The grumpy thread

[Milford Cubicle]

On a similar note, I've spotted a few modern cars recently with no brake lights at all apart from the high-level one.If people are that ignorant, all new cars should be fitted with brake bulb failure warning lights like '80s Hondas.

[Guest]

I get like this every year, might as well get it in early - stop moving the clocks forward/back. It's frustrating that numerous attempts have been made to repeal this archaic system and it never happens on account of that it'd be too dark for Scotland and farmers. Both parties could sort their own system out independently of everyone else, everyone's happy, job done.I really dread them changing it in October. For me, driving home from work changes overnight from cruising back with sidelights on to squinting down unlit roads, flicking between full/dipped beam.Another bonus of not changing the clocks would be that people who get up really early would be penalised for a change, they've had it coming for a long time.

[Albert Ross]

I'm the other side of that, I have to wait for the bloody keys to the first car in for MOT, as the Service receptionist then buggers off and tags them up, and shows the customer the door, the windows, the wheels etc on the loaner....I do however HAVE to adjust the seat and mirrors in order to drive the car, so live with that one. I'm 6'1", and most of my customers seem to be related to Dopey, Grumpy etc.......I do however write on the front of our jobcards that I have adjusted the seat/mirrors, especially in the case of disabled drivers who may require assistance when they get back into the car. I also wait to see if they need me to release the parking brake for them. Thinking about it, I'm well kind aren't I?Then, thinking about it some more, should they be driving if they can't even adjust the seat or release the parking brake? Bloody cripples.

[dollywobbler]

AAAAAARGH! Iceland bans Kerry Katona. Great. Can't stand her. Yet the new advert is WORSE!!! Lots of happy chavs cluttering up the aisles trying to suggest that Iceland is a happy place full of happy people overjoyed to have paid 56p for a jalepeno pizza flavoured pizza.Surely they could be done for false advertising?!

[Timewaster]

AAAAAARGH! Iceland bans Kerry Katona. Great. Can't stand her. Yet the new advert is WORSE!!! Lots of happy chavs cluttering up the aisles trying to suggest that Iceland is a happy place full of happy people overjoyed to have paid 56p for a jalepeno pizza flavoured pizza.Surely they could be done for false advertising?!

+1If you walk around my local Iceland, instead of "Isn't everybody so happy!" it would be more like "isn't everyone so fat?"

[chaseracer]

AAAAAARGH! Iceland bans Kerry Katona. Great. Can't stand her. Yet the new advert is WORSE!!! Lots of happy chavs cluttering up the aisles trying to suggest that Iceland is a happy place full of happy people overjoyed to have paid 56p for a jalepeno pizza flavoured pizza.Surely they could be done for false advertising?!

No, because your description is accurate IME...

[whitevanman]

I do however HAVE to adjust the seat and mirrors in order to drive the car, so live with that one. I'm 6'1", and most of my customers seem to be related to Dopey, Grumpy etc.

I might be Grumpy, but I'm also 6' 1", perhaps I should go to your garage?

+1 ?/\ and I'm a fat bastard as well.....................

[pompei]

Had some new tyres put on a few weeks ago. So why do they have to alter the seat and mirror to drive less than five metres? PLUS... You are a tyre depot - so why can't you inflate the tyres to the right pressures?

[Pillock]

I might be Grumpy, but I'm also 6' 1", perhaps I should go to your garage?

+1 ?/\ and I'm a fat bastard as well.....................

Apparently that means you need to go to Iceland.

[Pillock]

My rant?Women.In particular, the old favourite of "I'm annoyed, but I'm not going to tell you why. I'm going to make you guess, but when you finally do I'm then going to be even more annoyed that it took you so long. Oh, and then I'm going to be annoyed with some of the guesses you made because I didn't realise I should be annoyed by them, but now you mention it why not."Can't live with them, not allowed to throw them in the canal. Bah.

[wuvvum]

My rant?Women.In particular, the old favourite of "I'm annoyed, but I'm not going to tell you why. I'm going to make you guess, but when you finally do I'm then going to be even more annoyed that it took you so long. Oh, and then I'm going to be annoyed with some of the guesses you made because I didn't realise I should be annoyed by them, but now you mention it why not."Can't live with them, not allowed to throw them in the canal. Bah.

There's an easy way around that problem. Stay single. If you fancy some sex, go and find a prostitute. It's far cheaper in the long term. Plus it allows one to indulge in one's passion for crap cars without fear of repercussions.

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

There's an easy way around that problem. Stay single. If you fancy some sex, go and find a prostitute. It's far cheaper in the long term. Plus it allows one to indulge in one's passion for crap cars without fear of repercussions.

Just carry spare fuses. Nothing worse than rolling up at the docks and being unable to flash your lights.

[whitevanman]

I might be Grumpy, but I'm also 6' 1", perhaps I should go to your garage?

+1 ?/\ and I'm a fat bastard as well.....................

Apparently that means you need to go to Iceland.

I would but beer is expensive..............oh! you mean THAT Iceland, the home of coke...and now Welsh singers...................

[whitevanman]

There's an easy way around that problem. Stay single. If you fancy some sex, go and find a prostitute. It's far cheaper in the long term. Plus it allows one to indulge in one's passion for crap cars without fear of repercussions.

This has been my theory for years..........well at least since I first fell out with her indoors, if/when we part company, why would I want to go straight into the same shit all over again with some other woman with the same issues/problems? I'd sooner remain single and follow the path of Wuvvumisum

[Cavcraft]

Ivecos: should be even cheaper than they are seeing as they don't actually own a quality control department.I think it's also fair to assume they're cheap because instead of wiring they used mostly damp spaghetti and the odd bits that resembled real wiring are actually self igniting/melting string.Hats off to the dickheads who invented/assembled the dashboard 'computer' that works for the first three yards then never again, rust, headlights and rear windows that literally fall out, seat covers that crumble if you look at them the wrong way, wiring that catches fire, unreliable/shit brakes, unreliable/shit gearboxes, fuel pumps that pack up after 50 miles in a brand new van and the worlds most asthmatic, fuel guzzling/incredibly slow 4 cylinder diesel engines.Oh, and let's not forget the tit who decided a big fuck off bolt under the accelerator pedal would be a good idea on a van with the rubber flooring, so the bastard gets stuck when you're overtaking someone. That must have taken some real engineering skills you fucking spazzer

[Pete-M]

Ivecos: should be even cheaper than they are seeing as they don't actually own a quality control department.I think it's also fair to assume they're cheap because instead of wiring they used mostly damp spaghetti and the odd bits that resembled real wiring are actually self igniting/melting string.Hats off to the dickheads who invented/assembled the dashboard 'computer' that works for the first three yards then never again, rust, headlights and rear windows that literally fall out, seat covers that crumble if you look at them the wrong way, wiring that catches fire, unreliable/shit brakes, unreliable/shit gearboxes, fuel pumps that pack up after 50 miles in a brand new van and the worlds most asthmatic, fuel guzzling/incredibly slow 4 cylinder diesel engines.Oh, and let's not forget the tit who decided a big fuck off bolt under the accelerator pedal would be a good idea on a van with the rubber flooring, so the bastard gets stuck when you're overtaking someone. That must have taken some real engineering skills you fucking spazzer

You missed off their trick of somehow allegedly making it OBDII compliant, but only if you've got a magic IVECO OBDII reader - which only the main agents seem to have, and they don't know how to use 'em. Mate of mine had an Ex-AA recovery swan neck Iveco that would only do 43 mph, then the injector light would come on and it'd suddenly lose all power for a few seconds. Took it to Iveco and they basically said "Computer reckons there's something wrong with it", but they wouldn't let me interrogate the thing with their diagnostic equipment - "You need to go on a course before you can use this, so I can't let you near it, Sir". Wankers.

[brammy777]

Ebay rant again, that guy who bought that stereo off me asked for my number the other day, hasnt rang it to say when he will pick it up, and that was wednesday and I havent heard anything since.Its nearly a week since the auction ended and he hasnt paid yet.What do i do?

[Pillock]

There's an easy way around that problem. Stay single. If you fancy some sex, go and find a prostitute. It's far cheaper in the long term. Plus it allows one to indulge in one's passion for crap cars without fear of repercussions.

Are you telling me that if I rolled through the red-light district in an Avenger with a mismatched door, a funny noise going over bumps and coolant dripping out of the bottom, a 'lady of the night' would actually get in?I thought they had standards too

[Cavcraft]

Ivecos: should be even cheaper than they are seeing as they don't actually own a quality control department.I think it's also fair to assume they're cheap because instead of wiring they used mostly damp spaghetti and the odd bits that resembled real wiring are actually self igniting/melting string.Hats off to the dickheads who invented/assembled the dashboard 'computer' that works for the first three yards then never again, rust, headlights and rear windows that literally fall out, seat covers that crumble if you look at them the wrong way, wiring that catches fire, unreliable/shit brakes, unreliable/shit gearboxes, fuel pumps that pack up after 50 miles in a brand new van and the worlds most asthmatic, fuel guzzling/incredibly slow 4 cylinder diesel engines.Oh, and let's not forget the tit who decided a big fuck off bolt under the accelerator pedal would be a good idea on a van with the rubber flooring, so the bastard gets stuck when you're overtaking someone. That must have taken some real engineering skills you fucking spazzer

You missed off their trick of somehow allegedly making it OBDII compliant, but only if you've got a magic IVECO OBDII reader - which only the main agents seem to have, and they don't know how to use 'em. Mate of mine had an Ex-AA recovery swan neck Iveco that would only do 43 mph, then the injector light would come on and it'd suddenly lose all power for a few seconds. Took it to Iveco and they basically said "Computer reckons there's something wrong with it", but they wouldn't let me interrogate the thing with their diagnostic equipment - "You need to go on a course before you can use this, so I can't let you near it, Sir". Wankers.

And the attitude of their main stealers: took a Cargo back which was six days old with two full A4 pages full of faults.Mr Happy behind the desk said 99% of them weren't warranty jobs including the batteries and got a bit of a strop on.I asked how much they cost new and when he told me I said had I paid for it myself I'd have driven it through his fucking workshop doors and left it there until it was fully sorted.In the company vehicles stakes admitting to other drivers you ran round in an Iveco Cargo would be like admitting to a rival salesman you had a 24 year old Datsun Stanza. Basically everyone just laughed as soon as you mentioned the word Iveco and I can't say I blame them. I swear to God three times with three different recovery/repair agents and they all said 'see you soon'

[Andrew353w]

Could someone tell me why cars now seem to be fitted with a device that disables the indicators when approaching a roundabout...?

The best way to respond to a non-indicating driver I ever saw was on the M25 Junction at South Mimms. (Junction 23) The driver who'd been put out by the non-indicating twonk stepped out of his car, went over to the non-indicating car, tapped the indicator lens and said "try it now, mate!" The twonk slid down in his seat totally embarrassed-top response!

[pandaselecta]

What amazes me is when people think that an LDV is a good choice, if its such a good choice why can you get a 54 plater for £1200 . Personally i wouldnt pay £1200 for a NEW one ;D

[Pete-M]

I have run out of fags, unfortunately I have just finished off a bottle of Vodka (I have run out of gin as well) so I can't drive to the shop to get any more. Do the Red Cross do emergency fags/gin, I shall complain to the European Court of Human Rights if they don't. I'm a minority in this area, I work.

If there was a 'like' button on here, I'd click it for that.

[pogweasel]

I've got some fags. And some bottles of tanglefoot. And Absolute Classic Rock. And Autoshite.Quality.

[Richard]

I have run out of fags, unfortunately I have just finished off a bottle of Vodka (I have run out of gin as well) so I can't drive to the shop to get any more. Do the Red Cross do emergency fags/gin, I shall complain to the European Court of Human Rights if they don't. I'm a minority in this area, I work.

If you're really desperate phone a takeaway that does fags and ask them to deliver. When I was driving taxis I got asked to deliver blue bottle cider at something like 10am

[Pete-M]

D'uuuurb man, d'uuuurb.

[Father Ted]

Four fucking hours to set up a new mobile phone for the wife and a new sLaptop for my mother. FOUR hours.why does nothing work out of the box? I mean I turn slaptop on, it starts to load up windows a fresh fucking install of Vesta - I mean come on, why the the fuck cant they do this in the factory? Its like they get so far and turn it off and fuck off for a brew. Then there is all the other wanky dross trial versions that are installed, like McAffee 14 day trial - why the fuck do i only want 14 days of something then struggle to remove the twatting thing from the PC. Then there is Office 2007 (oh and fucking Vesta wont work with Office 2003) - a 60 day trial - thats fine I have a corporate edition of orifice 2007 gleaned from the NHS for the bargain price of 11 quid - so I shove that serial number in to the PC, but no the wanky version is bloody student and home version, so the serial number wont work - so uninstall that, install my version of Orifice and restart again for the nth time. i mean fooking hell Vesta doesnt even come with a browser, so off I go install Firefox, go online, instal chrome, flock and opera and then restart again....Then the phone, the bastard phone - well I mean first there was the cunt at Carporn Whorehouse who was only "answering quick questions!" not actually serving anyone - so that was one bloke on the till dealing with a big queue and one bloke doing fuck all then. Then once I got the wifes new Nokia home I had to set the twatting thing up - and its one of those touch screen jobbies - fucking mare.I havent even made the recovery discs yet ( i mean FFS, fucking put the discs in the box) That'll be another hour of my life wasted.Tomorrow Im taking the kids to the beach, fuck technology for the day. Fuck it to hell and back

[Father Ted]

Oh, and I have a Falcon pipe, some rum & chocolate flavored baccy and a big bottle of Baileys (puffs drink or not, its getting drunk).

[andrew e]

To the CNUTS on the way home from the coldplay concert stop pulling the comunication cord, stoping the train and abuseing the poor driver who keeps having to reset the brakes. Your TOSSERS. I have just de-trained a whole train, stuck you another one because we thought it was buggered. And your doing it again. I hope the cab drivers tell you to FLUCK OFF at Reading station and you get MUGGED and RAPED by AMOUROUS TRAMPS.I hope Gwenth Paltrow had a headache when you got in Chris Martin.

[chester drawers]

Hmmm. A train full of Coldplay fans. Retreat to a quiet siding, phone 999 and alert the authorities to suspicious rucksack-related activity. Repeat in case of Razorlight and similar NME championed bollocks. *Cross fingers Conor McNicholas is amongst them.*

[chester drawers]

Seen as how I’m feeling grumpy, last night “security†were busy confiscating glow sticks on the doors at Orbital Manchester Academy 1. WTF? I suspect ambitious terrorists may have gone for a slightly more high profile target