The grumpy thread

[jakebullet]

Dropped some parcels at the local hermes parcelshop. Checked the tracking and one of them is stuck at arrived at depot. Complained to parcel2go, who got onto hermes, who said soz we've lost it. Parcel2go now want proof it's not arrived before they'll pay me out, and buyer appears to have fallen off face of the earth.

 

Er, hello, if the courier says they've lost it it's not going to magically have gone from the depot in Sheffield and appeared in the buyers letterbox in Suffolk is it?

[rml2345]

^ How the fuck do you prove something isn't there? Send them a photo of the space it's not occupying?

My grump is that the wipers on the Volvo appear to have gone batshit mental. Came home tonight, turned car off but forgot to close the window. No worries thought I, I'll just flip the ignition back on and close it.

Front wipers start, headlamp wipers start and it begins emptying the washer bottle.

Ignition off.

Ignition back on and it starts again. Arse. So I pulled the fuse and got nothing which at least meant it wasn't the fuse box. Cowling off and I unplugged the switch and flipped the ignition back on. Washers (empty) and headlamp wipers still on. Good, making progress. Went for a look outside and as soon as it had started the phenomenon stopped.

Haven't a clue what's going on and I need it tomorrow so up at stupid o'clock to try and find out.

Great.

[dollywobbler]

Regarding the duff SD card, I've revived a few now by doing nothing more than rubbing an eraser over the contacts.

[UmBongo]

People who refer to themselves in the third person.

 

GTF, pretentious twats!

[UmBongo]

School-run drivers who tailgate my car when I'm driving slowly through estates.

 

It's your brats I'm trying to protect, you fuckwits.

[UmBongo]

Subhumans who spit on traffic wardens.

 

Vile individuals, one and all.

[Danblez]

Don't stop now umBongo you are on a roll!

[Cavcraft]

Regarding the duff SD card, I've revived a few now by doing nothing more than rubbing an eraser over the contacts.

 

How you can you tell you've rubbed out the contacts and not the photographs?

[sporty-shite]

^ How the fuck do you prove something isn't there? Send them a photo of the space it's not occupying?

My grump is that the wipers on the Volvo appear to have gone batshit mental. Came home tonight, turned car off but forgot to close the window. No worries thought I, I'll just flip the ignition back on and close it.

Front wipers start, headlamp wipers start and it begins emptying the washer bottle.

Ignition off.

Ignition back on and it starts again. Arse. So I pulled the fuse and got nothing which at least meant it wasn't the fuse box. Cowling off and I unplugged the switch and flipped the ignition back on. Washers (empty) and headlamp wipers still on. Good, making progress. Went for a look outside and as soon as it had started the phenomenon stopped.

Haven't a clue what's going on and I need it tomorrow so up at stupid o'clock to try and find out.

Great.

What Volvo is it? My 480 did this and it was a borked CEM unit. Not sure if all Volvos have them or just the Dutch ones.

[UmBongo]

The ice bucket challenge.

 

Why not jump in a bath full of beans like the good old days?

[UmBongo]

People who complain about local government but don't vote in local elections.

 

Arse-cheeses!

[UmBongo]

The referendum debates, starring Fatty Salmond and Eyebrows Darling.

 

If I wanted to watch two overgrown schoolboys argue with, and point at each other, while being egged on by a bunch of thick-skulled simpletons, I would go to my local pub at chucking out time.

[UmBongo]

Trying to get the shells off boiled eggs.

 

Usually a soak in cold water then rolling them on a surface works but occasionally one egg will just not play ball.

[Station]

What's the deal with pedal bins?

 

Pressing the pedal down to open the lid, usually results in the pedal bin falling over? My nice clean kitchen floor is now awash with banana skins, fast food containers. And so on.

[Station]

And what's the deal with hoovers?

 

You just want to spend a few minutes cleaning up the place. I'm now dragging a hoover round that has somehow turned over onto it's back, and is imitating a dying beetle?

[beko1987]

And what's the deal with hoovers?

 

You just want to spend a few minutes cleaning up the place. I'm now dragging a hoover round that has somehow turned over onto it's back, and is imitating a dying beetle?

Henry?

[RedSparrow]

What's the deal with station sounding like Jerry Seinfeld's stand up?

[rml2345]

What Volvo is it? My 480 did this and it was a borked CEM unit. Not sure if all Volvos have them or just the Dutch ones.

Volvo 940 so it should hopefully be an easy* fix.

[Wilko220]

This could lead to a serious diminution in global tat levels...

 

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/business-28970130

 

[anonymous user]

Not sure if it's the same on a 940, but my last 240 had a relay on the bulkhead down behind the carpet in the passenger footwell. When water got in it the wipers wouldn't stop if the ignition was on. Removing the relay would let me switch the wipers off, but the self-park no longer worked. I dried the relay out and never had the problem again (I kept the relay above the carpet where it didn't get wet).

[Bren]

Paid £4 to watch "drive hard" on virgin pay per view.

 

I bought it on the strength of John Cusack being in it.

 

Utter shite - filmed in Australia with a budget of £500 by the looks of things.

 

The only redeeming feature was it featured a nice mustang and a falcon GT coupe.

 

Avoid.

[rml2345]

Found out its a short in the headlamp wiper motor of all things.

I did the Autoshite thing and unplugged it, so no more problem.

[dave21478]

Todays top tip - 

 

Welding in an engine bay?

Cover the fucking windscreen you idiot.

 

 

"must remember to cover the screen before I start"

...fiddles for a bit disconnecting stuff...

"There is an old sheet in that cupboard that will do nicely to cover the screen...."

...bends up some brackets and stuff...

"Remember to cover the screen"

..I will just check these fit ok....looks good...Ill just tack them in place....BZZZZZZ....

"Nice fit...now to weld them fully....."

BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

"nice welding, that looks neat."

"Ah fuck, I never covered the screen."

 

I went over it with a clay bar but I can feel loads of little pits and craters. Its probably fucked.

 

Time to carefully read the small print on my insurance policy documents and perhaps unfortunately* encounter a rock thrown up by a passing car purely by chance....

[Angrydicky]

I'm embarrassed to say I did exactly the same thing when welding the roof on the Maestro just above the windscreen

 

The result was a number of sparks melted into the windscreen right in the drivers field of vision. Hence splashing out on a new screen. The only good thing about it was that the old screen did have a chip in it and the bloke who fitted the new one used to fit windscreens for the dealership which sold the car new, so he was pleased to work on it and had lots of anecdotes to tell. 

[AnthonyG]

My noisy neighbours have returned after being away for 5 weeks. I hoped they'd been refused entry back into the UK on the basis of being grade A cunts, but alas no. Cue lots of mong behaviour and kids screaming and stamping around constantly. MUTHAFUCKERS!

Time to cheer myself up and buy more shite I reckon.

Wow Rob, they must be bad to make a nice polite chap like yourself utter the MF word, I think you should buy that £150 414 saloon to recover your calm vibes!

[beko1987]

Not a grump per say, but my mate showed me the back of his 57 plate fabia estate company hack, and every seam on the tailgate is going rusty! Only got 96k on it too...

 

Being a white car it looks proper shite too! He says he doesnt wash it so clients cant see it so clearly.

[michael1703]

Drag a Stanley blade flat across the screen or use one of them plastic handle things

 

http://windshieldchipkits.com/shop/images/457/Razor+Blade+Scraper.jpg/

[michael1703]

Going back to the ice bucket challenge, read this

 

http://anh-europe.org/news/challenging-the-thinking-behind-the-ice-bucket-challenge

 

I think if you're nominated, do the ice bucket challenge and donate to a charity of your choice and raise some cash for something more close to home

[dugong]

Some arse has clouted the passenger door mirror of the Charade - no doubt by riding a pushbike into it. Buffed most of it out but there's still a bright white scuff from whatever boffed it. I don't get how you could walk \ cycle into the door mirror of a car that's parked up next to the kerb. Do people have no spatial awareness at all?

 

I'm getting pretty sick of cyclists on the pavement in and around Peterborough. Last night I had to dive into the road five times on a mile-long walk home. They never, ever defer and scream abuse at you if you stand your ground. Hey, genius, how about riding on the f*king road instead? The pavement's for pedestrians. I stopped riding on pavements when I was eight.

Got shirty with one mouth breather who nearly mowed me down on Lincoln Road then berated me because I didn't get out of the way. I stopped him mid-rant and asked how the hell I was supposed to have seen him without possessing eyes in the back of my head. He didn't like that, and sloped off on his knackered Apollo girl's bike muttering something under his breath. Too chickenshit to ride on the road? Walk, then.

Note to Cambridgeshire police - if you want a couple of extra crates of booze for your Christmas party, come to Peebo and start booking all the idiots that cycle on the pavements. I reckon you'd have a nice three figure sum at the end of the first day.

[michael1703]

Ear worms

 

Any song by royal blood stuck in my head all bleedin day