The grumpy thread

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

Sounds like a good use of money to me. I for one definitely think we should be monitoring the deceased just in case they come back to life. 

 

For instance, I'd be horrified if my great grandparents were to turn up at my door unannounced. I don't want them knowing what a fat layabout I am.

[SambaS]

Yeah i just loose my patience with it sometimes but its on it's last legs, already a cat c write off, welded badly in places, rotten in others and generally falling to pieces, it wont take much more going wrong before i cut my losses i think.

 

and i wouldn't sell it because someone would only complain about the welding or the rot or the general state of it and it's not worth the hassle for a couple hundred quid.

 

 

Proper dead because the tank has to be cleaned out and the carb replaced?
Is the ashtray full, too?

[Cavcraft]

Garden-ists.

 

Why is it that every time we get more than two consecutive days or decent sunshine, everyone with anything more than a window box decide to give their grass a number 2 haircut every day?

Everywhere you go just now it's a cacophony of lawnmowers, electric shears and these really annoying strimmer things, revving and buzzing away, drowning out the radio, spreading pollen everywhere.

 

Sit the fuck down and chill the fuck out......

 

 

I envy them. Wish I had a lawn and a hedge, I love gardening.

[Junkman]

I envy them. Wish I had a lawn and a hedge, I love gardening.

 

I'd happily lend you my garden. When would you like to come?

[Cavcraft]

We'll sort that out when you come to buy my 400/4.

[Lord Sterling]

I envy them. Wish I had a lawn and a hedge, I love gardening.

You can have mine, I can't stand working on the bloody thing, even though it looks quite Ok. I've given up gardening this Summer, its long, daunting and very tiring, so I get my neighbour, who is setting up a small local gardening/window cleaning service business to do it for me.

[vulgalour]

One of the neighbours hit a nerve with me today and I was more annoyed than I ought to have been.  He was talking about cars, I got the impression he was a Top Gear type of enthusiast rather than someone who actually knew anything, and he said that if he were me he'd have the Golf for special days and he'd just run the Princess into the ground until it was dead.  Thank fuck I'm not him.  He also said he wanted an Escort and even though he was interested in getting a Mk4 rather than the ubiquitous Mk1 chariot of choice for mongs, my brain had turned off and had decided he was hateful.  I think I was more annoyed at me for letting his casual dismissal of the Princess as a worthy car get to me than his dismissal itself.

 

Besides, the Princess is a far better car than the Golf, her brakes work and she idles properly for a start.

[Sigmund Fraud]

I got the impression he was a Top Gear type of enthusiast rather than someone who actually knew anything, and he said that if he were me he'd have the Golf for special days and he'd just run the Princess into the ground until it was dead.

 

Sounds like a true connoisseur*, this chap. I would certainly* trust his advice on all matters automotive.

[Lankytim]

Atleast hes taking an interest!

[Spiny Norman]

If anyone starts telling me how fucking GR8 and reliable VWs are, my anti-bullshit instinct kicks in and I start wondering what to have for dinner.

[trigger]

Maybe he was diverting your attention whilst his mate was undoing your wheel nuts?

[Cavcraft]

I think you need to find someone to make this fella see the error of his ways.

[MrDuke]

Wow. You have my sympathies Wat, that's truly horrible.

 

Without wanting to sound all "yeah, kick his f**kin' head in" - I do believe that the kind of spineless opportunist that pulls that kind of stunt would not cope well with face-to-face confrontation. It may be that even a polite visit to inform him verbally (but non-threateningly) of your feelings would sufficiently put the wind up him and give him pause. I assume we're not talking about a drug-dealing thug here, after all - it sounds like a total chancer who thinks the family will be too upset to take it further.

 

Beyond that, I'm sure some calm, lateral thinking will open up other avenues of 'action' that won't result in your arrest, but may well lead to his imminent repentance, via some small episodes of incontinence. If you can't think of anything sufficiently subtle, then yeah, kick his f**kin' head in.

[Lord Sterling]

I'm sorry to hear that Jon. What kind of f*ckin scum would do that, particularly a 'nieghbour'. As has already been said, this tosser needs to see the error of his ways....

[nigel bickle]

If he's local too me, I'm sure my kids could pop round next time they're home ,from Afghanistan...

[oman5]

Yeah. the kick the fu**in head in thing sounds the best option.

[HillmanImp]

What they said Wat. If they have taken it without permission it sounds like someone needs to go round there and get the money back.

 

Whereabouts darn saaarf?

[autofive]

AAARRRRGGGGHHHHHH

 

trying to list a car for sale on ebay, my listing can not be processed:

 

Please provide the correct information in the highlighted fields.

• Weight - Please enter a valid package weight.

 

 

it s a fecking car, and there are no highlighted fields

 

i ve been going around in circles for 20 minutes, and 'help' as far as beay is concerned involves ringing the USA

[dollywobbler]

I broke the kettle. Again. It's a stove-top copper job. Nice. I boiled it dry once as it doesn't have a whistle. When I get my work-head on, I forget about pretty much anything else in the world. I NEED a whistle on my kettle or a cut-out!

 

Wife repaired the kettle with a lovely bit of soldering last time. I don't think she's going to be pleased when she comes back from her foreign jaunt tomorrow.

 

Options.

1) Try and solder-repair the kettle again. Chance of success? 10%. Maybe.

2) Hide kettle and pretend it was stolen by a very choosy thief. Chance of success? -379%

3) Buy a lovely new kettle somehow before tomorrow morning and play the 'thought you deserved a lovely present' card. Chance of success? Well, given that most shops are now shut, 0%.

 

Balls.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

2) Hide kettle and pretend it was stolen by a very choosy thief. Chance of success? -379%

 

I wouldn't dismiss this one so quickly... bury the kettle, fake ransack the house, 'steal'/break any ugly lamps she owns, lie to her about having called the police, etc. 

 

I've seen enough sitcoms to know it would work flawlessly. 

[Junkman]

A few green caulises with coloured leaves at their tops and a box full with sweet brown lumps will sort it.

Has never failed on any woman.

[Sigmund Fraud]

Begin by telling her the good news : you didn't buy any cars in her absence. This should make a small hole in the kettle seem insignificant.

[maxpower]

Begin by telling her the good news : you didn't buy any cars in her absence. This should make a small hole in the kettle seem insignificant.

 

Tell her you were so eager to do the housework that you ended up sleepwalking and used the kettle as a mop bucket

[cort16]

Blow it up into a thousand bits then claim you saved her life as it was a "ticking time bomb".

[dollywobbler]

Blow it up into a thousand bits then claim you saved her life as it was a "ticking time bomb".

 

Or I could do that and claim it had a spider in it. "Destruction with explosives was the only way to be sure it had gone."

[Lankytim]

Hey WAT, I think you need to speak to the CAB or solicitor about this neighbour. Go through official lines and then if you get no joy then use extreme violence*

 

 

Talking of neighbourly acts the in-laws are having aggro with theirs. Basically his tree was overhanging their garden and damaging the fence. They spoke to him and between them they agreed to have the tree cut down, removed and split the cost, which was £200.  Around a month ago the tree was felled and removed. The neighbour kept avoiding the inlaws and basically made himself unavailable to pay his share of the £200 so they eventually had to stump up the full £200 themselves to pay the tree fella off. 

 

With me so far?

 

The neighbour has since posted a scrawly 9 page letter though the inlaws door stating that he has taken legal advice and is going to sue them for damages for trespass, criminal damage as the job wasn't done properly (stump left over) and theft as the wood has been taken away without permission, infact he didn't give permission for any of the work to go ahead, apparently (although in part of the letter he states he agreed to "keep the peace") and he wants compensation because he's going through a divorce and it's very stressful, and they are only picking on him because they think he's weak and a pushover but he's going to finally stand his ground.

 

Bear in mind he verbally agreed to have the work done and was quite happy with it going ahead. What a cripple.

 

The inlaws are getting legal advice ASAP.

[cort16]

Fuuuuuuuck! Pin holes in filler where do you keep coming from??,,,

[Cavcraft]

Ian: tell her you left it on the drive as you were topping up the water in the car and knitting her a daisy chain. You'd just turned your back and it was gone in a cloud of dust and red diesel.

Then simply go to the nearest scrapyard, pooh in it and weigh it in. That way the pikies will get the blame and everyone is happy. Except possibly your missus, but the fact you'd taken time out of your busy schedule to make her a daisy chain (which got stolen with the kettle) will appease her.

 

If that doesn't work just tell her it's not your fault she left the kitchen. Then reply on here from the back of your BX estate at 3.00am after she throws you out.

[hairnet]

I broke the kettle. Again. It's a stove-top copper job. Nice. I boiled it dry once as it doesn't have a whistle. When I get my work-head on, I forget about pretty much anything else in the world. I NEED a whistle on my kettle or a cut-out!

 

Wife repaired the kettle with a lovely bit of soldering last time. I don't think she's going to be pleased when she comes back from her foreign jaunt tomorrow.

 

Options.

1) Try and solder-repair the kettle again. Chance of success? 10%. Maybe.

2) Hide kettle and pretend it was stolen by a very choosy thief. Chance of success? -379%

3) Buy a lovely new kettle somehow before tomorrow morning and play the 'thought you deserved a lovely present' card. Chance of success? Well, given that most shops are now shut, 0%.

 

Balls.

the boss solders

 

im in love

 

just buy a nice kettle and tell her you dropped the old one

[freebird]

Can no fucker drive anymore?

Ive lost count of the amount of knob heads that have stalled their cars today. Look, I HAVE to work today but, ferchrissakes, stop fucking stalling your cars and making traffic queues even longer than they already are.

Its hot enough as it is thanks, im not into being sauna'd in a fuggin Transit.

Its not like moderns have particularly heavy or difficult clutches, you can depress the fuggin pedal on most with a flaccid cock.

Fuck, fucketty, fuck!!