The grumpy thread

[eddyramrod]

In my day (I'm going to sound soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo old now!) we didn't have online dating, but for those who couldn't hack the face-to-face humiliation of asking for a date there was a page in your local paper, filled with (or more likely carrying about four) "lonely hearts" ads. I used those several times, and eventually met the current Mrs Ramrod this way. I was 38 when we met, so don't worry, there's time...

 

Cue controversial rant here... Women have fought long and hard for equality, so they keep telling us. They now work in all kinds of previously male-dominated jobs, earning the same pay as their male colleagues (as indeed they should). They do all sorts of things that men do, that women wouldn't have dreamed of doing even as recently as 50 years ago. Sadly, they tend to model their dress code and behaviour on the lowest possible male standard (have you ever seen a gang of drunken girls on a night out?). BUT! They still want to be treated "like a lady" even though if you do, you'll more than likely be sued for sexual harassment, for exhibiting simple good manners. And the number of them who will ask a man for a date, without being goaded into it as a bet by their wine-sodden mates, is lower than the number of honest politicians in any government in the world. Look ladies, if you want to be equal, you have to BE equal! Don't make the blokes do all the work, only to get summarily dismissed by you; try being genuinely nice to a chap and see what happens. I think you'll find he enjoys it, once he gets over the shock.

[barrett]

Seems I'm just as successful at online dating as the real variety.....

 

Lower your standards. There are millions of boring fat birds out there desperate for a shag. Either that, or just accept that you will live and die alone and unhappy like everyone else.

 

Even a top-notch 24carat catch of a man like me* struggles to find nice girls, so I pity the rest of you poor bastards

[Negative Creep]

If all else fails I'll add "I drive a sports car" to my profile

[Negative Creep]

Girls like small sporty cars,`regardless of whether they are actually sporty or not. For example, they like the MX5 but also the Tigra and 206cc

[wuvvum]

I know this has been done to death by now, but... Fugging snow chaos. We only had about an inch here last night, but my 15 mile journey into work this morning took just over two hours. The council's attempt at gritting the roads was feeble, and the main road into Norwich was blocked at various strategic points by stranded HGVs which were unable to get up relatively gentle inclines. How we'd cope here if we had proper snow like what Scotland got a few weeks ago I shudder to think. I'm now stuck at work till 6pm to make my hours up.

[Guest Leonard Hatred]

The 'proper' snow heavily disrupted the more populous areas of Scotland too.

Even in the north jackknifed/stuck lorries regularly block trunk roads, hence Alex Salmond calling for all HGVs to be fitted with winter tyres if travelling in Scotland.

I don't think all roads can be gritted and cleared the moment snow falls, drivers and vehicles just need to be better prepared.

[autofive]

Blake Edwards has died

(1922–2010)

 

he write screenplays of many great films including

The Great Race

The pink panther series

The Party

[scaryoldcortina]

also Operation Petticoat and Breakfast at Tiffany's.

[Angrydicky]

Seems I'm just as successful at online dating as the real variety. So I've been sending off a few messages to girls who looked interesting. Not just a "hi like your profile wanna chat?" but actually took the time to compose an individual message trying to ask questions and mention their interests. The number of replies was zero, which is the same number of messages I've had from anyone since I joined about a month ago and in that time I've apparently had 10 profile views. I don't know what other people's success ratio is but it is getting slightly disheartening already.

 

They're seriously overrated. If you really want a girlfriend is there anyone who takes your fancy at work?

[trigger]

I find drinking lots of beer will make any girl attractive and fancy you.

[Claypole]

Foreign Imports are where it's at.

[Richard]

How we'd cope here if we had proper snow like what Scotland got a few weeks ago I shudder to think.

 

A bit like this I expect.

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-11924238

[rocco1504]

but there looked to be a lot of unattached birds in book shoppes and cafes,

 

That's a good idea, the quiet ones are where it's at

 

The current Mrs 1504 I met working in a Garden Centre, she wouldn't say boo to a goose, but over a couple of weeks of wanting to ask I finally plucked up the courage, at which point she admitted she was wondering when I was going to, anyway, 17 years and 2 sprogs later were still together, she's still my best mate, doesn't give me any crap, cooks and S***S like a demon, has put up with all kinds of shit from me, and a damn good Mother to boot, Not bad for something I thought would go tits up on the first date due to my lack of confidence.

 

Whatever, good luck looking

[Louise2cv]

Dog training tips that do not take into account smart-alec dogs.

 

Teaching your dog to bark on command will enable you to teach him to stop barking on command.

 

No. Teaching your dog to bark on command and then teaching "QUIET!" will enable your dog to decide:

 

"hey, I haven't had a treat for over a minute.... WOOF WOOF WOOF WOOF..."

 

It's very noisy in here.

[Cavcraft]

I find drinking lots of beer will make any girl attractive and fancy you.

 

This. Being a gobshite (me, not you) also helps as does not actually looking for a bird or desperately trying to latch on to one. Be yourself, have a laugh and get pissed. Works wonders.

[Louise2cv]

[Guest]

I find drinking lots of beer will make any girl attractive and fancy you.

With regards to birds, I find the best thing to do is put on a plaid sports jacket and say things like "Alright darling?", then when that doesn't work, openly weep somewhere until one asks you what's wrong. Remember - pity isn't cheating!

 

Also listen to this amazing self-help album, Picking Up Girls Made Easy: http://blog.wfmu.org/freeform/2007/11/3 ... 07---.html

[Albert Ross]

The annoying cunt who lives 10 doors down, who collects off-road bikes, and uses the local park and bridleway as his own personal fucking racetrack. All I get past the back of my garden all sodding night and weekends, is "blap blap blap blap " till about 8:30 or so. He's going to find a knock on the door one frosty morning, as the Council turn up to remove them from his possession. He's not just annoying me, he's breaking a number of laws. Riding uninsured without protective gear, on an unregistered unlicensed machine, on the public highway, with no lights, after dark, no silencer, etc etc etc. This is the same twat that thinks it's ok to block the street with his mates van, while they have a cuppa (or spliff) One day I was quite patient as they just watched me sit there, then a Police car came up behind me. They shut the garage door before he drove past..... I DO wonder what they're hiding in there. The light of day will show it all up.

 

Anyhoo. I have beer. My grumps will disappear.

[Rusty Pelican]

Its great that our council has loads more salt than last year for our OMG snow chaos , would be even better if they friggin used some on the fucking roads , not a single street or main road in my town was done last night . This resulted in a skid pan right across the place and general nightmare trip to work after 4 inches of snow fell around 5 AM this morning ,

[retrogeezer]

The annoying cunt who lives 10 doors down, who collects off-road bikes, and uses the local park and bridleway as his own personal fucking racetrack. All I get past the back of my garden all sodding night and weekends, is "blap blap blap blap " till about 8:30 or so. He's going to find a knock on the door one frosty morning, as the Council turn up to remove them from his possession. He's not just annoying me, he's breaking a number of laws. Riding uninsured without protective gear, on an unregistered unlicensed machine, on the public highway, with no lights, after dark, no silencer, etc etc etc. This is the same twat that thinks it's ok to block the street with his mates van, while they have a cuppa (or spliff) One day I was quite patient as they just watched me sit there, then a Police car came up behind me. They shut the garage door before he drove past..... I DO wonder what they're hiding in there. The light of day will show it all up.

 

Anyhoo. I have beer. My grumps will disappear.

 

 

Why haven't you reported him already?? ....I'd be straight on the phone the second he went out on the bike.

[Albert Ross]

Because, in true AS stylee, ICBA. Beer has my attention.

[mnde]

The cover has blown off my GSA during the day, so not only is the car now covered in snow, the cover now has snow all over the inside too. PITA

 

Mark

[chaseracer]

Foreign Imports are where it's at.

 

 

[RedSparrow]

Girls like small sporty cars,`regardless of whether they are actually sporty or not. For example, they like the MX5 but also the Tigra and 206cc

 

This is true. They love a TR7, even though they know nothing about them. They are not so impressed when they get into the rather shoddy broken-plastic interior with wires hanging out all over the place.

I used to be quite good at pulling, but don't seem to be able to any more. I have been trying to work out what has changed but I really have no idea! Another reason I'm going to Finland - hotties like me there.

[warren t claim]

Seems I'm just as successful at online dating as the real variety. So I've been sending off a few messages to girls who looked interesting. Not just a "hi like your profile wanna chat?" but actually took the time to compose an individual message trying to ask questions and mention their interests. The number of replies was zero, which is the same number of messages I've had from anyone since I joined about a month ago and in that time I've apparently had 10 profile views. I don't know what other people's success ratio is but it is getting slightly disheartening already.

 

Lol! Online dating!

 

Be careful! For a giggle myself and Mrs Claim did a "Project Slut" on plentyoffish.com to see what sort of enquiries we would get and send some wind up messages back.

 

The latest one we have is the most unconvincing transvestite ever!!!! His/her name is TV DAPHNIE if your curious.

[Negative Creep]

Seems I'm just as successful at online dating as the real variety. So I've been sending off a few messages to girls who looked interesting. Not just a "hi like your profile wanna chat?" but actually took the time to compose an individual message trying to ask questions and mention their interests. The number of replies was zero, which is the same number of messages I've had from anyone since I joined about a month ago and in that time I've apparently had 10 profile views. I don't know what other people's success ratio is but it is getting slightly disheartening already.

 

Lol! Online dating!

 

Be careful! For a giggle myself and Mrs Claim did a "Project Slut" on plentyoffish.com to see what sort of enquiries we would get and send some wind up messages back.

 

The latest one we have is the most unconvincing transvestite ever!!!! His/her name is TV DAPHNIE if your curious.

 

 

So your tranny got more interest than I have

[warren t claim]

I'm afraid so! If he'd met all the men who'd messaged him then he'd need a gulley sucker to go for a dump.

[Doctormop]

Please tell me "Gulley Sucker" isn't a euphanism for something I'm blissfully unaware of............

(Mind you, would make a good username for certain sites of an explicit nature)

[cobblers]

This online dating thing. I went on there for a bit, and realised something.

 

Imagine what any of your exes (even the ones you actually miss) would write as a profile. Something would put you off, definitely, and you wouldn't message them, or reply if they messaged you.

I've been on Plenty Offish now and again after my mate was on and actually met a nice bird. I found about 3 girls who I would bother messaging, and the loads that looked nice but had to point out that THEY LIVD 2 PARTY or enjoyed the twilight sagas, or said "I LIKE ALL TYPES OF MUSIC FROM NICKELBACK ALL DA WAY 2 JLS"

 

I'm really not that picky in real life. Owning an mx5 for the last 6 months has only earned me RESTECP from my 15 year old sisters mates and an old bloke up the road with a king charles cavalier who walks past every morning.

 

I think flipping through an online catalogue makes people overly choosy. me included.

[Tayne]

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