The grumpy thread

[Mr Lobster]

Fiat fucking Scudos.Dear Fiat, why have you designed a van that is so thoroughly uncomfortable to drive that after an hour and a half I am am in actual physical pain? Why did you not think that me loosing feeling in my legs and being in proper discomfort whilst piloting your shitbox down the M6 was not a bad idea?Still, I only wanted to try one for a week or two to see if it was worth buying one. Now I know that it isn't.

[andrew e]

Air coming in Fiat Scudo side doors. Hurumpth. Park in on Triggers neibours drive

[wuvvum]

Great start to the day, went to bed about the 12.30 am, got woken at 3.45 by a car horn going off, look at my curtains to see a orange glow coming through, looking out the window i see my neighbours P reg Punto engulfed in a ball of flames.After a flappy 999 call i run outside to get the neighbour up and try moving my cars of the drive, got the wifes puma moved, then couldn't start the 02 as i forgot the choke, forgetting that the punto could blow up any second, and a copper tellin to get round the back. Whoops.All clean up now, they also done a P reg Clio about 10 houses up at the same time.Now got no phone line or broadband as the burned the wires, neighbours fence and hedge is also gone as well.And now i've got a 12 hour day shift to do.

I hate it when that kind of thing happens - it completely buggers up your day. I had something similar happen where I used to live - some little scrotums (scrota?) stole a Fiesta and set fire to it on the car park at about 2am one night, burning out my Iveco Daily van which was parked next to it. Then the fugging fire brigade turned down the wrong road and had to do nearly a whole lap of the estate to get there - by that time the roof of the Iveco had completely melted, as had all the filler in the sills . Oddly enough it was the Fiesta's horn shorting out that alerted me to the goings on.Do you reckon you'll make it to Larling tonight then, or are you going to be too knackered?

[Pete-M]

AND don't get me started on the Xenon/ HID etc lights! jeezuz, frequently badly adjusted - enough glare to set fire to trees and "who's flashing at me"? - "ah, it's just a stupid Xenon lights car going over small bumps"god.Best car for lighting: Citroen DS - high up indicators on the roof and the most amazin headlights ever.Worst: everything new.

I love Xenon / HID lights.Oh, and the best lights ever are on the Bentley Turbo R. Those things are the nearest thing to a Pleblon Death Ray I can think of. I suspect they could actually vapourise a Hyundai at 400 yards.

[outlaw118]

Hey Mr Lobster, I feel your pain (almost literally).I've got a Shitron Dispatch, which I believe is the same thing. Possible the worst thing I've ever had the misfortune to drive. The sliding side doors don't seal properly, so if it rains in the wrong direction, they leak. The engine (1.9 diseasal no turbo) hasn't got enough ooomph to run the powah steering and the air-con at the same time, so if you're reversing into a space, you need to make an unwanted decision, it had a new clutch at 17000 miles, a new gearbox at 25000 (and another clutch), a new fuel pump and bits and bobs at 40000. I could go on, but I'm getting angry.

[Guest]

I witnessed a new-shape Vectra on fire once, it was quite strange to watch - it kept having electrical explosions, firing blue/yellow sparks out of the dashboard like fireworks. Horn didn't start going on it, though. Fire brigade turned up very quickly and got very close to the car, car was long past saving though.

[Mr Lobster]

Hey Mr Lobster, I feel your pain (almost literally).I've got a Shitron Dispatch, which I believe is the same thing.

Yeh it is. We were looking at buying one for the business as we find we need a van more and more and the Fiat/Pug/Cit van is a decent size without being too big. Anyhow, at least I found out how much I dislike it now. Gonna have to see about finding a decent VW Caddy instead...

[trigger]

I Hope to go tonight but it depends on how i feel later, struggling already! I've got a load of car mags i was planning on running down for DW.

[dollywobbler]

Trigger - I'm getting swamped, so not sure I'll make it myself, so I wouldn't go on my account!

[Pete-M]

Hey Mr Lobster, I feel your pain (almost literally).

I've got a Shitron Dispatch, which I believe is the same thing.

 

Yeh it is. We were looking at buying one for the business as we find we need a van more and more and the Fiat/Pug/Cit van is a decent size without being too big. Anyhow, at least I found out how much I dislike it now. Gonna have to see about finding a decent VW Caddy instead...

I had to do the clutch on one of those recently. Release arm sits in a 50p bush at either end, one of the bushes seized and bent the release arm sending the thrust bearing into the middle of the clutch and the release fork through all the clutch fingers. What a fucking disaster of a job. I toddled off to my local Frogmotor specialist who had four of the fucking things in with the exact same problem. Bits alone came to nearly £300.

[mnde]

To the owner of the big old Jeep Cherokee who keeps parking next to me in the work carpark: stop parking so close to my chuffing car, sod off and park somewhere else! To the owner of the BMW E64 who pushed infront of me on a busy roundabout with a mobile phone wedged against his ear, then proceeded to drive while on the phone and doing up his tie with his "free" hand at the same time: WTF were you thinking?? I swear, the next time I see someone on their phone while driving.... I wag my finger at them, but so far not one of them seems to have seen the admonishment.Mark.

[mouseflakes]

I swear, the next time I see someone on their phone while driving.... I wag my finger at them, but so far not one of them seems to have seen the admonishment.

 

Mark.

 

I can't believe people are still doing this - but I must see at least half a dozen each day, and I'm not on the road for that long.

 

I don't even feel a hands free is 'safe'. I'm quite certain that a part of the brain is engaged during a 'phone call that isn't used (at least not in the same way) during a conversation with someone who is present. My guess is that it's to do with that fact that the other party isn't there and the brain is having to 'imagine' them and predict their responses. I reckon this same part of the brain is important in tasks that require spatial awareness and 'imagination' (e.g. driving - judging distance, speed, predicting a vehicle's future position on the road - all requires imagination).

 

Just try it yourself - walk along in conversation with someone beside you and compare your recollection of events and objects around you when you do the same thing but on a mobile 'phone. I'm sure (for me at least ) that your awareness of the world around you is quite different in these situations - regardless of whether your 'phone is 'handsfree' or not.

 

In an ordinary conversation both parties allow for breaks in the flow if one party is engaged in some other activity - on a 'phone call I reckon a large amount of mental processing goes into avoiding 'gaps' that could be misinterpreted. I think the whole thing needs a heap of research.

 

I think the 'phone in the hand thing isn't the half of it - it's more to do with how the brain is engaged while on a 'phone call. It's quite obvious really - if you're in the presence of someone on a call to someone else, that person engages (or more correctly, doesn't engage) with you and the world around them in a completely different way to how they would if all three parties were present.

 

Driving + 'phone conversations = danger in my book.

 

I'm probably wrong though.

[Guest]

On the subject of phones, I hate them. Not just mobile phones, but landlines too. I truly detest the things - what an awful and archaic invention.The thing that pisses me off most is the fact that they interrupt everything - it's not like an Email, text or even a letter, where you can have a quick glance at it and decide how important it is and how soon to respond. You either answer it or you don't - could be something important, could be something trivial. Call screening assists with this slightly as you can just ignore some people completely, but it's still just a crutch for an essentially crap invention.Also I hate the fact that even really stupid people can use phones, so they ring you up and you have to hear their thick-sounding voices. At least if some mouthbreather Emails you, you can just smirk at the contents and then delete it. Or store it forever and marvel at it.Then there's all the people who just use other technology to refer you back to phoning them - the amount of businesses I've contacted to get back a response will be along the lines of "give me a ring on XXX", I don't want to ring you, that's the whole point!All the technology is there, we could just get rid of phones forever, what a great world that would be. You wouldn't need to put up with your granny ringing you up to remind you of a birthday coming up, she could just struggle to send an Email and ultimately give up, leaving you free to enjoy the day. ABOLISH PHONES NOW!

[chester drawers]

Indicators on new cars... whoever decided that the best place for a front indicator is within the headlight, next to a 3 million candlepower 'xeon' (or whatever...) bulb, and the rear is best served by a ring of friggin' LEDs in the middle of the brake light needs a swift vist from Mr. Spear and Mr Jackson...

Right on.

AND don't get me started on the Xenon/ HID etc lights! jeezuz, frequently badly adjusted - enough glare to set fire to trees and "who's flashing at me"? - "ah, it's just a stupid Xenon lights car going over small bumps"god.

Me too. But I especially hate retro-fitted HIDs. The end results are invariably appalling and chance what the yoof says at vulgar alloys r us they're not legal unless the whole assembly (ie. lamp, lens and reflector) is replaced. And here's why

[retrogeezer]

Fuggin weather forecasts/met office.Why do they bother??? Why do we bother paying for it??? They have a multi million pound place in Exeter and for what??On Saturday it said Sunday would be nice and Mon/Tue/Wed would be 60 or 70 % rain.Sunday - weather o.k but nothing to write home about.Monday no rain at all - really nice day and could have had BBQ if that way inclined.Tuesday - bit of light drizzle until 2ish, then it brightened up and was a lovely evening.Today (weds) its fricking stifling hot and lovely blue sky.There is absolutely no point in the forecast so why do we bother with it? You can't plan to do stuff as it will be wrong. If you think it will be nice and plan to go out it will rain. If they say it will rain you leave your burgers & sausages in the freezer and then it's bloody baking...Wankers.

[pompei]

Yeah, phones, well said! Like everyone else we get loads of calls from people trying to sell stuff, usually when I'm sorting out the dinner or something. I always ignore it if its not convenient to answer - they can leave a message or call back. Mrs P on the other hand will answer any phone no matter what's going on. Middle of a meal, tv programme (though we hardle watch any - that's another story) and it drives me MAD. You wouldn't let someone barge into your life in any other circumstance, so why the phone? I once went out with a woman and on the first date we sat down and she put her mobile on the table. Course she got texts etc and read them. How fucking rude. Gets into crusty old wing commander mode

[Mr H Sceptre]

I swear, the next time I see someone on their phone while driving.... I wag my finger at them, but so far not one of them seems to have seen the admonishment.

 

Mark.

 

I can't believe people are still doing this - but I must see at least half a dozen each day, and I'm not on the road for that long.

 

I don't even feel a hands free is 'safe'. I'm quite certain that a part of the brain is engaged during a 'phone call that isn't used (at least not in the same way) during a conversation with someone who is present. My guess is that it's to do with that fact that the other party isn't there and the brain is having to 'imagine' them and predict their responses. I reckon this same part of the brain is important in tasks that require spatial awareness and 'imagination' (e.g. driving - judging distance, speed, predicting a vehicle's future position on the road - all requires imagination).

 

Just try it yourself - walk along in conversation with someone beside you and compare your recollection of events and objects around you when you do the same thing but on a mobile 'phone. I'm sure (for me at least ) that your awareness of the world around you is quite different in these situations - regardless of whether your 'phone is 'handsfree' or not.

 

In an ordinary conversation both parties allow for breaks in the flow if one party is engaged in some other activity - on a 'phone call I reckon a large amount of mental processing goes into avoiding 'gaps' that could be misinterpreted. I think the whole thing needs a heap of research.

 

I think the 'phone in the hand thing isn't the half of it - it's more to do with how the brain is engaged while on a 'phone call. It's quite obvious really - if you're in the presence of someone on a call to someone else, that person engages (or more correctly, doesn't engage) with you and the world around them in a completely different way to how they would if all three parties were present.

 

Driving + 'phone conversations = danger in my book.

 

I'm probably wrong though.

And why do at least 80% of women think its ok to text when driving. I've seen so many do it, & have also been a passenger when the driver is doing it. It scares thhe shit out of me.

[dollywobbler]

And why do at least 80% of women think its ok to text when driving. I've seen so many do it, & have also been a passenger when the driver is doing it. It scares thhe shit out of me.

Stop it, you're raising my blood-pressure! It drives me insane. Saw a bloke in a new Alfa doing this the other day, or perhaps he was staring at his cock, wondering why it was so tiny.

[AnthonyG]

Hirst, best thing with phones is just don't answer them, it only encourages the callers if you do that.Leaving a mobile phone off for a week tends to give all your (ex) friends the desired message!

[Pete-M]

I have to use my phone as about 80% of my business is over the phone. I've got a truly crap handsfree thing that clips to the sunvisor which does just enough to let me answer the thing and tell people I'll ring 'em back. Conversation is near impossible with it unless the car is properly silent. Most people say "Oh, this line is terrible, I'll ring back in a bit" which suits me fine.As for texting, pah. Easy (Only where permitted, obviously)On the subject of phones. The iphone. What a crock of shit. Good for toys etc, but have you ever tried to send a text with one? Total fucking disaster. To me, a phone should be easy to use and intuitive enough to not need looking at while operating the bloody thing. The iphone appears to be designed to cause accidents. Shite.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

My dislike of the phone stems from a ring amplifier my grandparents had - a great big bell wired into the wall. You couldn't switch it off. Every time someone called, the bell would go off and send shockwaves through the house. Ornaments moved about on shelves. Plaster fell from the ceiling. Doors would be torn off their hinges. It was probably responsible for all the earthquakes in Asia during the 1980s and 90s. Nowadays most of my calls go like this:"Hi, this is Insurance Company. You recently got a quote online and...""Hang on, is this the quote for the Austin 1800 or the Ford Granada?""The quote I have here is for a Maserati Quattroporte.""I own none of those cars and use your website as a toy. Goodbye."

[Guest]

I have to use my phone as about 80% of my business is over the phone. I've got a truly crap handsfree thing that clips to the sunvisor which does just enough to let me answer the thing and tell people I'll ring 'em back. Conversation is near impossible with it unless the car is properly silent. Most people say "Oh, this line is terrible, I'll ring back in a bit" which suits me fine.As for texting, pah. Easy (Only where permitted, obviously)On the subject of phones. The iphone. What a crock of shit. Good for toys etc, but have you ever tried to send a text with one? Total fucking disaster. To me, a phone should be easy to use and intuitive enough to not need looking at while operating the bloody thing. The iphone appears to be designed to cause accidents. Shite.

Calls, Pete?Yeah, I've got a great app for that!

[Richard]

Phones can fuck off.

[Timewaster]

I was driving into a village which had those painted or coloured tarmac strips across the road to let you know you’re coming to a 30mph zone. Well for a start I don’t need the strips cos I can see the bloody great 30 sign on its fluorescent background. What annoyed me most though were the signs telling me there were rumble strips on the road. How dozy do you have to be to need all this information?

Horningsea village near Cambridge had all of its pointless street furniture removed in a bold experiment. No signs, no lines on the road, nothing.I believe the idea was to make drivers concentrate and it works! The village looks much nicer tooAlthough on a couple of bends, they have since reinstated the white lines. Booo!A non rant - this is the first time I've been able to log in to AS for months. Everything else worked, but it must have been my newly defragged pc!

[Gompo]

On the subject of phones, I hate them. Not just mobile phones, but landlines too. I truly detest the things - what an awful and archaic invention.The thing that pisses me off most is the fact that they interrupt everything - it's not like an Email, text or even a letter, where you can have a quick glance at it and decide how important it is and how soon to respond. You either answer it or you don't - could be something important, could be something trivial. Call screening assists with this slightly as you can just ignore some people completely, but it's still just a crutch for an essentially crap invention.Also I hate the fact that even really stupid people can use phones, so they ring you up and you have to hear their thick-sounding voices. At least if some mouthbreather Emails you, you can just smirk at the contents and then delete it. Or store it forever and marvel at it.Then there's all the people who just use other technology to refer you back to phoning them - the amount of businesses I've contacted to get back a response will be along the lines of "give me a ring on XXX", I don't want to ring you, that's the whole point!All the technology is there, we could just get rid of phones forever, what a great world that would be. You wouldn't need to put up with your granny ringing you up to remind you of a birthday coming up, she could just struggle to send an Email and ultimately give up, leaving you free to enjoy the day. ABOLISH PHONES NOW!

Stellar post Mr Hirst.Also agree on the indicator posts - I particularly hate the circular lights where the indicator is inside the brake light and over/circling the reverselight.

[Albert Ross]

The lighting issue is predominant on VW models.....How do they get type approval? Do they have their tongues up the Regulating Authorities buttcracks?

[Volksy]

Although you find the higher spec VW/Audi/Bentley/RangeRover driver generally doesn't know what the indicators are for. I hate mobile phones too, although my company pays for all my personal calls, sadly the ruse behind this is that I get called out of hours and on days off by my clients, hence why the company promotes this idea..

[Pillock]

On the subject of phones, I hate them. Not just mobile phones, but landlines too. I truly detest the things - what an awful and archaic invention.The thing that pisses me off most is the fact that they interrupt everything - it's not like an Email, text or even a letter, where you can have a quick glance at it and decide how important it is and how soon to respond. You either answer it or you don't - could be something important, could be something trivial. Call screening assists with this slightly as you can just ignore some people completely, but it's still just a crutch for an essentially crap invention.

My mobile lives on silent. If I feel it buzz in my pocket, I look at the screen but I'm quite happy to return it to my pocket, still buzzing, and call back at my leisure.It also has a neat feature where I can hit a button while it's ringing, and it texts the person back saying "Hi, I know you called, i'll ring you back when I'm not busy" so they don't keep phoning and phoning.

[andrew e]

To the man doing 22mph in a 40mph in his Audi A3 this morning.EAT YOUR FFFFING CORNFLAKES AT HOME!!!!! He had a bowl, spoon the works

[Guest]

Well, they are ludicrously tasty.

 

 

etc.