Autoshite credentials questions - a bit of fun...

[New POD]

Have you ever passed an MOT and had the mot tester say "I don't know why you bothered".

Have you ever spun a fiat 126 in the snow? 

Have you ever snapped an engine mount in a metro (turbo) on landing after taking off on a hump back bridge.

Have you ever set fire to a mini whilst welding it. 

Have you ever bought a set of alloys because it was the cheapest way to obtain new tyres for your car?

Have you ever spent more on fixing a car than its worth when it's fixed ? By a factor of 5 ? 

Have you ever bought a car off Billy?  

[DSdriver]

4 hours ago, N19 said:

Has a nosey neighbour started a conversation about how many cars you have parked in the area... Before realising how useful it is to have someone around who is sufficiently fluent in cars to be able to help when they run into trouble and point them to a decent garage? 

Bought extra socket sets so you have enough for one per vehicle? 

Confused the admin lady at work as to why you need 3 cars on the ANPR system. 

Had to explain a suffix registration to an incredulous Saturday girl in a shop etc who doesn't understand? (I've even had this with pre 2001 prefix plates now) 

I had the car park ticket machine at Bedgebury Pinetum indicate that my reg number was "not an option". Rather difficult as you needed the ticket to get out of the car park.

[privatewire]

Have you ever crashed into a static caravan with your dad’s 4 year old Nissan Cherry?

Have you and your mate ever made yourselves sick when trying to siphon petrol out of his fucked UNO to put into your less fucked Montego?

Have you and your dad ever changed the engine in his fucked Hillman Imp in the street, and then blow the cylinder head on said engine on the test drive?

[NorfolkNWeigh]

Have you ever weighed some batteries in and the yard man has to shout to the crane operator not to grab your car whilst it’s on the bridge?
Have you ever been blamed for other old shit parked in the area, when it’s nothing to do with you?
Have you ever had to take the new* battery tray out of your car , because your Mrs needs it back for roast potatoes?
Is there a special knack to getting in/ starting/ stopping/ locking/ keeping running, any or all of your cars?
Is your AA/ RAC the one thing you make sure is up to date, above everything else?
 

 

[Matty]

Do you spend a lot of time on ebay "cos its a hobby like"

Do people say to you "you like mending cars though don't you"

 

(No its a bus mans holiday)

[fred]

Have you been banned from parking on relatives driveways , as you tend to deposit black oil patches all over it ?

 

[fred]

Does the local Tat man continually knock on your door asking if you want your scrap shifting ?

 

[big_al_granvia]

does a certain eatery in central scotland only tolerate you an your mates cars depositing their calling cards on their monobloc carpark because the owners spend 200 quid between them on food once a month... (pre covid)

[taranaki]

Have you ever taken your car in to have the suspension pumped up after attempting to emulate the Dukes Of Hazzard?

Do you own more than one car with no airbags?

Have you ever drilled through the dashboard to extinguish an airbag warning light for MOT purposes?

 

[taranaki]

Has the top shelf of your dexion toolrack been repurposed as part of a floorpan?

Do you carry a hockey stick for the sole purpose of restarting a stuck fuel pump?

[tul66]

7 hours ago, loserone said:

My record is 11.  

You beat me to it!

[Macscrooge]

Have you ever had to run after your Austin Maxi (or other shite car) because you’d forgotten to park it in gear and the handbrake is non-existent?

[tul66]

1 hour ago, taranaki said:

Has the top shelf of your dexion toolrack been repurposed as part of a floorpan?

 

No but the front LH & RH bottom corners of an old Haemmerlin wheelbarrow is a perfect fit for the rotted out front footwell corners of an Alfa Romeo series 4 Spider. This one infact!

[Macscrooge]

Have you ever taken a car for an MOT and heard the tester exclaim on viewing the underside of said car “fuck me, it’s rotten under here!”  

[bunglebus]

3 hours ago, NorfolkNWeigh said:

Is there a special knack to getting in/ starting/ stopping/ locking/ keeping running, any or all of your cars?

Oh God that one. Dreading the MoT not because it might fail but because the tester won't know the special way of starting it, engaging the correct gear and switching the fan on manually if it gets hot

[barefoot]

5 hours ago, Mally said:

Have you ever drove a VW  camper with the engine cover off, using a piece of string over your shoulder attached to the carb, and pulled by hand, when your accelerator cable broke.

No, I just wedged the carb slightly open with a box of matches and drove it home like that.

[busmansholiday]

Have you ever had the tester find so many immediate fails he's had to get another piece of A4 paper to write them all on.

[Soundwave]

Have you ever had to say to a passenger "don't worry about the smell/noise/vibration (delete as applicable), it does it all the time!" ?

Have you ever jump started an aircooled VW Beetle, and been in such a hurry to get going you didn't take the jumper pack off the battery before you set off, causing it to melt the jump leads and set fire to the rear footwell carpet? 

[Soundwave]

How many times a week do you question your life choices? Answers can be rounded to the nearest 10.

[busmansholiday]

Have you noticed how nobody parks next to you in Tesco/ Asda/ Morrison/ etc.

[Three Speed]

Have you ever had to stuff newspapers into the gap between the door and the A-post to stop your passenger complaining of getting wet?

And had to apologise and remind her to release the bungee cord holding the door shut before opening it?

Having previously had to go back when a passenger leant on the door and fell out?

And been asked by the customs man to remove the pierced baked bean can that was impersonating the air filter so he could look for drugs?

Or had to rejoin the RAC under a slightly  different name having exceeded the number of tow homes allowed?

Or repaired a seized engine by removing the thermostat and throwing it into the hedge, never to be replaced and then carrying on?

And thereafter been unable to stop the engine when filling up because it would seize and need to cool down for 30 mins before it would restart?

And then replaced the seized piston with the engine in situ, having "cleaned up" the bore with a flap wheel?

Have you had to carry a large screwdriver for hitting relays with when the car won't start?

You will of course have taken the drain plugs out of the footwells of a Triumph Herald.

But have you discovered that you can drive one for 4 miles with no oil pump?

And have you had a porch enclosed and built a utility room which, just by luck, results in the garage being 3 feet longer - just enough to accommodate  a Chrysler New Yorker?

[Dick Cheeseburger]

Have you ever been caught adding structural* bridgeagap to a hole in the floorpan of a Mk2 Astra diesel? My mate Nathan, who worked in a bodyshop for years still reminds me of that one twenty five years later. 

[crapcarcollector]

Have you ever actually “taxed worse?”

I have. Many times....


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[busmansholiday]

Have you ever been given notice to quit your rented house because the landlord didn't like the "scrap" car parked on the lawn (and it was taxed / tested / insured and being used as my daily - honest!);

or upset the neighbours at the same place by spraying your other car in the drive after work but forgetting to check the wind direction.........

[JimH]

Have you ever, with a completely straight face, sold the idea of a Dolomite Sprint to your valued life partner by claiming that it was a sensible family car?

Have you ever heard the end of it?

[dome]

10 hours ago, Supernaut said:

Have you ever won a car from a raffle you didn't even enter then driven it 40 miles home with a badly connected battery, no windscreen washers, a severe brake judder and the steering pulling to the left... in a Scottish winter?

Nope, but I did have to drive one home from Aberdeen, in the dark, with lights that only functioned after kicking the dash in the right place...

[dome]

9 hours ago, bunglebus said:

Have you ever driven a 2.0S Capri that wasn't yours home from the middle of nowhere, with no clutch, using the starter motor to get you going at traffic lights? 

Done that but it was a far superior Manta and it was mine...

[chodweaver]

Have you ever nearly asphyxiated yourself with the smoke from burnt oil, visibly blowing in through the demisting vents, while simultaneously nearly crashing thorough a lack of visibility because torrential rain in Leeds, in winter, in a luxurious* Renault that you have just purchased, and that will subsequently become a much passed around and roffled vehicle on a certain car forum, while your wife abandons you at a petrol station to drive home alone in her warm, dry, comfy, fully demisted modern that definitely does not have a leaking turbo return pipe like the one that you snapped off yourself while viewing the POS you've just bought?

No?

I have.

[holbeck]

Have you ever driven a (previously front ended, not by you) Mk1 Cavalier to  a music festival only to be interviewed by plod because the bonnet flew up as you passed their patrol car?

 

 

 

 

 

(Granted it is a bit niche, ........ and they did give me a bungie cord )

[Spottedlaurel]

Have you ever only filled your car up to half or three quarters of a tank because it leaks through a hole in the top if filled to the brim?

Or relied on always opening the car from the passenger side because the driver's side lock has failed? At least the Camry has central locking, it was a bit more awkward on a much older Datsun.