The grumpy thread

[freebird]

Its hit home to me that I have spent the last year working on my shite far more than ive driven it, it cannot continue!!!

For 2013 I only ask for three things, Firstly to get the fucking car on the road and useable, Secondly to win big on the lottery and finally, to get laid by a bird with tits the size of large marrows, or Susanna Reid, dont mind which.

The way its going, the 2nd and 3rd options seem the most likely

[vulgalour]

If this shit continues, the Maestro might be up for grabs too.

[Pillock]

Three Thirty this morning I was rudely awakened by some BELLEND driving his car into the fence of the scout hut opposite our house. Mounted a fairly tall kerb, and taken out about 8ft of fence. I think the impact woke me up and I had a few seconds of "whaaaaa?" time, then I heard wheelspinning and the sound of wood being scattered so the time I got to the window he'd driven off.

 

Phoned it in to the feds and they logged it but by 11am when I went out to clear up the mess they'd still not sent anyone out. Found two foglamps, googling the part number shows them to be off an E36 which ties in to the "chavved up straight 6" sound I heard, plus loads of painted black plastic and a splitter and stuff so we know what car and colour. The neighbour came out and said there was a load of wood round the corner too, along with a smashed angel-eye headlamp. Trying to piece it together it looks like he's hit a bollard around the corner and jettisoned his headlamp, he's booted it around the corner as a getaway and lost it into the fence.

 

Annoyingly, I'm an assistant beaver leader and Mrs Pillock is country beaver leaver at the group so it directly affects us.... however it could be worse as both our cars were parked on the other side of the road and have escaped.

[Albert Ross]

I reckon now you know the type of car, it's a good start, but a working party, along with a newspaper article, (that'll generate the free wood to fix it) will get attention and shame the cunts into admission, or someone ratting onthem. I hope their balls turn square.

[Pillock]

We can ask locally for some wood, I salvaged a few of the planks that had been smashed off but not broken. Just a big bit of 4" square needed for the bottom. In fact thinking about it there's some fence that's hidden by brambles around the other side so I might rob some of that tomorrow and make it presentable - the fence has a Scout logo carved into the top of each plank and nobody will see if the brambled bit has that missing.

 

Clearly someone had a few too many shandies so on that basis alone I hope he has some form of painful and embarrassing illness. Looking at the route he took it's a miracle he missed so many cars if a bollard and fence are too small to see. I assume given the marks left on the 6" kerb, and the amount of chavvy BMW left behind, he's done some proper damage to his car which makes me feel slightly better.

 

Zero chance of shaming anyone into confession.... some folk round here are just twats. My other grump yesterday was that I was walking down the road and got a McDonalds sauce put thrown at me from a moving car. Obviously on purpose as they turned the lights off as they passed - not well enough, Mondeo Titanium BJ06 with something like OEX or DEX or OFX. Either way, the direction they were headed only leads to one estate to shouldn't be too tricky.

[oman5]

We can ask locally for some wood, I salvaged a few of the planks that had been smashed off but not broken. Just a big bit of 4" square needed for the bottom. In fact thinking about it there's some fence that's hidden by brambles around the other side so I might rob some of that tomorrow and make it presentable - the fence has a Scout logo carved into the top of each plank and nobody will see if the brambled bit has that missing.

 

Clearly someone had a few too many shandies so on that basis alone I hope he has some form of painful and embarrassing illness. Looking at the route he took it's a miracle he missed so many cars if a bollard and fence are too small to see. I assume given the marks left on the 6" kerb, and the amount of chavvy BMW left behind, he's done some proper damage to his car which makes me feel slightly better.

 

Zero chance of shaming anyone into confession.... some folk round here are just twats. My other grump yesterday was that I was walking down the road and got a McDonalds sauce put thrown at me from a moving car. Obviously on purpose as they turned the lights off as they passed - not well enough, Mondeo Titanium BJ06 with something like OEX or DEX or OFX. Either way, the direction they were headed only leads to one estate to shouldn't be too tricky.

 

I don't know if I am more intolerant than most (it was only some sauce) but I really, really object to sharing this country with people who think this is an acceptable way to behave. fucking scum.

[Albert Ross]

When you find the Mondeo, Make certain you return with an aerosol can of white grease, spray the mirrors and windows liberally with it. Of course the first thing they will do is squirt water on the screen, which will make the screen a little less transparent.

It may not be the right thing to do, but it will leave no fingerprints.

[Pillock]

Yeah I quite like that trick.

I was thinking more of a water balloon filled with brake fluid myself, but hey.

[M'coli]

If you can't get spray grease, a block of butter will suffice, especially if you rub it into air intakes that will allow it to go rancid eventually.

[chaseracer]

Butter? Amateur. Tinned anchovies...

 

 

[Rocket88]

Had an 2004 Octavia tdi up for sale recently. Now I realise that this isn't the best time of year for selling stuff, but it's a tidy old thing, and I didn't think that £1200 was a fortune. Had various bell ends offering me £800, [one hadn't even seen the car], then this blokes rocks up, offers me £1150, which I accept. He explains that things are a bit tight moneywise, would I accept £50 deposit, and he'll pay the balance on January 15 th, which I reluctantly agree to. I get a text yesterday, with some old bollocks about "his Mrs has told him he can't have the car because...................." anyway, because this bloke has connections in the motor trade, and I don't want him to start slagging me off to all and sundry, I agree to giving him his deposit back. Met him this morning, and handed him back his £50..........in 5p pieces, in a bin liner. ....................

[Cavcraft]

The AA

 

Dad just told me an anecdote... left his lights on all day at work, got back to a flat battery, fair enough. Called the AA who jump started it, then tested it. Came up red and they tried to sell him a new battery for £120. He said no, drove home and obviously the car started fine the next morning. Still, he goes to the local garage the next morning to get it re-tested; predictably it comes up green and the garage owner says you shouldn't test a battery when it's flat. Also, that their price for a new one would be only £75 (or only £50 from eurocarparts)

 

They obviously haven't learnt their lesson from a few years back then when they had their arses kicked over the same scam. I believe they get a bonus for every battery they fit hence always trying to sell you one.

[dollywobbler]

Sodding weather. Absolutely pissing it down. Have had to cancel the wood delivery for today and can't fit the new pads (new BX) and discs and pads (old BX) that I'd hoped to. I could go and sort out the 2CV's exhaust, but the weather has made me so grumpy I can't be arsed. RUBBISH!

[trigger]

My mum's given me her Fiesta TDCi for a few days to polish out some scratches and glue some trim back on but yet again it's raining here to so I can't friggin get on with it, I do hope this rain pisses off soon.

[wackywacerwill]

Yeah, likewise. I need to clean the muddy shite out of the van and load it up for holiday transportation, this will all be happening in the rain at some point soon

 

My good ladies bicycle is a mens one so that needs some cut and shut top tube action too. Looks like I'll be doing that in the stairwell outside the flat then!

[Lord Sterling]

I think I've just missed out on set of alloys I've been after for years, not only that and then I saw Fred's advert for old Dandy comics.

 

Sigh, the day I go back to work and I miss out on things

[Negative Creep]

Cat ha taken to waking me up at 4am by slapping me around the face and now keeps throwing up wet food. Brilliant.

[Wilko220]

Cat ha taken to waking me up at 4am by slapping me around the face and now keeps throwing up wet food. Brilliant.

 

Is Cat your missus?

[Negative Creep]

Cat ha taken to waking me up at 4am by slapping me around the face and now keeps throwing up wet food. Brilliant.

 

Is Cat your missus?

 

Still isn't proving as stressful or expensive as a woman..........

[whitevanman]

Valid point....well presented.......

[Bobthebeard]

Cat ha taken to waking me up at 4am by slapping me around the face and now keeps throwing up wet food. Brilliant.

 

Is Cat your missus?

 

Still isn't proving as stressful or expensive as a woman..........

 

Try watching ' Simon's Cat' on YouTube. The 'Cat man do' episode..... Should help.!

[Wilko220]

Oh dear

 

http://www.itv.com/news/granada/update/ ... om-garage/

[Cavcraft]

That (stolen Minor) was mention on the Jeremy Vine show on R2. Hopefully the publicity will help it get found ASAP.

[Bobthebeard]

That (stolen Minor) was mention on the Jeremy Vine show on R2. Hopefully the publicity will help it get found ASAP.

 

The publicity? Jeremy Vine? Does anyone actually listen to this grade A tripe? It's like a verbal noon top up of 'angry' for Daily Mail readers after the breakfast 'angry'!

Hope the Minor gets back to its owner soon though.

[shedvan]

People who make Youtube videos with "Wake Me Up" by Evanesance as the backing track.

 

This makes me SO angry you can just imagine the thought process of the harnesses that do this "hmm need a bit of music... of course i'm a mysterious and moody individual... passionate too... bored by most things in life.. I know its got to be "Wake Me Up"

 

... its like the Youtube equivalent of blowing a tw@t dog whistle

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

That (stolen Minor) was mention on the Jeremy Vine show on R2. Hopefully the publicity will help it get found ASAP.

 

The publicity? Jeremy Vine? Does anyone actually listen to this grade A tripe? It's like a verbal noon top up of 'angry' for Daily Mail readers after the breakfast 'angry'!

 

I was once trapped in a room with Radio 2 during a Vine 'debate' about circumcision. The anti campaigner clearly wasn't used to appearing on radio, unlike the radio doctor they also had on who seized on a mistake he made to stomp his cause into the ground. She was also apparently unable to distinguish between religious and medical circumcision and concluded the debate by telling the anti campaigner to "get over it".

 

I hope she appears on all Jeremy Vine show debates because it makes the issues nice and tidy.

"My family was killed in a genocide, I'm campaigning against the war." "get over it."

"I was stabbed by a mugger, I'm campaigning against knife cr..." "get over it."

"I was blinded by contaminated tap water, I'm ca..." "get over it."

[Negative Creep]

Try watching ' Simon's Cat' on YouTube. The 'Cat man do' episode..... Should help.!

 

 

I watch Maru's videos, they never fail to cheer me up. He hasn't barfed up any of the dry food I've been giving him which is a good sign. Not sure if I can just feed him on that alone though

[wuvvum]

Not sure if I can just feed him on that alone though

My cat has been fed on nothing but dry food (barring the occasional treat) for all of her eight years, and she's just fine.

[retrogeezer]

as long as you leave them plenty of water dried food is absolutely fine, good for their teeth too..

[Cavcraft]

+3.

 

One of our's would happily eat nothing but dried cat biscuits forever if we let her and regulary helps her self by pulling opening a shut plastic drawer, pulling the box out, knocking it round the floor until the biscuits come out then eats as many as she can before we spot what she's done.