Best phrases in car adverts

[sierraman]

Depends how long it took them. If it was a days work £240 wasn’t bad going. 

[HMC]

I asked about the condition of the injectors/ cylinder head on a merc cdi from 2002 the other day. He kindly whipped off the acoustic engine cover and took a pic for me where one injector is totally caked in some sort of white building adhesive / sealant where it meets the head with loads of black tar there too. I explained what I thought that was (a bodge of a repair where the injector seal was leaking- a notorious fault these have) maybe they knew, maybe they didn’t.

Anyway the car was still advertised a week on with no reference to this. I mean- i’m no expert but presumably they are happy for any prospective buyer to discover this, or not.

[RoverFolkUs]

1 minute ago, HMC said:

I asked about the condition of the injectors/ cylinder head on a merc cdi from 2002 the other day. He kindly whipped off the acoustic engine cover and took a pic for me where one injector is totally caked in some sort of white building adhesive / sealant where it meets the head with loads of black tar there too. I explained what I thought that was (a bodge of a repair where the injector seal was leaking- a notorious fault these have) maybe they knew, maybe they didn’t.

Anyway the car was still advertised a week on with no reference to this. 

Similar thing happened with a MK2 Focus I viewed. No mention of any major issues on the advert nor when I specifically asked him. Got there and there was what seemed like an oil leak, (a huge stain in the allocated parking space), so it definitely came from the Focus. Started the engine and it was making the most horrendous racket imaginable (basically a PAS pump running dry) but the pump was leaking and spraying fluid everywhere under the bonnet. 

I switched the engine off, shut the bonnet and looked at him. Asked him didn't he notice such a major noise...? "Nah its always been fine mate and just passed the MOT, never looked into it"

Even if you don't know what the problem is, when I specifically ask if there's anything untoward, why not tell me there's a weird noise from under the bonnet instead of telling me a barefaced lie to get me over there and waste a journey looking at it!?

Exactly the same happened as you describe, even though I told him what the problem was he didn't update the advert to mention anything about it. Although he did take the time to update the advert with the phrase "re-listed due to timewaster"

I was fucking livid being branded as the timewaster even though it was me that wasted a journey as a result of his lies. I really despise some people!

[rob88h]

14 hours ago, RoverFolkUs said:

Even if you don't know what the problem is, when I specifically ask if there's anything untoward, why not tell me there's a weird noise from under the bonnet instead of telling me a barefaced lie

Here’s another approach I’ve just come across (the shouty bit):

Don’t ask and I won’t tell 😉

[Metal Guru]

I once went to test drive a (new) 4x4, arranged for the weekend as the demonstrator was at the dealer’s other site 40 miles away.

When I got there, the salesman said sorry, didn’t want to bring the car over in the snow.  It had snowed a bit, but not blocked roads or anything and needless to say I went elsewhere.

[sierraman]

15 hours ago, HMC said:

I asked about the condition of the injectors/ cylinder head on a merc cdi from 2002 the other day. He kindly whipped off the acoustic engine cover and took a pic for me where one injector is totally caked in some sort of white building adhesive / sealant where it meets the head with loads of black tar there too. I explained what I thought that was (a bodge of a repair where the injector seal was leaking- a notorious fault these have) maybe they knew, maybe they didn’t.

Anyway the car was still advertised a week on with no reference to this. I mean- i’m no expert but presumably they are happy for any prospective buyer to discover this, or not.

Plenty do that, hope you won’t see, I was charged with getting shut of an Astra diesel a while back, the injector seals had gone on that, looked obvious to anyone what was up but they seemed more concerned about whether the radio worked. 

[AnnoyingPentium]

17 minutes ago, sierraman said:

Plenty do that, hope you won’t see, I was charged with getting shut of an Astra diesel a while back, the injector seals had gone on that, looked obvious to anyone what was up but they seemed more concerned about whether the radio worked. 

Well how else are they going to listen to music when they've been left at the side of the road?

[sierraman]

2 hours ago, AnnoyingPentium said:

Well how else are they going to listen to music when they've been left at the side of the road?

You could barely hear the wireless over the wheel bearing. 

[St.Jude]

So this appeared on my Faceache.

So it's breaking for spares and repairs. Fair enough...

Starts and drives perfectly.

How? When it's got no clutch and the cats have been taken off of it?!

[catsinthewelder]

I'm just amazed that it has a manual gearbox.

[MisterH]

This is a good* one:

https://www.carandclassic.com/car/C1437184

Quote

My classic cars are motoring antiques. Please do not confuse them with your one-year-old Range Rover

Thanks for highlighting that, could have been caught out there...

Quote

 This car, for example, is 54-years-old and so will have quirks and faults in there somewhere.  These are not always apparent when buying and selling classics which is what I do

And even less apparent when you won't even bother to find out what they are...

Quote

The majority of them go out as they came in, and I continue to enjoy finding more - a skill which is becoming increasingly difficult as many of you will be aware.

In that case why am I not in high demand?

Quote

 They deserve to be taken on as "family pets" and cared for through thick and then...

...what?

Quote

They don't make them any more and demand now out-strips supply

If it had a blue oval stuck to the front then yes

 

 

Shame, as when I first saw it I thought maybe he wasn't that bad...

[twosmoke300]

Sure is a lot of words for” No warranty “

[Agila]

On 3/23/2022 at 4:00 PM, St.Jude said:

So this appeared on my Faceache.

So it's breaking for spares and repairs. Fair enough...

Starts and drives perfectly.

How? When it's got no clutch and the cats have been taken off of it?!

He said starts and runs. I assume he's referring to the engine, not the car.

In fairness he is showing it as spares and repairs. 

The cats gone would basically remove the repair option but it seems fair enough to me.

[RoverFolkUs]

2 hours ago, MisterH said:

This is a good* one:

https://www.carandclassic.com/car/C1437184

Thanks for highlighting that, could have been caught out there...

And even less apparent when you won't even bother to find out what they are...

In that case why am I not in high demand?

...what?

If it had a blue oval stuck to the front then yes

 

 

Shame, as when I first saw it I thought maybe he wasn't that bad...

TLDR; seller is a complete obnoxious twat who thinks they're sitting on a goldmine 😅

24 minutes ago, Agila said:

He said starts and runs. I assume he's referring to the engine, not the car.

In fairness he is showing it as spares and repairs. 

The cats gone would basically remove the repair option but it seems fair enough to me.

Point is, it's scrap. £1000 is quite rich. Can't imagine parts are in hot demand either

[Agila]

25 minutes ago, RoverFolkUs said:

Point is, it's scrap. £1000 is quite rich. Can't imagine parts are in hot demand either

No I can't imagine there will be massive demand but that is only equalled by low supply (find another etc)

Plus it's about the size of 2 or 3 cars bumper to bumper.

I'd imagine somebody with a fleet of 2 or 3 might get some worth from it before weighing the rest in.

[RoverFolkUs]

21 minutes ago, Agila said:

No I can't imagine there will be massive demand but that is only equalled by low supply (find another etc)

Plus it's about the size of 2 or 3 cars bumper to bumper.

I'd imagine somebody with a fleet of 2 or 3 might get some worth from it before weighing the rest in.

Yes that is true, I hear what you're saying

[anonymous user]

1 hour ago, RoverFolkUs said:

TLDR; seller is a complete obnoxious twat who thinks they're sitting on a goldmine 😅

 

I bought a car off him years ago and thought he was OK. Yes he's a dealer in it to make money, but did answer my questions honestly.

[RoverFolkUs]

32 minutes ago, anonymous user said:

I bought a car off him years ago and thought he was OK. Yes he's a dealer in it to make money, but did answer my questions honestly.

Fair enough 

It was said in jest, but it kind of goes without saying you can't expect to jump in a 50 odd year old car and expect it work perfectly every time. Any sort of question or hiccup post sale, even if very minor, usually gets a very defensive "old car m8" response from that sort of seller (based on the tone of the advert) which isn't exactly helpful!

Since he's a trader, despite them being 'old cars m8', he still needs to be careful selling to the public on those sorts of terms 

[neil1971]

'Hick machine' - is that some sort of street slang for ugly?

[DavieW]

14 minutes ago, neil1971 said:

'Hick machine' - is that some sort of street slang for ugly?

And that kids, is how you make an ugly car uglier.

[GR8 PL8 M8]

20 minutes ago, neil1971 said:

'Hick machine' - is that some sort of street slang for ugly?

Both horrifying and horrified at the same time...

The body kit... the panel gaps... the shopping list... the BONNET SCOOP...

[RoverFolkUs]

And the number plate, whatever its trying to spell...!

[neil1971]

'Future proof Investment'

Must admit I was delighted to see this, as I have a very similar Note (but without the stains on the seat) and while it's a good car, I never realised it was a 'future proof investment'. I'll be cancelling my pension contributions in the morning.

[RoverFolkUs]

13 minutes ago, neil1971 said:

'Future proof Investment'

Must admit I was delighted to see this, as I have a very similar Note (but without the stains on the seat) and while it's a good car, I never realised it was a 'future proof investment'. I'll be cancelling my pension contributions in the morning.

Some people really do talk any old shite to coin a sale. That's the biggest stretch I've heard!

Investment... Nissan Note... Ha!

[Crackers]

27 minutes ago, neil1971 said:

'Future proof Investment'

Don't forget, it's "Advertised significantly cheaper then the market to beat the competition" and absolutely not because it's a total dog they just want off their forecourt as fast as possible (which, in a Note, isn't that fast).

[Poweredbyhopealone]

Great thread this. I recall an advert over on the blue forum for a Hilux I think. The ad said something like "Never been welded in its history" then the next 20 photos were of the enormous jagged holes in every metal surface.

Never been welded, but it sure should have been.

[neil1971]

Have to admire this guy's optimism!

'Has got an engine management light on which was due to the EGR valve but now had that replaced just need like turning off' Ok mate.

'There is a crack in the screen shown in last picture but it’s not in driver’s view' 😄

 

[RoverFolkUs]

2 hours ago, neil1971 said:

Have to admire this guy's optimism!

'Has got an engine management light on which was due to the EGR valve but now had that replaced just need like turning off' Ok mate.

'There is a crack in the screen shown in last picture but it’s not in driver’s view' 😄

 

Ahhh yes, replacing the EGR valve is a piece of piss, but switching off the EML - requires a specialist set of skills m9 😂

[MisterH]

https://www.carandclassic.com/car/C1437400

This is a good one

First off only limited pictures, don't even know what interior looks like

Quote

.All orginalcar has been in dry storage for 18 years 

So its been used as an Orgy venue for the past 18 years? not driving? So you're selling a recommissioning job? 

oh wait

Quote

 MOT to October 2022

guess that's alright then 

Quote

 owners handbook service record book from new invoices etc

illustrated confirmation might be helpful to back that up...

Quote

Must be an investment

Why sounding so doubtful?

Quote

£7700

Oh I see, won't get much return on that...

[RoverFolkUs]

1 hour ago, MisterH said:

https://www.carandclassic.com/car/C1437400

This is a good one

First off only limited pictures, don't even know what interior looks like

So its been used as an Orgy venue for the past 18 years? not driving? So you're selling a recommissioning job? 

oh wait

guess that's alright then 

illustrated confirmation might be helpful to back that up...

Why sounding so doubtful?

Oh I see, won't get much return on that...

£7700 sounds reasonable when it includes JDM tax and pop-up-headlight tax!