The grumpy thread

[M'coli]

Do Birkenehead women taste worse than all the rest?

Have you ever eaten jellied eels?

Never, but if that's any comparison, I think you've just put me off jellied eels...

[trigger]

[Guest]

Oh for gods sakes don't "talk" to her. Not about how you feel or rubbish like that. get her out, ply her with booze and get on and do the beast with two backs FFS.

Turn up outside her window in the early hours with a boombox blasting "I Want To Know What Love Is" until she comes out, then just make a scene until she agrees to go out with you. Burst into tears if you have to. Works every time!

[Lukas]

I did the opposite from what Hirst said and as always, that worked!

 

I know I don´t deserve her, but I talked to her last night and she did forgive me.

 

Lukas, If you still like the girl who was seeing someone else at the same time as she was seeing you, FORGET HER. Schnell.

Ashmicro, this was exactly my problem! But I´ll do my very best now.

[Mr Lobster]

Good stuff! Well done.

 

Now slip the rohypnol in her drink while shes not expecting it.

 

[Cheggers]

Good stuff! Well done.

 

Now slip the rohypnol in her drink while shes not expecting it.

 

Thank you, Auntie Lobster

[ashmicro]

Great news Lukas. Viel Gluck!

[Cavcraft]

Good stuff! Well done.

 

Now slip the rohypnol in her drink while shes not expecting it.

 

And don't forget to share the pictures.

 

SRSLY nice one chief, good luck matey.

[greengartside]

Had a seriously miserable and shitty week.

 

Firstly I lost the internet as I'm swapping providers from Orange to TalkTalk. TT ballsed up by making an error, which left me cut off from Monday until last night!

 

Secondly, and more angry/sad/upset related...was at work on Thursday, went to get some fuel on my lunchbreak as you do. Got to a junction, looked left and right twice as I always do, and pulled out. Next thing i hear a screech of brakes - some guy in a white Citroen van has almost welded himself to my back bumper and is now giving me the finger plus tooting of horn and lights flashing.

 

I lose him through the village and by this stage I'm quite shook up, I obviously didn't see him for whatever reason and I thought I'll just put it down to experience.

 

So I go back to the works car park, minus fuel stop and sit in my car.

 

Next thing I know, Mr Citroen van man comes haring into the car park and gets out and hurls abuse at me left right and centre! Asking me if I 'had a death-wish' and 'you're a stupid c**t' and 'If you ever do that to me again you fucking c**t i'll wrap a fucking iron bar round your head' - with that he slammed his door and tore off.

 

So I go back into work where everyone asked me what just happened. My supervisor got involved and I made a statement to the Police, as A) he was trespassing and he was threatening me with verbal assault. Not sure what the cops will do about it. I could have sorted him out but we have got CCTV at work (captured the incident too..) so I would have been in the wrong if I had thrown the first punch...

[Cavcraft]

AVOID CHESTER TONIGHT.

 

It's the races. For those not 'in the know' the races roughly translates to coach loads of gobshites descending upon the city centre for a mass punch-up.

 

Said gobshites are easy to spot as they'll be wearing cheap Armani and Navy suits (Matalan bargain bin, £4.79), sunglasses, purple shirts, vile ties and their race badge will be pinned to their jacket like some sort of fucking trophy.

 

Unable to walk more than 0.127 yards without pissing on the pavement, throwing up or starting a fight they will then attempt to push in the queue at the bar, stand on people's feet and then buy eleven thousand fucking shit fucking ponces drinks for the dickhead mates. Oh, and argue about the change they've been given.

[Station]

Jesus, Mr Gartside, going straight to the police is the absolute best method, but I think my top would've exploded, especially the following bit.

Let's hope he gets what he deserves - but he'll probably be let off with a 10p fine (payable in 48 monthly payments).

Was it a company van? Honestly, let's hope he gets sacked.

 

I avoid Chester after 6pm now, it's sort of gone downhill more so since the college became a University.

[trigger]

Hey Billy, Think you have just summed up Newmarket races perfectly! I was there last night, It was full of total twats in suits thinking that they are a crust above everyone else, I was watching them chuck £40 on a horse to win then it losing, which made me laugh, I spend £20 all night, even one £4 at one point!

[Station]

"I think I'll just park this here," I can imagine him thinking, before scampering off to the doctors.

 

 

I may have posted this before, I can't remember!

[Father Ted]

"I think I'll just park this here," I can imagine him thinking, before scampering off to the doctors.

 

 

I may have posted this before, I can't remember!

A reasonably high powered air rifle or Black Widow Catapult would see the glass made all holy like and possibly dissuade him from parking there again.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

meybe he lives there?

[Milford Cubicle]

hey was there any need to quote the photo which is in the post directly above yours?

Cheers, Grumpy Bugger.

[dollywobbler]

People who brake on motorways. Fuck off and look a bit further down the road you lazy twats!! Honestly, is it that bloody difficult to just scan up the road, see the congestion and ease off the throttle a bit rather than repeatedly stabbing the brake pedal?

 

People who don't indicate on motorways. Piss right off! Indicators are fitted for a bloody reason. If you actually signalled your intentions, the lazy twats above probably wouldn't have to keep braking.

 

People who don't move over to the left-hand lane on motorways. Eat shit and die!! You're creating congestion that doesn't need to be there with your idiocy. If you actually moved over, people wouldn't feel the need to drift into another lane to get past you without signalling and therefore wouldn't be carving people up forcing them to brake repeatedly like someone who's right foot is having a spasm on the brake pedal.

 

In case you haven't guessed, I've done a lot of motorway driving in the past two days, and have done an entire circuit of the M25. It really is about time we got those traffic wombles to Police driving standards rather than shutting lanes off for no bloody reason.

[myglaren]

^Amen to that ^

[Guest]

The poor standard of motorway driving is why I tend to get fed up and sit with the lorries after a few junctions. I just can't be bothered with the lousy driving, I'd rather just sit back and relax.

[autofive]

blocking a driveway (anywhere with a dropped kerb) is an road traffic offence. but, apparantly, not if the driveway in question is empty.

 

if its your driveway: get an old shitter and park it within 3mm of the drivers door - they dont like that much and laugh at them when they have the gaul to knock on your door to complain

 

maybe add some dog shit to the passenger side door handles (if, like me, your childish and evil )

[maxpower]

blocking a driveway (anywhere with a dropped kerb) is an road traffic offence. but, apparantly, not if the driveway in question is empty.

 

if its your driveway: get an old shitter and park it within 3mm of the drivers door - they dont like that much and laugh at them when they have the gaul to knock on your door to complain

 

maybe add some dog shit to the passenger side door handles (if, like me, your childish and evil )

just buy a cheap wheel clamp from halfrauds.. and when they come to your door deny all knowledge of said clamp.. then peek through your curtains as he pisses about for an hour with a hacksaw sawing it off his car

[Mr_Bo11ox]

This 'dog shit idea' is a really good one, until the owner of the car comes back and turns out to be a local drugs/weapons dealer, professional cage fighter, arsonist or general mental case, at which point it starts to look rather 'dog shit' itself.

[Guest]

I think Bol has mentioned this elsewhere, but the retarded questions that Trigger has been getting on RR on his 1602 for sale thread.

 

*NEWSFLASH TO EVERYONE THINKING OF RUNNING AN OLD CAR AS THEIR DAILY*

 

Old cars don't do as much to the gallon as new ones! Shock horror eleventy OMG! And since when has 30 mpg been considered 'juicy'?

 

Old cars will shockingly cost more to run than a modern in almost every case* if you run them everyday! Strewth! Think of the children etc.

 

Seriously, if the only question you're concerned about is 'how much will it do to the gallon' I don't think an old car is for you Panda Diesel man. If you run an old car as a daily and treat it like a modern daily, you will destroy it. Simples.

 

I used to get lots of random 'economy' questions at work like this, ones like 'Urrrh, gonna get this Ford Puma, if I put ten quid in it how far will I get?' I don't know, why don't you just brim it and take a running average over the week you tight bastard? How do I know how you drive? How do I know what state the running gear's in? What roads are you driving on?

 

I had some questions like that when I tried to sell the Piazza for the first time. Questions like 'Is it good on fuel?' Well, you see it's a 2 litre turbo engine from the eighties. Is it f*cking likely to be good on fuel you cock stump?

 

Well dealt with trig.

 

*but not in my case.

[Guest]

I like when people with old cars start having a strange contest about how good their MPG is, claiming their standard Dolomite will do 40mpg all day, etc.

 

Although, I have to say I find it absolutely fascinating as to why people care so much about their fuel consumption. I would say unless you go to the extremes of either end it's not really a big deal. I'm amazed at how many people manage to remember how much they paid per litre and how many tenth of a pence it has gone up by. Hot dogs in Ikea keep going up in price, no one seems to notice that.

 

Handy guide to petrol stations - pop in when you don't have much fuel, then stick a tenner in. If it's got one of those free air/water machines, use it. Go inside the shop and see if they've got any "fun" pop. Buy a samosa if it's that sort of establishment. Pay up and leave. Then drive around again until you need some more petrol. If you've got rubbish fuel consumption, you get more pop/samosas, so there's an advantage right there.

[Albert Ross]

Fuel economy? I drive a Land Rover and a Scorpio Cosworth. Nuff said.

 

As for people parking and blocking your access, I find a carefully positioned "Nato hitch" dent in one of the panels does the trick, that, and just blocking the road ( I live in a dead end) and having a cuppa works even better. I once had to deal with 14 extra cars in our street due to a "Fireworks Extravaganza" in our local park. Nobody had thought to regulate the parking, I got home from work to discover zero parking for me or the Wife. So I parked sideways across the street, with the "Security" truck. NOBODY challenged me, not even the bicycle Plod. Only one person asked on whose authority I blocked the road. My reply? Mine.

She came back with the organiser, who toook my number. The next time it happened, I got consulted fully before the occasion. They coned off the entire street leading to the park, took a list of resident's car numbers, and kept me fully informed. The Council doing summat right??? I was stunned. Bloody pleased too.

[Cavcraft]

I just don't get why people ask stupid fucking questions on 'for sale' threads. All for having a laugh and that buy why put 'tenner for the fuel pump (or whatever)?' as a reply to a car that's for sale as a whole?

[Pillock]

Although, I have to say I find it absolutely fascinating as to why people care so much about their fuel consumption. I would say unless you go to the extremes of either end it's not really a big deal.

I love to get my mpg right up high. Purely for the reason that it annoys my mate with his fancy-pants new quick Megane, as on a day-to-day drive my car is just as fast and only loses out in a straight race. I get 10mpg more than he does on average though and that makes him grumpy, and thus me happy.

 

I just can't help getting in my car and driving random places though so there's no real sense getting het up about economy. I'm only gonna waste it one way or another!

[Milford Cubicle]

I'm such a loser that I brimmed the tank on my car, drove about 150 miles and brimmed it again using a litre jug.

I don't even pay for my fuel. 50MPG on waste vegetable oil. Ace.

[Guest]

One of the few things my Citroen is good at is not using a lot of fuel. Managed to get an absolute mingebag record range of 750 miles the other week. You can talk about fuel economy with new cars because they're so bloody boring.

[Pete-M]

I stay as far away from working out my fuel consumption as possible.

 

I do, however, know that I can drive a Skoda Superb from here to Reading and back for less fuel than it takes to go to Manchester and back in an SD1.

 

Luckily, I don't really care. Nobody asks me to run them to the airport or whatever because they can't afford to put the fuel in.