The grumpy thread

[Talbot]

Cheapest thing to do is put a hilti bolt or two into the driveway and then put a chain around the axle/chassis and lock it to a bolt-eye from the hilti bolt.

 

It won't stop them trying, but it will stop them dead in their tracks if they try to move it. At that point they will be drawing a lot of attention to themselves and will just scarper.

 

A CCTV camera wouldn't hurt either. A real one though.. Dummy ones are nearly as expensive as a real one these days.

[AlabamaShrimp]

Put it inside is the only way to stop them if they're determined.

 

 

And whoever has that 205 above the garage are taking the piss and don't want to do the job. It's £200 at the very very most.

[cpjitservices]

Seconded. Fantastic gear.

Indeed, check out the CCTV system... Wow! I am rolling it out on a big scale very soon and wont touch anything else its brilliant as is the wireless solutions of course!

[Talbot]

The parts price for the alternator was in the 500 region, the rest was for an hour's labour to fit it and the diagnostic fee (an hour plus a bit on top). If I were to take it elsewhere I'd still be on the hook for the £140 diagnostic fee.

That is a bloody rip off. I would bitch and moan and complain like buggery about that. £140 to diagnose a duff alternator? Takes seconds.

 

It should be £150 for a new alternator and an hour to fit. £250 all in, and they should waive the diagnostic fee as you are getting the work done there.

 

The most expensive alternator I can find for the 2.2TDCi is about £400. One assumes they are using this one and still putting a 20% margin on it. And to still charge you a diagnostic fee if you're having the work done there is just rude.

[Kiltox]

It’s a main dealer....

[Talbot]

It’s a main STealer....

FTFY

[Tadhg Tiogar]

 

Do what now? How much is an alternator for a bloody transit? ......

 

 The parts price for the alternator was in the 500 region,.....

 

 

A general Google suggests that a Tourneo alternator retails around £100 to £150. Is yours a special model that means a premium on parts prices?

 

.....These guys are new to the area and appear to have some rather shady practices....

 

Sounds like Travellers.

[Talbot]

A general Google suggests that a Tourneo alternator retails around £100 to £150. Is yours a special model that means a premium on parts prices?

Post 71395 above. Re-google with the word "genuine", and the price becomes £400, which the dealer are clearly putting a percentage on.

[Tadhg Tiogar]

Post 71395 above. Re-google with the word "genuine", and the price becomes £400, which the dealer are clearly putting a percentage on.

Just seen it.

 

Pity your garage doesn't allow you to provide your own new/OEM parts, i.e. so you incur their labour rate only. I usually do this with the diesel Borat.

[Stanky]

Cheapest thing to do is put a hilti bolt or two into the driveway and then put a chain around the axle/chassis and lock it to a bolt-eye from the hilti bolt.

 

It won't stop them trying, but it will stop them dead in their tracks if they try to move it. At that point they will be drawing a lot of attention to themselves and will just scarper.

 

A CCTV camera wouldn't hurt either. A real one though.. Dummy ones are nearly as expensive as a real one these days.

 

sorry I should have said - its a block paved drive and rented bungalow so I'm a bit hogtied WRT physical modifications, frustratingly. I think garage time is the only option here...

[Captain Furious]

Had my fingers burned supplying own parts before, I always have the garage supply any parts they're fitting now.

[Talbot]

its a block paved drive and rented bungalow

Can you lift a single block from the drive and then put a ground anchor in? Keeping the block to re-instate at a later date of course...

 

Edit.. You could also consider a very cheap proximity alarm attached to some part of the Geep. Anything that makes a fucktonne of noise in the dead of night will be very effective.

[beko1987]

sorry I should have said - its a block paved drive and rented bungalow so I'm a bit hogtied WRT physical modifications, frustratingly. I think garage time is the only option here...

Big long chain around the garage? I bloody hope it's not pikied away though, would be awful. Toss the contents of the garage out and let them have that and put the geep safely away

[twosmoke300]

Smart charge alternator faults are not seconds to diagnose I can assure you

[plasticvandan]

booby trap the fucker,buckets of oil under the tarp,trip wires,small explosive charges..... 

[Parky]

If you can't chain it to the ground, can you chain it to the house?

[Stanky]

hahaha, I think i'd be the only victim if I set up traps!

[Talbot]

Smart charge alternator faults are not seconds to diagnose I can assure you

How can it be anything other than a voltage check... that being the only way that charge is transferred to the battery?

 

Charge battery up. Start vehicle. Check voltage.

 

Voltage < 13V, Alternator fucked.

13v < Voltage < 14.4V, Alternator OK.

14.4v < Voltage, Alternator fucked.

 

If you wanted to be really flash about it, I suppose you could put an ammeter in the circuit and identify if there was charge flowing from the battery or to the battery, but that seems a little excessive.

 

Granted, there may be cases where the alternator is partially fucked, and although is charging, also has a failed diode meaning it's allowing discharge when the engine is off, or it may have some shorted windings meaning it's output is limited, but the diagnosis seems fairly black-and-white from what's been said.

 

£140 for that, and to still insist that is paid when the remedial work is being done there seems very very expensive. Even for a stealer.

[Parky]

hahaha, I think i'd be the only victim if I set up traps!

Do you know where the travellers are based?

 

Because in a bizarre turn of events, you could hiab their hiab in a pre emptive strike?

 

I can see nothing wrong with this plan. Absolutely risk free 100% safe all day every day....

[eddyramrod]

If you can't chain it to the ground, can you chain it to the house?

Very attractive idea that, and I wouldn't imagine most landlords objecting to a hefty steel hoop fixed to the wall under the kitchen window, or whatever the layout is.  After all, it could be used after you've gone to secure something else, like the next tenant's motorbike, just for example.  My only worry with it is that if the pikeys can see the security, will they be able to get their bolt croppers at it and just cut the chain?  You can bet money that's something they will have in the cab.

 

Have you got gates?  If not, can you ask your landlord 1: will he provide some, and/or 2: will he allow you to provide some?

[Slartibartfast]

Do you know where the travellers are based?

 

Because in a bizarre turn of events, you could hiab their hiab in a pre emptive strike?

 

I can see nothing wrong with this plan. Absolutely risk free 100% safe all day every day....

D'ya like dags?

[strangeangel]

Put it inside is the only way to stop them if they're determined.

 

 

This. While CCTV is undoubtedly useful in certain situations, pikeys care not one jot about it.

[Captain Furious]

On the subject of charging issues, I don't know whether this is a grump or a grin - probably both.  My Mk2 Granada has had a charging issue ever since I've had it, on its best day its only ever managed about 12.6 volts.  I've swapped the alternator with a known good one, replaced the battery, checked earths, jump lead from battery negative to alternator body etc - any difference was negligible at best.  So i'd shelved it.  If I measured it straight out the back of the alternator I was getting 14v but something was dropping it before it got to the battery.  It produced enough that the car would never die, but if you allowed the battery to go flat - which it does frequently due to lack of use, it would take a long time to put any charge back into it.

 

Last week I revisited it, i'd had a brainwave that the most likely culprit for causing a voltage drop was the ammeter in the dash which, as you will know, ammeters sit in series and if they have any internal resistance will cause a voltage drop.  I took this apart, checked the wiring contacts etc and while initial results were encouraging - 14v at the battery -  it later turned out my mates meter was just over-reading.  Checking it with mine revealed 12.9 - 13.1v better - maybe, but not great, I was still losing nearly a volt.  So I left it again.

 

Yesterday I had it at my mates to replace some balljoints but we got rained\snowed off, so we spent the day lazing around playing various old 'retro' computer games and call of duty.  Eventually I went out to go home, by now it was dark and frozen so I started the engine and to warm it up and defrost the windows.  At this point I notice that the heated rear screen is already on - strange, the switch isn't in the on position...I then discover that the switch looks to be in the off position, but is actually sort of half way between on and off.  Having never used it in the cold\dark\frost before it had never even occurred to me.

 

So I switch it fully off...I wonder?  So I break out the trusty volt meter that's still in the car from last week...13.83v at the battery.  I'll take that from 34 year old wiring.

[Aston Martin]

Bastard Fabya. I take off the battery bracket and it falls near the headlight, it’ll be fine. I’ll take out the battery and it’ll be easier. I have it in my hands and it drops into the bumper. No problem.... ah, fuck me. Why is there a bastard undertray on a base model Fabya? I try and bodge it with a washer obviously, but no luck. So it took me 5 minutes to change the battery and 3 and a half years to find a torx bit and contort my hand as I didn’t want to remove it fully.

 

Tomorrow I’m replacing the fan speed resistor. Which involves similar arm acrobatics apparently and this is why new cars with warranty are the future.

[eddyramrod]

D'ya like dags?

Not as daft as it might sound!  Would your work-life balance allow for a dog?  If so, go to a handy rescue centre and adopt a Jack Russell or something similar.  Excellent at being an alarm, and willing to have a go at any intruder.  Tenacious too.  By the time the baddies get as far as kicking the dog away, you'll be there with your choice of portable anti-burglar device and can take charge of the situation.  My friend in San Francisco recommends a .44 Magnum.  Do they feel lucky?

Well do they?

[Stanky]

Sadly not, the security* arrangements extend to a 2' high wall that wobbles fearsomely in anything more than a moderate breeze. the arrangement goes road > 5' of grass > 3' of footpath > 2' high brick wall > drive. A HIAB with a long-ish arm won't have any trouble lifting it I fear.

 

Also, attaching it to the front of the house may result in the HIAB ripping the front off the house as they attempt to remove the Geep under cover of darkness.

 

No known base of operations for travellers in the vicinity.

 

I may be being overly paranoid though, a guy a couple of streets away has a mk2 escort 3 door 1100 in immaculate condition which is kept on the drive. It gets driven but I am astonished its not been abducted in the 5+ years its been there. I kept thinking I ought to go and have a word with him to make sure he knows just how attractive these would be to thieves and to do something about securing it, but knowing my luck it'd then be pinched 2 weeks later and the finger of blame would be pointed straight at me as being someone who was 'nosing about and knew it was poorly secured and valuable'

 

AND LOOK OFFICER! THE HORRIBLE MAN HAS A KIT CAR COMPRISED OF LOTS OF BITS OF MY PRECIOUS ESCORT SO HE MUST BE GUILTY! BURN HIM!

 

I can see it all panning out in front of me now!

[eddyramrod]

Print this page as evidence for your defence.

[mercrocker]

I might be being overly optimistic here, Stanky, but sounds like these blokes are just on the chance and having been brushed off will give it a swerve.   Having said that the potential threat does remain, however.   Could you get anti-theft cable through a couple of those Wellers and lock them all together?   Won't stop a Hiab grab but it would prevent it being moved.

[wuvvum]

You need a new garage, chief:

 

 

Reason(s) for failure

• Offside rear brake recording little or no effort (3.7.B.5a)
• Offside rear parking brake recording little or no effort (3.7.B.6a)
• Offside front brake binding (3.7.B.1)
• Offside Front Track rod end ball joint has excessive play (2.2.B.1f)
• Nearside Front Suspension arm has excessive play in a ball joint (2.4.G.2)
• Exhaust has a major leak of exhaust gases centre pipe (7.1.2)
• Horn not working (1.6.2a)
• Parking brake: efficiency below requirements (3.7.B.7)
• Rear Brakes imbalanced across an axle Axle 2 (3.7.B.5b)

 

Did they train Kwikfit or something? £800 to do that is absolute bollocks, unless I've missed something.

What Billy said.  Apart from a track rod end and a ball joint (par for the course on 205s and not expensive), the only thing I can see you'd need to bung out for is a tin of gun gum - everything else should just be adjustment and tweaking.

[panhard65]

How can it be anything other than a voltage check... that being the only way that charge is transferred to the battery?

 

Charge battery up. Start vehicle. Check voltage.

 

Voltage < 13V, Alternator fucked.

13v < Voltage < 14.4V, Alternator OK.

14.4v < Voltage, Alternator fucked.

 

If you wanted to be really flash about it, I suppose you could put an ammeter in the circuit and identify if there was charge flowing from the battery or to the battery, but that seems a little excessive.

 

Granted, there may be cases where the alternator is partially fucked, and although is charging, also has a failed diode meaning it's allowing discharge when the engine is off, or it may have some shorted windings meaning it's output is limited, but the diagnosis seems fairly black-and-white from what's been said.

 

£140 for that, and to still insist that is paid when the remedial work is being done there seems very very expensive. Even for a stealer.

It is Fords smart charge system and there is a lot more to it than just checking it with a volt meter. They also have stretch belts on these modern Fords so they will need replacing. Add that together with main dealer prices and vat you will soon get to £700. Thats modern cars for you.