Dodgy shit hidden by sellers

[Ghosty]

Went to Ipswich to look at a S3 Daimler Sovereign. Seller picks me up from the station in a Jeep, the first thing he does is knock £250 off the price before I've even seen the car, tells me that his driveway didn't have a drop kerb, and that the windscreen had cracked driving down it. But it was fine, you can get windscreens on insurance etc. Riiiight. In reality this is a red flag that the bulkhead is rotten. Car's fucked.
When we get to the car, it won't start. Shoves some easy start (or was it WD40?) in the intake and thrashes the bollocks off it from cold (bearing in mind 4.2s are no stranger to HGF) and gets it to run on the high pressure fuel pump, and it won't idle, only runs on throttle. Seller is baffled and his mate what knows stuff innit wasn't answering the phone to help him.

I didn't bother to tell him that the fuel pump isolator at the base of the passenger A pillar had probably tripped. 

The guy refused to sell me the car on the basis it wasn't running, on the train back I said I'd been advised the bulkhead might be rotten. He didn't reply again after that. Went and got pissed in a Wetherspoons in Peterborough before heading home. 

~~

Last year my dad did the timing chain on my mum's Cooper S as it'd eaten the guides and running a bit funny with some shite in the sump (Prince, TADTS). When he put it back together it ran but was rattling like fuck - chain achieved fuck all - there were things in the sump that shouldn't be yet again, and it sounded like it was piston slapping (again TADTS). Decided to fuck it off  as it was terminal at this point - 35k, high spec, auto - we reckoned we'd get 5/6k for it if we sold it having warmed it up to hide the slap. 
I looked on WBAC and their initial offer was £5650 or something, so we warmed it up, took it to them - they looked around the outside, didn't bother starting it, and gave us £4950 for it. We lol'd our heads off, it went off to BCA, then showed up in a dealer in Hounslow for £8000. Was there for ages, then vanished, no clue where - it then had a V5 issued in April so some poor sod has bought it. 

[Dobloseven]

It does seem WBAC are only concerned with cosmetics. Son sold a car to them, never opened the bonnet, but picked up on the tiniest blemish to get the price down. We walk the dogs past our local one and a girl there seems to stop just short of using a magnifying glass on bodywork. 

[Rusty Pelican]

Worked at a garage in the early 80s on a yoof opportunities scheme .

It was a dodgy family owned business run by a crook . Anyhoo we started selling Datsuns , these were second hand but " new " , all supplied as reconned by Datsun wiv a 12 month warrantee , all painted white with a blue stripe down the sides . I digress as the point is we sold one to a guy with a royally rotten white Hunter , no sills , not a lot of arches left and a smoky motor , it was that fucked the bloke who owned it emptied his dustbin in the boot as he said it was basically scrap .
Nah it aint said the boss after the bloke had driven off in a Datsun and promptly drove the heap  too the workshop whereby over a few weeks he built he sills , arches and any other structural parts from newspaper , filler and metal filings for added magnetic attraction , rattled canned some bits , gave it a polish , issued it with 12 months ticket ( it never even had a proper MOT as he was the tester ) , then flogged on to some unsuspecting poor sod .

Back to the Datsuns , we sold 30 or so of them over a few years , they were something to do with a strange grubbermint thing in which only 11% of new cars could be foreign ( sommat like that anyhoo )

We got our arse bit as a lot of the parts were Jap spec only so brakes etc from the UK wouldnt fit these Jap imports 

[NorfolkNWeigh]

8 minutes ago, Dobloseven said:

It does seem WBAC are only concerned with cosmetics. Son sold a car to them, never opened the bonnet, but picked up on the tiniest blemish to get the price down. We walk the dogs past our local one and a girl there seems to stop just short of using a magnifying glass on bodywork. 

I made sure to make the last appointment of the day in January for this very reason, bonus that it was pissing down too. The lad in the shed didn’t notice the receipts in service history  were for another car and some dated before it was built.  I might have reset the EML in the car park  and not switched the engine off until I very helpfully parked it up to save him getting wet after he’d checked the mileage.

The moral of this story is don’t buy a modern Mercedes E Class off me, the lovely old Mercedes E Class I’m selling in the For Sale section is OK, promise😊

[Bren]

May 1989. Just started work full time. Interest rates getting higher. Dad had got rid of his montego as too expensive.

We cobbled circa £500 together - all you could get back then was rusty cortinas, escorts, metros.

Dad spotted a Royale in the trader £525. Arranged to go and look - me and my mate went with my dad but were told we couldn't come to the house - my dad did the deal.

When the car came home I could see why. At first it looked really nice until you got up close - rear valance full of plastic padding, o/s rear quarter dented and rippled and roughed up in readiness for more plastic padding. Rust spots everywhere including the roof.

Car chucked out black smoke on heavy throttle. Only one window worked.

At ten years old it was utterly shagged. When people complain about modern cars I think how good a ten year old car is these days. Even today with 70's/80's/90's car prices going through the roof your dog wouldn't have pissed on our Royale.

I remember a sticker in the glovebox for the garage who had MOT'd the car. I thought nothing about it for years until one of the proprietors was killed.

 

 

[bunglebus]

I've been caught out by the wheeze of parking the car to hide the shit side. Years ago (probably getting on for 25) I bought a 65 Anglia for my then-partner to replace the lovely 68 MK1 Escort she'd parked in a ditch. 

Anglia looked alright but was in a garage tight up against the nearside, couldn't test drive due to no insurance. Looked alright for what was even then an old car so I bought it and took it home.

On closer inspection the lower rear quarter obviously had lots of plod in it, and that combined with other problems made us decide to respray it. That filler was covering an enormous dent that had torn the metal, it was literally inches thick. Dug it all out, pulled it straight(er) and welded the split up. 

Further investigation revealed that from the base of the C pillars rearward on the Spruce green car was a maroon car...

Having completed the respray (looked good for diy) it failed it's MoT as the chassis leg where the steering box was attached was ready to fall off - still the only time I've had a car recovered.

[GingerNuttz]

Arnold Clarke sold this a couple of years ago.

Came in to get a scratch fixed and turned out to be a wob mobile.

[bunglebus]

My friend also bought an Onion years ago that seemed honest but had a few hidden secrets - he pulled what looked like rope out of the gearbox during a bit of maintenance. 

Poor thing was "sold" to a friend of his that paid half, took the car and declined to pay the rest

[big_al_granvia]

13 minutes ago, GingerNuttz said:

Arnold Clarke sold this a couple of years ago.

Came in to get a scratch fixed and turned out to be a wob mobile.

arnold shark more like

[RoverFolkUs]

Just because you can't see a coolant leak, doesn't mean it's minor, it's because it's internal within the engine, which I would say is pretty major!

[AnnoyingPentium]

9 minutes ago, RoverFolkUs said:

Just because you can't see a coolant leak, doesn't mean it's minor, it's because it's internal within the engine, which I would say is pretty major!

If its a 2.0 diesel then run away. Quickly.

[iainrcz]

1 hour ago, RoverFolkUs said:

Just because you can't see a coolant leak, doesn't mean it's minor, it's because it's internal within the engine, which I would say is pretty major!

These seem to be quite popular with the shoestring brigade. My brother had 2 new ones as company cars, I thought they were fucking grim. One had keep fit rear windows.

[GingerNuttz]

 

Must be reading this thread.

[Blake's Den]

I had a 1997 Renault Mégane 1.6e RT sport which suffered from catastrophic electrical failure. It would just completely die when driving along. Traced the fault to the fuse box which must have had a dry joint somewhere on the circuit board but not visible.

Looked at changing the fusebox and found that it was coded to the immobiliser. Why? French.

I realised that if I slightly bent the circuit board it seemed to work ok. So off to Wilko for a large spring clamp, put that on the circuit board case, drove to the garage and traded it in for a fiesta!

I always fully empty my car's when they go but in this case I decided that the dealer could keep the clamp!

The Mégane is long since gone to the big scrapyard in the sky.

[fatharris]

A car that had a “ boost leak” whereas in fact the clutch was slipping like hell. I could never quite decide if it was ignorance/ misdiagnosis or a deliberate attempt to mislead.

I had something similar in the Saab 9000 I bought from eBay. Was slow as shit all the way home, found the wastegate actuator rod was disconnected.

Connected it, and was greeted with a slipping clutch

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[GrumpiusMaximus]

22 hours ago, Wibble said:

Wasn’t there a thing back in the early eighties of Sierras being hired and gearboxes swapped by folks wanting 5 speed Cortinas. Four speed Sierras being returned to the hire company who were none the wiser for a while until a customer reported a problem with the lack of fifth? 

My partner's Dad tells the story of a 1.3 Escort that his hire firm had delivered new and three months later, the engine completely shit the bed.  They checked the engine number and it turned out that at some point, it had been hired and a chancer had done a swap.  They had no practical way of working out who'd done it.  Pretty good wheeze if you ask me.

[Dick Cheeseburger]

A good mate of mine who's in the motor trade once spotted the teenage me wobbing a hole in the floorpan of my mk2 Astra with bridgagap. 

It's been almost thirty years since and he still hasn't let me forget it!

[S2000]

Jaguar XJRV8 procured sold as seen from the bay of love with 12 months MOT from a farmers son in Norfolk, reduced pulley, stainless pipes, photographed in the wet with a Vaseline covered Lens…. Left the fens on beautiful smooth roads and the thing was a missile, first fuel stop and discovered central locking fucked and handbrake US.

As dawn drew in and the candles on the front were engaged, no dashboard lights worked and the radio decided enough was enough, still with over 400 wild horses and a cacophony of noise from the stainless pipes life was okish…… 

As soon as I hit Buckinghamshire and it’s shit roads the rain hit and it was like trying to control a greased up ferret in a bath wearing marigolds, I looked like a 50’s B movie actor  driving down the road in a straight line moving the wheel like a mad man. I took it to my well trained mechanic in the morning who identified fucked UJ’s, every bush on the suspension was harder than a teenager on the piss, sills more holy than a string vest, major exhaust leak, paint rougher than my ex wife in the morning and the J box that would not J.

Donated it to a college in the end so students could practice badgers and buggery with it!
 

So, don’t buy a Jaaaaag cos you think you will look like Nick Cave and become an instant fanny magnet!

 

[Dobloseven]

My last Doblo was about 3 1/2 years old and about 55k miles when I decided to get rid. There was a problem with the clutch, where at the end of the day, it would drag. I'd have to stop the engine and put it in reverse and restart to back into the drive at home. I'd tried new master and slave cylinders plus I'd made a longer pushrod, all to no avail. Daughters then boyfriend who worked for a Fiat van dealer suggested it could be the DMF. A big job apparently and I decided time for a change. By then the new Doblo was out, which I wasn't too keen on. Thought I'd try a Kangoo. Local dealer hadn't got anything but a nearby car supermarket who's name indicates they have cars available, had an almost new one which was just the job. While I was test driving it, they took the keys to the Doblo to assess it and work out a deal which turned out to be fine for me. I felt a bit bad about the Doblo and asked what they'd do with it. "A car like that will go straight to an auction,, no way would we think of selling it ourselves", I was told, which made me feel better. Two days later it was up for sale on their website. Whilst looking at the Kangoo, I noticed a nail in one of the tyres. When I pointed it out, I was told, "don't worry, our 110 point safety check will pick that up". I forgot all about it, till I'd had the car a few days and found it was still there. Luckily it was easily repaired at our local tyre place. 

[St.Jude]

Anyone else reading these stories and thinking “I’d drive the fuck out of that until the next MOT”?

[Sham]

1 minute ago, St.Jude said:

Anyone else reading these stories and thinking “I’d drive the fuck out of that until the next MOT”?

Keep thinking "I've taxed worse"

[St.Jude]

Just now, Sham said:

Keep thinking "I've taxed worse"

“Oh fuck, was that one of mine that I sold?”

[Split_Pin]

When I was made redundant 3 years ago we had to give up our financed Duster.

I took it along to WBAC and as mentioned earlier, the guy was knocking hundreds off for a few tiny scratches on what was then a 2  1/2 year old family car. As he was studying the boot I quickly reached in the back and pulled up the door pin which no longer popped up with the others when opening the car. That's because that door had been apart when the car was repaired following a dunt from a Nissan Pathfinder a couple of years before, which he also never picked up. I was quite pleased with myself there. 

Another one was when my parents bought a 6 month old Metro City G346CSX from Lex in Broxburn. It had been a demonstrator and syncromesh in 2nd gear expired a few months later.  They refused to fix it under warranty so my dad agreed to pay for a new gearbox, paid for it with a cheque, took the car back and then bounced the cheque as soon as he got home and telephoned the bank. I guess he didn't need to give a legitimate reason for that as he had worked for them for over 25 years even back then. You obviously  couldn't do that now but it must have been very satisfying. They quickly realised that after 2 Metros, they were shite and they bought a Fiesta which they had no trouble with at all.

[Daviemck2006]

When we had 1st child I had a 3door astra and wanted a 5 door car, thought I fancied an escort. One at local place, went for a test drive, it drove ok for its 3 years old and 42000 miles. Found the service book which was stamped right up to a matter of weeks before, at 96000! It was due its first test so I suppose the service book got lost before it got tested and sold.

The other local place had two escorts, a red a reg and a blue b reg, just 2 months difference in age, similar miles, both service books present and seemed genuine, £200 difference in price. I bought the red one after a test drive. It turned out that above 60mph the thing was near impossible to steer. Went back to garage they said it was because of the remould on the front. Two new tyres later, which I paid for it was as bad. I said right take it back and I'll give you the 200 extra and I'll have the blue one which they still had. He said no, give me a grand and the red one and you can get the blue. I didn't do that. By this time the reg document arrived, found the previous owners phone number and called him. The last time he saw the car it had a tree embedded in the passengers side and he was surprised it was back on the road. So it got traded in elsewhere for a b reg cavalier, which is what I should in the first place as I was a vauxhall fan boy then!

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[sierraman]

10 hours ago, iainrcz said:

These seem to be quite popular with the shoestring brigade. My brother had 2 new ones as company cars, I thought they were fucking grim. One had keep fit rear windows.

I’ve subconsciously noticed that, it’s a bit ‘week in a caravan at Skeggy’. 

[iainrcz]

2 hours ago, sierraman said:

I’ve subconsciously noticed that, it’s a bit ‘week in a caravan at Skeggy’. 

Good old Skegvegas. It's just up the road from us.

I remember we went last year, we'd just decided on a stroll along the prom and some chips so got in the car and went.

Well in the 20s in Grimsby, lovely day. Got to Skeg and it was cold and foggy, I never got my chips 🤣

[Skut]

For some reason in 2003ish  I convinced myself I needed another boxy Panda.  They were getting thin in the classifieds by then but there was a bright red 1000CLX in Glasgow for a few hundred. Spoke to the guy who seemed an enthusiastic sort. He asked whether his Panda's recent FTP was likely to be a snapped camshaft.  Having ascertained he was probably not a mechanical genius I went to see it.

Not a great part of town. The owner somewhere in his 60s emerged and immediately made clear this was a done deal. The fag dangling from his lips didn't go out when he got in and puffed away. Not for the first time judging by the overflowing ashtray.

The car was shite.  It was filthy inside and out. It had been described as in good condition and rust free which didn't extend to the fucked doors. The inner wings in the boot had been battered to fuck. No just dented but caved in as if someone had assaulted them with a sledge hammer. It was mechanically still hanging in there but screamed neglect and drove indifferently at best.

None of this dented Billy boys confidence until I opined it was worth  £100 not 500. I was accused of being a cheeky shite and wasting his time.

[Rocket88]

“Structural” rubber floor mats glued to the floor pan on a Mk 3 Escort estate. Mazda Bongo with a front crossmember skilfully sculpted out of expanding foam

And an old trick….. though not really a bodge….. hole cut in the boot floor of a P6 Rover to do the rear pads

[Split_Pin]

I cut the whole rear floor out of a Fiat Fiorino to do the fuel tank and pop riveted the bit back on. It was never going to be sold though, all the works vehicles got run into the ground.

[Dobloseven]

Think we've a bit of a double edged sword here, where it's fair game to sell cars with issues into the trade and then complain when attempts are made to sell them back to us!I'm as guilty as anyone of this and can well remember selling a Morris Ital that did 36 miles to a pint of oil to a trader for a good price. Well he did have a sign up saying "Used cars wanted, anything considered". WBAC seem to be fair game for sellers. The Meriva my son sold them the other day had been fitted with the wrong gearbox, which left it hopelessly under geared,and wouldn't have felt happy selling it privately. They didn't drive it or even open the bonnet. Big Als Volvo with the rotten inner wings would pass muster there as well on that reckoning. There's some concern that BCA are getting too much control of the entire car market, with WBAC, the auction side obviously, Cinch and now the Marshall Motor Group,who have at least 4 sites in Leicester alone. There was some concern a while back that Pendragon were getting too big for their boots, but they seem to have cut back a bit. Round our way, they've lost the Ford franchise and shut one of their used car sites.