The grumpy thread

[eddyramrod]

Nah, I can't fix things, I just break them further.  But nice thought, thank you.

[Tadhg Tiogar]

I don't like it when I go somewhere and they serve drinks in fucking jam jars. What next? Chips in a hat? Beans on a sanitary towel? .....

Have seen chips in a (plastic) hat once, and battered fish on a sheet of paper kitchen towel. It can only get worse.

 

A current fad is full english on a shovel.

Not an issue unless the shovel has been used for dogshit duties...

Probably copied from steam railway days, when driver and fireman would prepare breakfast on the coal shovel - just shove it in the firebox. All done in minutes.

[dave21478]

Fucking staff, or rather now ex staff, employed a couple of lads last year to work at our place, both did a good job, no issues, they then decided to leave and setup themselves between Christmas and new year, with no notice, leaving me completely in the shit and having to look after the site on my own, I've had one day off since the 27th Dec, to make it worse a top bloke who used to work for me asked to come back, I nearly bit his hand off! got the rota sorted and this meant I could have this weekend off, he has now texted saying that he has been made an offer he can't refuse by his current employer, so I'm fucked again.

 

Anyone want a job? hotel maintenance, in Bowness on Windermere £9/hr, cheap accommodation available (£120/month inc 3 meals a day), start yesterday, only one condition, you have to be able to fix things, pm me, seriously

 

I dont know what his scenario is like these days, but garbaldy is another resident fixit/maintenance bod and iirc was recently looking at redundancy? 

http://autoshite.com.../3747-garbaldy/

[beko1987]

I'd have to give a month's notice at work I'm afraid, otherwise it should ace! I like my job though, apart from today, 2 people pissed me off so I went into full cunt mode...

[DodgeRover]

I don't like it when I go somewhere and they serve drinks in fucking jam jars.

The only drink that should come in jam jars should be clear, about 200% proof and made in a shed in the woods.

[Jazoli]

I'd have to give a month's notice at work I'm afraid, otherwise it should ace! I like my job though, apart from today, 2 people pissed me off so I went into full cunt mode...

 

Only 2 people allowed to go into cunt mode where I work, me and my GM, everyone else has to toe the line

[beko1987]

The lady who manages our team (tells me when I've forgotten to do stuff) came over and told me off as the MD was in and sitting in the bank of desks behind me. I pointed out I'd heard him laugh at my rants twice that day... She's not been there long bless.

 

After 10 years, I know how to have a proper mood on, yet dress it up with sarcasm and stealth cunts enough to get away with it and where the line is to avoid a bollocking (which would involve Gareth 'telling me off' on our next smoke break

[chaseracer]

egr... Try not to think about it, it's better that way...

 

The Blingo's chucking up the orange check-engine light and the fault code leads to an EGR valve with 160000 miles of clag in it.  

 

Problem is, it's running really well AND doing more than 50mpg.  Tame Mechanic agrees I should just ignore it and erase the fault code occasionally, if I can be arsed.

 

Works for me.

[beko1987]

Mine flashed the dash up on the old gooner, and I think was responsible for nu_gooner having a grumble occasionally, hence the reason ruffgeezer got it for scrap money possibly. The light hasn't come on since I cleaned it and the throttle body, and I've driven all the driving styles to try and make it come on

[beko1987]

People on the gooner forum sag to flip the egr round so it doesn't do anything but doesn't upset the ecu (saves mapping it out). Always been tempted, but never had the balls, and as you say, it works fine with it (mines down to 45mpg at the moment but it left the mot on 39.4, and I got stuck in heavy traffic both nights so far this week so it's probably not had time to sort itself out)

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Got a puncture while cycling to work this morning. Chucked my spare inner tube in and carried on for another 100yds whereupon I got another puncture. Walked my bike into Derby and got in a taxi with it. Had no cash so asked the driver to take me to a cash point. It was one of those wanky freestanding ones that charge you £2 to give you your money, but I was desperate so carried on. After a fashion it made a load of whirring noises and swallowed my card. FUCK OFF! Had to apologise to the cab driver (now I had no means of paying him) and walk my bike to work. Arrived at 9am #cantstopwinning

[beko1987]

Got a puncture while cycling to work this morning. Chucked my spare inner tube in and carried on for another 100yds whereupon I got another puncture. Walked my bike into Derby and got in a taxi with it. Had no cash so asked the driver to take me to a cash point. It was one of those wanky freestanding ones that charge you £2 to give you your money, but I was desperate so carried on. After a fashion it made a load of whirring noises and swallowed my card. FUCK OFF! Had to apologise to the cab driver (now I had no means of paying him) and walk my bike to work. Arrived at 9am #cantstopwinning

That sounds shit. I nearly had that buying the laguna fro Tim, my dad came 100 miles to pick me up, then drove me 140 miles to Boston, pulled up outside a Santander double cash point, where I put my card in, tapped buttons and got an 'error processing your request' and my card back... Shat myself inside a bit, and shakily tried the other cash point which thank fuck worked! I had the money in the account, but had never used the (new) card before, so if it didn't work I couldn't do much, my dad wouldn't have had the money and would have had a 200 mile round trip to take me home

 

Don't like Santander anymore

[SiC]

Got a puncture while cycling to work this morning. Chucked my spare inner tube in and carried on for another 100yds whereupon I got another puncture. Walked my bike into Derby and got in a taxi with it. Had no cash so asked the driver to take me to a cash point. It was one of those wanky freestanding ones that charge you £2 to give you your money, but I was desperate so carried on. After a fashion it made a load of whirring noises and swallowed my card. FUCK OFF! Had to apologise to the cab driver (now I had no means of paying him) and walk my bike to work. Arrived at 9am #cantstopwinning

I assume you found and removed the detritus that was in the tyre before putting the new tube in?

 

Top tip. Line up the logo on the tyre with the valve on the inner tube. That way you have a point of reference on the hole in the inner tube to where it was in the tyre.

 

A note against the hole apparently works as a get-you-home fix ( http://road.cc/content/review/224229-bank-england-five-pound-note ). Failing that, a taxi ride.

 

Stick a note in the seat tube or similar as a emergency fund too.

 

Finally Continental Gatorskin have my go to tyre choice for commuting. I've cycled over glass many a time and it didn't bother it at all. Last time I checked them, there was over 14 different cuts in the tyre and many bits of glass stuck in these.

[bub2006]

Got a puncture while cycling to work this morning. Chucked my spare inner tube in and carried on for another 100yds whereupon I got another puncture. Walked my bike into Derby and got in a taxi with it. Had no cash so asked the driver to take me to a cash point. It was one of those wanky freestanding ones that charge you £2 to give you your money, but I was desperate so carried on. After a fashion it made a load of whirring noises and swallowed my card. FUCK OFF! Had to apologise to the cab driver (now I had no means of paying him) and walk my bike to work. Arrived at 9am #cantstopwinning

I'm only 15 mins out of derby In Ripley. Need a lift in future give me a shout. Any other issues I'll try to assist.

[oldcars]

Got a puncture while cycling to work this morning. Chucked my spare inner tube in and carried on for another 100yds whereupon I got another puncture. Walked my bike into Derby and got in a taxi with it. Had no cash so asked the driver to take me to a cash point. It was one of those wanky freestanding ones that charge you £2 to give you your money, but I was desperate so carried on. After a fashion it made a load of whirring noises and swallowed my card. FUCK OFF! Had to apologise to the cab driver (now I had no means of paying him) and walk my bike to work. Arrived at 9am #cantstopwinning

Nightmare, sounds like maybe the rim tape has a hole and the spoke ends are bursting the tube.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Yeah, I got another puncture on the way home and this time found a hole in the sidewall of the tyre. Pushed my bike to friggin 'Go Outdoors' and spent £15 on a new hoop, fitting it in their car park. Sorted (eventually)

[richardthestag]

That sounds shit. I nearly had that buying the laguna fro Tim, my dad came 100 miles to pick me up, then drove me 140 miles to Boston, pulled up outside a Santander double cash point, where I put my card in, tapped buttons and got an 'error processing your request' and my card back... Shat myself inside a bit, and shakily tried the other cash point which thank fuck worked! I had the money in the account, but had never used the (new) card before, so if it didn't work I couldn't do much, my dad wouldn't have had the money and would have had a 200 mile round trip to take me home

 

Don't like Santander anymore

 

Santander swallows Abbey National so therefore I have never liked them.

 

Abbey National were happy to loan me money to buy a house just prior to the crash in 1990, the value of the property halved leaving me with 40k in negative equity. even though I never ever missed a single mortgage payment Abbey went all mediaeval on me when I was forced to relocate to get a job to pay that bloody mortgage and subsequently let the house out.

 

They evicted my tenant and sent me all manner of threatening letters, reported me to Tax man and Mira both of whom were very understanding, did take 2 years of pain to shake the tax man. Apparently original bank statements and tenant agreements showing a £150 loss each month was not enough for the tax man to agree that this was not a taxable concern against me.

 

With no options to offset my losses against the house now and it still having negative equity against it I was forced to sell. In the end I lost 8k against the mortgage. That house is now worth 350k

 

Abbey National and all who were responsible for the above can be showered with rancid shunk shit forever more.

 

I hope their lives were made utterly miserable by Santander take over

 

cunts

[AlabamaShrimp]

I work with a lot of old people. They all got hired because they are supposed to actually give a shit about the job they do but they've been debating pointless postcodes for the last 30 minutes on some forms that in the grand scheme of what we're doing meant fuck all.

 

Just get on with it!!

[Crispian_J_Hotson]

it is the only way to drive on the M25, lane 1 is very nearly always empty, the whole thing is trundling along at 55mph so no laws being broken overtaking at 58 on the left.

 

even if the lane exits, many of them rejoin, great way of making progress when lanes 2-5 are solid

 

I blame the A406 for this mentality of not using lane 1. Because the 406 lane 1 is nearly always a bleeding long filter for the next exit so no one bothers with it. It's like a virus that has spread. Then they venture onto the M25. Those 'smart motorway' things are stupid too, the last time I done 40 on the M25 for absolutely no good reason whilst everyone carried on at 70/ 80 was one of the scariest things I've done. Obey the rules and die.

[tooSavvy]

Mortgages... Hmmm.

 

I went to my BSoc, where I had deposited solid for 4yr, and asked for £16k to buy a house (1978) but was told no "we must consider our LONGER TERM investors"

 

As an employed person I argued I might go to a car dealer and take out that on a car ??

 

No movement

 

 

Crosses over the high st and walks into Abbey... "Certainly Sir, when will it be needed.. etc"

 

 

Back over the road = bankers draft for my £wedge "Good bye & thanks for F All" N Rock.

 

 

TS

[eddyramrod]

Fucking staff, or rather now ex staff, employed a couple of lads last year to work at our place, both did a good job, no issues, they then decided to leave and setup themselves between Christmas and new year, with no notice, leaving me completely in the shit and having to look after the site on my own, I've had one day off since the 27th Dec, to make it worse a top bloke who used to work for me asked to come back, I nearly bit his hand off! got the rota sorted and this meant I could have this weekend off, he has now texted saying that he has been made an offer he can't refuse by his current employer, so I'm fucked again.

 

Anyone want a job? hotel maintenance, in Bowness on Windermere £9/hr, cheap accommodation available (£120/month inc 3 meals a day), start yesterday, only one condition, you have to be able to fix things, pm me, seriously

Garbaldy, have you seen this?

[Pillock]

That's an ideal job, right there. I love fixing stuff, I love meals, and I love that area of the world.

[beko1987]

I've been pondering this all week! I'd have to get rid of all my hoovers though... And quit my job obv

[Jazoli]

All I can say is that if anyone is interested to call me on zero 7 eight seven four three 26 four nine four asap (but not tonight as I'm knackered), I'm 100% serious, if you can do the job properly whilst not pissing me off you have until 5pm Friday to get in touch then a decision is being made

 

Staff accommodation is basic but clean, I may be able to hook you up with a house share with a mate.

 

Job brief below, but basically being able to turn up, take ownership, fix stuff and not kill anyone in the process is the long and short of it.

 

Full time Maintenance Person required for 4 star hotel in Bowness

Must be able to demonstrate good general maintenance skills including basic plumbing and electrics, have good fault finding and problem solving skills and ideally be able to tile/plaster/wallpaper

Good Salary, 40 Hours, Tues-Sat, Days, overtime available

This is a great opportunity for long term employment with one of the most prestigious hotels in the area, the job can be demanding at times so the ability to think quickly and solve problems is a must, you must be a team player with the ability to work well with others, you will at times be solely responsible for any issues that may arise at the hotel so the ability to prioritise work and manage the workload is essential.

[dave21478]

Politicians can all get fucked.

 

The local community mayor was out in the street this morning listening to my mental neighbours greetin on about drainage so I nipped out and collared the cunt about the state of internet here. There is about 15 people who live in this wee hamlet and at any one time probably half have either no internet or a connection so slow it unusable. The piss-lickers at Orange keep doing spot repairs and sure as shit they fix one problem and someone else looses their line....its a fucking farce.

I know mayors have high-level contacts with the various infrastructure suppliers that us mere plebs never get access to so asked if he could sort something out. The odd person reporting a fault to Oranges automated systems does nothing long term but if the fucking mayor speaks to someone fairly high up and reports the whole village as being fucked things could be done.

He did that thing that all politicians seem able to do.....he just....emitted words from his mouth for about 15 minutes straight, but never actually said anything....the long and the short of it is he will send them an email at the end of the week. Aye, fucking grand, send them a wee note on Friday afternoon, knowing fuck all will get done until Monday afternoon at the earliest....dont put yourself out for us or anything you greasy wanker.

 

So I went back into the house in a bit of a huff and must have been somewhat heavy handed with the door because the latch went BOING and a big spring and various bits of metal scattered across the hall floor and it now wouldnt close. FFFUUUU.....fuckin.... *sigh*....

I wellied a couple of wood screws through the frame into the door from inside to hold it closed for now and exited via the back door to go to work and afterwards went down to town to buy a new mechanism. Obviously I had forgotten to measure one crucial dimension leaving me with a choice of two different latches.....fuck it, buy both and return the unused one, right? got home and its fucking neither of them.

 

And the MGF is a dick at night....the dip beam is like a faint glow from a couple of dying old torches while oncoming cars with nuclear hellfire HID lights ignite my fucking retinas leaving me seeing literally nothing.

 

Cunt of a day.

[eddyramrod]

 

Job brief

 

 

As I suspected, that's well above my skillset.  Good luck though, I hope you find someone.  Would be great to see a Shiter jump in on it!

[MrDuke]

Mayonnaise on the dipstick today =>insert hilarious* one-liner here<=  which seems to have coincided with large oil deposits on the exhaust manifold. Deep joy.

[Jerzy Woking]

Yianni-Supercar Customer. Just had the misfortune to see this. It was boiling my piss. What a load of jumped up, "I'm in love with myself" arseholes. Especially the DJ (never heard of him, and what a great voice he has for DJ'ing. Twat). And the Russian owner of an i8 getting it wrapped in red from blue. I am sure 99.9% of people will think its a standard, out of the showroom car, because thats just what it looked like. And the woman with the Ferrari? Jeez. And Yianni himself comes across as a right knob.

 

And relax.

[Tadhg Tiogar]

Santander swallows Abbey National so therefore I have never liked them.

 

Abbey National were happy to loan me money to buy a house just prior to the crash in 1990, the value of the property halved leaving me with 40k in negative equity. even though I never ever missed a single mortgage payment Abbey went all mediaeval on me when I was forced to relocate to get a job to pay that bloody mortgage and subsequently let the house out.

 

They evicted my tenant and sent me all manner of threatening letters, reported me to Tax man and Mira both of whom were very understanding, did take 2 years of pain to shake the tax man. Apparently original bank statements and tenant agreements showing a £150 loss each month was not enough for the tax man to agree that this was not a taxable concern against me.

 

With no options to offset my losses against the house now and it still having negative equity against it I was forced to sell. In the end I lost 8k against the mortgage. That house is now worth 350k

 

Abbey National and all who were responsible for the above can be showered with rancid shunk shit forever more.

 

I hope their lives were made utterly miserable by Santander take over

 

cunts

Back in about 1990, I tried to use an Abbey National ATM and was quite surprised when it dispensed 50 quid before I'd had a chance to put my card in and tap the PIN number.....

[xtriple]

Just taken the mutts out for 'last walk before bed' and the bastards conspired together to make me fall over and hurt myself: Phoebe pooped and when I bent down to pick it up, Chester pulled like the fat little tank he is and that was that, flat on my back. Shoulder, back (of course) and the knuckles on my left hand (no idea) and my left elbow all bloodied.

 

Woe is me