The grumpy thread

[scaryoldcortina]

[willswitchengage]

[Guest]

Bizarre sales door step sales technique courtesy of [well known estate agent name].

 

Stupid, sign written BINI bumps up the path and blocks me from getting off the drive.

Shiny powerbitch suited woman comes to the door with an iPad.

 

SPBSW: 'Are you the homeowner?'

Me: 'No.'

SPBSW: 'Is your house for sale?'

Me: 'No.'

SPBSW: 'How much would it be if it was for sale?'

Me: 'Fuck knows.'

SPBSW: 'Have you considered selling this house?'

Me: 'It's not my house.'

SPBSW: 'I have some clients interested in this house you see.'

Me: 'It's not my house and it's not for sale.'

SPBSW: 'Can you get the homeowner? I want to know if they'd be interested in selling the house.'

Me: 'Fuck off.'

 

[Closes door]

 

I see they've begun to use the 'thieving bastard traveller' sales pitch. As far as I know you can't fit a house on the back of a knackered flatbed Transit as of yet, so we should be OK.

 

Today seems to be a cold calling field day, for some reason.

[autofive]

all the cold callers turn up at my house on a wednesday, must be the day release

 

they get told the same......

[Guest]

  autofive said:

all the cold callers turn up at my house on a wednesday, must be the day release

 

they get told the same......

 

'I didn't MOT the Holden' ?

[trigger]

[autofive]

i don't MOT anything, think you are confused, slightly

[ashmicro]

My mate's Dad has a belter of a line for these cold callers. He doesn't open the door, but speaks through the letterbox "I'm not supposed to open the door. I'm not wise, you see. There's nobody here except me and I'm not the full shilling" in a weird Emo Philips voice. The cold callers fairly sprint out of the driveway!

 

For the ones on the phone he does an excellent Kerpal "Your daughter come to my house and she kick my dog", or else he tells people that he is the Pope.

[skattrd]

It's Waddington airshow this weekend .... I live quite close by, so this means I need to plan my weekend around the traffic that engulfs the area. Last year it took me half an hour just to get out of my street. I can forget going in to Lincoln Sat/Sun morning or trying to get back to my house in the afternoon when everyone's leaving the airshow ... I may just go and get drunk in Norfolk for the weekend.

[Albert Ross]

Some friends of mine used to livein a bungalow on the approach road to one of the gates, and a group of us would descend to their house on Airshow week, taking beer, meat, bogroll etc.... One time we were there, the next door neighbour (elderly gentleman, slightly Gaga) ran around the garden with a huge erection prodding through his pyjamas, jumped towards my mate's garden, got it out,and shouted "You think the HUN would like this??? EH? EH???!!!" Before being rescued by a very embarrassed Wife. Half an hour later, she popped into the barby, she had "sedated" him enough to get out of the house and drink wine for an hour..... Bless her. She did calm down quite well after France's finest was tipped down her neck.

[Largactil]

Surfing eBay for some wheels & tyres for my Pug - Hit on an auction offering the ideal candidates.

 

No bids yet - "FOR SALE ELSEWHERE -RESERVE RITE 2 END AUCTION ERLY" in the description

 

Messaged the seller "Where are they for sale?"

 

Seller "CARD IN MY LOCAL SHOP WINDOW" (<- Yeah, right).

 

Enquire as to the cost, agree a fair price, and arrange a date to drive 120 miles to go collect them (was heading out 60 miles in that direction anyway, to collect a MIG welder I'd bought elsewhere).

 

Then I noticed people had started to bid...Hmmm...

 

Then I get a text stating "BAD NEWS MATE - EBAY SAW YR MSG, AND EMAILED ME 2 SAY I MUST LET THE AUTION RUN 2 TEH END. BID THE PRICE WE AGREED, AND YOULL WIN NO PROBS".

 

Hmmm...

 

So I set off to collect the welder, then sit in the car for 30 minutes after that, waiting for the auction to end before driving the remaining 60 miles to collect. Except I get outbid by over 25% of what we'd initally agreed, and the auction winner's someone with previous buying activity with the seller...

 

Yeah, yeah - I was attempting to circumvent eBay's processes - But why state "FOR SALE ELSEWHERE -RESERVE RITE 2 END AUCTION ERLY", agree to sell, arrange collection... Then crap out of it?

 

What are the bets that he mentioned what he'd sold them for to his mates, found out he'd let them go too cheaply, pulled the eBay e-mail card, and got the aforementioned mates to shill bid them right up, tempting me to pay over the odds?

[Cavcraft]

Best thing in that case (only about a 30% success rate though) is to tell the seller you'll stick a bid on of (for example) £30, but actually only bid about £26. Then when he asks his mate to bid £29.50 or whatever thinking he's going to get the full £30, he'll end up relisting them and you can just laugh.

 

eBay will NOT have mailed him telling him he has to let the auction run, that's total bollocks. As you said he's seen bidding and saw pound note signs flash. If he does relist with the same wording them simply report to him to eBay for mentioning 'for sale elsewhere' as they don't like that and usually remove the listing.

[vulgalour]

  skattrd said:

It's Waddington airshow this weekend .... I live quite close by

 

Sorry! I'll be contributing to that chaos on Saturday.

[Cavcraft]

Two or three days of being let down for a lift at arranged times to collect latest eBay shite purchase. I have told the seller three times at least that if the worst came to the worst I'd get the train up Saturday morning. Now, all of a sudden, he's not about on Saturday

[Pillock]

Hailstones.

 

Bonnet-denting hailstones.

 

The Touran is now sporting a fetching case of metallic acne thanks to some frickin' golfball-sized lumps of ice today. About 15-20 seperate little dents, some of them behind the double-skinning. Best start phoning bodyshops but I'm thinking £150 even if it's done as a quick job after hours. Bizarrely, the roof seems unaffected.

 

The good news is that Cat was in the car at the time and was unhurt, several other cars had windows smashed by the same storm. We also missed the flooding.

[willswitchengage]

GRroot2 just got bailed on the house I was planning to move into, cue despondency and hours more tedium on spareroom.co.uk

[eddyramrod]

Money. I hate it and it hates me. You've heard all the rest before so I'll spare you, but let's just say, it's making me extremely grumpy at the moment. Professional-quality grumpy. Oh and HMRC too.

[Guest]

Dear Natwest,

 

WHERE'S MY CUNTING WAGE?

 

My arse your system is 'sorted'. It's 'sorted' in the same way monkeys flinging shit at each other is classed as 'interaction'.

Oh dear. After the last fuck-up I did hope we could be civilised.

 

Alas no.

[warren t claim]

  watanabe said:

Dear Natwest,

 

WHERE'S MY CUNTING WAGE?

 

My arse your system is 'sorted'. It's 'sorted' in the same way monkeys flinging shit at each other is classed as 'interaction'.

Oh dear. After the last fuck-up I did hope we could be civilised.

 

Alas no.

 

You're not the only one. An agency hasn't paid me and I can't prove which one cos Natwest can only say my payment has come from 44221.

[Guest]

  warren t claim said:

  watanabe said:

Dear Natwest,

 

WHERE'S MY CUNTING WAGE?

 

My arse your system is 'sorted'. It's 'sorted' in the same way monkeys flinging shit at each other is classed as 'interaction'.

Oh dear. After the last fuck-up I did hope we could be civilised.

 

Alas no.

 

You're not the only one. An agency hasn't paid me and I can't prove which one cos Natwest can only say my payment has come from 44221.

 

Natwest is a W124 bonnet and I am Warren T Claim.

[warren t claim]

British Telecommunications plc. Not content with fucking my back up you have now disconnected my broadband for alleged upgrades and I'm having to type this from my dumbphone. Thanks for the advance notice,can I have the MAC codes please?

[Negative Creep]

I'm not with Natwest and neither is my work, but no wages for me either

[autofive]

  warren t claim said:

British Telecommunications plc. Not content with fucking my back up you have now disconnected my broadband for alleged upgrades and I'm having to type this from my dumbphone. Thanks for the advance notice,can I have the MAC codes please?

 

mine went off at one minute past midnight and just came back on

 

BT twats

[Spiny Norman]

  autofive said:

mine went off at one minute past midnight and just came back on

 

BT twats

 

Mine was off last night and only came back on this afternoon.

 

I phoned the "help" desk about half 12 last night and after about 20 minutes of waiting, then giving my whole life story to some dude in Bombay he put me on hold for another few minutes, came back and said, "I'm sorry Mr. Hawk but your broadband is not available at this time"......"Yes, I told you that right at the start of the fucking conversation, how about telling me either A) what's wrong with it, or better still when it'll be fixed...."

 

I can't really complain, usually the internet at Studio Studebaker is pretty good, but it fair fucks you off when it goes down for a whole night.

[Cavcraft]

I honestly don't think the seller of my eBay 'win' actually wants to flog it. He's gone from insisting on being there to sign log book to saying it doesn't matter (which means I could have collected the twatting thing a day or two ago easily) to not being in today, to being in from 5.00-6.00, to not being available at all Saturday, to being in Saturday from 3.00pm, to me being able to collect Sat morning and now both him and his wife are working the same weird hours tomorrow.

I think it's going to be last chance saloon tomorrow, if it doesn't work out then he's going to have to shove it as I've better things to do than piss arse about.

[cort16]

B&Q. Are there a bigger shower of rip off bastards out there? I've never left B&Q thinking "That was a good deal" but more like "how did this hand full of stuff cost me 35 quid?".

 

I went there today to get some self taping screws, some nuts and bolts and some masking tape. First off the masking tape. £4.50 for a roll of masking tape. They can shove that up their arse for a start I got 5 rolls of it from Morrisons for £1.90. Next the screws. £4.98 for a small bag of screws and then the nuts and bolts I wanted they only had in singles and were 80p each! I know I can get them in the local hardware shop for 20p and I still feel like I'm getting ripped off.

What a bunch of wankers. They just prey on the punter who needs something, doesn't know any better and just thinks "I'll go to B&Q as they've got everything" then gets totally bummed by them.

[Sulla]

My wife, who wont let me buy an Alpha 166 and is using really excellent reasons why I shouldn't have one, leaving me no room to argue back. Whats the point in earning money if we dont spend the fucking stuff!!!!

[dollywobbler]

  Sulla said:

My wife, who wont let me buy an Alpha 166 and is using really excellent reasons why I shouldn't have one, leaving me no room to argue back. Whats the point in earning money if we dont spend the fucking stuff!!!!

 

Is one of the reasons that you can't spell Alfa?

[Sulla]

  dollywobbler said:

  Sulla said:

My wife, who wont let me buy an Alpha 166 and is using really excellent reasons why I shouldn't have one, leaving me no room to argue back. Whats the point in earning money if we dont spend the fucking stuff!!!!

 

Is one of the reasons that you can't spell Alfa?

 

No that would be the bottle of red wine I have just finished!

 

I do feel like a dopey fucker now though...

[retrogeezer]