The grumpy thread

[Angrydicky]

Thanks Wobbler. Just listed it on C&C

[Lankytim]

I'd stepped in some of my cats shit

 

Serves you right for owning a cat!!

[boobydoo]

I ran over a cat the other day. I could feel it go under the wheels. Didn't dare look in the rearview mirror to see it 'breakdancing' in the street.

[Lord Sterling]

Not nice

[warren t claim]

Choices. Particularly when it comes to females. I lead a pretty fucked up life that my 14 year old self would be proud of. Welcome to twats anonymous.

[dollywobbler]

I've spent much of the past few days cruising around on Ebay and other classified sites, looking for my dream new car (while being utterly undecided about what this dream new car will be). I have become VERY depressed about the standards of literacy in this country. I'm very hopeful that actually, 80% of people selling cars are utter, brainless twats and that this does not necessarily mean that 80% of the entire population are utter, brainless twats. Yes, I accept - not everyone has it easy with words. I don't mind the odd spelling mistake. What I DO object to is endless use of txt spk, appalling grammar and adverts that contain no information at all. Or right at the bottom, the word SOLD. Oh, and if you feel the need to use a font size larger than the standard setting, your brain is clearly programmed incorrectly and you should be removed from society. At extra speed if you've used a bright colour as well.

[Cavcraft]

hAi M8 do u wanna bye an Hiundi Axent vry gud condishun except as hole in weelarcher a bumbers r scufed?

[M'coli]

hAi M8 do u wanna bye an Hiundi Axent vry gud condishun except as hole in weelarcher a bumbers r scufed?

FAIL - that made sense!

[Guest]

Ebay. Yeah, loads of questions but no fucker's bidding. Cheers.

 

The 305's carb being utterly fucked and not being able to find another - and yet falling over bits and reconditioned Z13 variants. AAAAAAAAAAARGH.

[trigger]

Treading in animal faeces is the worst.

 

No it's not, Standing in lorry drivers shit is worse.

[Guest]

Treading in animal faeces is the worst.

 

No it's not, Standing in lorry drivers shit is worse.

 

I stood in my own green liquid shit once in Belgium. I was very ill and the bloody doctor moved the squit pan. SPLOSH.

[Guest]

Cyclists.

 

Washway Road today. I pass a cyclist on the inside lane. I pull up at the lights.

 

BANG BANG BANG he goes with his fists on my roof. 'YOU DIDN'T LEAVE ME ANY FUCKING ROOM YOU BASTARD I'M FUCKING REPORTING YOU'.

 

Had enough room to smash your gay gloved fists down on my roof though, didn't you? Who's talking shit again, hmm? Wish I'd never taken that jack handle out of my boot now.

 

CUNT. If I see you again, I'll fucking kick you off that racer and ram it up your arse. And then I'll reverse over you just to make my point. Do you like reversing lights? Mine are very low down.

[ashmicro]

You shout back "I'M REPORTING YOU FOR CRIMINAL DAMAGE, THREATENING BEHAVIOUR AND COMMON ASSAULT"

 

Swearing or even just shouting at someone comes under common assault.

[autofive]

open the passenger door on the fockers

 

bloody cyclists - they all want napalming

[Guest]

open the passenger door on the fockers

 

bloody cyclists - they all want napalming

 

I tend to reserve my door-in-face moments for twats in Mercs who decide to stand on their horns because I had the temerity to use 'their' petrol pump. In an otherwise empty filling station.

[Rhythm Thief]

open the passenger door on the fockers

 

bloody cyclists - they all want napalming

 

Steady on ...

[scaryoldcortina]

Maybe not all cyclists then, but some of them....

 

I was driving through Durham at tea-time rush hour one day last week, I ran into an unexpected queue of cars on a 40mph section on the way out of town. Pretty soon, I could see what was causing it - there were cyclists in the road. One adult on a mountain bike with a baby carrier on the back towing a trailer with a toddler in, and two older (but still young) children on bikes side by side following him. Slap bang in the middle of the lane, causing all the cars to slow to 5mph and wait for a gap opposite to pass. What a fuggin idiot. I think the worst bit was the lovely cycle path parallel to the road, you know, the one he wasn't using........

[M'coli]

Maybe not all cyclists then, but some of them....

 

I was driving through Durham at tea-time rush hour one day last week, I ran into an unexpected queue of cars on a 40mph section on the way out of town. Pretty soon, I could see what was causing it - there were cyclists in the road. One adult on a mountain bike with a baby carrier on the back towing a trailer with a toddler in, and two older (but still young) children on bikes side by side following him. Slap bang in the middle of the lane, causing all the cars to slow to 5mph and wait for a gap opposite to pass. What a fuggin idiot. I think the worst bit was the lovely cycle path parallel to the road, you know, the one he wasn't using........

What a middle-class moron...

Cyclepaths are great so long as they have been built well enough to get a decent speed up on, go where you want to go to and don't add huge amounts of time to your journey.

[dollywobbler]

Cyclists are worth a grump. Around here, overtaking them is tricky when it's just one. When there are loads in a line, it's a nightmare. Do you try and get past the whole group, ignoring the fact that it's a blind bend and just hope for the best, or do you overtake a few and somehow squeeze in between them before getting a chance to take the rest?

 

I still don't think they're as bad as horseboxes though.

[ashmicro]

Be like me. Get an older Jaaaag, shave your head and everyone will get out of your way, thinking that you're the Lost Mitchell Brother. "Get aahhht the wayy, you maaaahpit!"

 

Horsey types around here are generally pretty good when they are actually on their quadrupeds, and will usually wave or thumbs-up when you slow down or give them a wide berth.

[dollywobbler]

Agreed. Horses actually being used as a horse are generally polite, and I slow down and give plenty of room (I always give cyclists plenty of room too). What annoys me is have you ever seen a horsebox pull over and let a queue of cars past? No, I haven't either. They seem completely unaware of the chaos they cause, and presumable wouldn't give a shit anyway as long as Dobbin is happy in the back.

 

I do feel for the sheep around here though. It's amazing how fast a Land Rover towing a trailer full of sheep can travel! (hope they weren't rustling...)

[Rhythm Thief]

I won't use cycle paths myself, mostly because I'm usually using a bike to get somewhere, as opposed to bimbling around looking at the scenery, but also because there, er, aren't any between Ross and Gloucester (which is my usual commute). But then if there is someone stuck behind me - and there never is for very long - I will make an effort to pull over and let them past, where I can do it safely. I'm especially aware of holding up lorries, as a lorry driver myself ...

 

The other reason I don't use bike lanes is that many of them are dangerous places for a bike to be, paradoxically. Take the bike lane I ignore just off Gloucester centre, which channels bikes going straight on at a set of traffic lights over to the left of the road, on the left hand side of a lane full of cars turning left ... there's no way I'm going to stick my bike there and I think it's nothing short of dangerously irresponsible of the council to encourage cyclists to do that.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

The 'shared use' pavement/cycle lanes are great, as are any cycle lanes separate from the road. But the 'green paint in the gutter' lanes don't help, they just encourage drivers to pass closer and faster because they feel like they're safely in their lane and you're safely in yours.

[Rhythm Thief]

That's true enough, although if you're going at any speed, the shared use paths aren't much good. Indeed according to the Department for Transport themselves, you're supposed to use the road if you're going faster than 18mph or so, which I usually am. And of course, bike lanes are not normally as direct as the roads, which is fine if you're not trying to get to work or whatever.

[scaryoldcortina]

Gah! I need to vent.

 

For a while now I have been irritated by the tone of official letters.. For example, my wife got a photocard renewal letter the other week from the DVLA, it says

Dear Customer,

Just a little reminder. You must get an up to date photo of yourself on your photocard licence because the one you have is due to or has run out. By law you must do this every ten years. If you do not get a new photo you will be breaking the law and may have to pay a fine of up to £1000

 

The highlighting is theirs, not mine. I hate the constant threat of fines/courts, and I don't like the idea of being fined for not doing anything (IE allowing the licence to expire and forget about it - my wife hasn't driven since 2001). Other stuff is just as bad, but today took the biscuit big style, I had a letter from the council

 

Just after the post, the letterbox rattled again, there was a single piece of A4 on the mat. It is from "Neighbourhood Services" and is a 1st Advisory Notice for "Untidy condition of your garden, yard or land"

 

Gist of it is that an inspection has identified "building waste" in the rear yard at my house, they have photographed it and will be back in a week. It then goes on to list all the legal ways I can get rid of it, warns me not to pay anyone to take it without seeing their waste carrier licence (because if they fly-tip it, it's my fault) and so on. There are, of course, several threats of fines or legal action. then it says

We wish to avoid any type of formal action if at all possible and it is hoped, therefore, that you will fully co-operate with this request.

If you wish to discuss this matter at any time, please do not hesitate to contact me.

Yours faithfully,

Neighbourhood Services

No name, phone number or any other contact details on it.

 

What boils my piss more than anything else is that whoever it was didn't even knock to find out what I was planning to do with the half dozen bags of soil and stones near the gate. I was taking them to the tip.... not sure I'll bother now, maybe I'll just empty them in the street instead.

[retrogeezer]

That's true enough, although if you're going at any speed, the shared use paths aren't much good. Indeed according to the Department for Transport themselves, you're supposed to use the road if you're going faster than 18mph or so, which I usually am. And of course, bike lanes are not normally as direct as the roads, which is fine if you're not trying to get to work or whatever.

 

 

Plus the 'shared' paths are usually full of bumbling dog walkers, old fogeys and mums with pushchairs that are completely unaware that bikes can use it too.

[RedSparrow]

Scary - That letter is almost certainly not from the council or anyone with any sort of authority, as they of course would leave contact details.

Most likely a busybody old codger with nothing better to do. The road where my dad lives is full of the petty bastards.

[scaryoldcortina]

Scary - That letter is almost certainly not from the council or anyone with any sort of authority, as they of course would leave contact details.

Most likely a busybody old codger with nothing better to do. The road where my dad lives is full of the petty bastards.

 

Nar, it's real - Council logo, fill in the details form style, perforations on the top edge and "White copy - Client Yellow copy- To Be Returned" on the bottom. There is a box for "Signature of Officer" but it's just a squiggle.

[Guest]

Ebay.

 

Will you ship to blah blah blah?

 

YES JUST FUCKING BID ON THE CUNT AAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH

[maxpower]

fuckin cab drivers

 

this mob of cabbies ADDISON LEE, fuckin former delivery drivers for said company now think they are cabbies.... i think they got their driving licence from a cornflake competition...

today:

i have right of way to turn left, this twat just barges in front of me stops in the middle of the junction with window down shout a load of profanities to me right across the face of his passenger shows you the class of these twats that think they are cabbies... i thought "fuck this" so i race up bhind him hooting my horn for him to pull over... he speeds away but gets caught at the lights..so i go to his window and said " get out of the fuckin motor and shout at me face to face"

he starts jibbering on in turkish or some fuckin lingo...so rather than hit him i said to the passenger " are you feeling safe getting into a car driven by a wanker like him"... then the missus shouts me back to say im holding up traffic at lights

 

just wait until im back at work addison lee..... i'm coming to get you!