The grumpy thread

[TataBobu]

I feel for you.  I had to go yesterday.

 

What is it about Ikea that fills us with dread?

I know what does it for me. I think we'll be in-and-out, and two hours later I'm almost sleeping on a sofa.

[Talbot]

Stuff about tailgating tossers and the items thrown at them to make them back the fuck off.

Not really a grump, but it's just reminded me of a Grump-turned-grin occurance that happened many years ago while a friend and I were in his LR S3, being tailgated by a group of utter wankers in a barried Mk4 'scrote. After a few miles of this bullshit (and several attempts to just slow down and have them fuck off) we decided that they deserved worse. There happened to be a rope of rook-scarers in the back of said LR, so I unwound the first meter of rope and took three of the (astonishingly loud) bangers out, twisted their fuses together and lifted up the centre seat and seat-box lid of the LR, revealing the road below.

 

At the next set of traffic lights, I roughly guessed when the lights would change, how quickly the fuses would burn down, and how fast we would pull away. Lights for the other direction go red, so lit the fuses, dropped it onto the road. Our lights go green and we pull away. Got the timing absolutely cock-bollock on (utter fluke), and three bangers went off nearly simultaneously, perfectly underneath the 'scrote just as he moved forward. Watching behind.. the 'scrote comes to a screeching halt, all 4 doors are thrown open and 5 people run as fast as I have ever seen anyone run away from a car that wasn't actually on fire.

 

Nearly died laughing.

[cros]

Aye that's the stuff, it's made me ill as well, I'm off to the docs tomorrow to see what else I can get to sort it out.

http://www.quintoxsupport.co.uk

 

Not to be taken lightly.

[Captain Furious]

On the subject of tailgating wankers, yesterday on the M6 it took an hour and a half to do 10 miles - the cause - a lorry gone into the back of a car.

 

This morning on the M6 - an hour to do 10 miles - the cause - a lorry gone into the back of a car

 

Here is an idea, BACK THE FUCK OFF!  Every day I see at least 5 or 6 lorries aggressively tailgating the shit out of cars through that 10 mile section of 50mph roadworks because their speedos read true and the car is only doing 47mph at his indicated 50.

 

And I don't just mean following a bit close, I mean full on light flashing, lane swapping, horn blasting cuntery of the highest order.  Fucking pack it in you utter wankers because this is the result and then you fuck up everyones day

[Honey Badger]

http://www.quintoxsupport.co.uk

 

Not to be taken lightly.

 

Interesting reading Cros, on this occasion it seems that it's my fault for trying to do too much before I should have, still I'm pleased I've only got 2 days worth left after reading the website.

[beko1987]

On the subject of tailgating wankers, yesterday on the M6 it took an hour and a half to do 10 miles - the cause - a lorry gone into the back of a car.

 

This morning on the M6 - an hour to do 10 miles - the cause - a lorry gone into the back of a car

 

Here is an idea, BACK THE FUCK OFF! Every day I see at least 5 or 6 lorries aggressively tailgating the shit out of cars through that 10 mile section of 50mph roadworks because their speedos read true and the car is only doing 47mph at his indicated 50.

 

And I don't just mean following a bit close, I mean full on light flashing, lane swapping, horn blasting cuntery of the highest order. Fucking pack it in you utter wankers because this is the result and then you fuck up everyones day

I ease off another 4mph when that happens!

[stonedagain]

Central locking on Mrs Stoned's Polo took a hissy fit, 2 of the doors are deadlocked. Hope I don't have to break much to get them open!

[madrat]

Mostly because both Halewood and Longbridge are in Britain, Ingolstadt not so much.

But they were not British company's, so not British.

[madrat]

Central locking on Mrs Stoned's Polo took a hissy fit, 2 of the doors are deadlocked. Hope I don't have to break much to get them open!

Had this on the passat, modules let water in, got some Chinese copies for £20 each, VW ones are mega ££

[Tadhg Tiogar]

I seem to go to ikea ( Brent Cross) ....

There's no IKEA here at Brent Cross. Neasden, on the other hand....

[mercrocker]

But they were not British company's, so not British.

 

True, but I can't help thinking of Cortinas as British, Opels as German or Austin Freeways as Australian.   

[Bren]

Dale Winton was buried today - it would have been his 63rd birthday.

 

I actually feel quite sad because there was hardly a murmur in the press.

 

Showbusiness is very fickle.

[Tadhg Tiogar]

....Showbusiness is very fickle.

As is fashion.

[richardmorris]

There's no IKEA here at Brent Cross. Neasden, on the other hand....

 

All the same to me- up the north circular somewhere north of Hanger Lane.

[vulgalour]

We think your eBay account has been compromised and we've locked you out.  Please sign in to reset your password.  We've locked you out, you need to sign in to reset your  password.  Yes, we know that's your details and you're trying to sign in, but we've locked you out.  Please sign in to reset your password.

 

Er... how?  It only lets me in with a temporary code sent to my phone and when I try to reset the password after doing that I am once again informed I'm locked out and I need to sign in to reset my password.  I... I don't know what you want, eBay!  Also, their help* options are unavailable so I'm guessing this is affecting quite a few people on their site.

[Guest Hooli]

I ease off another 4mph when that happens!

 

I find myself unable to drive at a steady speed. If your lifting off just as they get close & pulling away as they brake it soon pisses them off so they give up. Only needs to be a few mph too.

[Tadhg Tiogar]

All the same to me- up the north circular somewhere north of Hanger Lane.

Definitely Neasden. Not too far away from Brodie Engineering.....

[Crispian_J_Hotson]

RACK OFF MATE! Fosters hangover immanent.....

[dozeydustman]

Moved house on Monday, letting agent did everything electronically, which included signing the documents. Internet went off at half 7 that morning, mobile data wasn’t that good at old place and letting agents ringing us to sign things. Can’t do a paper copy any more, explained we had no internets, so how could we sign stuff? Got keys at half 3, an hour before we had to send hired van back. Couldn’t manage that with just me, mrs d and brother in law, going like mad. stepdaughter couldn’t get evening off of work despite filling in leave request form 6 weeks ago with “House move” written across the top. Her boss is a complete and utter twat of a neanderthal who shouldn’t be in charge of an Asda let alone Waitrose.

 

Started unpacking stuff after taking van back a day late and discovered the cleaning the previous tenants had done involved wiping a slightly damp cloth over any visible areas. Insides of cupboards in kitchen covered in stale grease residues from cooking and they had drilled holes in an undercounter cupboard which hadn’t been noted on the inventory. The letting agents are twats. They will be invoiced for getting a professional cleaner in at the last minute and an additional day’s van hire for their incompetence.

 

The van. VW Crafter Luton. 17 plate. Nice and spacious. Seat I thought was comfy. It’s given me really bad sciatic pain so I’m hobbling around like a pensioner. Not good when trying to hump furniture about and unpack heavy boxes.

 

I fucking hate moving house

[angle]

Oh just fuck off. I've not even sorted the gouge someone took out of the rear wing of the Saab without leaving a note yet.

So, talking to a few of my neighbors there's four kids who have been doing this to two or three cars a week - they left a cricket bat embedded in a Scirocco round the corner the other week. They've finally been arrested, albeit for threatening a pensioner with a spade when he asked them to stop smoking weed on his garden wall yesterday rather than for anything else, but fingers crossed it means they'll fuck off for a bit.

[stephen01]

Virgin Media -  upped my bill from £55 to £88, now I was never on any special pricing, even my original contract didnt state anything to this effect but no amount of arguing could get them to see my point, and lets be honest I'm not going to get anywhere so started on whats your best price, turned out best price was £73 -  fuck that, through to cancelations or as they like to call it retentations, after arguing my case and the fact I've been a bloody customer for 16 years got it down to £64, still more than I'd like to pay but with a teenage daughter and 10 year old who hammer the internet it's the best of a bad deal. 

 

it's still a grump though as its nearly £800 a year. 

[Parky]

I did this with Sky. Useless twats. Monthly fee had crept from £20 to £35 over the years for no extra services. So when they are doing a better deal with a better box for half the price for newbies I thought I would ask if customer loyalty generated any sort of discount. Basically we can knock a couple of quid off, but otherwise no. So I cancelled and went to BT TV.

 

Two weeks later Sky send me a letter offering me the same service as before plus a new box for £15 a month. Why didn’t they do that in the first place?

 

I was a Virgin mobile customer for 14 years but when they wouldn’t do a decent deal on an iPhone (basically wanted twice the price of Tesco for half the allowances) I walked. Silly really, any sales guy will tell you it is much easier and cheaper to retain clients than replace them but lots of companies just don’t get it.

[HillmanImp]

Virgin Media -  upped my bill from £55 to £88, now I was never on any special pricing, even my original contract didnt state anything to this effect but no amount of arguing could get them to see my point, and lets be honest I'm not going to get anywhere so started on whats your best price, turned out best price was £73 -  fuck that, through to cancelations or as they like to call it retentations, after arguing my case and the fact I've been a bloody customer for 16 years got it down to £64, still more than I'd like to pay but with a teenage daughter and 10 year old who hammer the internet it's the best of a bad deal. 

 

it's still a grump though as its nearly £800 a year. 

 

We were on a special deal which was fibre broadband and TV and phone for £35 a month. Last year they put the bill up to £55 a month which was too much for what we use it for so we said we just want the interweb and that's it which was £29 a month. They came back and offered us the TV and phone for £33 a month which we obviously took.

 

Sadly we are now coming to the end of the deal and need to go through this rigmarole once again to see what we can get. I am honestly happy just switching to freeview and getting rid of the Virgin telly but it will depend on how cheap they offer us the TV box for per month I guess.

 

All a bit daft really.

[MikeR]

Today's walk in the coastal town of Southport revealed a tactile map describing the area  ........  and it was  covered it in a plastic sheet !!!!

 

 

[Slartibartfast]

I sacked off telly service when we finally got pissed off enough with Virgin to bin it off after being a customer since 2000 or thereabouts (London Cable, Birmingham Cable, Telewest, Virgin Media, all the same company, just various rebrandings and takeovers).

We now have internet only provided by Plusnet. No set top box or over the air TV service. We use Netflix, Amazon Prime, Youtube iplayer and torrents in approximately that order. If you have a PS3 or Xbox 360 kicking about they are both very capable netflix/amazon boxes. There is nothing of value on broadcast TV that can't be got via an online player, and you will spend significantly less time watching advertisements.

[Slartibartfast]

Ah, that probably explains why actually nice ones are rapidly racing towards £20k then. Maybe check the stock at Arun Jaguar. They have LOADS for sale. They also have a purple Daimler Double Six that I want very much indeed. 

Do you have any photos? I had a look on their website and couldn't see it.

[danthecapriman]

Just pulled up in my van, sat in the cab filling in some paperwork when all of a sudden there’s an almighty bang against the drivers door.

It scared the shit out of me, I look out the window and the door mirror has been hit and bent all the way round!

 

Just ahead is a Range Rover with it’s door mirror hanging off. So I opened the door and yelled at it. Bloke pulls over and gets out to check his damage.

I think he was surprised someone was in the van tbh, unluckily for him as I’m sure he’d have just driven off if I hadn’t got straight out.

I walk over and say to him ‘are you really that impatient?’ He should have given way to oncoming cars that had priority but he didn’t, and I hate to stereotype, but it was clear he tried to use his big car to force his way through.

 

His answer!? ‘There was loads of room there!’ Fucking unbelievable!

I couldn’t believe he’d said it tbh. I looked at him, looked at his smashed mirror and said ‘clearly not’.

 

He started getting sweary then so I just told him in no uncertain terms to slow down and wait in future. Not having any of that he asks what the damage is to mine. Luckily apart from the mirror being bent right round the wrong way nothing. So he shrugs and says ‘well then!’. I told him to fuck off and walked away.

 

What is wrong with people though!? To save a split second smashing into another car is ok now is it? Because I had no damage it doesn’t matter? No apologies, nothing but attitude because he was an impatient twat and I caught him.

Pisses me right off it does. It happens a surprising amount of time too over the year, I’ve even got a big scuff mark the length of the van down one side where some other pricks done the same thing squeezing through a gap that isn’t there and it’s where their mirror has gone down the paintwork on the van scratching it all.

If he’d apologised and said he’d misjudged it then it’d have been done and he could have sorted his mirror out and been on his way instead of both of us shouting and swearing at each other in the street.

 

 

Trouble is though, what’s a door mirror? On my van, less than 12’’. That’s close to being an actual accident hitting the van. So does this twat get that close to curbs, pavements, pedestrians?

[Jazoli]

Trouble is though, what’s a door mirror? On my van, less than 12’’. That’s close to being an actual accident hitting the van. So does this twat get that close to curbs, pavements, pedestrians?

 

Sounds like a knob but 12" is a lot, if I left that much room on my commute I'd never get to work, I fairly confident I can judge my car to within 6 inches of the kerb or wall/hedge/tree/white van

[danthecapriman]

Sounds like a knob but 12" is a lot, if I left that much room on my commute I'd never get to work, I fairly confident I can judge my car to within 6 inches of the kerb or wall/hedge/tree/white van

I know but what I meant was the width of a door mirror is pretty slim, less than a foot. Any more and it’s much more of an accident than just knocking mirrors to bits. If that’s a cyclist or pedestrian it’s potentially death.

The vans mirror probably is about 6 or 7 inches, that’s not a lot.

 

It’s not worth trying to squeeze through just to save a split second. That’s all it was. If he’d bothered to look ahead a slow down early he could have missed the oncoming cars and driven straight through with loads of space. He’s clearly much too important/self righteous to wait for anyone else though. He lost much more than the time it would have taken to wait by fucking up, smashing his mirror then having to pull over and fix it and arguing with me.

[Jazoli]

I know but what I meant was the width of a door mirror is pretty slim, less than a foot. Any more and it’s much more of an accident than just knocking mirrors to bits. If that’s a cyclist or pedestrian it’s potentially death.

The vans mirror probably is about 6 or 7 inches, that’s not a lot.

 

I get you, all range rover (sport) drivers are wankers mostly