Most stupid message while flogging a shiter

[sierraman]

9 hours ago, Lankytim said:

I sold an LPG powered 1999 Passat on FB marketplace and it was a proper weirdo magnet. I eventually filtered out all the guaranteed messers and a guy came to have a look. He seemed nice- it was up for something like £200 so not mega money. We went for a test drive and he liked it, sat in the car we started talking turkey. I didn't want to drop the price as it was around what I'd get for scrap and I'd already dropped it quite a bit, plus is was a pretty clean car. He got more and more agitated, eventually grabbing my elbow and pleaded with me to knock £20 off, tears welling up in his eyes. "Please, PLEASE, I'm BEGGING YOU!"

He took it for £180.

‘Get on your knees motherfucker!’

[JimH]

8 hours ago, captain_70s said:

WooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOoo

Fuck me, that looks miserable to drive.

Oh it is way worse that top cog wailing away like that.

1. Your front wheels are very heavy, have huge articulation, very stiff springing and no damping. Basically they are going where they want and you have to work hard to keep them on track. Obviously there is no assistance so it is just brute force and ignorance. The other little trick was that ther wheels on the rear bogie are geared together on either side. Coupled with the short wheelbase means that most of the time it wanted to go roughly straight on. Making it turn was graft. Unless things were a bit muddy in which case it was going straight on and there wasn't a fat lot you could do about it.
2. You can probably spot that it is pretty wide so you don't have much room for error. This added a frisson of excitement to your work of keeping things on the straight and (very) narrow.
3. It may not be obvious but you sit a log way in board close to the middle of the cab, the mirrors are "traditional" and the view out the front is not good. You might spot the little red balls on the wings. That should give you a clue as to the sort of view you get of what is going on.
4. You are fighting the gearbox all the fucking time. I drove it through Glasgow one weekend (those who don't know Glasgow may not realise it has more traffic lights per capita than any other city on the world). Although it was a six speed box running light you only bothered with the top three but even in town you still needed them. With no neutral plane you have to go both up and down the box so even slowing down in a bind. The clutch is slightly* on the heavy side and not being a time served pro you are straining to listen to everything that is going on to snick from one gear to the next without a crunch. As soon as you have got going again it's time to stop and you spend most of your time screaming at dodderers to get a move on at lights so you don't need to stop. It is ridiculously hard work.
5. Cyclists were a massive problem and coming across one was a nightmare. They just had the legs on it on the flat but they slowed down a little more on the hills. The problem was that our speeds were far too closely matched so overtaking them was a painfully slow and therefore ridiculously dangerous thing to do so you just didn't do it. This meant that as you approached a hill where you were going to encounter a bike you started having to make guesses about how quickly they would climb the hill and then guessing what gear you would need - you start a hill in the gear you need because changing gears on hills is best left to the very time served pros - if you got it wrong there was going to be a problem because you were going to have to go up at their speed not yours. It was just one more thing to fret about.

So yes, it was miserable which is why it ended up sitting for more than a year in the shed undriven. I would drive a steamer through rush hour traffic in London without a second thought. Ace brakes, good acceleration, good viz and most importantly of all no gears mean you would cheerfully drive them anywhere for hours on end. This thing was just a horror so it went and we'll never do another again.

[Rocket88]

28 minutes ago, JimH said:

Oh it is way worse that top cog wailing away like that.

1. Your front wheels are very heavy, have huge articulation, very stiff springing and no damping. Basically they are going where they want and you have to work hard to keep them on track. Obviously there is no assistance so it is just brute force and ignorance. The other little trick was that ther wheels on the rear bogie are geared together on either side. Coupled with the short wheelbase means that most of the time it wanted to go roughly straight on. Making it turn was graft. Unless things were a bit muddy in which case it was going straight on and there wasn't a fat lot you could do about it.
2. You can probably spot that it is pretty wide so you don't have much room for error. This added a frisson of excitement to your work of keeping things on the straight and (very) narrow.
3. It may not be obvious but you sit a log way in board close to the middle of the cab, the mirrors are "traditional" and the view out the front is not good. You might spot the little red balls on the wings. That should give you a clue as to the sort of view you get of what is going on.
4. You are fighting the gearbox all the fucking time. I drove it through Glasgow one weekend (those who don't know Glasgow may not realise it has more traffic lights per capita than any other city on the world). Although it was a six speed box running light you only bothered with the top three but even in town you still needed them. With no neutral plane you have to go both up and down the box so even slowing down in a bind. The clutch is slightly* on the heavy side and not being a time served pro you are straining to listen to everything that is going on to snick from one gear to the next without a crunch. As soon as you have got going again it's time to stop and you spend most of your time screaming at dodderers to get a move on at lights so you don't need to stop. It is ridiculously hard work.
5. Cyclists were a massive problem and coming across one was a nightmare. They just had the legs on it on the flat but they slowed down a little more on the hills. The problem was that our speeds were far too closely matched so overtaking them was a painfully slow and therefore ridiculously dangerous thing to do so you just didn't do it. This meant that as you approached a hill where you were going to encounter a bike you started having to make guesses about how quickly they would climb the hill and then guessing what gear you would need - you start a hill in the gear you need because changing gears on hills is best left to the very time served pros - if you got it wrong there was going to be a problem because you were going to have to go up at their speed not yours. It was just one more thing to fret about.

So yes, it was miserable which is why it ended up sitting for more than a year in the shed undriven. I would drive a steamer through rush hour traffic in London without a second thought. Ace brakes, good acceleration, good viz and most importantly of all no gears mean you would cheerfully drive them anywhere for hours on end. This thing was just a horror so it went and we'll never do another again.

I’m surprised that Issigonis didn’t design it...... bloody sadistic bastard

[New POD]

14 minutes ago, colc said:

I’m surprised that Issigonis didn’t design it...... bloody sadistic bastard

Issigonis and Design in the same sentence. Oxymoron? 

Conceptual Design ? Brilliant, guesses about what his target market might pay for, but actual detailed, well executed design?  I've owned for minis, and therefore know he was taking the piss. 

 

[Eyersey1234]

On 2/3/2021 at 10:23 AM, Bren said:

We lumped a mitsubishi galant on gumtree.

We got the following -

" is there any petrol in it?"

Would be funnier if you were selling a diesel 🤣

[Rocket88]

1 hour ago, New POD said:

Issigonis and Design in the same sentence. Oxymoron? 

Conceptual Design ? Brilliant, guesses about what his target market might pay for, but actual detailed, well executed design?  I've owned for minis, and therefore know he was taking the piss. 

 

Brilliant at “ packaging “ to the exclusion of pretty much everything  else.......the fact that the Mini handled well was a happy coincidence rather than a designed intention

[Uncle Jimmy]

12 hours ago, High Jetter said:

A darts player, perhaps?

Or a basketball player?

[Supernaut]

14 hours ago, captain_70s said:

WooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOooOOoo

Fuck me, that looks miserable to drive.

I used to drive around in a SIII Land Rover that sounded like that. It wasn't too bad. I actually quite liked it.

However:

4 hours ago, JimH said:

Oh it is way worse that top cog wailing away like that.

1. Your front wheels are very heavy, have huge articulation, very stiff springing and no damping. Basically they are going where they want and you have to work hard to keep them on track. Obviously there is no assistance so it is just brute force and ignorance. The other little trick was that ther wheels on the rear bogie are geared together on either side. Coupled with the short wheelbase means that most of the time it wanted to go roughly straight on. Making it turn was graft. Unless things were a bit muddy in which case it was going straight on and there wasn't a fat lot you could do about it.
2. You can probably spot that it is pretty wide so you don't have much room for error. This added a frisson of excitement to your work of keeping things on the straight and (very) narrow.
3. It may not be obvious but you sit a log way in board close to the middle of the cab, the mirrors are "traditional" and the view out the front is not good. You might spot the little red balls on the wings. That should give you a clue as to the sort of view you get of what is going on.
4. You are fighting the gearbox all the fucking time. I drove it through Glasgow one weekend (those who don't know Glasgow may not realise it has more traffic lights per capita than any other city on the world). Although it was a six speed box running light you only bothered with the top three but even in town you still needed them. With no neutral plane you have to go both up and down the box so even slowing down in a bind. The clutch is slightly* on the heavy side and not being a time served pro you are straining to listen to everything that is going on to snick from one gear to the next without a crunch. As soon as you have got going again it's time to stop and you spend most of your time screaming at dodderers to get a move on at lights so you don't need to stop. It is ridiculously hard work.
5. Cyclists were a massive problem and coming across one was a nightmare. They just had the legs on it on the flat but they slowed down a little more on the hills. The problem was that our speeds were far too closely matched so overtaking them was a painfully slow and therefore ridiculously dangerous thing to do so you just didn't do it. This meant that as you approached a hill where you were going to encounter a bike you started having to make guesses about how quickly they would climb the hill and then guessing what gear you would need - you start a hill in the gear you need because changing gears on hills is best left to the very time served pros - if you got it wrong there was going to be a problem because you were going to have to go up at their speed not yours. It was just one more thing to fret about.

So yes, it was miserable which is why it ended up sitting for more than a year in the shed undriven. I would drive a steamer through rush hour traffic in London without a second thought. Ace brakes, good acceleration, good viz and most importantly of all no gears mean you would cheerfully drive them anywhere for hours on end. This thing was just a horror so it went and we'll never do another again.

It was capable of a "comfortable" 50mph rather than 28mph and even though the controls were still rather heavy it didn't drive like that. Also, being the size of a normal car meant it was still relatively easy to drive compared to the Scammel. I distinctly remember fighting the steering constantly on the Land Rover to keep it straight, so I can only imagine how terrifying it would be in something several times the size! The most "urban" driving I did in it was Turriff, rather than Glasgow.

I reckon JimH's bollocks were formed on the very lathes he uses to make the parts of the steamers.

[bezzabsa]

now you know why most of those Scammels get Diesel transplants & 'modern-ish' gearboxes 

 

[sierraman]

6 hours ago, colc said:

I’m surprised that Issigonis didn’t design it...... bloody sadistic bastard

If you ran the cyclist over it was their fault 🤣

[Eyersey1234]

2 hours ago, Supernaut said:

 

I reckon JimH's bollocks were formed on the very lathes he uses to make the parts of the steamers.

I have heard that as well 🤣

[Cavcraft]

(It's a burnt Mercedes that's advertised at £400 no offers, don't ask me if it's still available and states it needs to be towed away)

Five minutes ago that.

[sutty2006]

Picture of the burnt mercedes? This I gotta see! 

[Cavcraft]

It's only some of the interior and the side glass/part of  the windscreen.

[Eyersey1234]

32 minutes ago, Cavcraft said:

(It's a burnt Mercedes that's advertised at £400 no offers, don't ask me if it's still available and states it needs to be towed away)

Five minutes ago that.

Fuck me she expects to drive it home?  And can suddenly magic £130 out of nowhere? 

[Eyersey1234]

23 minutes ago, sutty2006 said:

Picture of the burnt mercedes? This I gotta see! 

And me

[Cavcraft]

[Eyersey1234]

Just now, Cavcraft said:

Fuck me, she wanted to drive it like that???? 

[Cavcraft]

It turned out to be a male turbo moron, not a female. But yeah, wanted to drive it back. 

Had a few weirdos recently, must be lock down getting to them. It's all worthwhile when you tell them it's sold though, especially the two bob shit lickers who tell you your item is too expensive.

[sutty2006]

Holy shitballs 

[sutty2006]

Did that heater vent overload? 

[Burnside]

Had a right game selling my Grandad's Rover 45 a few yrs ago. When I finally had someone turn up to view after the endless £150 tont M9. It was some snobby old women who spent over a hr fucking moaning about the headlining being slightly saggy at the back and every minor scratch/ dent she could find.

Although never once did she or her clearly down trodden husband bother to look under the bonnet or ask anything relevant to buying a £500 car. In the end I got rather irritated and told her it was £500 02 Rover and if she wanted a Rolls Royce to go buy one!

Amazing though she shut up and actually brought it after another 15 minutes of chatting to her husband. I made her pay the full £500 too, as she pissed me off so much. 

 

[sierraman]

I think sometimes if the advert is for a Mercedes/Audi/VW/BMW (delete as appropriate) the idiot count goes up a hundred fold. The Gumtree buyer in his dimly lit flat desperately wants one but they’re chancing on you taking the £150 they’ve got from the pawnbrokers. 

[Cavcraft]

Any cheap motor attracts these clowns, but as you say anything German (or so called 'premium') makes it worse. It's just the mentality of people who only bid the amount of money they actually have. On the odd occasion they do actually buy something, when the inevitable happens and it needs a set of shocks or whatever 3 months later, they're fucked as they can't afford to repair it.

[somewhatfoolish]

On 2/4/2021 at 9:41 PM, wuvvum said:

Oh lordy, did it have one of those gearboxes?  Yep, definitely rather you than me in that case...

Straight-cut constant mesh? With 1930s lorries  pretty much TADTS.

[wuvvum]

1 hour ago, somewhatfoolish said:

Straight-cut constant mesh? With 1930s lorries  pretty much TADTS.

Oh yes, I'd expect it to be a crash 'box.  However the Scammell gate change 'box is something far more sinister and sadistic than a boggo non-synchro H-pattern.

[cort16]

I used to get a guy when ever I sold a car calling up and after some small talk asking how fast it would go and how fast I’d had it.

The conversion would go normally then it would work toward the top speed question after a minute or so . It happen at least 3 times . Not sure if he was scanning the yellow paper for my number or  just doing blanket coverage of every car for sale in the area .

[Low Horatio gearbox]

"Dose it run m8"

Despite my ad saying it didn't and this pic of the engine bay.

And the usual  "giv u 200 4 it"  and asking for me to part it out despite me saying I needed it gone as I was moving and wasnt interested in parting it out and still have 90% of a car to shift come moving day. 

[cort16]

When selling my Cadillac CTS some guy pushed the BIN button and sent me s £200 deposit. I enquired were he lived and it was Oxford or something. Being in Scotland Alarm bells rang even more so when he finished, "I'll arrange to pick it up when I'm back from the Pyronese".

This went on for weeks and he said he'd been delayed as his Granny was ill and sent me a selfie with him and Granny all strapped up to an Oxygen machine.

In some ways it can make it more complex if you have the deposit when they're stringing you. I eventually agreed to give him some of he deposit back if he would leave me alone. I re-advertised it and the fucker contacted me through saying he's still interested and would like to buy it when he's back from France.  FUCK OFF.

 

[flat4alfa]

1 hour ago, Low Horatio gearbox said:

Martin

Martin?  That spell check demon ruined the interweb sales.  It was easier when we had basic dyslexia, in print