What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[Ghosty]

I want rails for my Prelude!

[clayts450]

Int wildlife great ?

 

Sat on the back door step having a smoke and a female and male hedgehog are going through their comical courting routine over the other side of the garden whereby the male tries to get to the, er, business end of the female, and she basically follows him around snorting and headbutting him away. They get so carried away you can get a close up look at the 'foreplay' (which goes on for many many many hours - usually the male fucks off and gets something to eat, because hard to get female), but there's no need to move up and have a look as the constant circling and to-ing and fro-ing means the location of the courtship regularly changes - tonight they were both about six foot away and I was pissing myself laughing watching the sow (female) owning the boar. Eventually the boar twigged how close they were to me and shot off like a rat up a drainpipe. The sow stayed behind so I scattered some dried mealworms down and she got stuck in then buggered off.

 

I love hedgehogs - used to rehab them a few years back. Could watch them for hours.

[Jim Bell]

 

 

From Teuchter Wagons

[DodgeRover]

Is that tank the extra radiator water supply for a blowing head gasket?

[fordperv]

Yet strangely it doesn't go down so well with the RRandB forums! They seem to thik I am killing the car and damaging the brand but whenever I look, other peoples reaction is always positive as the smile at Chesters fat stupid face hangg out of the window, a line of drool streaming down the cars gleaming flanks... perhaps the RRandB forums have a point

They don't have a point though, it's not as if you've sanded all the paint off and bolted all the tat from a car boot sale on the roof, a bit of slobber here and there and muck from their feet is hardly damaging it as you meticulously clean it

[xtriple]

No indeed, I do clean it every time we get home, well, I clean the back seat and the doors as Chesters slobber seems to eat into the paint (strange, but true, it used to do the same to the MX5) so it stays clean. It doesn't bother me and most of the guys I know in the 'club' are cool and see these things for what they are: cars!

 

It tends to be the wives who whinge at me at club events (which is why I don't go anymore) as they seem to be far more precious of the cars than their husbands who actually own them - the wives inevitably drive SLs or SUVs.

[angle]

Anyone who criticises you for 'damaging the brand' on the basis you're doing something they disapprove of and they happen to own the same make of car as you is a massive spoon, tbh.

 

Anyway, there's been some great post rants recently so I thought I'd give Royal Mail some credit - I ordered something off eBay a few weeks ago and it only turned up this morning. Our postman apologised - it had been given to him as it had one of those printed postage labels that records the postcode of where it was going and it was on his round, but the main address label had been ripped off so all he had to go on was:

 

Ma

2

 

He kept it for a week while he worked out who had the right first name and house number from his other post...

[Pillock]

eBay.

 

Over on the GOM thread I moaned that my solitary sale of 2018 has generated a return request because someone bought it "by mistake" (a Macbook charger that was correctly listed, with loads of photos of model numbers, and had the model number / compatibility in the title. Somehow it's my fault they're trying to plug it into a totally different model)

 

Got another couple of days to respond to it - because even though I've replied to every message within half an hour, I thought I'd make a point that this is not something I'm hurrying to do. Decided to phone eBay, spoke to a lovely man in Ireland (or potentially a lovely Irish man somewhere else in the world) who looked at the item, looked at what I'd done and the reasons and basically told me to reject the return as it was all in line. Although the buyer would pay return postage, I'd lose the original postage amount of nearly £5.

 

So in conclusion - if you're ever getting your titties in a twist over eBay, just phone them. They're really lovely.

[xtriple]

I bought a watch from Spain last Sunday it was posted on Monday and I was told to expect delivery in about a weeks time. It arrived via DPD on Tuesday morning - 1 day from Spain to here, it takes longer than that to get across town usually!

 

[The Moog]

Stuck the car in a 2 hour parking zone earlier - that was 5 hours ago. Totally forgot about it due to work.

 

Left students with some reading and legged it to move it- No ticket. I feel a lucky boy today 

[fordperv]

Look at the fantastic giffer repairs on this micra I saw earlier

 

 

I had to be covert in the picture he is just in shot as I was getting the picture

[anonymous user]

This morning, I was chauffeured to a photoshoot in the very last Daimler DS420. Keep fit windows!

Ah that lovely plastic handle, fitted to everything from the Mini to Land Rover

[anonymous user]

It was a lot cheaper car, but my old Staffy loved riding in the back of my XJ40. Got the same reaction off people who thought it was wrong, but I'd got it as a car & it did that job damn well along with being special.

People used to look worried when it appeared that my Springer spaniel was driving my Morgan drop head coupe, until they spotted that it was left hand drive

[DodgeRover]

This thread needs more photos of the Dollop dog van...

[meggersdog]

My old Mercedes coupe often gets compliments about how nice it looks.The same car some dickhead at ACA couldn't understand why anybody would buy a 28 year old car with 200k on the clock. Anyway, today a customer , bloke in his forties, said " that old Merc looks proper gangster" just made me smile.

[clayts450]

Plumbing "620Ti" into YouTube on my telly last night and it bringing up Ian's review from a Shitefest on the first results page - damn sight more informative than the other shite on there, including a very young Clarkson reviewing the 600 in about 1883 or something. 

 

Top test drive mate

[dollywobbler]

Plumbing "620Ti" into YouTube on my telly last night and it bringing up Ian's review from a Shitefest on the first results page - damn sight more informative than the other shite on there, including a very young Clarkson reviewing the 600 in about 1883 or something. 

 

Top test drive mate

 

Thanks! All being well I can do another round up in Aberdeen this year. Maybe Aberdeen has corners, just like the meat products...

[Kiltox]

Look at the fantastic giffer repairs on this micra I saw earlier

 

20180417_133746.jpg

 

I had to be covert in the picture he is just in shot as I was getting the picture

This age Micra and Almera in silver has a terrible habit of shedding its paint - it just flakes off in big lumps like the undercoat had something wrong with it. I guess that’s what has happened here too.

[Wack]

..

[Wack]

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the drivers door.

 

"Is there a problem, Officer?"

 

The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"

 

The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

 

"You don't have one?"

 

The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."

 

The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"

 

"I'm sorry, I can't do that."

 

The policeman says, "Why not?"

 

"I stole this car."

 

The officer says, "Stole it?"

 

The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."

 

At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what?"

 

"She's in the boot if you want to see."

 

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.

 

The senior officer says, "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"

 

The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem, sir?"

 

"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

 

"Murdered the owner?"

 

The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"

 

The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.

 

The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"

 

The man says, "Yes" and hands over the registration papers.

 

The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."

 

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you, sir. One of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

 

The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"

[Timewaster]

Look at the fantastic giffer repairs on this micra I saw earlier

 

20180417_133746.jpg

 

I had to be covert in the picture he is just in shot as I was getting the picture

I wonder if the giffers of this world lack any talent for repairs or have reached an age and point where they just think "Ah, fuck it!, That will do"

[Guest Hooli]

I wonder if the giffers of this world lack any talent for repairs or have reached an age and point where they just think "Ah, fuck it!, That will do"

 

Judging by the state of their driving & parking to need all these repairs it's more a case of their eyesight is so bad they think they've done a good job.

[Des]

Cataracts. Poor old feckers can't tell between traffic film and rust either. 

[Ghosty]

Thanks! All being well I can do another round up in Aberdeen this year. Maybe Aberdeen has corners, just like the meat products...

 

Didn't Saabnut say there was a mile long track up to his place?

[Kiltox]

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The policeman approaches the drivers door.

 

"Is there a problem, Officer?"

 

The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your license please?"

 

The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one."

 

"You don't have one?"

 

The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving."

 

The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?"

 

"I'm sorry, I can't do that."

 

The policeman says, "Why not?"

 

"I stole this car."

 

The officer says, "Stole it?"

 

The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner."

 

At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what?"

 

"She's in the boot if you want to see."

 

The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half-drawn gun.

 

The senior officer says, "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!"

 

The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem, sir?"

 

"One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner."

 

"Murdered the owner?"

 

The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?"

 

The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot.

 

The officer says, "Is this your car sir?"

 

The man says, "Yes" and hands over the registration papers.

 

The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence."

 

The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you, sir. One of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner."

 

The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"

Old ones are the best

 

I don’t even think that’s the first time I’ve seen that joke on here this month

[SierraMikeHotel]

Six months after we put the offer in, I was starting to wonder if we would ever actually buy our house but it has finally happened and I have the keys.

 

Very big grin indeed.

 

Now there's just the small matter of thirty years paying the mortgage...

[beko1987]

So what did you do this lunchtime Sam? Well I fitted an entire exhaust system to a Mazda 5! Then came back to work 20 minutes late to a massive network outage so haven't got told off!

[Datsuncog]

Six months after we put the offer in, I was starting to wonder if we would ever actually buy our house but it has finally happened and I have the keys.

 

Very big grin indeed.

 

Now there's just the small matter of thirty years paying the mortgage...

 

Glad it's all come together for you!

 

Although the mortgage might feel like a bit of a millstone, do look into paying more than the absolute minimum if you possibly can, to put more of a dent in the capital. Even chipping in an extra twenty quid or so a month can knock a year or so off it, potentially saving you many ££££s in interest too... moneysavingexpert.com has an overpayments calculator so you can see the difference it makes.

 

https://www.moneysavingexpert.com/mortgages/mortgage-overpayment-calculator

 

We're hoping to have our 35 year mortgage paid off inside 18 years this way... halfway there.

[SierraMikeHotel]

Thank you! It's a scary sum, but after so many years renting it feels good to be paying something towards my future rather than the landlord's.

 

I'm 38, which is late for a first-time buyer, so I'm very keen to put as much as possible into it so that I've got a chance of retiring at a sensible age. Definitely planning to overpay as much as we can while we're relatively young and both working full-time.

[Datsuncog]

^^^ Well, exactly! We found our mortgage payments to be less than what we'd been paying in rent, so put the difference in, then upped it once Mrs DC found permanent employment... it's making a brave difference, much as we'd like to have the cash here and now!

 

Scary sums, but I reckon we're a generation somewhat delayed by the preceding 'lost decade', so fair play for getting there eventually. I'd have no real issue with long-term renting if it were properly regulated as in some European countries, but I just couldn't deal with the ongoing insecurity of six month leases and massive deposits. 

 

As a bonus, it does feel nice not to be funding someone else's lifestyle (our twat landlord was always away on frigging cruises, so was never around to help whenever the kitchen lights melted due to the dodgy wiring, or water started to pour through the ceiling because of a rusted-out header tank in the attic).

 

That said, my brother's in the midst of buying his first flat in London - comprising 1/3 of a small terraced house. In Tooting. For £500k.

 

Half. A. Million. Pounds.

 

I just can't get my head around that.