What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[Richard]

I have managed to retain almost complete control of my bowels all day.

[Guest Leonard Hatred]

Isn't there a scat forum you people could post in?

[tonedepear]

I have managed to retain almost complete control of my bowels all day.

 

Well played.

 

 

auto-

1  

a combining form meaning “self,†“same,†“spontaneous,â€Â

 

shite

noun

obscene terms for feces [syn]

 

http://dictionary.reference.com/

[TimothyClaypole]

I'd rather weigh it in than even attempt to sell any car I had to this buyer on Gumtree:

 

 

Rover wanted – Y to 52 plate

 

25 or 45 Model

 

1.4 or 1.6 engine Petrol

 

Mileage – 70 000 or Below. (with the odd exception)

 

5spd Manual

 

Must have full electrics, alloys etc, not bothered about aircon.

 

MOT is a must

 

Tax is optional.

 

******** ******* ****** ****** ******

 

However, if it falls into any of following categories then please I really don’t think I will be too interested;

 

1 - Low mileage – After it fell of the edge of the motorway and was dragged back up the hillside by a recovery truck.

 

2 - One careful owner – Up until the point the careful owner failed to see the stopped car in front, or 1 careful owner and 4 not so careful owners.

 

3 - Good tyres – Doesn’t mean two good ones on the back and both front ones are bald due to incorrect tracking.

 

4 - Excellent bodywork – After Uncle John has finished trying to take out the dents from where it hit the wall with a sledge hammer and a can of spray paint.

 

5 - Lovely clean interior – Yes the drivers seat is clean but that’s only because it has been sat in and the rubbish moved to one side, the fag holes were in fact created by the baby and the stench of beer was from the stag party 3 years ago and you could triple your club card points with the amount of plastic that could be recycled.

 

6 - Few nicks and scratches – Looks like it has been in a high speed pursuit and escaped after squeezing through a set of bollards and the thickest bramble bushes on the local common.

 

7 - Starts every time – Only if the neighbours come out and help push it or you have AA home start.

 

8 - Excellent fuel consumption – Has been used at service stations for filling up and not paying.

 

9 - Engine runs sweet – So long as the 1000w stereo is turned up full.

 

10 - Reasonably priced – The scrap man offered to charge you to take it away.

 

******* ******* ******* ******* ******* *******

 

I will pay up to and please note the Words ** Up To **, rather than just will pay …. £650.00

 

I know the cars very well, and can spot a box of fudge at 500 paces. So If you have one, that is up to scratch and you are thinking of selling, I would be very interested to hear from you. And no that doesn’t mean you can rush out, take a picture of Gran’s car and say this is mine. Yes, I have seen that one too !

 

Then by all means give me a shout with what you have. But please be realistic, I am fair and open minded and will give you an honest opinion of your pride and joy, but at the end of the day, I have the cash, you have the car and hopefully we can meet somewhere in the middle and do a deal.

 

Photo's need to be sent to the supplied address please.

[shite_meister]

Isn't there a scat forum you people could post in?

 

To be fair there's been an awfull lot of shit posted on the good ship Autoshite over the last few weeks so I thought it fitting.

[messerschmitt owner]

Isn't there a scat forum you people could post in?

Yeah, that. I hate reading car forum posts full of shit. Too much information.

[autofive]

[Negative Creep]

I acutally had an Autoshite dream where I turned the MR2 into a camper. Someone needs to do this in real life.........

[Rusty Pelican]

My Commer passed the MOT this morning , no advisories but it was a month overdue , not bad for a scrapyard buy thats 45 years old

[trigger]

Got my Kadett featured in the "your cars" section in the new issue (June) of Practical Classics there's also a certain Eddy with a Mk1 Granada featured in there too.

[CreepingJesus]

^Well done to both of you, doing AS proud.

It's been a while since I had anything in a magazine (letter of the month in Performance Bikes c.1995 )

[Rusty Pelican]

I have managed to retain almost complete control of my bowels all day.

Do you have problems then , ( colitis etc ) , I have odd days of this too , seems to be stress and / or a food intolerence of some kind , Im better if I dont eat but alas one cant live on fags and decaf coffee for long

[shite_meister]

Autoshite - Your bowel movement is our concern.

 

[outlaw118]

I HAZ DISKOVRD THE BEST THING OF EVAH.

 

Exceptionally yumstastic.

[eddyramrod]

Got my Kadett featured in the "your cars" section in the new issue (June) of Practical Classics there's also a certain Eddy with a Mk1 Granada featured in there too.

 

Should be landing on my front path sometime soon then, thanks for the heads-up, Trigger! Also thanks CJ for the comment. My mate's Panther Kallista was in the Spring issue, and guess which one slipped through the net of subscription renewal? Dammit...

That'll be this Panther Kallista... Hello Tony!

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

Watching 'Police Camera Action' earlier this evening and I was bemused at some footage from Greater Manchester Police showing a chase with a stolen Nissan Almera N16 just like mine. Never knew that perennial Nissans were a hit with scallies.

 

"I drive a desirable car!!!"

 

I once came home and turned the TV on, just as Police Camera Action was showing someone in a car the same as mine being pursued down the same road I'd just driven down. It was surreal.

[trigger]

My mate's Panther Kallista was in the Spring issue, and guess which one slipped through the net of subscription renewal? Dammit...

 

I might have that somewhere...

 

I'm finding that Eurovision is making me grin far to much tonight (I'm impressed to admit!), There are some right hunnys on there as well!

[seth]

Got my Kadett featured in the "your cars" section in the new issue (June) of Practical Classics there's also a certain Eddy with a Mk1 Granada featured in there too.

 

Just seen that Magazine whore! (says he )

[Guest Leonard Hatred]

Practical Classics is pish, but I might borrow a copy from Morrisons to have a look at the FAMOUS AUTOSHITE CONVEYANCES.

[Cavcraft]

My lad has only been at his garage for a year, worked like mad at his job and the assistant gaffer said he was way ahead of anyone else even three years into it. He's saved up his meagre wages and bought his first 'proper' car (a 106) and we managed to get an insurance quote of £2600 with him as a learner driver and the main user of it. I'm chuffed to bits because it's always nice to hear good things about your kids and as said he's worked bloody hard and is starting to be able to turn his hand to almost anything.

He's been considering leaving but the college and his boss have persauded him to stay and he's scored a pay rise and Saturdays off. College and one of his bosses reckon he could make a lead technician no danger at a main dealers.

I think it's helped him working at a small garage because they've allowed him to do all manner of repairs to all manner of cars rather than just basic jobs on one make or model.

I taxed his car for him yesterday as a small treat and if the weather gets better we'll clean it up and go right through it.

[Jon]

The local free paper is usually full of tosh but this really made my day (and possibly a certain Lancashire based model merchant):

 

 

 

I've seen the R4 around (driven by a not-quite-so-old man) as I used to live round the corner from it before I moved. I'd noticed the early front but hadn't clicked just how early that made it - is this a record for a RHD one perhaps?

[Albert Ross]

My lad has only been at his garage for a year, worked like mad at his job and the assistant gaffer said he was way ahead of anyone else even three years into it. He's saved up his meagre wages and bought his first 'proper' car (a 106) and we managed to get an insurance quote of £2600 with him as a learner driver and the main user of it. I'm chuffed to bits because it's always nice to hear good things about your kids and as said he's worked bloody hard and is starting to be able to turn his hand to almost anything.

He's been considering leaving but the college and his boss have persauded him to stay and he's scored a pay rise and Saturdays off. College and one of his bosses reckon he could make a lead technician no danger at a main dealers.

I think it's helped him working at a small garage because they've allowed him to do all manner of repairs to all manner of cars rather than just basic jobs on one make or model.

I taxed his car for him yesterday as a small treat and if the weather gets better we'll clean it up and go right through it.

 

Now this is bloody excellent to hear. I reckon a crate of beer for his supervisor at Christmas. It's so nice to hear of someone being rewarded for good work. Good lad. Tell him well done from me!

[Rusty Pelican]

Cavette , in the current lazy yoof / can be bothered / i aint workin that seems to be todays attitude your son is a diamond , you must be very proud of him especially as the path he has chosen sort of links in with your joy of cars .

[trigger]

x2 Well done lad!

[Cavcraft]

Cheers gents, chuffed to bits with him and what he's done. His supervisor is definately in line for something soon, he hasn't half looked after him.

[trigger]

My work mate sent me a photo of this today, he saw it in Stockport, what is it (Hirst)?.

 

[Guest]

Toyota Crown Comfort.

[Pillock]

mattblack demonstrating what this forum is all about and letting me borrow his crane, a quick jaunt down there and it's now sat in my kitchen looking slightly out of place....

To restore the Karma balance, whilst I was out in the car I went to Lincoln and picked a Porsche 924 gearbox up and delivered it to Stamford for a mate who had won it on eBay. Not a member of this forum admittedly but I felt like I did a good deed and it was better than sitting at home inappropriately touching myself over the recorded Eurovision from last night.

[scaryoldcortina]

Why stand on a silent platform?

[Angrydicky]

Fight the war...