What would be the ultimate 'shite spec' model of a car

[John F]

If I won the lottery (unlikely, as I don't do it) I'd love to 'Min' a car, i.e. the opposite of 'Maxing'.

 

For example, buy a Sierra Cosworth and reduce it to Base level (with 1.3 OHV engine) but keep it as a Cosworth on the V5. Then fit a mono AM radio with single dash-mounted 5 W speaker.

 

I expect that would piss off a few purists

[fordperv]

If I won the lottery (unlikely, as I don't do it) I'd love to 'Min' a car, i.e. the opposite of 'Maxing'.

 

For example, buy a Sierra Cosworth and reduce it to Base level (with 1.3 OHV engine) but keep it as a Cosworth on the V5. Then fit a mono AM radio with single dash-mounted 5 W speaker.

 

I expect that would piss off a few purists

 

haha I like it a lot, but to put my anorak on the sierras had 1.3 pintos not crossflows, in my opinion that adds to the dismal spec even further, a 1.3 boat anchor

[John F]

haha I like it a lot, but to put my anorak on the sierras had 1.3 pintos not crossflows, in my opinion that adds to the dismal spec even further, a 1.3 boat anchor

 

I stand corrected - naturally, I would want my 'Minning' to be as chronologically accurate as possible!

[trigger]

I seem to recall that my Alto was the cheapest 5 door car you could buy in the UK at the time yet that's even better equipped than these base model Fords!

[cort16]

The Japanese soon figured it was easier to create three levels of trim all well equipped with minimal factory options as it was to piss around swapping dash boards or installing from a selection of 9 different colours of velour interior etc.

 

If you look at the cost of fitting a clock to all your cars vs fitting it as an option on the production line to certain cars (as specified and paid for  by the owner as an option) there's not much in it cost wise because of the time, paperwork and general pissing around involved.

 

Nissan are still the same. The only factory options on most Jukes are the colours the equipment/wheels you get is dependant on the derivative you order.

[406V6]

Useless fact #42 while we're talking about dashboards. That brown Allegro 1100 that surfaced recently has a different dash binnacle compared to all the higher spec models. Still had the same number of instruments as the 1300, though, as the 1300 just had a dummy dial to the right of the speedo.

[Spiny Norman]

Weren't there 'Taxi' editions of things like the Mk2 Granny 2.5D and Bluebird that had vinyl seats and far fewer toys than the base models of both cars?

 

I remember as well, sitting in the back of a (then almost new) Mercedes W124 taxi many years ago in Dortmund and thinking how basic it was. It had vinyl seats and door cards (not MB-tex), keep fit windows, really basic floor coverings, black plastic everywhere on the dash where UK models all had bits of wood and blanking plates everywhere instead of switches for all the goodies it didn't have.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

The Japanese soon figured it was easier to create three levels of trim all well equipped with minimal factory options as it was to piss around swapping dash boards or installing from a selection of 9 different colours of velour interior etc.

 

If you look at the cost of fitting a clock to all your cars vs fitting it as an option on the production line to certain cars (as specified and paid for  by the owner as an option) there's not much in it cost wise because of the time, paperwork and general pissing around involved.

 

Nissan are still the same. The only factory options on most Jukes are the colours the equipment/wheels you get is dependant on the derivative you order.

 

 

That's what's weird about the Ford base models. You'd expect that sort of thing from Austin, but Ford's reputation was for costing everything down to the last atom. Yet they're designing, manufacturing and stocking little plastic bits to cover the hinges on the base Fiestas without the glovebox door. 

 

 

Weren't there 'Taxi' editions of things like the Mk2 Granny 2.5D and Bluebird that had vinyl seats and far fewer toys than the base models of both cars?

 

The Granada 'Taxi Pack', at least in the early 80s, was just a pack of options they added to an L or Diesel. You got tougher seats and door cards, more sound insulation, more ashtrays, additional interior and boot lights, space for taximeter, additional wiring for radio, meter and roof sign, and finally a floor mounted panic alarm. I don't think they took anything away. 

[Pillock]

Making cars, like making any sort of consumer goods, is all about creating demand and generating desire.

Yes it probably costs more to delete a glovebox/airvent/heated rear window from a Popular model, but if you don't then you can't justify having the different models.

 

I remember the Fiesta Popular, my uncle hired one new. As a young Pillock, I couldn't understand the lack of radio but loved the heater controls sticking out the end

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

More base model factory hassle: The whole early Metro range had laminated windscreens, except the base 'Standard' model. They had to stock two different kinds of windscreen. 

 

Interestingly (for me) there's an error in the first Metro brochure. According to the specs list, the Standard Metro doesn't have reversing lights. However, the photo of the Standard Metro is of the back of the car with the reversing lights illuminated. Since they're integrated into the light cluster I wonder if that was just an error, or whether there was some plan to sell them without the bulbs 

 

 

 

Mention of a bottom of the range motorcar conjures up visions of a stark interior, with little comfort and even less luxury. In direct contrast, The standard Metro .... puts many so called 'luxury hatchbacks' to shame.

 

Features non reclining vinyl seats. 

[Richard]

The reversing lights and fog lights were built into the cluster on Chrysler Avengers and Sunbeams. As I recall all that was missing on the lower models was the switch to make them work, I think they even had bulbs in them.

[HMC]

In relative terms mercedes up untill the 90s were quite accomplished at povo motoring, in spec if not price

most things except the painted body seemed to be extras

[Hendry]

In relative terms mercedes up untill the 90s were quite accomplished at povo motoring, in spec if not price

most things except the painted body seemed to be extras

This has just reminded me of the E reg Mercedes estate my cousin had a few years ago (dont know which model, similar to the E class)

 

Anyway it had a proper weird spec (not poverty just weird) proper oem remote central locking, alloys, roof rails, and an electric sunroof but manual windows :S

 

A colleague told me he remembers when you had to spec a radio as an optional extra in a 3 series BMW

[garycox]

In place of where the reversing lights are on most, my Simca has orange lenses with no bulbs (or corresponding wiring) behind them.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

Back in the wonderful world of Ford, we know how grim blanking plates make an interior. But here's one where blanking plates mark the highest spec. If you bought the best Escort or Orion Ghia in the late 80s, you got to wonder what was missing from these massive, ugly and mis-matched patches:

 

 

The answer was (of course!) the manual choke and directional joystick from the cheaper stereo.

 

[fordperv]

Back in the wonderful world of Ford, we know how grim blanking plates make an interior. But here's one where blanking plates mark the highest spec. If you bought the best Escort or Orion Ghia in the late 80s, you got to wonder what was missing from these massive, ugly and mis-matched patches:

 

ghia.jpg

 

The answer was (of course!) the manual choke and directional joystick from the cheaper stereo.

 

basic.jpg

 

you knew you were the absolute bollocks in a mk4 escort/ orion if the small coin holder to the right of the clocks wasn't there, but a trip computer was in its place

 

[Skizzer]

Can't let this pass without a mention of the Renault 3, which was of course a lsmaller-engined variant of the early, luxurious* Renault 4 without such fripperies as windows in the C-pillar or door cards.  It had bent steel tubes for bumpers and was cheaper than a 2CV, according to WikiLies.

 

[overrun]

Regarding the mk3 Escort, the 'posh' dash isn't much better. Made of crap foam with a vinyl sheet vaccum moulded over the top. At least that is how it looks.

 

 

Notorious for suffering from this. As with many other Fords and other marques.

 

 

So I found a hard plastic dash from an 'L' model (afaik) to go in mine, until a guy repairs my original.

The plastic dash has no provisions for the front spots or fogs, dash dim, or rear wiper, and a smaller ashtray. There are no-doubt other pointless differences, too.

 

 

Even these things are very hard to find now, and command a premium.

 

I had to pay £50 for this sun faded lovely* brown example.

[Spiny Norman]

Re: switch blanks...

My old Royale had three switch blanks in the dash, and apart from front fogs, there were no options available that would have filled them with switches.

 

[brickwall]

My Range Rover is council spec come to think of it. It has nowt. Cloth seats and everything is blacked off. No ABS either as at that time it was an option. Of note, the Renner 4 abouv could have a reclining drivers seat for an extra fiver, I think it was.

[makum101]

Vauxhal are still at it with the blanking plates but have come up with a more asthetic annoyance. On my Insignia I have a mid range stereo. It has all the buttons that the top of the range has. Only difference is some of the buttons do nowt! Press them and the in-dsh computer screen thingy simply reports back with a written line saying "no function".

 

Flippin annoying to be reminded in words that you are a cheapskate! Why dont they get it to simply say "TWAT!".

 

Blanking plates were a less severe reminder that you didnt spend enough when buying your car.

 

(I own a 1990 Lada Riva 1300 Estate too which qualifies me as a shitter before someone bans me!)

 

[warren t claim]

Re: switch blanks...

My old Royale had three switch blanks in the dash, and apart from front fogs, there were no options available that would have filled them with switches.

 

The dash blanks may of been for Aussie Holden versions which may of had more kit.

 

The good thing about Mercs is you never get a blanking plate anywhere, even on the base models.

[Hendry]

Vauxhal are still at it with the blanking plates but have come up with a more asthetic annoyance. On my Insignia I have a mid range stereo. It has all the buttons that the top of the range has. Only difference is some of the buttons do nowt! Press them and the in-dsh computer screen thingy simply reports back with a written line saying "no function".

 

Flippin annoying to be reminded in words that you are a cheapskate! Why dont they get it to simply say "TWAT!".

 

Blanking plates were a less severe reminder that you didnt spend enough when buying your car.

 

(I own a 1990 Lada Riva 1300 Estate too which qualifies me as a shitter before someone bans me!)

 

I've noticed this in the Insignias at work too, there's a "phone" button obviously for those cars specced with Bluetooth, press it on our ones and it simply mutes the audio, then there's the "Eco" models with an Eco button randomly slapped in the middle of a fascia like an afterthough.

 

Vauxhall are masters of the spec a car up when it's launched then gradually remove stuff from it as it gets older, the SRI Insignia used to have 18" wheels, rear electric windows and extendable leg supports on the passenger seat, now they've got 17" wheels standard seat and manual windows in the back.

[Micrashed]

Anybody else go round the scrappys as a teen and rob switches to fill their blanking plates with?

[Richard]

I did do that, but I normally tried to fit the piece of equipment that went with the switch. With my Chrysler Sunbeam that wasn't hard because the wiring was already there behind the blanks.

[r.welfare]

The dash blanks may of been for Aussie Holden versions which may of had more kit.

 

I've a Holden road test somewhere where they complain about blanks left even on the top model.  IIRC, they also queried the fact there were two switches for the electric aerial, one for up, one for down.

 

One of my Rekords (with the same dash) had switches for all sorts of shite accessories filling up the blanks, including a siren and an air horn that played the first few bars of 'Dixie'.  GR8 for passing golf courses.  Needless to say, after a while I ripped it all out and replaced the blanks.

 

On the subject of Ford dashboards, I seem to recall that the Mk1 Fiesta also had different dashes in highline and lowline versions - the high-spec jobs had more padding and air vents.

[Pete-M]

Rover 825 Sterling.

 

Either the early Honda effort with no torque or the latter double-kettle steamer.

[chaseracer]

Re: switch blanks...

My old Royale had three switch blanks in the dash, and apart from front fogs, there were no options available that would have filled them with switches.

 

 

Is there maybe an aesthetic issue here?  The blanking plates look a bit shit, it's true - but how much worse would it be as an obviously redundant expanse of plastic wood...?

[Spiny Norman]

Is there maybe an aesthetic issue here?  The blanking plates look a bit shit, it's true - but how much worse would it be as an obviously redundant expanse of plastic wood...?

 

There was a huge expanse of redundant plastic wood in front of the passenger anyway. The whole interior was awash with the stuff, if anything the switch blanks mess up the clean lines of the finest synthetic mahogany sticky-backed-plastic that money could buy for £3.99 sq/m

[e287yba]

Vauxhall are masters of the spec a car up when it's launched then gradually remove stuff from it as it gets older, the SRI Insignia used to have 18" wheels, rear electric windows and extendable leg supports on the passenger seat, now they've got 17" wheels standard seat and manual windows in the back.

 

MG-Rover didn't do too bad with Project Drive or whatever it was called .

 

On the flip side, early Montegos came with all the wiring installed for all the kit the high spec models had - it took about 10 seconds to fit an Interior Light Delay Relay to a Montego 1.3 'base' a friend once owned, because the damn car was pre-wired for everything the Vanden Slap had apart from fuel injection...