The grumpy thread

[revolting peasant]

[outlaw118]

Just sent a message to last Transit knobwiper. (rastojo or whatever the fuckers name is), asking if it's ok for me to promise to pay cash for his number plate lights, and collect at a prearranged time, and then not show up.

I expect he'll reply in the negative, but hey, we can but hope.

[Alexg]

That BMW 6 series advert with those two smug herberts poncing around the water sprinkler in a coupe and a cabrio. 'Joy is' limping home an Austin Ambassador on 3 cylinders you fuckwads

[TimothyClaypole]

Channel 5 - 7 minutes of an actual program between adverts...

[Mr Lobster]

A well worn grump but we'll have it again anyway.

 

The standard of driving on the fuggin roads.

 

Specifically, the M5 this afternoon.

 

Exhibit A. Numerous cocksponges sailing along in the middle lane oblivious to the empty lane on their left.

 

Exhibit B. Fancy haired sausage gobblers in Audi A3 intimidating everyone out of the way, sitting right behind a Q7 and having to jump on the breaks every twenty seconds.

 

Exhibit C. Flangebreath in the new Fiesta not worrying that the road was actually quite busy and using all three lanes to undertake an assortment of cars before swooping back to the outside lane and starting the proceedure all over again.

 

Death to them all.

[Guest]

R.I.P Sir Henry Cooper

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Cooper

[warren t claim]

R.I.P Sir Henry Cooper

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Cooper

 

Henry Cooper sold 300 Metros a month! PHAKT!

 

RIP Henry. I'm sure you're "splashing it all over" in heaven now with Barry Sheene.

[Station]

My missus wants me to pick her and her mate up in 1/2 an hour. In a two seater car. I have to pick them both up, they've been drinking all day, and somehow squash her knobhead mate in a small car which was only ever devised to transports two people about in (both sober). I promised myself I'd never have to do this type of thing ever and it's happening. I'm going to get pulled and it'll be my fault, fuck that, they're going to have to get a taxi home. I'm 35 years old this year and I don't find this type of thing at 12.30 in the morning crazy anymore.

Pissed women = 100% pains in the arse all of the fucking time. Fuck off.

[eddyramrod]

Station: +1, deffo, you have my symps.

 

Mr Lobster, you want to try driving here... Not to imply that any of your crits are invalid; I'm sure they're perfectly sound, I've seen the same sort of thing often enough. But Cyprus, man... it's a whole other dimension!

[warren t claim]

Fold down the hood and let her mate sit on the boot with her legs behind the seats. Problem solved. It's what we used to do with a mates Spitfire back in 1989.

[revolting peasant]

[Rod/b]

Can you take it up the scrappers, having sprayed RATROJOS IS A BELLEND down the sides, and get the grabber operator to pick it up and swing it around so bits fall off, before dumping it in the fragger and being turned into tiny, tiny metal chips?

 

Video this, upload to youtube, email to timewaster.

[revolting peasant]

[outlaw118]

In reply to my enquiry with Transit Cuntrag:

yes no problem who the fuc are you

received at 9.40am this morning.

When did his "apology" message turn up?

[Cavcraft]

My missus wants me to pick her and her mate up in 1/2 an hour. In a two seater car. I have to pick them both up, they've been drinking all day, and somehow squash her knobhead mate in a small car which was only ever devised to transports two people about in (both sober). I promised myself I'd never have to do this type of thing ever and it's happening. I'm going to get pulled and it'll be my fault, fuck that, they're going to have to get a taxi home. I'm 35 years old this year and I don't find this type of thing at 12.30 in the morning crazy anymore.

Pissed women = 100% pains in the arse all of the fucking time. Fuck off.

 

 

Pissed women are only funny when they're not your own.

 

I don't mind too much picking my bird up when she's hammered as some of her mates are WELL FIT.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

My only significant memory of moving pissed women around was when the former Ms_Bol put her head out the window and covered the passenger side of my VP Ambassador with CHUCK, F**KING CHEERS LOVE

[Station]

Result: Vomit down the side of the car below window. I'm not cleaning it off, and will happily drive around with it on display. I bet the Audi Q8 tank driving behind us was in fits watching that.

 

Also, this website makes me laugh, with their mostly ill-informed, Sun reading opinions. Read the Osama Bin Laden and Jon Veneables threads for added Daily Mail witchhunt value.

[Justin Case]

R.I.P Sir Henry Cooper

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Cooper

 

Sad news, a great sportsman and a true gentleman

[Guest]

Did the clunge with the Citroen GS Break shell \ complete car \ bushbaby aircraft headcase sell it? Anyone watch the auction?

 

£5 says he didn't manage it.

[CIH]

Wire brushing off old underseal. Also rust hiding beneath underseal meh.

 

No rot though. A quick tickle with Mr Noisey & Sparky and the rust nver existed yay.

[myglaren]

R.I.P Sir Henry Cooper

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Henry_Cooper

 

Sad news, a great sportsman and a true gentleman

 

I met him a few years back and apart from being a gentleman was very amusing and entertaining.

One of the few.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

Did the clunge with the Citroen GS Break shell \ complete car \ bushbaby aircraft headcase sell it? Anyone watch the auction?

 

£5 says he didn't manage it.

 

Closed with no bids, he's free to start tack welding some wings and a tail fin onto it.

[Richard]

Result: Vomit down the side of the car below window. I'm not cleaning it off, and will happily drive around with it on display.

 

Don't do that, vomit can be quite corrosive- especially alcohol-fuelled vomit.

[M'coli]

Audi drivers, specifically the guy in the grey A6 3.0 TDi on the A1M near Doncaster on Friday at about 11.30am. There we are, merrily tramping on at 65-70 in the campervan, check mirrors, pull out to overtake said A6 and artic in front of it when the A6 pulls out (no signal) and lazily makes its way past the artic. We have to slow down for this, and it seems that the A6 slows down as it passes the artic too, causing us to slow even more. Finally we get clear of the artic, and A6 doesn't return to the inside lane - we're both doing 62-ish at this point. So in accordance with Roadcraft, I remind the A6 of my presence by giving a flash of main beam. Now, the A6 decides to do that random weaving "what lane am I going to be in" sort of stuff, messing around, being a prat. Finally he moves over to the inside and I can speed up to 70MPH again - only Mr A6, who's middle aged, decides to mark me at 70 all the way along. I slow down, he does too. I speed up, so does he. The Shogun behind has a grand view of my back end, but I can't get back into the inside lane. This goes on for at least 2 miles.

Up ahead, there's a minty green Rover 25 tailling a lorry doing 60. I get the feeling the A6 driver is going to speed up and cut across me to overtake both and pis me off in doing so; not only am I proved correct, but if he'd waited another half second to try doing it, then there would have been a collision betwenn the A6 & the Rover, or us, or both of us - it really was intended to be very intimidatory ("Haha! Look at how much more power and agility I've got - and you think you can pass me?" Yeah, you're the big man, I'm just driving 3 tonnes of top-heavy motorhome that could quite easily ruin your paintwork in quite an extreme fashion).

 

Then he slows down, so I am forced to try to pass him again - all I want to do is to get to my destination, but no, he's intent on playing games. The overtaking scenario with him in the left lane and me in the right lane and a lorry to be overtaken is going to be re-enacted - until he looks over at the Ducato and realises my wife has the camera trained on him - cue braking from him, and us being stalked for the next 20 miles or so.

 

What a twisted, deranged control freak - A8 VTD, I hope your female pasenger wasn't impressed.

[CreepingJesus]

^I had that shit twice in the past two days. Last night, with an Astra van, which was doing about 55 to my 60-odd on the run down to J3 on the M8, at the back of Livingston. Pulled out to overtake, got dude's eye contact, van speeds up. Pull in behind, van slows down. Now I'm not racing; the wheelbearing's too knackered to be pushing her much harder, so I put up with it. Until he drags me down to 40-odd just before my turnoff, where I'm not going to be stupid enough to floor it, over take, and scoot across two lanes to get onto the slip road.

Ditto that on the A720 this afternoon, with a 59-plate Civic. She's too slow up the sliproad, so I ease off to let her in. Pull out, eye contact, Civic speeds up, pull in, Civic slows down. Same old story.

I swear it's folk who won't have their obviously superior new motor overtaken by an old car OMGZCALLTHECOPS. For this reason alone, I'm having fantasies about an FD Victor with a 350 Chev in it. OK, not solely that...

[Rhythm Thief]

I get them trying that down the inside of my artic occasionally. It's amazing how quickly they can get out of the way when your indicator comes on and you start moving over regardless of their presence on the inside of the trailer. Yeah, try and intimidate me, I'm 60 foot long, my arse is 12 feet off the ground and I could drive straight over your pathetic metal box turning everything within into mince without even noticing it.

[Barry Cade]

I get them trying that down the inside of my artic occasionally. It's amazing how quickly they can get out of the way when your indicator comes on and you start moving over regardless of their presence on the inside of the trailer. Yeah, try and intimidate me, I'm 60 foot long, my arse is 12 feet off the ground and I could drive straight over your pathetic metal box turning everything within into mince without even noticing it.

 

 

Watch out for MX-5's...

[Station]

In those circumstances I miss driving a frugal but ancient car that could out accelerate any TDi. People seem to forget they're only protected by 1mm of steel, not an impenetrable force field.

[Lankytim]

I get them trying that down the inside of my artic occasionally. It's amazing how quickly they can get out of the way when your indicator comes on and you start moving over regardless of their presence on the inside of the trailer. Yeah, try and intimidate me, I'm 60 foot long, my arse is 12 feet off the ground and I could drive straight over your pathetic metal box turning everything within into mince without even noticing it.

 

I used to have fun doing that, reasoning that they can definately see me indicating and moving over, but I may not have seen them, plus undertaking is a dying trade.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

What could you carry in the car to lob at these nobjockeys, i launched a baguette at some french lad who was driving like a cock once, but it just bounced off, really you need something like a sachet of Homepride cook-in sauce or summert.