The grumpy thread

[Lankytim]

I've found out i've been on the wrong tax code for years and need to contact HMRC to get it changed. I should be getting a bit of tax back too! They helpfully supply a phone number to ring at 30p a minute that involves lots of different menus and buttons to press. Can I get though to the bastards? Can I Bollocks!

[Alexg]

Halfords/Nationwide Autocentres and F1 Autocentres. Phoned both today asking if they could do the rear wheel bearing on my GTI. Both said they would check call me back soon, neither did. I called F1 again after leaving it two hours, the bloke again promised to call back in 5 minutes. Nothing

[Cavcraft]

Not quite the same as I wasn't actually driving at the time but some old wanker in a Rover 213 kept beeping his horn in town one afternoon despite the fact no-one could move as the lights were red. Suggested he shut the hell up, he told me to copulate away so I lobbed my newly purchased 99 (with red sauce) in the general direction. It hit the underside of his door frame and then straight in his face via his open window.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Not quite the same as I wasn't actually driving at the time but some old wanker in a Rover 213 kept beeping his horn in town one afternoon despite the fact no-one could move as the lights were red. Suggested he shut the hell up, he told me to copulate away so I lobbed my newly purchased 99 (with red sauce) in the general direction. It hit the underside of his door frame and then straight in his face via his open window.

 

PERFECT!!!!

[Richard]

Bonus points if it was a SAAB 99.

[chaseracer]

I've found out i've been on the wrong tax code for years and need to contact HMRC to get it changed. I should be getting a bit of tax back too! They helpfully supply a phone number to ring at 30p a minute that involves lots of different menus and buttons to press. Can I get though to the bastards? Can I Bollocks!

www.saynoto0870.com gives 0161 930 8705 as the landline for HMRC Manchester - nothing listed for the Stoke office.

[shite_meister]

Not quite the same as I wasn't actually driving at the time but some old wanker in a Rover 213 kept beeping his horn in town one afternoon despite the fact no-one could move as the lights were red. Suggested he shut the hell up, he told me to copulate away so I lobbed my newly purchased 99 (with red sauce) in the general direction. It hit the underside of his door frame and then straight in his face via his open window.

 

Excellent work!!

[George-Roper]

No, no, Cavvie. You don't throw Barbara Feldon at a man who tells you to copulate off. You hoard her. My 99 isn't leaving my side no matter what anyone says to me. You sersly need to "Get Smart", man.

 

Where you come from it would be a rifle in his face

[M'coli]

What could you carry in the car to lob at these nobjockeys, i launched a baguette at some french lad who was driving like a cock once, but it just bounced off, really you need something like a sachet of Homepride cook-in sauce or summert.

A small lump of butter or suchlike thrown onto their windscreen would smear nicely.

[Pete-M]

What ya need on a sunny day is the gherkin from a McDonalds burger. Stick one of those to a windscreen and you'll need a jackhammer to get it off after a short while...

[chaseracer]

 

Job done.

 

[Albert Ross]

This stuff does it well.

Spray libarally onto windscreen and mirrors of offending idiot's car, using the handy folding nozzle. When they get arsey, tell them they weren't using them anyway! Watch them proceed to clean it off with the washers and wipers. Drive away. Feel smug. Wait for knock on door from Policeman.

[Pete-M]

What ya need on a sunny day is the gherkin from a McDonalds burger. Stick one of those to a windscreen and you'll need a jackhammer to get it off after a short while...

 

Jesus-in-a-chickenbasket!!!! You vile people put Indian soldiers on your sammiches?

 

Oh course, it's known in the sticks as a Lumley.

[Lankytim]

I've found out i've been on the wrong tax code for years and need to contact HMRC to get it changed. I should be getting a bit of tax back too! They helpfully supply a phone number to ring at 30p a minute that involves lots of different menus and buttons to press. Can I get though to the bastards? Can I Bollocks!

http://www.saynoto0870.com gives 0161 930 8705 as the landline for HMRC Manchester - nothing listed for the Stoke office.

 

Theres one for Staffordshire though, cheerz for that!

[Guest]

Going back to missiles to lob at nob jockey drivers

One of these with the lid off through the open window / sunroof should do a treat.

[cms206]

^I had that shit twice in the past two days. Last night, with an Astra van, which was doing about 55 to my 60-odd on the run down to J3 on the M8, at the back of Livingston. Pulled out to overtake, got dude's eye contact, van speeds up. Pull in behind, van slows down. Now I'm not racing; the wheelbearing's too knackered to be pushing her much harder, so I put up with it. Until he drags me down to 40-odd just before my turnoff, where I'm not going to be stupid enough to floor it, over take, and scoot across two lanes to get onto the slip road.

Ditto that on the A720 this afternoon, with a 59-plate Civic. She's too slow up the sliproad, so I ease off to let her in. Pull out, eye contact, Civic speeds up, pull in, Civic slows down. Same old story.

I swear it's folk who won't have their obviously superior new motor overtaken by an old car OMGZCALLTHECOPS. For this reason alone, I'm having fantasies about an FD Victor with a 350 Chev in it. OK, not solely that...

 

 

+1, loads of bellends around these past few days; was out in our n/a Peugeot powered Convoy on an errand, cockwand sitting in a 50 at 30mph in a silver Passat, I spotted a gap, pulled out and he planted the throttle. Pulled back in, he slowed down, pulled back out, foot down again.

 

Waited until he went to pull off up a sliproad, looked over and he had his middle finger up at the window towards me, whilst looking straight ahead.

 

Shame he wasn't expecting me to then hang a sharp left off up the same sliproad... you can accelerate faster than a Sherpa, but a red light will always be your downfall... must've looked proper menacing in a shite way, a ropey looking red LDV with headlights ablaze chasing a diesel Passat in a black smoke orgy...

[mk1_4dr]

Some thieving bastard has taken my wheels.

 

The Starmags, the alloys off the Prelude and two of the four steels I'd collected for escRot, gone from the yard.

 

[seth]

Some thieving bastard has taken my wheels.

 

[Pete-M]

Some thieving bastard has taken my wheels.

 

The Starmags, the alloys off the Prelude and two of the four steels I'd collected for escRot, gone from the yard.

 

 

Arghh! That's serious grump territory.

[Station]

Osama Bin Laden, the Royal wedding, etc:

 

[trigger]

Sorry to hear that Mk1, that's a real pissmaker.

[Guest]

The overtaking \ undertaking thing is a weird one. I don't understand why people do it. I had something very similar happen to me on the A555 when the Amazon was running, about 8 months ago. I was in the outside lane and a bloke in an XF absolutely flat out refused to let me go by. I knew he'd floored it because I got level with his A pillar before he hoofed it past. Not enough to disappear into the distance, just enough to keep a couple of car lengths ahead of me. Fuck knows what he was trying to prove - the driver was about my dad's age. I couldn't keep up with him, and didn't want to. I slotted into his lane and gave him the wanker sign instead

 

It seems that it isn't just 21 year olds in Corsas who behave like shits behind the wheel. I went out to the Peak District to collect some wheels fairly recently and monumentally pissed an old duffer in a TR 6 who subsequently tried to take the moral high ground. There's some spectacular roads around that area, and said boring fart was pootling down a straight bit in his Triumph. The sun was out and if I'm brutally honest, I couldn't be arsed doing 40 in an NSL. With the conditions good and the visibility better, I overtook him. In my C4, which was covered in birdshit and dusty from being sat outside.

 

This angered TR6 man for reasons unknown. My overtake was not an unsafe one. The visibility ahead was excellent, and the road markings allowed passing. As I slotted back into place a good deal further up the road, he hits his full beam and starts flashing the headlights like a madman. He picks his pace up enormously and nearly rear ends me. I touch the brakes at this point, because I'm a twat who has been partially blinded by his H4s illuminating my interior like a flare in No Man's Land. He tries to go round. I move into the middle of the road. I move back to take a bend. And keep my foot down, because he's annoying the fuck out of me at this point. As much as he was being a bell-end, I have to admit his car sounded great, and whilst it looked concourse, he wasn't sparing it.

 

I continued to drive like a lunatic for the next mile or so. Soon (after nearly losing the back end trying to match my speed through a sharp left hander), he drops off. I slow down and begin driving normally again.

 

We eventually reach a deserted junction and have to stop for the traffic lights. The road is split into two lanes. As I sit in the left hand lane ready to peel off, TR6 man approaches from the right. I have my window down anyway because it's a hot day, and I'm a bit wound up. He draws level with me, and of course, the self righteous horseshit abuse starts. 'You were driving like a maniac' he snorts, 'I've got your registration and I'm reporting you to the police', he continues.

 

'Don't like being fucking overtaken by a fat lad in a hatchback, do we?' I riposte. 'I've got your reg as well old man, I'll just tell the 5-0 I drove like I did to get the fuck out of your way.' Resisting the urge to get out and throttle the stupid bastard, I drive off in the opposite direction as the lights change.

 

Should I have risen to it? No. Do I care? Not really. Feel free to tediously over analyse this post and berate me for being irresponsible - I've had a shit day and couldn't be less bothered.

 

Some thieving bastard has taken my wheels.

 

The Starmags, the alloys off the Prelude and two of the four steels I'd collected for escRot, gone from the yard.

 

 

Dave, that's shit. I have some spare 4 x 100 wheels and tyres from the Piazza \ 480 if you're short of boots.

[Guest]

Angry anecdotes \ purloined wheels aside, I think I've damaged some digital nerves. I started having problems with the outermost two fingers on my left hand six months ago. I went to the doctor and he reckoned I'd crushed my hand sleeping, as I explained that I thrash about quite a bit. It used to drive my ex mad.

 

He also said the damage would repair itself. It hasn't. I can feel them, but at the same time they feel numb and weighty to a degree. It's irritating more than anything, I just hope that it doesn't signify anything more serious. My little finger is the worst - it has enough feel left to type with, but gripping anything is a bit of a chore.

[CreepingJesus]

@Wat - that sounds like carpal tunnel problems. I have probs with both wrists from 20 years of playing guitar+bass, motorbikes, mountain bikes and more. Get the doctor to refer you to a physio, or if you can't be bothered waiting (and you will), get a pair of silicon 'eggs' from Boots or a fitness shop, and exercise them yourself.

 

@CMS - my old LDV was the worst motor I've had for folk acting like twats in that way. I used to just drive at them anyway; the thing was an absolute shed, and I could kick it straight-ish in 2 minutes flat!

 

Throwing things into/onto the twats; I threw a pint bag of milk (remember those? ) into a Nova SRi, back when such things were new. Nicked the top of it with my teeth, and in the open window it went. Hit the dashboard at a fair rate of knots, and went off like a grenade! Needless to say, I didn't hang around for the aftermath.

Dropped a teabag into the back seat of a BMW convertible a few years back, in a traffic jam on the City Bypass. It was light coloured leather, too; but it was okay, I really needed that cuppa, and it was great.

Stuck a pie on the roof of a van, on the A9 while waiting for roadworks just around Pitlochry. Twats had cut me up, coming off a dual stretch up the road, so I jumped out to clean the screen, and left them the gift of a rank pie, that even I wouldn't eat.

[Guest]

Hey MK14DR, I've just had a few batteries nicked.

 

Just as a side note, there's a gypsy circus in town somewhere (I saw some ERFs).

 

I'm fed up of all the thefts which seem to happen when they're installed, it's just becoming too much of a feature. They turn up, stuff gets nicked. It's gone well beyond a coincidence now. No wonder people read the Daily Mail, can't be for Fred Basset.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

I was the writer of the Letter of the Week in the Daily Mail once. I won a very nice leather bound Filofax Piazza.

[sporty-shite]

No wonder people read the Daily Mail, can't be for Fred Basset.

 

Fred Basset is ace. FACT.

[Negative Creep]

Back to being single

[autofive]

No wonder people read the Daily Mail, can't be for Fred Basset.

 

Fred Basset is ace. FACT.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6BQyNQeh0g

[Cavcraft]

Back to being single

 

 

Put your pants back on, get out of the forest and start looking again?