Cars that lost the plot

[TheOtherStu]

20 hours ago, MiniMinorMk3 said:

Mini

Bigi

Even worse, the SUV version. These are absolutely massive.

Ironically, a car made by BMW now, famous for their rear wheel drive "drivers' " cars.

[juular]

The word 'mini' is now a parody as well. In my mind the 240 is a 'big' car.

[83C]

Nah, the Countryman is a decent machine. Mrs. 83C has one, it does everything she wants from round town to 600+ mile round trips to Cornwall. Well put together, some clever touches that make sense in a family car, handles very well and good on fuel.

The whole ‘Not Mini’ thing has been done to death, even the small Bini is much bigger than the Issigonis original but then so is everything else. Thank Euro-NCAP testing, people growing, requirements changing etc for that. If a 1959 Mini was designed to meet today’s standards, it would be about the size of a Bini. 

BMW Group have put some questionable machines out, especially recently (BMW XM Label Red, I’m looking at you), but compared to the full size 4x4s that really are losing the plot and forgetting why they existed in the first place the Mini range is fairly sensible  with the exception of the original Paceman - it was a solution looking for a question to answer.

[Metal Guru]

31 minutes ago, juular said:

Yeah this is an easy winner. They managed to keep the Mustang mostly decent and unique looking throughout its run (with the exception of the Sierra clone years).  Even the latest non-electric ones are a decent enough looking motor. 

That Mach E needs put down and flung in the sea in a bag full of lead.

Mustangs were pretty terrible and bore no resemblance to the original from the second generation ( 1974) until the fifth was introduced in 2005.

While I think they’re taking liberties with the Mach E, it’s no worse than anything from gens 2-4 and at least it’s got some power not a 150bhp V8.

 

[Jim Bergerac]

22 hours ago, Conan said:

Yesterday Renault launched the new Scenic.

It's now a Crossover EV.

They're saying that this "combines the practicality of a proper Scenic with a Crossover" 

Can you fit three child seats in it? No. 

Can your children see out the back windows? No. 

Get it tae fuck. Useless. 

 

[TheOtherStu]

10 minutes ago, Jim Bergerac said:

They're saying that this "combines the practicality of a proper Scenic with a Crossover" 

Can you fit three child seats in it? No. 

Can your children see out the back windows? No. 

Get it tae fuck. Useless. 

 

Thing is, the original scenic was in itself a nonsense car that answered a question that wasn't asked, but at least you can argue it was very different. Like a megane on steroids.
Original megane....

Original scenic

But this is the new Megane

Believe me, it's huge. Bigger than a Qashqai.

The Scenic just looks like a 3008 EV. It should be pointed out too that the designer of the Scenic has recently joined from Peugeot

 

By the way, thanks to @Brenfor this thread. I'm thoroughly enjoying it, but will try not to take it over.

[FakeConcern]

13 hours ago, RoverFolkUs said:

'fred closed. 

I'm noticing a pattern here, are they all competing to make something that looks as silly as possible? 

The other day a BMW X5 with red grill bars filled my mirror

Both Mrs Concern and I thought of this

[junkyarddog]

As far as I'm concerned,all modern cars have lost the plot.

There is absolutely nothing on the market today that interest me in the slightest.

They are all bloated over complicated shit.

[grogee]

2 hours ago, rainagain said:

I love how it’s called a ‘gear carrier’. “Yarr I’m just loading up my off roading gear to the Defender, yarr let’s off road. Better engage 4x4 that pot hole looks deep”. 

This reminds me of Adam Buxton's Festival Song.

"Gazman, it's the Julianator..."

 

[juular]

I feel like there's some promise in the ioniq 5, but it's still so bloated and the massive wheels look like clown feet.  A smaller, simpler version of this would be decent looking.

 

[Poweredbyhopealone]

2 hours ago, juular said:

I feel like there's some promise in the ioniq 5, but it's still so bloated and the massive wheels look like clown feet.  A smaller, simpler version of this would be decent looking.

 

I really like the design language on these (if I may use a wanky motor journalist phrase for a second) but you're right, you see one in real life and they are sodding huge.

[juular]

29 minutes ago, Poweredbyhopealone said:

I really like the design language on these (if I may use a wanky motor journalist phrase for a second) but you're right, you see one in real life and they are sodding huge.

It would be a great looking car if they were 205 sized!

[Metal Guru]

3 hours ago, juular said:

I feel like there's some promise in the ioniq 5, but it's still so bloated and the massive wheels look like clown feet.  A smaller, simpler version of this would be decent looking.

 

That crease across the doors just looks like it’s had a serious side impact.

[Spiny Norman]

2 hours ago, Poweredbyhopealone said:

I really like the design language on these (if I may use a wanky motor journalist phrase for a second) but you're right, you see one in real life and they are sodding huge.

But they admit themselves that the design language is a ripoff of a 1970s Giugiaro styling exercise.  Modern cars don't interest me at all anymore.

[RoverFolkUs]

Ok, now I'm going to put forward the 3 series. These ones: 

I had the pleasure* of driving one for a lot longer than I normally would today 

It was a pretty low spec, 1.5 petrol, 3 cylinder, manual, cloth interior. 

Honestly, it didn't feel like driving a BMW should at all. The E9x generation just feels like a lot more thought went into it when being produced, but these, no. 

The engine doesn't suit the car at all, there's a fucking massive surge of power available in 2nd gear for what it is, but other than that there's not a lot of torque available so you find yourself shifting down a lot. 

I don't understand why they thought a 3 cylinder petrol was suitable at all

It doesn't feel like anyone ever thought it should be a manual, the pedals didn't feel like they were in the right place and the gearchange is not pleasing. So they're definitely best suited to an auto.

The cheap cloth interior coupled with the mediocre driving experience just made me feel like I might as well have been in a Mondeo if it wasn't for the badge on the front. 

Don't buy one, you'll be disappointed. I actually quite like the E90 generation of 3 series and would happily own one, but this, not a chance. I'd just buy a Mondeo. 

I was actually more satisfied driving a diesel Peugeot 207SW afterwards, not because it was better, but because it wasn't pretending to be anything that it isn't! 

[sierraman]

18 minutes ago, RoverFolkUs said:

Ok, now I'm going to put forward the 3 series. These ones: 

I had the pleasure* of driving one for a lot longer than I normally would today 

It was a pretty low spec, 1.5 petrol, 3 cylinder, manual, cloth interior. 

Honestly, it didn't feel like driving a BMW should at all. The E9x generation just feels like a lot more thought went into it when being produced, but these, no. 

The engine doesn't suit the car at all, there's a fucking massive surge of power available in 2nd gear for what it is, but other than that there's not a lot of torque available so you find yourself shifting down a lot. 

I don't understand why they thought a 3 cylinder petrol was suitable at all

It doesn't feel like anyone ever thought it should be a manual, the pedals didn't feel like they were in the right place and the gearchange is not pleasing. So they're definitely best suited to an auto.

The cheap cloth interior coupled with the mediocre driving experience just made me feel like I might as well have been in a Mondeo if it wasn't for the badge on the front. 

Don't buy one, you'll be disappointed. I actually quite like the E90 generation of 3 series and would happily own one, but this, not a chance. I'd just buy a Mondeo. 

I was actually more satisfied driving a diesel Peugeot 207SW afterwards, not because it was better, but because it wasn't pretending to be anything that it isn't! 

It didn’t need to be any good, people would buy it anyway even if it was awful as it’s German and that means it’s a ‘Quality Car’ that will go on forever. 😂

[RoverFolkUs]

32 minutes ago, sierraman said:

It didn’t need to be any good, people would buy it anyway even if it was awful as it’s German and that means it’s a ‘Quality Car’ that will go on forever. 😂

Of course, that's why it FTP'd on its first journey to the test station and it ended up being me that had to take it back there! 🤣

Water pump failed already and had puked enough coolant out to start overheating and throwing it in limp mode. 

It's one of the only cars I can think of that have actually broken down on the way to/from our chosen test station. Aside from a couple of old shitters where brake pipes have burst on the rollers if you count that!

[artdjones]

On 9/5/2023 at 7:38 PM, sierraman said:

No farmers bought new Defenders apart from the moneyed sort that were playing at it. All the ones I’ve seen had ex water board Rangers or something Japanese. There used to be a saying in Australia, if you wanted to go to the outback buy a Landrover, if you wanted to get back alive buy a Toyota. 

I know what you're saying, but for really hard use on African roads apparently the Land Rover was better than the Jap stuff.  According to my oil company geophysicist neighbour anyway. 

This is how he explained it.

In southern Africa a lot of dirt roads have transverse ridges like a washboard, and high speed use on them has caused many Japanese chassis to crack, sometimes  within 50 miles of being new, especially channel section ones. Land Rovers don't do that.

I suppose the ideal would be a Land Cruiser engine in a Land Rover chassis.

[Asimo]

14 minutes ago, artdjones said:

I suppose the ideal would be a Land Cruiser engine in a Land Rover chassis

Something with low unsprung-mass independant suspension.  Like a Citroen 2cv.

[Spiny Norman]

2 hours ago, RoverFolkUs said:

It was a pretty low spec, 1.5 petrol, 3 cylinder,

That is literally half of what a proper BMW engine should be.

[RoverFolkUs]

15 minutes ago, Spiny Norman said:

That is literally half of what a proper BMW engine should be.

Precisely my thoughts! When they first came about I wondered if they were literally redesigned to be chopped in half but alas it appears not. 

[TheOtherStu]

3 hours ago, RoverFolkUs said:

Ok, now I'm going to put forward the 3 series. These ones: 

I had the pleasure* of driving one for a lot longer than I normally would today 

It was a pretty low spec, 1.5 petrol, 3 cylinder, manual, cloth interior. 

Honestly, it didn't feel like driving a BMW should at all. The E9x generation just feels like a lot more thought went into it when being produced, but these, no. 

The engine doesn't suit the car at all, there's a fucking massive surge of power available in 2nd gear for what it is, but other than that there's not a lot of torque available so you find yourself shifting down a lot. 

I don't understand why they thought a 3 cylinder petrol was suitable at all

It doesn't feel like anyone ever thought it should be a manual, the pedals didn't feel like they were in the right place and the gearchange is not pleasing. So they're definitely best suited to an auto.

The cheap cloth interior coupled with the mediocre driving experience just made me feel like I might as well have been in a Mondeo if it wasn't for the badge on the front. 

Don't buy one, you'll be disappointed. I actually quite like the E90 generation of 3 series and would happily own one, but this, not a chance. I'd just buy a Mondeo. 

I was actually more satisfied driving a diesel Peugeot 207SW afterwards, not because it was better, but because it wasn't pretending to be anything that it isn't! 

I had this in 330e spec.
It was fine. Alcantara seats, autobox (which was surprisingly nice).

I can imagine with a 1.5 petrol it's dull as ditchwater.

For a modern car, the interior is awful. My son has an old 335D which is of course very swift, but OMG, the interior.

The only thing that ever went wrong with mine was that I could never get the petrol door to open. These have a pressurised petrol tank and it would happily release the petrol, but the catch on the door never worked properly so had to be forced.

BMW couldn't fix it either, despite having 3 goes at it. It was a company jalopy so I gave up.

[Fumbler]

13 hours ago, rainagain said:

I love how it’s called a ‘gear carrier’. “Yarr I’m just loading up my off roading gear to the Defender, yarr let’s off road. Better engage 4x4 that pot hole looks deep”. 

[Metal Guru]

41 minutes ago, Fumbler said:

Just to be pedantic, Defenders (all Landrovers?”) are full time 4x4 so you wouldn’t engage it as such.

[Alusilber]

15 hours ago, EyesWeldedShut said:

Oh you mean this bargain item only £877 fitted. Has he got the 'expedition' roof rack ? That's a bargain at £1500 - my wife used to love playing at 'build your own Bini' on the web and just guffawing - she's utterly speechless after playing 'configure your own Defender'.

As to this load of wank - even if it is insanely burglar proof  - it looks like an invitation for Johnny Scrote to have a go at it just in case it's got more than your sandwiches and flask in it (it looks big enough for maybe a Mars bar too). It's basically a 'look at me and how much money I have to spend' badge.

Also great for obscuring vehicles in your blind spot and stopping your rear seat passengers seeing out the window I expect?

Also... "Once fitted, the side-mounted gear carrier and bracket are not intended to be removed from the vehicle" -  bloody hell, what kind of mess do they make fitting the thing?

[DavieW]

13 minutes ago, Alusilber said:

Also great for obscuring vehicles in your blind spot and stopping your rear seat passengers seeing out the window I expect?

Also... "Once fitted, the side-mounted gear carrier and bracket are not intended to be removed from the vehicle" -  bloody hell, what kind of mess do they make fitting the thing?

Not to mention the added aerodynamic drag. And in this day and age of efficiency. 

[Spiny Norman]

Since the thread opened with the Mondeo, arguably quite a decent steer regardless of version, we might as well have its classic rival.

Cavs were always good cars, culminating in the late Mk3s. The Vectra was a bit shit but the blobulent jobbie that followed was a car nobody deserved. The Insignia manages the Jaguar XJS trick of being huge outside without offering a vast interior. Everyone sits quite far away from everyone else but the roofline and shallow glass make the interior of this W126 S class sized motor feel cramped and claustrophobic. It was everything I hated about modern cars in 2013 and they've mostly got even worse over the last 10 years.

[PhilA]

The front end of the BMW reminds me of watching one of those animations of a cat scan on your head. 

Looks like the front of the car is missing and all you see is sinuses and passageways and other things that shouldn't be seen from outside.

 

 

Did the front fall off it? I'm not sure just by looking at it

[Dyslexic Viking]

19 hours ago, junkyarddog said:

all modern cars have lost the plot.

I'm not going to defend modern cars but some small cars are still small cars. Then small in size, small wheels, low weight, simple mechanics, easy to work on, etc.

My i10 falls under this and I will not pretend that it is very interesting and exciting, but when you have to have a modern, I feel cars like this are at least better because they still are true to their roots. A decade ago, I spent a year with a car rental company and came away with the conclusion that of today's cars, small cars are the most likable, but maybe I'm the only one who thinks so.

But this will probably end soon.

[Dick Longbridge]

On 9/5/2023 at 2:29 PM, MiniMinorMk3 said:

Mini

Bigi

The lower photo is a Baxi.