What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[AlabamaShrimp]

[Ghosty]

This video was properly absurd:

 

[Exiled_Tat_Gatherer]

Saw this earlier on the way in,actually, munchkin pointed it out as I was still not 'in the zone'

 

 

Job jobbed

[Bren]

Car mechanics magazine has purchased an insiginal diesel with 167k on the clock.

 

I doubt it will end well....

[Bren]

In aldi this afternoon.

I enjoy watching the people on the checkouts - it reminds me that people in the uk can still work at a reasonable pace without making accusations of bullying or having a complete fucking meltdown.

[BavarianRetro]

True, but they're all Polish.

[dave21478]

Hmm, dunno about there but over here both aldi and lidl checkout staff are computer timed for duration of transaction and its a bollocking if they take too long, hence your latvian brand sausages hitting mach 3 over the scanner and down the slide to the bottom where they get squished by the rest of your shopping arriving at similar speeds.

[somewhatfoolish]

There's no 'rest stop' on Didldidi check-outs(at least any that I've seen), your stuff either goes on the floor, gets swept back in the trolley or you pack at ludicrous speed.

[somewhatfoolish]

This video was properly absurd:

 

Cavcraft will relate well to having to disinfect disgusting interiors.

[twosmoke300]

Saw a crusty arched but otherwise very tidy mk2 astra Sri today . No pics sorry

[richardmorris]

True, but they're all Polish.

No they’re not. There’s a lovely friendly english woman ( late sixties) in my local one. She can chat and push stuff through at lightning speed.

 

Have you seen the graduate starting salaries? Better than chemistry that’s for sure.

[Bren]

All staff at my local branch are British.

[strangeangel]

A lady in a beige W-reg Metro beeped her horn and gave our dear old BX estate the thumbs up on the way into Huddersfield this lunchtime!

[eddyramrod]

As I was heading home from work the other day I spotted a white Clan Crusader coming out of a car park.  I gave him a cheery wave from the Rover, but of all the days to not be in the Cadillac....

[Eddie Honda]

Hmm, dunno about there but over here both aldi and lidl checkout staff are computer timed for duration of transaction and its a bollocking if they take too long,

When I was a checkout girl back in the early 90s, we used to be timed item/min. Not strictly bollocked about it though. It was a piece of cake to get high scores if you were on the fags counter as the timing stopped when the subtotal button was hit. You could stop the clock any number of times on a regular checkout.

 

In practice as a measurement of productivity though it's a steamin' pile o'shit.

[Guest Hooli]

No they’re not. There’s a lovely friendly english woman ( late sixties) in my local one. She can chat and push stuff through at lightning speed.

 

Have you seen the graduate starting salaries? Better than chemistry that’s for sure.

 

Lovely shapely young blonde English lass in my local branch. Shame she's got those comedy eyebrows they all insist on these days to make her look like a clown.

[FakeConcern]

Lovely shapely young blonde English lass in my local branch. Shame she's got those comedy eyebrows they all insist on these days to make her look like a clown.

Today I told someone that she'd drawn her eyebrows on way too high..........she looked surprised

 

(I have posted this in the Joke thread ages ago, but it's such a good one I couldn't resist!)

[MarvinsMom]

the scouse brow is one of them things, like the mullett which will baffle scientists in years to come.....

 

 

 

 

don't do drug's, m'kay, drugs are bad, m'kay......

[DodgeRover]

^^^^ Pete Burns is looking more human these days!

[Guest Hooli]

Today I told someone that she'd drawn her eyebrows on way too high..........she looked surprised

 

(I have posted this in the Joke thread ages ago, but it's such a good one I couldn't resist!)

 

That's so bad I've stolen it for FB, thanks.

[FakeConcern]

One of my mates has just got another Land Rover, when i asked him why he told me that he felt he was putting too many mies on the one he already had! ( he commutes on motor bikes Triumph Sprint ST, Triumph Trophy and BMW 1200 which is almost always not working and also has a 10 year old Merc estate with a large petrol engine, a Volvo Amazon and a Porshe 914)

 

The "new" one

 

 

 

The "old" one

 

 

 

As you can see they both have great roadholding

 

 

[Stanky]

There's no 'rest stop' on Didldidi check-outs(at least any that I've seen), your stuff either goes on the floor, gets swept back in the trolley or you pack at ludicrous speed.

 

helpful hint #3866. When going shopping don't take, or buy, plastic bags. On your first visit pick up 3 (three) lettuce boxes. These are free. the sturdier the better so look for potatoes, melons, that sort of thing. Hoik them out the box and take it.

 

You can get three boxes to a trolley.

 

Go round and put things into the boxes, light things first (like bread), when one is full, put another empty one on top. They stack perfectly.

 

At the checkout, unpack in reverse order. Heavy things like beer, wine and cheese go on the belt first as they are the last things that went into the last box.

 

At checkout, dazzle the checkout person by packing untidily into the boxes, but heavy stuff now goes in first. Stack boxes in trolley at EVEN FASTER THAN YOU CAN PUT IT THROUGH THE SCANNER speed, just fire it all into the boxes.

 

Then lift boxes into the car when done.

 

At home, keep boxes and take them back to repeat the trick the following visit. I've got three boxes which have been used for this every week for the past 3 years. A few fell apart after sustained abuse. This also pleases my inner eco warrior as it is one source of plastic waste I've completely cut out of my life.

[catsinthewelder]

That's a great idea but the boxes would be dead inside a week if they lived in my car because dog.

 

I find the Aldi bag for lifes to be very sturdy and helpfully they stand up in the trolley so can have the shopping dropped into them at speed.  Our local store has a fairly diverse workforce considering the town is 90% white British.

 

My inner eco-warrior is happy about the 5p bag charge but my inner Northerner is irritated because the bags were always reused so now I'm buying bags to put dog poo in and silver foil to wrap sandwiches.

[Pillock]

Car mechanics magazine has purchased an insiginal diesel with 167k on the clock.

 

I doubt it will end well....

 

Is this what they do? Buy something doomed to fail and document all the ways it's going to happen?

 

So it's a printed Autoshite then?

[DodgeRover]

You are all doing lidl/ Aldi and probably netto wrong, cardboard boxes and bags pah!

When you go in buy a trolley, they are only a £1, when finished shopping, empty trolley onto belt then stack straight into trolley after scanning.

Place trolley in the rear of your vehicle, van or pick up preferably or simply push home.

For the Eco warriors out there trolleys are reusable so take it back next time. They are also a good source of stainless mesh, castor wheels etc an absolute bargain for only a £1!

[C1am]

"Record breakers" - see the 2 minutes from 11.15 onwards.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CkGn_vHOagk

 

 

[clayts450]

Didn't leave work till 8.30pm as my mates sloped off at 6pm to the pub without me....surely a grump ? Nope.....off work for a fortnight so no bedgrudgery.

 

When asked what I was up to I informed whomever asked 'picking up a shit car in Shropshire, going to car auction to help win a car that no-one wants to buy, going to Skegness to play crazy golf'. Stunned silence.

[320touring]

helpful hint #3866. When going shopping don't take, or buy, plastic bags. On your first visit pick up 3 (three) lettuce boxes. These are free. the sturdier the better so look for potatoes, melons, that sort of thing. Hoik them out the box and take it.

 

You can get three boxes to a trolley.

 

Go round and put things into the boxes, light things first (like bread), when one is full, put another empty one on top. They stack perfectly.

 

At the checkout, unpack in reverse order. Heavy things like beer, wine and cheese go on the belt first as they are the last things that went into the last box.

 

At checkout, dazzle the checkout person by packing untidily into the boxes, but heavy stuff now goes in first. Stack boxes in trolley at EVEN FASTER THAN YOU CAN PUT IT THROUGH THE SCANNER speed, just fire it all into the boxes.

 

Then lift boxes into the car when done.

 

At home, keep boxes and take them back to repeat the trick the following visit. I've got three boxes which have been used for this every week for the past 3 years. A few fell apart after sustained abuse. This also pleases my inner eco warrior as it is one source of plastic waste I've completely cut out of my life.

Much as I marvel at the ingenuity of this, I can help but think that your time would be better spent getting the current biggest waste of plastic you have running;)

[PhilA]

Re supermarkets, I remember the days when Sainsbury's had big beige machines with sticky-up round buttons that were hammered rapidly after the J SAINSBURY price tag was discovered on the item

 

These days I speed things up by making sure the barcode on every item is, if possible 1) visible to the clerk and 2) facing the right way so it can be passed in front of the scanner without them having to have double jointed wrists.

 

This also helps because in this country (in general) the clerk dumps your stuff in bags and clustering the items together means they have time to think about what should go in each bag. Sometimes it works, sometimes you wonder how they still work on the checkouts.

 

Phil

[Mr A Lawrence]

i absolutely, categorically hate with a passion ANYONE but me packing the supermarket bags, even the missus!

 

even worse when theres a cub scout/gurlguide/cadet/morris dancer standing there waiting to fuck it all up!!

 

12yr olds? what do they know about shopping??