Best phrases in car adverts

[HMC]

Let’s not forget the most amazing iconic HEWN FROM GRANITE car that if you are reading this ad you will be aware of its special qualities that need not be mentioned as an introduction. It needs no introduction.

With that said, let’s now have a paragraph introducing the legend of the W124. If you are very lucky I might let you give me money for it.  Needless to say, it needs no introduction, if you are reading this. None is required. Nope.

[lesapandre]

"Matching numbers" - well maybe if it is an historic racing Jaguar or the like  - but for most humdrum cars not.

And anyway only provable with the original log book or manufacturer's heritage certificate. But it really does not matter mostly...

Ad with too many nouns with boostering adjectives...

"rare opportunity" "most attractive"

Or garbage about the car "complementing" a "private collection" or "museum" - these ads all sound as if they were written by Hyacinth Bucket and I never want to meet the author...

Ads that tell you only "7900 built". OK if they are hand build low volume cars - but low numbers for many mass production cars mean they were a turkey then and are a turkey now - but mostly irrelevant.

Dealers in the UK who call cars automobiles...

"Dealers in Fine Historic Automobiles"

Any dealer name with Olde English Font...

"𝔚𝔢𝔰𝔱𝔪𝔦𝔫𝔰𝔱𝔢𝔯  ℭ𝔞𝔯𝔯𝔦𝔞𝔤𝔢 ℭ𝔬𝔪𝔭𝔞𝔫𝔶" - when they are actually based in Slough.

Dealers who call cars "carriages" and the phrase "gentleman's express"...

Dealers who call their company 'posh' names like "Westminster"...Mrs Bucket at it again...

It mostly makes things sound so bogus...when they probably....are...🤣

 

[lesapandre]

"HEWN FROM GRANITE" - especially when spelt wrong...

HUNE FROM GRANATE"..

 

[sierraman]

5 speed gearbox. On something like a 2005 Astra. 

[JeeExEll]

"We are proud to bring to the market".

"This motorcar presents itself well. 

Oh do fuck off please.

[lesapandre]

Genuine miles...as in 40,000 genuine miles...

[Sham]

2 minutes ago, lesapandre said:

Genuine miles...as in 40,000 genuine miles...

And another 40,000 unrecorded ones

[stuboy]

20 hours ago, RoverFolkUs said:

 

Ah yes, how could I ignore the fact it includes the elusive tank of petrol !!

and drivers window is phunked

[RoverFolkUs]

10 minutes ago, stuboy said:

and drivers window is phunked

I'm sure it'll be an "easy fix m8 just haven't got time" 

[catsinthewelder]

In fairness they're offering up an almost fully functional car for less than a grand which isn't bad at the moment.  Looking at the photos it's one of the nicest non sporty MK1s left and in normal times the dealer would probably weigh it in to save hassle.  With a full tank of fuel costing £100+ at the moment, why not mention it in the ad for a £900 car?

[AnnoyingPentium]

3 hours ago, lesapandre said:

Genuine miles...as in 40,000 genuine miles...

The Odometer: Let's Go Round Again

[RoverFolkUs]

4 minutes ago, catsinthewelder said:

In fairness they're offering up an almost fully functional car for less than a grand which isn't bad at the moment.  Looking at the photos it's one of the nicest non sporty MK1s left and in normal times the dealer would probably weigh it in to save hassle.  With a full tank of fuel costing £100+ at the moment, why not mention it in the ad for a £900 car?

£900 is no problem. Its the "no offers or its getting part exchanged" bit I'm getting at as I said.

He's not going to get £900 in P/X so why mention it. On something like that, I can't imagine a dealer would offer any more than scrap value as 20 year old P/Xes are a complete unknown entity.

Its similar to a rusty heap being posted for £750 and mentioning "no offers I'd rather scrap it"

[loserone]

On 16/03/2022 at 11:25, Unclefester said:

 just Holding on for the right deal 

 

[Unclefester]

11 hours ago, loserone said:

 

😂👌🏻

[RoverFolkUs]

Here we have something quite unique clearly...

"Driven by a 71 year old man for the last 8 years" - did he not age in that time then? Or is this car only compatible with 71 year old men? Or is this car so special it stops it's drivers from aging!?

"I'm using the car daily" - erm, so it hasn't been used by a 71 year old man for the last 8 years then has it, because you certainly don't look like a 71 year old man ...!

*No noise coming out while driving" - well this must be the real miracle, a 2.7 TDi that doesn't make any noise!! A silent ICE vehicle would be brilliant...!

[RoverFolkUs]

Here we have a few from the same person.... Excuse the slight casual racism in 2 of these but its his words not mine!

"Full service history in English" ... "Does not smell of curry" ... "May take a px as long as it's not your grandmother"

"No dreamers or messers or retards"

As below ...

 

Doesn't he seem a very tolerant old chap!?

[RoverFolkUs]

I've just noticed that, quite ironically, I am saying "here we have" rather a lot in this thread despite the fact many others above and myself despise the phrase. I have no idea why I keep saying it 😅

[RoverFolkUs]

When an advert says "BMW engine" or "Honda engine" - usually when it's a Rover. What is it supposed to mean? 

Ford use Citroen engines.... Mercedes use Renault engines.... Ford use Fiat engines....

What does it matter!?

Usually for added amusement it's a 1.6 K-Series in a Rover R8 that has nothing to do with Honda, or a 2.0L L-Series in a Rover 45 that has nothing to do with BMW 

Prime example here: a Rover 25 with a "2L Honda Diesel Engine"

No, that's a Rover L-Series, so fuck all to do with Honda

http://www.autotrader.co.uk/car-details/202203183712669?atmobcid=soc3

[Mrcento]

'I'm in no rush to sell,  it will just sit there'

usually on a car that the person has advertised 2 or 3 times a day to keep it at the top of the listings and has dropped the price 4 times in the past 5 days.....

[JeeExEll]

"If it doesn't sell at full asking price then I will just keep it".

What else would you do with it? You'd have no choice.

[New POD]

2 hours ago, JeeExEll said:

"If it doesn't sell at full asking price then I will just keep it".

If the asking price is reasonable*, then, it's a fair statement. At least you know where you stand on your likely ability to haggle. 

*it never is. 

[New POD]

On 21/03/2022 at 01:17, RoverFolkUs said:

Here we have a few from the same person.... Excuse the slight casual racism in 2 of these but its his words not mine!

"Full service history in English" ... "Does not smell of curry" ... "May take a px as long as it's not your grandmother"

"No dreamers or messers or retards"

As below ...

 

Doesn't he seem a very tolerant old chap!?

Using the word retard, would be enough to have me wanting to punch him in the face. Woke twat that i am.

Obviously the mention of the smell of curry, suggests that the usual demographic in his part of the world uses this sort of car for takeaway home delivery, and is obviously racist. But retard.  For some reason that pisses me off more. 

But either comment would stop me from buying a car off him. Twat that he clearly is. 

[Mrcento]

2 hours ago, JeeExEll said:

"If it doesn't sell at full asking price then I will just keep it".

Similarly, on a car with a short MOT

'It won't take much to pass, i just don't have time. If car doesn't sell i'll just fix it and MOT it'.

Erm.... About that not having time thing? I'm calling bullshit.

Multiple things knowingly fucked already and you don't want to spend the money, put it in for an MOT only to find it needs even more spent or have a fail sheet visible for a buyer to know what else it's going to need to potentially devalue it, especially if it's flagged up that it needs a fuck ton of welding or similar.

[New POD]

Matching numbers is actually a thing that doesn't happen in Runcorn.

2 blokes I worked with bought a nexia with a fucked 1.5 engine. £50. Got an engine from a scrap yard out of an Astra 1.6 spent a day fitting it. £70. They didn't even change the oil. 

Sold it on 2 days later for £600. 

V5 was never in thier name. Engine numbers never changed. No tax paid on the profit.  (They did this sort of shit weekly).  

I despised these 2 cunts. 

[sierraman]

2 hours ago, New POD said:

Matching numbers is actually a thing that doesn't happen in Runcorn.

2 blokes I worked with bought a nexia with a fucked 1.5 engine. £50. Got an engine from a scrap yard out of an Astra 1.6 spent a day fitting it. £70. They didn't even change the oil. 

Sold it on 2 days later for £600. 

V5 was never in thier name. Engine numbers never changed. No tax paid on the profit.  (They did this sort of shit weekly).  

I despised these 2 cunts. 

Read through that twice, I can’t see what’s wrong with that. Good on them they’ve made a few beer tokens over the weekend. 

[RoverFolkUs]

4 hours ago, New POD said:

Using the word retard, would be enough to have me wanting to punch him in the face. Woke twat that i am.

Obviously the mention of the smell of curry, suggests that the usual demographic in his part of the world uses this sort of car for takeaway home delivery, and is obviously racist. But retard.  For some reason that pisses me off more. 

But either comment would stop me from buying a car off him. Twat that he clearly is. 

My thoughts exactly

I'm sure you can guess his opinion on the pandemic which he posts about daily. 

[New POD]

2 hours ago, sierraman said:

Read through that twice, I can’t see what’s wrong with that. Good on them they’ve made a few beer tokens over the weekend. 

Pretending that it was a one owner car that they were selling for thier "Aunt", turning the clock back, not sending the v5 off with new engine number, and generally being twats. 

 

[sierraman]

50 minutes ago, New POD said:

Pretending that it was a one owner car that they were selling for thier "Aunt", turning the clock back, not sending the v5 off with new engine number, and generally being twats. 

 

I’d doubt the purchaser cared at £600 tbf.

[RoverFolkUs]

I'll be perfectly honest I don't think I'd be doing an engine swap that includes retrieving one from a scrap car in a yard for a £480 profit! 

[GR8 PL8 M8]

4 hours ago, RoverFolkUs said:

My thoughts exactly

I'm sure you can guess his opinion on the pandemic which he posts about daily. 

I was somewhat annoyed when the guy who I bought my ute from just before covid kicked off ended up being an anti-vaxxer idiot.

Further amplified by the fact that he's not allowed back in Australia, so can't get me the bits he promised me.