What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[gm]

Breadvan Polo > ??? > 13" Ford, sure I've seen it on a couple of things > generic > phase 2 Clio > early Montego

2nd from left has no markings at all - must be a poundland special, 4th from left has a citroen badge on it. if anyone has a want or need for any of these, do let me know. they will find a home as garage wall decorations for the time being

[omegod]

Someones just asked me via ebay if I would post a used LPG kit to south Africa, Hmmm let me think 

[AlabamaShrimp]

As I've crap handwriting I wanted to get a typewriter to fill out my time sheets for work. Put a local one on ebay watch as listed at only £5.

 

Went to my mother in laws today and this was on the side

 

 

Bought for Mrs Shrimp when she was 18 to learn to type on. A good few years later and apparently it was still knocking about, mine now

 

New ribbon for it ordered on £3.50 from Amazon.

[somewhatfoolish]

Do you have a beard or own braces or plaid shirts? You may have latent hipster syndrome.

[myglaren]

My wife and I both had one of those each, before we were married.

Hers was much better than mine.

[cobblers]

My wife and I both had one of those each, before we were married.

Hers was much better than mine.

You both had beards?

[AlabamaShrimp]

Do you have a beard or own braces or plaid shirts? You may have latent hipster syndrome.

Sorry to disappoint but no I do have hand writing that bad that I was thinking of changing my signature to an X to make it easier to read

[fordperv]

Alabamashrimp earlier today

 

[Noel Tidybeard]

Proof God has a sense of humour

 

 

FIFY

[AlabamaShrimp]

Alabamashrimp earlier today

 

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Well I do love it when a plan comes together

[Mr A Lawrence]

Are we all rich tea biscuit eaters??

[Mr A Lawrence]

*** MAN RULES ***

 

1. OPENING JARS - She's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work.

2. CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man.

3. DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks - camp. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic.

4. SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, I've got a knife thanks!

5. GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction.

6. DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. You're hard.

7. HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with.

8. HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah".

9. HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like.

10. USING POWER TOOLS - Slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. Pneumatic drilling while smoking a fag? Superb.

11. ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE - And everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are drunk However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that.

12. NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - Fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings.

13. CARVING THE ROAST - And saying "are you a leg or breast man?" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing?" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad.

14. WINKING - Turns women to putty. Doesn't it?

15. TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - Ideally, B&Q should have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles.

16. TAKING OUT 200 POUNDS FROM A CASHPOINT - Okay, so its for paying the plumber later but with that much cash you feel like a mafia don. The only thing better is peeling notes off the roll later.

17. PHONE CALLS THAT LAST LESS THAN A MINUTE - Unlike birds, we get straight to the point. "Alright? Yep. Drink? Red lion? George, it is then. Seven. See ya."

18. PARALLEL PARKING - Bosh, straight in. First time. Can Schumacher do that? No, because his cars got no reverse gear which, technically, makes you the worlds best driver.

19. HAVING EARNED THAT PINT - Since the dawn of time, men have toiled in the fields in blistering heat. Why? So, when it's over we can stand there in silence, surveying our work with one hand resting on the beer gut while the other nurses a foaming jug of ale. Aaaah.

20. HAVING SOMETHING PROPERLY WRONG WITH YOU - Especially if you didn't make a fuss. "Why was I off, nothing much, just a brain haemorrhage".

21. KNOWING WHICH SCREWDRIVER IS WHICH - "A Phillips? For that? Are you mad, bint?"

22. TAKING A NEWSPAPER INTO THE LOO - A visual code that says that's right, I'm going in there for a huge, long, man-sized poo.

[chaseracer]

Are we all rich tea biscuit eaters??

 

StuCDX ate all the fig rolls.

[chaseracer]

^^  14 worked earlier today.  Just saying, like.

 

[Sloth in a bowl]

Are we all rich tea biscuit eaters??

image.jpeg

 

 

Pass me the custards creams please

[chaseracer]

You wish, Julian!! 

[hairnet]

I slag off a member in here by email ( not those)

And get hot shit tip on another old car

A make I have history with

OI YOU YES YOU YOU BAD FECKER YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!!!



Would stop me buying bugle area tat but not going to Bulgaria

edit - fek off daaaave

 

red5 - your vehicle needs to leave as i may have another incoming

 

i hate old people on here

[chaseracer]

^ Anyone...? 

 

 

[Tamworthbay]

Wtf?

[Ghosty]

Something about a Citroen possibly.

[hairnet]

Alabamashrimp earlier today

 

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no dis stephen j cannell

 

fool

[myglaren]

You both had beards?

And socks with sandals.

[ProgRocker]

Watching 'Homes Under the Hammer' on iPlayer today (yes I'm a bit sad) Martin Roberts was in Margate poking around a garage down a back street (ooer). In the lane were a few examples of Autoshite: Hyundai Atoz, Maestro Special or Clubman, Rover R8 and behind that what appeared to be a Rover Streetwise. Come back to the revisit and in front of the newly demolished garage were a pair of Rover 400s/45s/ MG ZS - parked where the Maestro was.

 

The 2nd auction property was in Shepherd's Bush and Lucy Alexander was doing her intro to camer while walking past a Pogweasel pink 1990-94 Toyota Starlet.

 

Series 21, episode 30 if anyone wants a butcher's....

[Guest Hooli]

I slag off a member in here by email ( not those)

 

And get hot shit tip on another old car

 

A make I have history with

 

OI YOU YES YOU YOU BAD FECKER YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!!!!

 

 

Would stop me buying bugle area tat but not going to Bulgaria

 

edit - fek off daaaave

 

red5 - your vehicle needs to leave as i may have another incoming

 

i hate old people on here

 

I have no idea wtf you're on about, but you sound happy so I've liked it.

[richardmorris]

I'll have a closer look when I get home

image.jpg

 

I think it's bloody superb that Someone spots a group of discarded wheeltrims on the side the of the road and rather than thinking about flytipping decides that, hey I know some people who may need these. And GOES BACK to collect them. Spirit of AS award nominee!

[richardmorris]

^ Anyone...? 

 

 

It's odd, but reminds me of a slightly mistuned radio- some random words but the rest is just lost in static.

[richardmorris]

Pass me the custards creams please

 

Digestive for me, but with dark chocolate, or a plain hobnob which isn't an option it appears!

Perhaps champagne tastes with a cava income?

[hairnet]

StuCDX ate all the fig rolls.

i read that as bog rolls :/

[wuvvum]

Having a conversation with my cousin's 6-year-old lad yesterday (after he'd been having a look round the CX).

 

"How many cars do you have then?"

"10."

"Why do you have 10 cars?"

"Because I like cars."

"Yes, but why 10?  Normally people only have 2 cars.  Are you a little bit crazy?"

 

Made me LOL because I've had the exact same conversation (sometimes put a little more diplomatically, sometimes not) with countless people 5 or 10 times his age over the years.

[richardmorris]

Ha. Had a similar talk with my youngest niece last Saturday.

Why have you got this car not the bigger one ( the 2cv not Mercedes).

Well it's mummy's car really and i'm looking after it.

But that's mummy's car ( points to Renault captur).

Yes, but mummy also has this car.

Why?

Well because she had you ..... at which point I don't know anymore!