The grumpy thread

[AMC Rebel]

If anything, I find "hoofwanking bunglecunt" even less funny than "twatter/cuntbook".

 

HTH

[BorniteIdentity]

If anything, I find "hoofwanking bunglecunt" even less funny than "twatter/cuntbook".

 

HTH

Fair enough.

[Slartibartfast]

Finally the other day I forgave my father for getting my blue RC Porsche 34 years ago and stamping on it in front of me because I accidentally* snapped his aerial on the wireless. 

 

There's a scene in a biographical film I saw once about Peter Sellers ("The Life and Death of Peter Sellers") where his son "cleans" his porsche with rocks, so Sellers gathers his sons toys together and then jumps up and down on them in front of him. It sticks with me to this day, and it comes unbidden to mind every time one of my little vandals destroys something and I feel the urge to retaliate or dish out some kind of punishment come up with in the heat of the moment.

[clayts450]

Re excessive or rubbish swearing

 

What if one has Tourette's and cannot help oneself, eg.

 

 

(By the way this isn't a pisstake, the bloke is refreshingly open and honest about his condition and has quite a following 

see

 

)

[Slartibartfast]

Also if anyone has any beeb or acorn kit they want to move on I would be interested. The BBC Micro/Master was the first computer I got to properly cut my teeth on (I had a dragon 32 prior to starting school, but very little software and no guidance, so never used it to its full potential) and I've always wanted to own one but prices on ebay are pretty fierce.

[xtriple]

My mum burned all my toys one year just before Christmas. My crime? I was playing with her doll and the rubber band that holds the arms on internally snapped. I had to sit and watch. I was about 3 and it's stuck with me all my life.

 

She was hateful old witch sadly not missed.

[fordperv]

Re excessive or rubbish swearing

 

What if one has Tourette's and cannot help oneself, eg.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iAZW6AIV24s

 

(By the way this isn't a pisstake, the bloke is refreshingly open and honest about his condition and has quite a following

see

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jeylKj9EcmA )

I got shown this guy by mrs fps mum I think he's fantastic

[beko1987]

The Zafira seems to have gone into full on limp mode on Amy driving back from Aylesbury. Her explination of what it is doing was utter shit, so I told her to either drive 9 miles home at 20mph and try not to get stabbed by irate motorists, or put the £14 a month we pay to the AA to good use. No idea what use she tinks I'll be 26 miles away at work but there you go.

 

And to think I only took out AA when I started owning Lagunas, and have never had a spot of bother with them whilst driving...

[Slartibartfast]

I got shown this guy by mrs fps mum I think he's fantastic

 

Jess Thom aka Tourettes Hero is also great.

 

 

[scaryoldcortina]

Also if anyone has any beeb or acorn kit they want to move on I would be interested. The BBC Micro/Master was the first computer I got to properly cut my teeth on (I had a dragon 32 prior to starting school, but very little software and no guidance, so never used it to its full potential) and I've always wanted to own one but prices on ebay are pretty fierce.

Yeah, I'm quite grumpy that I told my dad (20 years ago) to throw away his BBC Master with monitor, disk drive, printer, Co-Processor and sound modules as I didn't want it!

 

FFFFFFFFS!

[SiC]

Just found out that my Screwfix 20l Jerry Can isn't actually rated to hold petrol. Bugger. Means I need to buy another one that is now.

 

https://www.screwfix.com/p/jerry-can-20ltr/37696

[Captain Furious]

Like an absolute fucking bellend I have managed to lose my house keys which, for convenience reasons, also has my Mondeo key on it.  This means I now only have one non-remote key remaining, and in order to program a new key yourself you need two working keys.  Well if I still had two working keys I wouldn't need a new one coding, would I.

 

So I guess an arse raping at Ford is in my future.

[Crispian_J_Hotson]

My mum burned all my toys one year just before Christmas. My crime? I was playing with her doll and the rubber band that holds the arms on internally snapped. I had to sit and watch. I was about 3 and it's stuck with me all my life.

 

She was hateful old witch sadly not missed.

 

My old man is alright, just has two modes: calm and explosive. You know when the conversation* turns as he goes red, teeth grit and the fuck word comes into every sentence. It's something I've unfortunately inherited as part of my personality but I have worked over the years to keep it under control.

Now I'm a lot older, I actually enjoy pointing this turn of events out to him when it happens. I call it Hulk mode.

[Tickman]

Just found out that my Screwfix 20l Jerry Can isn't actually rated to hold petrol. Bugger. Means I need to buy another one that is now.

 

ae235.jpg

https://www.screwfix.com/p/jerry-can-20ltr/37696

 

How can you sell something in the catagory 'Fuel pumps and cans' and it not be fit for purpose.

 

I would still use it if I couldn't return it.

[Eddie Honda]

Just found out that my Screwfix 20l Jerry Can isn't actually rated to hold petrol. Bugger. Means I need to buy another one that is now.

No it doesn't. Stick 20L of petrol in it, store it. Don't tell the authorities.

[Datsuncog]

From what I remember from my Halfords Touring Expert* days, official rules are:

 

Petrol storage max: 5l plastic container, 10l metal container 

 

Diesel storage max: 10l plastic container, 20l metal container.

 

Something to do with potential fire risk in the event rupture in an accident. But it's not an issue with your Screwfix jerry can per se - you won't find a storage container of any description rated for more than 10l of petrol from a general retailer anywhere. I assume different rules apply if you're a bona fide mechanic/tradesperson.

 

The fact that petrol was routinely carried in 20l jerry cans for many a long year is, apparently, neither here nor there.

 

I'm not sure whether a filling station will notice/care what you're putting in the jerry can, though. My skinflint financially savvy uncle used to do fuel runs over the border carrying diesel in multiple 25l plastic drums, way back at a time when the exchange rate with the Irish Punt was very favourable.

[AlabamaShrimp]

What does not rated for petrol mean? It's made of metal isn't it. Mine is nearly the same but the rubber seal is shit so leaks.

[Eddie Honda]

"Not rated" only means what Datsuncog says, no nuns or kittens will die, its just the regs.

[beko1987]

From what I remember from my Halfords Touring Expert* days, official rules are:

 

Petrol storage max: 5l plastic container, 10l metal container 

 

Diesel storage max: 10l plastic container, 20l metal container.

 

Something to do with potential fire risk in the event rupture in an accident. But it's not an issue with your Screwfix jerry can per se - you won't find any petrol storage container on sale for more than 10l from a general retailer anywhere. I assume different rules apply if you're a bona fide mechanic/tradesperson.

 

The fact that petrol was routinely carried in 20l jerry cans for many a long year is, apparently, neither here nor there.

 

I'm not sure whether a filling station will notice/care what you're putting in the jerry can, though. My skinflint financially savvy uncle used to do fuel runs over the border carrying diesel in multiple 25l plastic drums, way back at a time when the exchange rate with the Irish Punt was very favourable.

I filled up the jerry can on monday night for the mower and could have ruddy stolen it... Filled up, put it back in the boot and went in, got some tobacco and went to pay. Had to tell him I got fuel, he said he hadn't seen me fill up...

[Eddie Honda]

If you want to bore yourself silly about fuel cans...http://www.hse.gov.uk/fireandexplosion/petrol-storage-club-association.htm

[madrat]

When I worked for Mobil, we were not allowed to sell fuel to anyone unless they were using a proper fuel can.

[Eddie Honda]

When I worked for Esso, we were not allowed to sell hot food after midnight until 6am.

 

 

...however that one I overlooked many a times. In fact it helped get a burglar put behind bars.

[madrat]

When I worked for Esso, we were not allowed to sell hot food after midnight until 6am.

 

 

 

WHY???

[Eddie Honda]

Correction: 11pm - 5am

 

No hot food licence.

 

https://www.gov.uk/premises-licence-scotland

 

All we had was a microwave and one of those fridges with microwave burgers in. A pure magnet for those with the munchies.

[AlabamaShrimp]

It's incase they turned into Gremlins.

[madrat]

Correction: 11pm - 5am

 

No hot food licence.

 

https://www.gov.uk/premises-licence-scotland

Is that just a Scottish thing?

[Eddie Honda]

That's why it says Scotland on the page

 

But here's the E & W page

 

https://www.gov.uk/premises-licence

[Slartibartfast]

It's incase they turned into Gremlins.

My grump for today is that you beat me to that joke.

[madrat]

My youngest is a cunt.

 

We got him a car, he hardly uses it, we keep it maintained, he hardly uses it, we pay half his insurance, he hardly uses it, now he wants to sell it

 

He's not  getting a penny from selling it.

 

Anyone want a 2000 micra 1.3 Inspiration, Red very good condition.

See For Sale section for details.

[Tamworthbay]

WHY???

It’s a long time ago but when I was a student I worked at a local garage. There was a microwave for pies and sausage rolls etc. We weren’t supposed to use that between 11.30pm and 5am. It was to do with local planning regulations that didn’t allow 24hr sales of hot food for some reason. I only worked nights in the holidays but we never refused to sell hot food. There was a big sign next to it but no one bothered if someone stuck a pie in at 1am, why would you? I can understand if it was chippy in a residential area or something where they didn’t want noise late at night but the petrol station was on a dual carriageway and open 24hrs anyway.