
 

The van, it’s definitely a Transit, not a new one but one he has had for a donkeys age. It’s never been serviced not once, it’s close to collapse but his mechanic says it’s best he keeps it. It’s got a Poppy on the grill and some sort of football fan sticker somewhere. 

[Lord Sterling]

Trade-plate Tim.

Tim has been pretty luck-less in his 30-odd years on this planet. A career has eluded him more times than he has had a hot meal. Most of his mates are managers/shift leads or small business owners. 

After a spell on the dole, he fell into this world of trade-plate driving. Basically, pick up a car locally, take it to its destination, get to next job, etc...

As he gets in to the job, Tim manages to smash the company issued phone but still manages to do the job as only the screen is cracked.

What Tim loves about the job is the variety of cars he gets to drive and some of the cars he gets to take home of a weekend. He gets, finally to compare himself with his neighbour Bogurat Czanislav who drives a blacked-out 520d as he drives into his 90s-built sink estate with his latest job (which might actually be a Seat Ibiza of some description). Unfortunately, he'll take as much care with those 'job' cars as he does his own barely used and down-at-heel Vauxhall Astra. The 'job' car may well find a sack load of croissant and crisps bits and discarded chocolate wrappers. It may also stink of 3-day old unwashed uniform. 

Tim will drive at absolute warp-speed, partly because he wants to see what speed it'll do, partly because he thinks he is some sort of 'Stig' off Top Gear type abd partly because he knows he needs to make that once-in-blue-moon train connection. 

Invariably, he'll manage to damage the cars he brings in some way or another, usually through flying stones into the windscreen or driving in a way that'll introduce him to the nearest hedge/innocent motorist.

[Rocket88]

4 hours ago, Lord Sterling said:

Trade-plate Tim.

Tim has been pretty luck-less in his 30-odd years on this planet. A career has eluded him more times than he has had a hot meal. Most of his mates are managers/shift leads or small business owners. 

After a spell on the dole, he fell into this world of trade-plate driving. Basically, pick up a car locally, take it to its destination, get to next job, etc...

As he gets in to the job, Tim manages to smash the company issued phone but still manages to do the job as only the screen is cracked.

What Tim loves about the job is the variety of cars he gets to drive and some of the cars he gets to take home of a weekend. He gets, finally to compare himself with his neighbour Bogurat Czanislav who drives a blacked-out 520d as he drives into his 90s-built sink estate with his latest job (which might actually be a Seat Ibiza of some description). Unfortunately, he'll take as much care with those 'job' cars as he does his own barely used and down-at-heel Vauxhall Astra. The 'job' car may well find a sack load of croissant and crisps bits and discarded chocolate wrappers. It may also stink of 3-day old unwashed uniform. 

Tim will drive at absolute warp-speed, partly because he wants to see what speed it'll do, partly because he thinks he is some sort of 'Stig' off Top Gear type abd partly because he knows he needs to make that once-in-blue-moon train connection. 

Invariably, he'll manage to damage the cars he brings in some way or another, usually through flying stones into the windscreen or driving in a way that'll introduce him to the nearest hedge/innocent motorist.

Plated for a few months years ago… a soul destroying experience 

[ProgRocker]

5 hours ago, Lord Sterling said:

Trade-plate Tim.

Tim has been pretty luck-less in his 30-odd years on this planet. A career has eluded him more times than he has had a hot meal. Most of his mates are managers/shift leads or small business owners. 

After a spell on the dole, 

Sounds a little bit like my life story .

[Lord Sterling]

21 hours ago, Rocket88 said:

Plated for a few months years ago… a soul destroying experience 

Did it myself for a couple of years. Pretty much above was self-explanatory. Accept, when I could, I'd dust the mats out and take any choccy bar wrappers with me. If I could clean a car, I would, but money was always tight and I usually had a fairly clean car over the weekend anyway.