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outlaw118

What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

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I personally find this thread very disturbing..............I never realised how many people actually have fun or moments of enjoyment. :shock: BAH HUMBUG................... :D

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I find it deeply amusing when I get Emails off people at work who put all their qualifications after their name, usually results in me amending my signature to something along the lines of "The Rt Hon. D Hirst, BSc, SSc, BBC, ITV, CID, MI5" in subsequent replies.

Saying that, I remember my sister telling me that (before the days of emails), the company she worked for at the time made her put BA(Hons) after her name on any letters. Much to her embarrassment.But I'm sure many folk do actually choose to add them.
We used to get emails when I worked at the call centre, from our 'superiors'... someone more geeky than me then. In the signature would be a list of their qualifications, but all the shitty in-house ones that have no meaning in the outside world. A+, Compaq Certified, GNVQ Customer Services and all that jazz.So I promptly amended my signature to "GCSE Humanities, 25m Swimming Badge, AND A CHUFFING DEGREE IN ENGINEERING". Almost as promptly as I was hauled into the office the first time I used it.

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Scrapping shit Escorts to pay for a night on the ale and winning some extra beer tokens on the one arm bandit.Jibbed footie, missus in beds, kids out and an afternoon of arsing about with the fleet=win!

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Oddly enough my car insurance renwal made me smile recently. Having been dry bummed by the thieving pricks over the years they've always managed to be a bit cheaper than anyone else I've tried.This year they were SHIT LOADS cheaper, in fact a grand less than some were quoting.£380 for the year is bloody good going in my eyes and I'm going to buy even more shite in the next 12 months to get my moneys worth!

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The amusement of actually seeing my Stanza, it looks like a right dogs dinner at the moment. The paint is half-done so there's primer all over the place and it's been sat underneath a tree for months so the roof and boot are absolutely covered in grime. Looks like a supremely shite example circa 1992.However, there might be some action on that front, so stay tuned.

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These make me LOL.

 

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http://www.razor.com/products/e100-electric-scooter.php

 

We bought Poglet Maximus one for his birthday, it's fricking QUAL.

Two of his school chums have got them too, so they have these insane scooter races home from school. They are utter menaces on them, blezzing about, narrowly avoiding crashing into folk, or in the case of my lad battering straight into someones garden fence. They will probably get 'banned' from riding them at the end of school or some such killjoyness, but the sight of them wobbling down the road on these is a sight to behold.

 

And yes, of course I have had to 'test' it. ;)

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Attacking a new Corsa with a lump hammer amused me a bit this morning. Well, releived the stress of another shit day in a shit job anyway.(I've not become some car vandal or nuffink, keys were locked in, General Manager was down from head office, finding stuff to moan about as he always does, customer had keys locked in so he was ranting at me 'just pick a window and get in it' so I did.....)

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Ever wondered about the translation of familiar (to us) car names abroad ? Here`s just a few:In Latin America: The Chevy Nova. In Spanish, "nova" means " it won`t go"In Spain, the Mitsubishi Pajero, where "pajero" is slang for "masturbator" :idea: Why don`t we use that for turbos then :shock: In Puerto Rico the Toyota Fiera, where "fiera" translates as "ugly old woman"Ford got a surprise in Brazil with their Ford Pinto, where in Brazilian Portugese slang, "pinto" means " small penis"Finally, RR dropped one in Germany where their "Siver Mist" became "Silver Animal Droppings"Have a lovely day...................

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One that always makes me smile is the story of when a large baby food manufacturer began to market tinned baby food in Nigeria with pictures of a smiling baby on the label. They wondered why it wasn't selling then it was pointed out that a lot of people there could not read and went by the pictures on the labels to see what was in the tin so the horrified public thought they were looking at tins of minced baby...

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Ever wondered about the translation of familiar (to us) car names abroad ? Here`s just a few:In Latin America: The Chevy Nova. In Spanish, "nova" means " it won`t go"In Spain, the Mitsubishi Pajero, where "pajero" is slang for "masturbator" :idea: Why don`t we use that for turbos then :shock: In Puerto Rico the Toyota Fiera, where "fiera" translates as "ugly old woman"Ford got a surprise in Brazil with their Ford Pinto, where in Brazilian Portugese slang, "pinto" means " small penis"Finally, RR dropped one in Germany where their "Siver Mist" became "Silver Animal Droppings"Have a lovely day...................

You forgot the Toyota MR2 - badged as the MR in France as the French pronounciation of MR2 is rather unpleasant...EDIT - clever Citroen though. The BX and CX TRD models ended up as DTRs in the UK...

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Makes me grin like the loony I am every time I drive it. You CAN chuck it about quite well and it's very predictable. Keep it spinning above 4000 rpm and it goes really well. Not that long ago I murdered a Golf II valver, although I suspect the VW driver was a bit of a tit.

 

 

 

 

7 & and a half years old, all in my ownership. 29k miles. Now with added Lotus/ K&N goodness. Splitfire plugs and a mild remap of the ECU. The shitty spacesaver spare is now holding the roof down on my shed. Full size alloy spare from scrappy for nowt. Leather MG ZRRRRRR steering wheel (with Rover airbag centre), R200 bubble sill strips, very mild slam so as not to wreck the handling and got rid of that mock-cabonfibre dash trim shit, replaced with walnut. Leather interior to follow. Keep fit windows FTW.

 

I fucking love this wee car and I think I'll keep it for yonks and give it to my son. When I'm about 100.

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This makes me grin: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/devon/8280419.stm

 

Anger over parking distance plan

 

Angry motorists say they may have to carry tape measures with them to avoid parking fines in a Devon resort.

 

Torbay Council has warned drivers it is considering issuing fixed penalty notices to people who park more than 50cm (20in) from the kerb.

 

The council said Torbay had many narrow roads and action had to taken against irresponsible drivers whose parking can impede emergency and service vehicles.

 

The deputy mayor said the alternative was to restrict parking for everyone.

 

'Mercenary motive'

 

"The council is trying to be as liberal as possible with double yellow lines," Chris Lewis said.

 

"So do we put yellow lines down one side of the road so there's always room, or do we penalise the motorist who's not parked very well and has caused problems for everyone else?

 

"I'd much rather penalise that one driver, rather than upset the whole street.

 

"If people parked correctly and courteously, they would have nothing to fear."

 

But some drivers in the Bay have described the plan as "pathetic" and said the council had a more mercenary motive.

 

"It's just another excuse for the council to get in as much money as possible," one local resident, who did not want to be identified, said.

Let's face it, if you can't manage to park within 20 inches of the kerb, your opinion doesn't count for much.

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I got quite a bit of enjoyment out of pointing at a BMW X6 and making a disgusted face. I'm pretty sure the owner saw me too.

 

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I usually point at them and laugh, because it's more offensive to ridicule than to disdain. What are they doing driving them anyway? Did they lose the bet?

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Thrashing about in this makes me grin from ear to ear everytime , ive had loads of motors over the years , but ive kept this one throughout , 22 years in fact , Not really suitable for here as its in too good a nic , especially for me , but hay :roll:

 

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