Ronald Mc_Bo11ox's LAGUNA ODYSSEY OMG FTP SOS ETC LOL

[hairnet]

'a frame bitches'

 

yeah mine is 6 foot tall and makes a mean brekky

 

red is a shit colour for a big car but it doesnt look bad do it??

 

20 miles?? pah

[Lacquer Peel]

Is it just me, or is this a modern? Seriously, though, at £120, you can't go wrong, can you? 

 

They were launched 15 years ago.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Terrifying innit. I'm fuggin 40 now and the Mk2 laguna is packing out the scrapyards. We'll all soon be dead :-)

[phil_lihp]

Perhaps these will end up being a rather canny purchase fairly soon, eventually all the diesel/Friday afternoon/broken ones will be gone, leaving only the ones that have been looked after, had faulty bits replaced and finally ended up being perfectly sane and reliable motors.  But no-one else will touch them because of the reputation, meaning only people on this forum will buy them and they'll be dirt cheap as a result.

 

Oh wait, that's already happening.

 

Nice colour on that one actually, they're good-looking cars but I don't know how you shake off the constant feeling of terror and dread when driving it that it's about to stop working in a complicated, expensive sort of way.

[trigger]

Well bought Bo1, that's a very attractive car, especially in that red.

 

It seems that the Laguna II is quickly becoming this month's AS car of choice replacing the Rover R8 and BX before that.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Fuggin wars, i see its like £200 for a cambelt kit and dephaser pulley!!!! Nice

[hairnet]

get R9UKE on the job (bai)

[Lord Sterling]

Looking good there Renault_McDollux. Nice looking cars for silly money. I somehow get a feeling that I might end up with a Laguna of this era at some point.

[vulgalour]

La Guna Breakdown.  Probably.  Or something.  Anyways, how wrong can you go for a mere £120 on a car with several months of MoT?  That's crazy.

[Lankytim]

Great to see one of these in red and not silver or something, nice looking motor!

[Eddie Honda]

Chip on the windscreen. Is this an MOT fail? Its on the passengers side but is pretty annoying. The car has 5 months test on so I could get it on the road and maybe the insurance will help me with it if an errant stone should miraculously flick up or whatever.

 

Nope. In that area, if it can be contained within a 40mm circle you're fine.

[garethj]

I've just done a Google images search for Laguna keycard and about half of them are in pieces, that's not usually a good sign.  From what I can see the switches are "tact switches", not microswitches and they're usually made by Alps or ITT Cannon if you want to get replacements.  The colour of the plastic or rubber actuator tells you the actuation force, just make sure you don't take out a 50g switch and replace it with a 200g switch or you'll snap the plastic housing before the thing presses.

 

Normally these things do between 100k and 1 million operations so I'd be surprised if they've broken, it's more likely to be the soldering or somewhere else on the PCB.  To check them just use a multimeter with continuity checker setting.  They're available in load of different package sizes so if you're searching for a replacement look for the height from the top of the actuator to the PCB, the diameter of the actuator and the pitch of the feet, plus whether the pins go through the PCB or it's surface mounted.  Some use a rubber actuator to give that quality feel, most use a plastic actuator and it needs to be the same as the current one.

 

I still can't believe it's £125.  Worth driving round in it before sinking £200 into the pulley thing?

[HMC]

Top buyaging from the £ sava menu! Needless to say "I'm lovin it"

[steve_earwig]

What the fuck is a dephaser mind?

I wondered the same thing, so I Googled it - variable valve timing, something they pinched from Nissan? I notice the word "retarded" being used rather a lot anyway.

 

I'd expect being filled with epoxy resin would quieten it down.

[RoadworkUK]

"....headlight washers for those xenon headlights"

 

I'm more jealous of these than anything else. Has this really got xenons? Is this the most valueless car ever to be so equipped?

 

Félicitations à vous, monsiuer Couilles

[warren t claim]

I liked my ex Cavcraf Laguna pez.

 

This is the sort of thing I'd buy if I was left jobless and had to flog double glazing for a living.

[flat4alfa]

Top 120-sov bombing!

 

In a metallic shade to be proud of too

 

#31 please

[R9UKE]

I would leave the belt and dephaser. Look what scaryold's Laguna did to him when he gave it fresh fluid. It'll only spite you for it.

 

If the belt snaps next week, those wheels will sell for £80, the cd changer for £20 and the shell for £20. You can't lose at what you paid!

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Yeah I think you're right. For me a timing belt job should cost £30-40 and a few hours work. Not £200! F**k that.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

1. ) I want to have your babies.

 

2.) Pez L'Gooner cam belts are simple but not as easy as Dci ones. Belt is about 20 quid, tensioner about the same iirc from Euro Car Prats. You may wish to economise by prising the grease seals out, fingering (ooer) a bit of new grease into the bearings and pressing the seals back in. I've done it before.  There are two plastic plugs that need to be prised from the head into which you insert locking tools for the cams.

 

3.) Fuck the key card. A mate used to have one of these and it was on a bit off string in the car - when the L'moteur is shut down, key card out and stuffed under the seat. Raeanolt fitted a manual lock to the passenger door handle - prise off the (attractively body coloured) lock cover and there it is. Pull the actual key bit from the keycard and it will* fit in the lock and manually lock it. Or not. If it does, just get a normal key cut, drill a hole in the lock cover etc.

 

4.) If the windows work, whip the door cards off (easy) and lubricate the window regs to buggery with WD40 and spray grease, as well as the felt vertical runners.

[John F]

Mr_Bo11ox, on 13 Dec 2015 - 9:56 PM, said:Mr_Bo11ox, on 13 Dec 2015 - 9:56 PM, said:Mr_Bo11ox, on 13 Dec 2015 - 9:56 PM, said:

In summary I am a twat for buying it really,

 

I disagree! It's a 2003 car for 120 quid, and it even looks pretty smart for a garlic licker.

 

You're at the cuting edge of shitedom with this beast, breaking trail for the rest of us to follow. Or at least those of us that are prepared to load a French bullet into the revolver chamber of new-ish car ownership Russian roulette (which deffo excludes me tbh).

 

Bons fléchettes!

[Fat_Pirate]

Replacing the buttons in the keycard sounds like a faff.  I'm sure an easier solution would be to transfer the components into something more sturdy, such as a Quality Street tin, then rig up a couple of 13A light switches on the outside.  Such a thing would be rugged, unlikely to be lost and would be great for starting conversations with women ("Why yes, I am starting my car with a tin of sweets").  Maybe put a 3rd switch on it, labelled "FFS just work!" which you can mash furiously when the inevitable happens.

[Sigmund Fraud]

IIRC you can replace the variable valve timing rubbish with a solid pulley, losing a bit of power and gaining a lot of reliability. There are aftermarket ones available for Loadsamoney types with fast Clios, but I bet that a scrapyard inlet cam pulley will be just as good for the job.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Some good intel on here. I think i might chance £30 on getting the key overhauled but the belt etc can FRO, If I get it on the road and find I like it a lot then maybe Ill worry about that later. i see you need a set of snazzy looking timing tools as well which are another £35 unless I could find someone to lend me a set.

[xtriple]

I rather like this car, looks bloody good for 1200 let alone 120!

[Jim Bell]

Someone told me that they called them LAGUNA as its a nanagram of ANAL GU. Smelly, uncomfortable, unappealing and unacceptable if pointed out in public.

 

Well played.

[panhard65]

I have got the tools to do these if you want to borrow them to do the belt. The belt kits come with the cam seals now which makes life easier as you will spend ages trying to get them out without damaging them. They are a nice car and do still look smart. I might even get another to stash away for when they have all disappeared and only found in France (probably within the next couple of years)

[richardthestag]

everything with 51 plate onwards = modern

 

well bought.

 

for what you paid I might be inclined drive it till it breaks or the mot runs out, 

 

My Unc had one like this a decade ago and drove it like he stole it, I dont think he liked it very much. But it never broke!

 

Was he lucky?

[R9UKE]

Just came across this pic. Brave, brave man.

[Skizzer]

Good work.  Yes it's modern, but it was £120 and the world has disowned it so it must be shite.

 

The keycard thing alone would terrify me (and I bought a cheap V12 Jag blind).  I like that there's various ways of downgrading the tech to simple mechanics though: a steampunk Laguna 2 would be pretty desirable, I reckon.