What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[Cheggers]

Picture the scene, I walk past one of my sales girls and see her stuffing some papers into an envelope addressed to the Fixed Penalty Unit at Thames Valley Police. The conversation went along the lines of:

 

Me: Caught speeding?

 

Her: Yeah, a camera just up the road from my house

 

Me: That's a lot of paperwork, you don't need to send it all back, just the form.

 

Her: It is just the forms...There's six of them

 

Me: My goodness (or words to that effect)

 

Her: It's fine, it's all for the same camera, I just let them stack up as I've been on holiday

 

Me: Ah, so they're all reminders for the one incident

 

Her: No, they're all for different dates but it's OK as it was the same camera

 

 

 

I tried to not laugh, I really did...

[Cheggers]

Not guilty, I inherited this one

 

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[beko1987]

Fuck me and I thought I was bad for getting done on 2 consecutive days by different vans for the same speed...

 

She's a bit fucked, grt ready for the 'I can't drive to work, I've lost my license' mornings!

 

On a related note, how long does it take for the response to come back for the initial nip? My first has been a week now and I've heard nothing, my mums offered to pay and I pay her back, and I want to let them know ASAP so they can plan for it

[Guest Hooli]

This:

 

That is a brilliant sketch

[DodgeRover]

Eh were new FPN stacking up while she was on holiday and not using the car?

[cobblers]

And they make these noises AS STANDARD!!!

 

 

Mine came with this "Record Monza" exhaust which claims to have a valve which makes it quiet until you put your foot down. The valve does nothing, it's rough as arseholes, sounds like a fucking tractor half the time. I can't believe they got it type approved. I think it's flipping great because I'm basically a child.

[Cheggers]

Eh were new FPN stacking up while she was on holiday and not using the car?

No, just arriving with the postie. She admits they were all her own work.

[strangeangel]

Got a text from a mate who's finishing off the work on my old Vespa... it ran this afternoon, for the first time since 1979

[reb]

Mine came with this "Record Monza" exhaust which claims to have a valve which makes it quiet until you put your foot down. The valve does nothing, it's rough as arseholes, sounds like a fucking tractor half the time. I can't believe they got it type approved. I think it's flipping great because I'm basically a child.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YbaEKTaKcDo

That's exactly the sort of thing we need more of in the world.

A very sporty tractor compared to the tractor my two cars sound like though.

[castros_bro]

Driving to work, as in sitting in slow moving traffic almost at the A3 exit, blue flashing lights somewhere behind, lots of blue flashing lights. 4 Police outriders playing tag and "pushing " cars out of the way followed by 2 black cars with blue lights, 5 blacked out people carriers, 2 more black cars with blues lights then a Police RangeRover and more outriders.  The A3 exit goes directly to a roundabout with traffic lights and has 4 exits to University, Cathedral and Hospital.  All the bikes went first and blocked the off roundabout so convoy could sweep past ignoring all the red lights etc, unfortunately the red light went green and there were no bikes left at the back of the convey so I joined it behind the Police Range Rover.  The outriders blocking the roundabout had to re-join the convey behind a rusty Rover 200 diesel and my 11 vehicle convoy, I guessed they were destined for the 5G Innovation Centre so left them when they turned off.

[fordperv]

im having a shit day at work, but why in the grin thread i hear you ask, i stepped outside and saw this

 

 

its the little things that stop me killing people

[Tickman]

School in service day (kids off teachers not) today and tomorrow so today was clay pigeon shooting and tomorrow is a segway adventure

 

Just have to be a little careful around the girls with guns (especially Chuck) as they were really rather good!

[RoadworkUK]

I think I've just created a joke that could only possibly work if somebody with a snooty accent read it out on Classic FM:

 

"Did you know that Joseph Haydn almost died because he ate too much fried chicken?

 

He was always writing symphonies in the Key of C."

 

COPYRIGHT CHRIS HAINING 2016, HANDS OFF, TIM VINE

[Parky]

I think I've just created a joke that could only possibly work if somebody with a snooty accent read it out on Classic FM:

 

"Did you know that Joseph Haydn almost died because he ate too much fried chicken?

 

He was always writing symphonies in the Key of C."

 

COPYRIGHT CHRIS HAINING 2016, HANDS OFF, TIM VINE

Top quality joke will claim as own AAAA++++ joker

[Kiltox]

 

450k miles, more hits than the Beatles, Cat C AND Cat D, ex taxi and the state of it!!!

 

Wonder how much of a MEGABARG* it'll be

[PhillipM]

Some decent video popped up from the racing, not a bad way to spend 20 minutes if you have decent speakers:

[PhilA]

I'm quite impressed at Fiat's skills in exhaust tuning there, making a full length pipe sound like it's fallen off at the manifold...

[cms206]

205 kind of serviceable again... wife'll be furious 'cos it's got no heaters and I've left the 850 at work.

 

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[vulgalour]

This programme on BBC Four http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/p03l8m2x/40-minutes-desirable-dwellings

 

For a start, the woman hosting it is quite singular and of a sort you don't really encounter any more.  She has excellent taste, driving around in a Subaru Leone estate which has got to be brand spanking new when the programme was filmed.  Then you get on to the houses.  Pierced Formica ceiling panels backlit to represent the constellations is one particular highlight.

[Richard]

If they made 40 Minutes now it would be called Three and a Half Hours.

[Asimo]

Outbid on that heap I don't need.

(And only bid on to relieve the boredom of a slow day in the office)

[scaryoldcortina]

This morning I was asked to try and reset the suspension ECU on a p38 rangerover. My diagnostic software said "nope" and refused to do more than just OBD.

 

I went back to the garage, and after 5 mins with google, 30 seconds downloading freeware and 10 mins making a cable I was good to go, went back and did the job.

[MarvinsMom]

i wonder what ever happened to lucinda lambton?

 

that is what the very, very posh lady vulgalour mentioned above. and i used to enjoy her telly programs too.

 

you know the penshaw monument on the A1 on the way to Newcastle, that was built to honour one of her ancestors.

 

the Lambton family are also the Earls of Durham.

 

i also like the Jonathan Meades architectural type telly programs, in the english based ones he used to drive a white Citroen XM.

[tooSavvy]

[localanorak]

 

.... As viewed from the A19 ....

 

 

[/localanorak]

 

 

TS

[scaryoldcortina]

{local pedant}

 

You can see it from both roads.

[vulgalour]

 

 

Looks like it lasted until 1999.  Disappointing, I was hoping it was still lurching about somewhere full of dogs and horrifying Waitrose car parks.

[M'coli]

205 kind of serviceable again... wife'll be furious 'cos it's got no heaters and I've left the 850 at work.

 

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What's the score with the no-heaters mallarky?

[cms206]

What's the score with the no-heaters mallarky?

It has heat but no blowers. The previous owner had rigged up a spectacularly lethal looking cable setup but it appears to be capable only of blowing fuses.

 

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[myglaren]

i wonder what ever happened to lucinda lambton?

 

that is what the very, very posh lady vulgalour mentioned above. and i used to enjoy her telly programs too.

 

you know the penshaw monument on the A1 on the way to Newcastle, that was built to honour one of her ancestors.

 

the Lambton family are also the Earls of Durham.

 

i also like the Jonathan Meades architectural type telly programs, in the english based ones he used to drive a white Citroen XM.

Practically on our doorstep.  Used to love taking the kids to the lion park - long gone unfortunately.

 

Bit of a barney going on just now - Lambton Estate.

I live in Lambton Village, Washington

[M'coli]

A long discussion thread has happened on "The Golden Years of Rallying" Faceache group after someone posted this picture:

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1767904466809694&set=gm.420296601427562&type=3&theater

 

The majority of the discussion is actually quite positive!