so what doesn't work on your shite?

[fotorabia]

Merc W123..no air con..great when the car is so hot u cant touch the steering wheel

Stereo still aint in ..

No cigarette lighter

Instrument panel light so your driving into a black hole

Windscreen badly scratched [vandals in rome].,crack right at eye level...in NZ that would be a warrant fail

[maxpower]

V40 -

Climate control has mind of its own

No dash bulbs for heater control

Drivers door doesnt lock

Air Con needs regass

Service light on

sub frame bush is cracked and squeaks

Washer fluid sensor perm on

Ligher socket not working

Turbo not working

 

and here was me thinking it was only the cigarette lighter that was bolloxed

 

mondeo:

 

back passenger door D/S doesn't open

radio buttons on steering wheel.... not original stereo in car

automatic boot release button works once in a million tries

[peter9000uk]

Laguna

 

Air Con needs a re-gas as it's not very cold more cool

Heating on door mirrors doen't work (found out Monday morning in frost at 05.00)

Tire pressure monitor shows 2 wheels missing and as a knock SERV light & wheel light on all the time

 

BMW E46

 

Can't have radio and HRW on at same time, well you can but all you get is interfence from the radio, suspect aerial amp in C pillar

Air bag light on, common fault on these

Remote locking now fixed !

Trams lines like a bugger, have already replaced most of the suspension bushes and had 4 wheel laser alignment done twice, going to try narrower tyres

as I suspect 225s are a tad too wide. Mind you it is miles better than when I got it.

[flat4alfa]

It's a 1983 Alfa 33 with trip computer

 

Guess what doesn't work

[Cavcraft]

It's a 1983 Alfa 33

 

Guess what doesn't work

 

 

Everything?

[AnthonyG]

On the Mondeo (57reg) the aircon needs regassing. Think I'll leave that in this weather.

 

Oh, and the '2.0' badge, bizarrely only fitted to the nearside wing , fell off when the car was being washed by a energetic Romanian in one of those abandoned petrol station car washes.

 

A new one is at least £10 , and thats on Ebay. God knows what a Ford dealer would charge.

[Station]

Bought a car in January, seller almost orgasmed about the fact there was absolutely nothing wrong with it.

 

I got it home, the wipers didn't work, the speedo didn't work, the thermostat didn't work (freezing cold), the windscreen leaked into the driver's footwell (puddle), the coolant temp sensor was duff, and so was the lambda sensor (20 - 25 mpg). Also claimed to have had a 'full valet' before sale, even though I had to take all the seats out to remove the minging dog hair that was everywhere and that horrible 'stuff' that falls into seams in the plastic and solidifies. Ugh. Also claimed it had just had a full service, but the fact there wasn't any oil on the dipstick, etc.

 

Sold as seen, I'm not bothered, I would've bought it even without the 'no problem claims' as I was desperate for wheels and will sell again, the point being I fixed everything in a day.

[flat4alfa]

Results just in!

 

Central locking? 3 of 4 doors! Result!

Dash instruments? all lit and responding

Ignition and starting - yes

Running? Yes, through both carbs too

Check panel? It's telling me the every circuit has failed. Result!

Driving? Probably, if I hadn't let the ticket lapse.

[Taff]

mine has worsened slightly, the heater is now making more noise if i corner enthusiasticaly on roundabouts. I wonder if the fan spindle is worn and able to revolve out of true?

Oh, forgot to mention in the orig post that getting the stereo in and working had the knock on result of causing the heater control lights to fail.

[MK5 Escort]

With the Escort, I can think of the following things which are either dodgy or dead:

 

1) One 'line' on the heated rear window doesn't work - and hasn't for about 17 years.

2) The central locking is a bit 'slow' - almost to the point you can hear all four doors unlocking/locking separately...! The system itself still works okay, though.

3) Internal boot light is a very dim to the point of being near enough useless (the original was replaced about eight years ago)

4) Auto choke doesn’t 'do' cold weather all too well these days. Engine tends to ‘hunt’ when really cold and needs to be kept at around 1500rpm for about 30 seconds after start up to prevent stalling. Auto-choke seems to kick in and 'wake up' after that. No problems in warmer weather.

5) The previously described gearbox problem which I'm still undecided what to do about. Leaving it for now as it's not deteriorating.

 

In the past I have had bigger problems with the central locking (Fords of this era are prone for some reason) where it locks/unlocks/locks/unlocks e.t.c... In many cases this is down to a door which has very slightly dropped, knocking the system out of sync. It was in the Escort's case and a minor adjustment to the driver's door fixed the problem - and that took us about six months to diagnose whilst we went though the entire system, relays e.t.c...

 

That's pretty much it. Everything else is as it should be... Not bad for a 21 year old motor.

[RoadworkUK]

Interesting question.

 

Well, the Audi. Frighteningly reliable, but;

 

A/C has never worked during my ownership. Belt was taken off by previous owner, possibly because of a broken A/C clutch. I've never bothered to fix it.

Tracking needs sorting out.

Rear shockers make "a funny noise" sometimes.

Might be a rear bearing on its way out, sometimes you hear it, sometimes you don't. It shrugged its way through the MOT anyway.

 

The Rover:

 

Doesn't move, owing to the clutch slave cylinder currently being in bits in the utility room.

Power steering fluid leak.

That's all!

 

I just SORN'd it seven minutes ago, i've got six months love and affection to give it before putting it back on the road for the Autumn. How you must envy me.

[Barry Cade]

I HATE things that don't work, but love Italian crap. You'd think these two things would just make me have to choose between one or the other, but don't believe the stereotypes..

 

The GTV.

 

The air con didn't work. I had it gassed up and it leaked. 1 new O ring and now its ice cold.

The remote locking didn't work. 1 new battery and its now working, along with the alarm.

 

Everything else works perfectly.

 

The Seicento.

The rear washer doesn't work.

That's it.

 

145 Cloverleaf is the same. everything apart from the aircon works. there is a hole in the condenser which looks like a stone hit it, hardly the cars fault.

 

Italian reliability SHOCKER!!

[scooters]

Scoob

 

Drivers seat heater

Usual tailgate door trim

 

BX

Sunroof motor stop...closing takes guesswork! Mind you it makes you remember to clear the sunroof drains!

 

Sunroof motor panel doesn't stay up

 

Drivers door courtesy light switch

 

 

That's it...remarkably well assembled PSA certainly better quality leccy than later PSA

[R9UKE]

I love how long the lists from BX owners are Although Scooters seems relatively well behaved!

 

Mégane:

Drivers heated mirror

Alarm works TOO well. Goes off every night and pisses the neighbours off. Good. I hate them.

 

C'est tout!! For a 9 year old fully loaded Frenchie I don't think that's too bad!

 

Avantime:

CD Changer

Drivers heated seat

Headlight washers

 

Clio:

Starter motor works 50% of the time

Passenger electric window works 50% of the time

Heater works 50% of the time

Radio display works 50% of the time

Fuel gauge works 50% of the time

Rev counter works 50% of the time

Automatic gearbox doesn't work that well

Rear wash wipe doesn't work

 

540i:

Remote central locking. Great fun opening a 4.4 V8 BMW with a key in the door

Rain sensitive wipers

 

S70:

Passenger outside door handle

Rear electric windows

Electric mirrors

Seatbelt reminder (thank GOD)

ABS

Indicators don't self cancel

[himoverthere]

Most annoying fault: the overhead switch for the sunroof keeps falling out so it dangles on your head. As it is a Multipla, and quite wide, the nearside mirror has always been loose and flaps in the breeze.

 

All the other faults appear to stem from a previous owner hacking about the electricals:

 

no front interior lights

neither front cigarette lighter works (although one of them used to)

a/c doesn't work - I assume there is a leak somewhere, but the electrical connections seem to have been hacked about too. The light comes on at the switch though.

Sunroof seal leaks if you park it on the flat in heavy rain. Fortunately we live on a hill.

 

That's quite a short list for an 11 year old Fiat that someone has buggered about with I think!

[Pillock]

Leon: Passenger electric mirror borked (adjustment, heat and folding) - drivers side adjusts and folds but no heat.

Heated Rear Window only has one bar working.

Remote locking doesn't work

Aerial doesn't work. Have to stream radio on phone, and send it over bluetooth to the stereo.

Plastic trim inside the boot came off (with a lot of force) and won't go back on.

Passenger side doors leak water into the cabin

Aircon totally knackered

Some cretin has just bent the drivers wiper arm and lost the spring clip

[danthecapriman]

Granada:

1 heated seat doesnt work (drivers!)

Air con has no gas, (but pump is ok) so doesnt work

1 rear eleccy window doesnt go up

central locking doesnt work

 

Volvo 740:

1 heated seat doesnt work (drivers, again!)

Air con has no gas and pump doesnt work

cigar lighter picks and chooses when it works

A few dash lights and auto selector position illumination dont work

 

Capri:

Glovebox light doesnt work

Tailgate gas struts dont do anything (except make noise as boot lid comes down on your head!)

 

Transit:

As new in every way and everything works!!

 

There all just stupid things though really and all things that arent out of place on cars as old as they are with high mileages. Its just a case of finding time to sort them!

[Cheggers]

Triumph:

Just keeps on working without complaint (makes you wonder why I'm thinking of selling it )

 

Peugeot 307:

Random climate control

NSF leccy window switch knackered

 

Clio:

Remote central locking not working

NSF leccy window switch knackered (must be a French thing)

Engine sounds like a skeleton wanking in a tin shed

[cobblers]

Does "being completely missing" count?

 

I gave all my seats to the upholsterer we use at work to retrim in some spare leather we had. I swapped him the labour for some tackle for his own van. He said he'd have them done when he was quiet, but they would probably be done in a couple of weeks. The actual job is 2 days work at most.

 

It's been about 4 months now and I'm still driving round with just a piss stained old drivers seat that occasionally reclines for fun.

Anyway, as for stuff that doesn't work - The idle valve for one. Cold it just about keeps its head above water - Warm, the thing idles at about 1400 rpm.

The temperature sensor is also shafted, and the alternator only starts charging if you rev the engine to about 3500rpm.

[fiatdaft]

The heep is still soldiering on,the only thing that doesn't work is the aircon.Still no snow to play in though!

[barefoot]

Porsche;

- horn is shite.

Last time I took it for a service I said

- horn is shite.

Picked it up, apparently it's been replaced with one from a Boxter.

Boxter's are shite

- horn remains shite

 

Scirocco;

- Heated Rear Window is shite

works a little bit - given 50 miles

- blower up the windscreen

- shite on the drivers side

- spectacular if you a passenger

 

T2;

- fuel gauge

not a problem - 55 litre tank - fill up every 200 miles - what can go wrong?

fucker runs out of fuel at 196 miles - 14 emm pee - fucking gee

- wipers don't work on speed 1

- 'new' RipSpeed/Halfords* DVD / CD / Radio flattens the battery to the point that I had a leisure battery fitted

just to run the radio & the interior light & it's flattened that as well.

 

Everything else OK

 

* should have known better.

[cobblers]

T2;

- fuel gauge

not a problem - 55 litre tank - fill up every 200 miles - what can go wrong?

fucker runs out of fuel at 196 miles - 14 emm pee - fucking gee

 

Oh yeah. T25 is about the same. I put new clocks in, which seem to have a more conservative fuel guage, with the old one I could hear the pump sucking air just above red.

 

Fuel tank pisses out if I put more than £45 in, but even on steady motorway runs it does 17mpg, giving me about a 200 mile range. Can't wait to get rid of this pile of shit VW scene taxed boat anchor of an engine.

[catsinthewelder]

I really don't want to know what the mpg is on mine but it ain't pretty. Not helped by the fact that full shows 3/4 and 25 quids worth later it shows empty. I didn't list it as a fault because

1. I forgot

 

2. The fact that it does anything is pretty good for a T2

 

Dropping an XUD into a 60s Commer is the long term replacement plan.

[Pete-M]

BMW number plate lights have gone a bit random. Wiring going into boot along hinge is main suspect as they work with the boot open....

 

Will fix that tomorrow. It's annoying me already.

[cms206]

Cavalier Classic - centre console light, electric aerial, central locking from the boot and passenger doors, heaters.

 

Cavalier SRi - centre consol lights.

 

'81 National - speedo, warning buzzers, warning lights.

 

'82 National - nothing.

[myglaren]

Auto wipers. Also auto-closing windows if it rains. Never worked and the control seems to have disappeared from the menu.

Auto lights (come on when accelerating fairly rapidly and when turning or negotiating roundabouts) otherwise does as it pleases.

Again, car seems to have forgotten it ever existed.

Tailgate glass won't open unless it is way below freezing, then opens itself at random.

Door bins fall out in the street - or did until I chucked them in the house somewhere.

Tailgate washer. Never worked.

Trip computer. Failed the day I bought the car. Not bothered about that though.

Starting problems getting increasingly worse. May have to take a look at that soon.

Let me down yesterday for the first time, had to take son's 306 to work with the windows wide open as he smokes in the car and I'm allergic to tobacco smoke, among other common items.

Fortunately I have two batteries so could put the alternative (new) one on.

Failed to follow the tortuous procedure and buggered it temporarily, hence the need for the 306. OK now, tomorrow? Who knows.

 

The old battery is a Varta. Original from 2002, still fine. The battery wasn't the problem, as I discovered following the purchase of a new one.

Either the starter or the cabling. Investigation required. When it is warmer and doesn't matter so can be deferred for yet another year.

[trigger]

My cars faults are pretty boring really as i tend to keep onto off them.

 

Mondeo - The heated drivers seat doesn't work.

 

Golf - Nothing now I've fix them all!

 

Cortina - Rear door handle is broke, currently looking for a replacement.

 

Pretty lame hey!

[Captain Slow]

Heater doesn't REALLY work - it tries, but isn't great. Needs backflushing and for me to change the 'stat in Spring.

 

Central locking doesn't always unlock all doors.

[dollywobbler]

Why change the 'stat in spring? Now's when you need it! I'm bravely going to attempt a 'stat change on the BX tomorrow and might even wire in the temp gauge that I've had kicking around since about October.

[Lacquer Peel]

405 Executive non functioning items;

Heated seats

Headlamp washers

Instrument panel lighting (sporadic)

Cooling fans (on a switch in the engine bay)

Heated mirrors

Central locking solenoid on both rear doors.

 

What a wreck!