Autoshite Quote of the Year Thread 2017

[AMC Rebel]

The thing is those dickheads are the same dickheads tooling around in shite Astras with four bald Happy Dragon Ditch Molesters, sills made of wob and ABS lights wrapped in tinfoil; which are they going to pick, a car that has a heating and ventilation system that works and ignition that isn't dependent upon the phases of the moon and the ambient humidity, or Fred Flintstone's Viva HC? Let's face it, the kind of 1970s shitter that can be bought at this price point is suitable only for bridging or longterm restoration; putting such a car into regular use would result in a continuous stream of FTPs guaranteed to drive the miscreants back to modern motoring quicker than you can say 'vorsprung durch knackered'.

 

[AMC Rebel]

Go for the Fiesta. The 1.2 8v engines in those Puntos make them slower than a week in jail.

 

[DSdriver]

Anonymous User explaining how DVLA works

 

 

Seriously, have you seen the size of the DVLA building? What makes you think it has a computer, they did try one early on when computers were the size of rooms but soon found them inefficient and prone to breakdown. A committee chaired by Wendy the tea lady voted to replace the computer with filing cabinets and some girls on YTS as typists and filing clerks. This has worked well for years, occasionally one of the girls will be off and there will be a delay in responding. Unfortunately, due to space constraints, sometimes a filing cabinet has to be emptied and things get thrown out, this is done totally randomly to ensure fairness. Recently due to efficiency savings they have had to let one of the girls go and replaced her with a Jack Russell which now opens the post instead. The online service is outsourced to a lad down in the town who sends a note up to the DVLA office by pigeon, but will give the girls a call on the phone if it's urgent 

[beko1987]

Anonymous User explaining how DVLA works

Was literally just thinking that this should be on here

[twosmoke300]

That's fucking hideous. It looks like a Citroen fucking Xsara fucking Picasso in its pupal stage. Do not like.

 

 

John F about a car in the super mini thread

[cms206]

Properly belly laughed at this.

 

Now I've got the image of Andy CMS hurling himself through the air at an oversized hatchback screaming a uniquely Scottish AArrrooooowwwwafuckingooooooooo.

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[Dave_Q]

I'm getting royally pissed about by two bob botty rockets on social media trying to sell this, so it's for sale cheaper on here.

I've spent rather too long laughing at "two bob botty rockets"

[Noel Tidybeard]

this thread has caused gasket failure of my spherical optical units- you barstaads!

[quicksilver]

The one redeeming feature of the PT Cruiser

 

the bonus is that from inside you don't have to look at it.

[DVee8]

Looks like a tsunami of Bailey's is cascading through the car.

 

From Mr Conrad D.Conelrad from the Ebay thread.

 

[vulgalour]

I don't see how it can't suffer unmanageable body roll, like if you hold your arm out it'll tip over like Dolly Parton in a friggin Kayak.

[Guest Hooli]

Actual laugh at that last one.

[Felly Magic]

Properly belly laughed at this.

 

 

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What the hell would Rapunzel think of a wheelchair modded Caetano Toybota that nearly all the rear end has become one huge hatchback?

[cms206]

What the hell would Rapunzel think of a wheelchair modded Caetano Toybota that nearly all the rear end has become one huge hatchback?

That is exactly what the GC Smith bodied Leylands did. I have done a wheelchair access Coaster on more than one occasion too.

 

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[Cavcraft]

The fantastic...

 

'I resisted the temptation to buy Russian brake shoes, as I'm quite attached to not being dead'

 

...from StrangeAngel in his Vodkashots motorbike for sale thread

[Timewaster]

Yet another spat tea moment brought to us by Cavcraft

 

"Have worked in the same department as some completely useless fat balloon of a bloke for about 11 years now. I still haven't figured out what the custard bollocked two bob knob weasel actually does, and I strongly suspect I never will."

[Sloth in a bowl]

A picture says 1000 (very quotable) words

 

The £5 Vel Satis Roffle Thread

 

The Moog, on 04 Oct 2017 - 4:28 PM, said:

 

[Craig the Princess]

This has everything mine didn't; tweedy seats (the fabric, not the (alleged) racist toilet pugilist),

[flat4alfa]

Insignia?  I had one as a rental, it was like sitting in an upholstered coal cellar.

[chaseracer]

Can't make either, both coincide with Mrs_Pillock competing in strongwoman competitions

 

Only here would this seem quite normal... 

[Junkman]

Richard Morris on headlights:

 

I've put halogens in the 2cv which does at least mean you can warm your hands on the switch!

[quicksilver]

Only on AS would such a suggestion be made

 

 

Maybe he would do a scrappage scheme. We give him some modern shite in return for an auto Maestro. Winning.

[Sigmund Fraud]

 

Mental illness is still a disability...

 

No, it's a requirement for this forum.

[Guest Hooli]

I never thought I'd make the heady heights of this thread, I feel honoured.

[robinmasters]

From the ebay tat thread:

 

Phwooorrr... rare and massively appealing. A Renault 25 with extra 1980s sci-fi spank on the outside and a sticky brown velour sex dungeon on the inside.

[clayts450]

Billy's snap reply to the observation of "There's a bit more of her than there used to be too..." made about the slight porkitude of cute-faced actress Sheridan Smith

 

 

There’s a bit more of me when I see her on telly. 

[spartacus]

'It's parked outside my house and the wife doesn't know it's mine yet.'

 

SRi05, on the purchase of his new Honda.

[Guest Hooli]

'It's parked outside my house and the wife doesn't know it's mine yet.'

 

SRi05, on the purchase of his new Honda.

 

It does have all the makings of an utterly classic thread.

[quicksilver]

The interior of Uganda's aptly-named Kiira Smack provoked some interesting reactions but this one is my favourite

 

 

Like someone's been shown a fuzzy picture of what the interior of a modern car ought to look like for 10 seconds, then asked to reproduce it in plasticine.

[Split_Pin]

Yes that one is an absolute level 14 belter! LOL