The grumpy thread

[New POD]

I have never washed (or paid to have washed) a wheelie bin in 20+ years - am I a filthy scrote?

Porten Down are likely to be taking samples from the bottom of mine. Last time I looked there was a congealed mess abot 5 cm thick.

[New POD]

MV6 failed the MOT today. I'm not sure it's worth saving.

 

Hand brake adjustment.

 

That's it

[Guest Hooli]

swAp 4 brokEn xbox?

[Pillock]

Ive just seen that Give Peas A Chance has been removed from the M25 bridge. It’s been there probably since it opened thirty years ago. Certainly since I started driving round it occasionally from 1995.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-beds-bucks-herts-45593174

 

Bugger, I drove that yesterday and didn't even notice!

 

I with they'd give give peas a chance a chance. 

[Wack]

Humberside police have caught a caravan thief ,

 

[GrumpiusMaximus]

Went to do some consulting work for another organisation yesterday.  Had permission from head of head honchos, so all was fine.  Pleasant site visit, nice people, productive, etc.

 

The grump is the number of totally obvious Health and Safety violations I found.  30-year-old powder extinguishers with no testing labels (the old blue ones) in an environment where current best practice is no powder and CO2 be substituted, wrong ladders being used for electrical grids, combustible materials adjacent to high-output electricals, poor lighting in hazardous areas, no evidence of electrical safety testing...  That wasn't even what I went over there to do.  The member of staff I was working with took it all very well and told me it would get sorted.  The thing I actually went over to discuss went well as well.

 

I'm not a health and safety inspector at all (although I did used to teach CSCS, am PAT trained and have some basic PASMA and fire safety accreditations) so why they were operating with obvious breaches at all baffles me...

[Fumbler]

Father's a health and safety consultant. Two weeks ago he was observing workmen using a forklift to lift massive steel beams, only to find them haphazardly lashed onto the forks with tiny chains. That was the first of many things, including an endless ladder to an unsupported skylight.

[Guest Hooli]

Humberside police have caught a caravan thief ,

 

IMG_1236.PNG

 

I'm shocked* the thief was driving what looks like a transit pickup.

[Wack]

I'm shocked* the thief was driving what looks like a transit pickup.

Oi I drive a transitpickup

 

It's not signwritten , I've been scoped by a few coppers but I don't fit the profile , fat old man not wearing a white vest .

[Guest Hooli]

do ya like dawgs tho?

[beko1987]

Locking fire exits is the sort of stupidity that gets companies fined ££££.

My feeling is its pretty fucking stupid, but I'm not the one that will get a bollocking for it, so I'm sadly just not caring, it's a fight I can't be bothered to have.

 

You can be damn sure that I'll be doing the same next time thouggh, and the time after that. Damn my forgetful memory...

[dozeydustman]

 

Of course, the scutty, pyjama-wearing-in-the-day-outside neighbours the other night, who clearly haven't bought bins (that's another rant.  As far as I'm concerned that's another fucking scandal) decided to throw all of their rubbish into the big bin that isn't their's.

 

 

Shoot this untermenschen.

[dozeydustman]

The moments of feeling really low has hit an all time high today. It's been a day where anything and everything is against me.

 

Dinner plans went to waste as some friends were due over but cancelled about 3 seconds before they were due to arrive.

 

My brother and his mrs have had their second baby today. I should be pleased but the loss of 2 babies for me (one with Mrs D at the 3 month stage, one stillborn with an ex) is haunting me.

 

The Mrs has got drunk and crashed out on the sofa despite me telling her to go to bed about 2 hours ago which pisses me off, as no doubt at some ridiculous hour in the morning she'll crash about and wake me up.

 

And I can't stop the fucking shitcunt tabby cunt cat cunt, nor a neighbour's cunting cunt of a cat, from shitting in my flower and veg patches. I've even put carpet grips down on every spare bit of soil yet they manage to get them out of the way to have a dump.

 

I'm sure it does this things just to get on my tits. I walk out of the room to get away from its disgusting noises when grooming, next thing I know it's next to me with its tongue up its bumhole again. I lock myself in the bedroom, it starts clawing at the door to get in just to polish its porthole next to me.

 

Cats serve no useful purpose unless you live on a farm and need rodents keeping under control (even then, they only do that when they can be bothered, which is 3 seconds per millennium). I'll be glad when the fucker is dead if I don't kill or re-home the bastard first. (Black cat is fine - it uses the litter box, it uses the scratching posts, it catches mice/spiders/buzzing insects without prompting). I fucking hate cats and wish it was illegal to let them roam around - roaming dogs are impounded and (sadly) destroyed if not claimed or re-homed.

[Ghosty]

do ya like dawgs tho?

 

Dags?

[Snipes]

Bloody HSBC. My Credit card is always blocked online because Varified by Visa don't think my birthday is a valid date - I'm pretty sure it is because I don't think my mum would have lied about it and I've been using it for nearly 40 years.

So there's no way to contact VbyV, so naturally I complained to my bank, who did nothing. So I just left it. Now I need to pay a bill to finish my NVQ and it would be much easier to put it on the card but no, and when I go to HSBC's website to kick off the (probably futile) complaints procedure I find all the help topics are just broken links.

[Snipes]

Oh and, BT. After reading the shite Broadband thread I was just thinking I've had BT for over 3 years at two address and had maybe one day outage? Obviously the phone line is now down. The gripe is when you report the problem;

"We will send a disinterested, underpaid overworked dude but if the problem is within your house boindries that'll be £130 please". Fuck me, how much does it cost to send some geezer round for 5 minutes, pull on some pugs and have a look? Is he commuting in an fleet of armoured GMC Yukons?

[GrumpiusMaximus]

Father's a health and safety consultant. Two weeks ago he was observing workmen using a forklift to lift massive steel beams, only to find them haphazardly lashed onto the forks with tiny chains. That was the first of many things, including an endless ladder to an unsupported skylight.

 

 

Lady Grumpius was telling me about how the builders Chuckle Brothers behind our house were attaching safety rails to the Juliet balconies...

 

Apparently they had one lot putting plants in under the mobile scaffold but they were assembling the scaffold without stabilisers, in high wind, climbing up the outside with no guard rail or PPE, etc, etc.  To be honest, if I'd seen it I would have been on the phone to the HSE.  Literally sounds like they were doing everything wrong.

 

I mean, I get being a bit lazy and maybe not following every single rule to the letter but ignoring everything?!

[Guest Hooli]

Dags?

Aye dags!

[Guest Hooli]

 

 

"We will send a disinterested, underpaid overworked dude but if the problem is within your house boindries that'll be £130 please". Fuck me, how much does it cost to send some geezer round for 5 minutes, pull on some pugs and have a look?

About £130 I'd say....

 

Have you taken the front off the master socket and plugged the router in there? That'll bypass all your wiring (if your house is cabled right) and prove if the fault is yours or theirs.

[myglaren]

I felt sorry for the guys who were collecting mine over summer so washed the bin every time it was collected so it smelt decent, im nice like that

I used to wash mine once a month - fortnightly collection but can take two months to fill them.

 

Now I swipe the huge bags from work that bubble wrap is delivered in and use them as bin liners so obviate the need to wash them.

[purplebargeken]

Fire safety training at work a few weeks ago. Asked what I would do in the event of a fire. Big mistake to ask me that in all honesty.

 

My reply.... run like fuck in the opposite direction to the hot orangey yellow thing that appears to be burning things.

 

Fire bloke nearly pisses himself laughing, some tutting from other people in the room who don't know me. I loudly stated that I said 'feck' people, I said 'feck', your own minds made the change. My colleagues who know me well knew exactly what I'd said.

 

(I did actually say fuck but I like to mess with the heads of stuck up twats).

[Guest Hooli]

I try not to ask why the fire exit signs are by doors when fire always exits via the roof.

[PhilA]

Get down low, I was taught. Get down low so you don't breathe in the smoke so much because it'll be thick and up by the ceiling.

 

So that's why all the exit signs are up by the ceiling, so they can be obscured by smoke?

[Guest Hooli]

I still like the idea a few years ago to make all fire extinguishers the same colour so it's easier* to tell them apart.

[dozeydustman]

Dags?

 

 

I love dogs. Always happy to see you. Never had a dog piss me off.

[anonymous user]

I love dogs. Always happy to see you. Never had a dog piss me off.

Would you like to spend the day with Toby the Bastard, he'd soon change your view. I have had loads of dogs over my lifetime, but he is the neediest most annoying one of the lot, his three companions are wonderful by comparison.

[angle]

One day I'll learn. One day, rather than buying a part because its listed as being the right one for my car, I'll think:

 

'The French don't do this. The French don't use logic like fitting a single type of part to one model year. Remember that time you roped your father in law into helping you dismantle the front of your car to fit a xenon ballast that turned out to be the wrong type in the pissing rain? Don't do that, take the part off and get a part number, it'll save you time in the long run'.

 

But not yet. Not yet.

 

 

Piss off you useless froggy bastard.

[beko1987]

I did similar, but ripped the fog light bulb in half doing just that! Only £4 for a new bulb, but guess what's got to come off all over again...

[myglaren]

Bought a set of roof bars that after about four hours of clarting about decided wouldn't fit and returned them.

Refunded the £79 they cost although it was the £40 ones I had originally gone for.  Hadn't realised until I dug the receipt out to return them.

 

Called in at a mate's and when I explained I had bought the roof bars to transport some ladders I was going to buy, he said he had a set he would never use again and wanted gone.

 

Bought another set of roof bars from eBay, delivered to daughter's work.

 

Started to fit them on Wednesday evening but ran out of light.

Thursday monsoon.

Friday, leave work early so plenty of time to fit them.

Gave up after three hours of freezing and getting nowhere when the wind blew all the bits and tools off the car and then the rain came down.

One support fitted.

 

Another five hours today and they are on but only after replacing several of the supplied washers with tap washers as otherwise the bolts won't reach the fixed fitting boss on the car.

 

Simple jobs eh?

 

Used to bung a roof rack on in ten minutes but these 'dedicated' ones are so much simpler

Had a BX estate with integrated roof rails.

Got a pair of 3" x 2" bits of wood, cut a slot in for each roof rail and tied them on over a bit of hard sponge rubber.  Never a problem, five minute job

 

When daughter brought them down for me, she had been asked by one of her colleagues what she wanted them for.When she explained he said he had five sets of ladders he no longer wanted that I could have.

The ladders are mainly to fix her house up with

[Wack]

I love dogs. Always happy to see you. Never had a dog piss me off.

 

 

I had a boxer that pissed me off, too thick to be trained , I didn't know you could get special needs dogs but you can

 

If I took him up the fields and let him off he'd just run and run and run, forget catching him, he'd just collapse when he was bolloxed

 

Ikea used to shut early at weekends so I'd take him up to their car park when it was empty so he didn't get covered in mud , let him off and he did his usual run away trick so I used to hide from him because then he'd panic and come looking for me

 

This one time I stood behind a metal post holding one of the ikea signs , it was 10ft tall vertical and about the thickness of a scaffold pole , I was sticking out about a foot either side of it , shouted MAX and he ran round and round and round, I can hear him but I can't see him

 

I just stood there until he'd had enough exercise then appeared from behind the sign, genuine surprise on his face