The grumpy thread

[beko1987]

Got a wee bit of metal, a grinder and 10 minutes? make one of these....

 

 

which you can keep on your key ring and use it to release the trolley without needing a coin. The round head is the same diameter as a pound coin. Push it in the slot then shove handle to one side and it rotates out of the mechanism, leaving you with a free trolley.

 

A few times now, I have abandoned a trolley full of shopping half-way round a supermarket due to outrageous queues at the tills or my tolerance for other people dropping dangerously low.

Swmbo keeps finding those trolley coin things in car parks etc, her ashtrays full of them. She says it helps her abandon trolleys in places too...

[Pillock]

On the old trolleys with the big metal plate you put a quid into a recess, and then slide the lot in; you could break the top off a ringpull and it worked perfectly.

 

My local co-op used to swap trolleys at the checkout, you empty yours onto the conveyor and take the one that was left at the end, cycle continues.

 

Basically, you get a quid for going shopping.

[Timewaster]

A quid is not enough. Shopping sucks.

[Parky]

I got a phone call from the Inland Revenue tonight. An African sounding lady asking me if I would like to register my details on their online tax website. I lol'd as it was exactly the script used by Fonejacker.

 

However I was grumpy afterwards as some fucker has sold my number onto these bastards.

[HH-R]

I have to keep finding more and more obscure/unfashionable supermarkets because I just can't be bothered with people. Shopped at Aldi for nearly 20 years but can't stand the place now. There is a mini retail park round it now and you have to wait about 20 minutes to pull out then do a full bore standing start. I liked how it wasn't busy and there was an unofficial one way system that made sense. Now its full of people blocking a15 foot wide aisle whilst they talk shite. They often have food not in stock. If anyone says "oh Aldi, it's good isn't it?" I just think "it was".

 

Lidl is still seen as a bit of a loser shop so I go there but its getting more popular with their crappy Tv ads. Going there and a cheapy local freezer shop. Went to Asda for cat food today (he will only eat Butchers food) and it was hell.

[Inspector Morose]

Farmfoods or Heron FTW! The shiter side of grocery shopping.

[HH-R]

Aye I go to Heron! I thought it might have been a northern thing.

[richardmorris]

Thought there was something horribly wrong with the zx on the way home today, was all over the place, pulling to the right more and the back end was more jittery than usual.

Turns out is just fucking windy. I get home and there's a bag caught in the tree opposite our house, flapping annoyingly in the wind...

 

You should have tried cycling today - windy doesn't describe it!

[Pillock]

I was in a Waitrose today. It's a different world. Still irritating with people leaving trolleys all over the way, so they still had to play "guess where my trolley went" after I'd barged through. But this time it was people looking for pomegranate syrup and a specific sort of focaccia with certain olives in. I only went in to pick up a John Lewis order thinking it was quicker than home delivery (wrong)

 

Till lass was nice for someone who works in retail during Christmas week. Chatty and everything.

[UmBongo]

I was in a Waitrose today. It's a different world. Still irritating with people leaving trolleys all over the way, so they still had to play "guess where my trolley went" after I'd barged through. But this time it was people looking for pomegranate syrup and a specific sort of focaccia with certain olives in. I only went in to pick up a John Lewis order thinking it was quicker than home delivery (wrong)

 

Till lass was nice for someone who works in retail during Christmas week. Chatty and everything.

 

All the knob jockeys buying Heston 'The Poisoner' Blumenthal's latest Christmas crap, no doubt.

[dugong]

I was in a Waitrose today. It's a different world. Still irritating with people leaving trolleys all over the way, so they still had to play "guess where my trolley went" after I'd barged through. But this time it was people looking for pomegranate syrup and a specific sort of focaccia with certain olives in. I only went in to pick up a John Lewis order thinking it was quicker than home delivery (wrong)

 

Till lass was nice for someone who works in retail during Christmas week. Chatty and everything.

 

The folk at Peebo Paperchase were deliriously chirpy as well. Weird. 

[chaseracer]

Any time I'm shopping this time of year, I just walk around with a big grin on my face.  Scares the shit out of everyone.

[dugong]

3/1 odds my otherwise sound house mate and his irritating 'Marxist' girlfriend (affiliation level: DDR T-shirt) will start shagging like foghorns later on. 

 

I've got a ton of work to finish and I can envisage rude words being spoken. 

[DS20]

If it gets too much, go out and buy a bust of Lenin, walk in on them shouting 'Comrade Vladimir Ilyich requires 152% increased output at work tomorrow so stop indulging in sex like the decadent bourgeoisie and GET THE FECK TO SLEEP'

[cobblers]

Fuckin ell there's nowt worse than broken sleep (obviously ignoring genuinely worse things like multiple sclerosis and going out to your car out on the road in the morning to find someone has lifted the wipers vertically and you have no idea who has done it or why) my heart goes out to you man.

 

Have you considered spoiling the mood by going in there all the time asking if that is her bike outside that has just blown over in the wind, feigning a dizzy spell and knocking a clothes airer into their door before repeatedly being sorry, or you just leaving a father ted DVD sat on the menu with the volume really loud so they are unable to really engage sexually etc etc? All these things put me off my game back when I had one.

[Parky]

3/1 odds my otherwise sound house mate and his irritating 'Marxist' girlfriend (affiliation level: DDR T-shirt) will start shagging like foghorns later on. 

 

I've got a ton of work to finish and I can envisage rude words being spoken.

 

DDR T shirt? Get yourself a Stasi Uniform and barge into their room in the middle of their shagging and start asking questions about their recent Trip to Leipzig (other German towns are available). Insist on checking their papers, even if its an old copy of the Mansfield Bugle or the condom instructions.

 

End the awkwardness by saying something in a comedy German accent, like "zat vill be all for now but do not leave ze town, vee may need to speak again soon.......qvite soon......"

 

That might spoil the moment for them? Or do the above without the uniform, the effect should be much the same

[Inspector Morose]

[outlaw118]

 

 

3/1 odds my otherwise sound house mate and his irritating 'Marxist' girlfriend (affiliation level: DDR T-shirt) will start shagging like foghorns later on. 

What I've always referred to as "Blind Man's Porn".

[dugong]

I have a special Melt Banana CD that may be deployed later on. Kills robust chubs like nowt else (it's atonal Japanese noise). 

[Parky]

Ronnie Hazlehurst theme tunes do that to me. You can't get horny when the Two Ronnies theme is playing....

[MrDuke]

I *heart* Melt Banana. And Guitar Wolf.

 

If that doesn't work, try smearing some ketchup over your trousers, waiting for the ideal 'climactic' moment, then bursting into your housemate's bedroom screaming that you've snapped a string on your banjo. She'll probably never come back.

[chaseracer]

[TimothyClaypole]

People being fobbed off all year at work over any extra money, not going to get sorted while next April or some shite now.

 

(I got a raise as I'm still on the 5 year plan - you get to work for 5 years on less money than everyone else with a yearly raise - great incentive not!)

 

Anyway, they did some employee of the year thing at the works do and gave the best part of 10K to 3 people.

 

Merry Christmas.   

[wuvvum]

My washing machine appears to have shat itself.

 

Excelsior.

[Alan_Green]

I have a special Melt Banana CD that may be deployed later on. Kills robust chubs like nowt else (it's atonal Japanese noise). 

...Blocks out unwanted noises....German....Marxist....Hmm:

 

[dugong]

All quiet so far. 

Stunned. 

[Cavcraft]

Stoke-on-Trent:

 

Is it actually possible to get round there before about 10.00pm without facing several thousand other people all jumping lanes, making their own rules up and being stuck in traffic for hours on end? Is it possible to find places round there easily? Like f*ck it is.

The odd time I went there with my last job I always got lost and ended up being stuck in nightmare traffic jams, I even went to the same place three times in ten days and still got lost and I was even prepared to resign when it was suggested Stoke was going to be my new patch.

 

Anyhow, left Chester at 6.15pm last night, arrived at my destination at Stoke at 8.25pm. No offence to Tim or anyone who lives there, but if I never visit the place again it'll be too soon.

[fordperv]

No offence taken, stoke is full of retards, within the space of 5 minutes from my house yesterday I nearly got crashed into twice by people who weren't watching where they were going, I'm glad my horn is loud

[chaseracer]

Not just me, then?  Last time I was referred a case in Stoke, I arranged to meet the member at Keele services...

[Pillock]

I only ever pass through Stoke to get to better places.