The grumpy thread

[bub2006]

Funny you mention ramming the twats with an indestructible car. I was tempted earlier with the 406 estate. Not enough to write it off but enough to put a sufficient amount to their rear quarter.

[Guest Hooli]

I used to cycle to college in German para boots. They had the quality of waking up car drivers who chose to try & run me off the road too.

[bub2006]

I wore riggers on the bikes back when I could ride.

[Des]

It's actually quite pleasant. 

[Ghosty]

I can't ride in Docs, lighter the shoe the better.

[DodgeRover]

The chef in question was boasting about spiking the food of a group of vegans who'd booked in advance and specifically requested a vegan menu.

 

I'd not want her in my kitchen.

Wasn't she laughing at one of the vegans who had had special requests who then went onto order a margarita pizza with mozzarella cheese?

[Pillock]

It's unclear. She spoke about the "vegan going to bed still thinking she was vegan".

One version of events is that the vegan accidentally ordered mozzarella and nobody told them it wasn't vegan. The other is it was deliberate by the chef because the vegans were being awkward. Who knows?

[Slappy]

The council resurfaced the eastern half of my street not long ago, and a really good job they did of it. Three months later, one of the utilities has come along and dug it up again, then left behind their characteristic trademark "repair" (sic)

 

In the UK there is normally a 2 year embargo on the road being dug up again after resurfacing unless there's an "emergency", not sure if Ireland is different, assuming of course that's where you're based. Part of the reason why it takes so long for roads to get resurfaced sometimes, but at least it's that way around.

 

In other news, and now that I'm a bit less hysterical, I've dabbed as much water out from around my spark plugs as possible. Will get some Damp Start, spark plugs, spark plug socket and coppaslip hopefully tomorrow!

[Tamworthbay]

I dream of doing this - with something properly indestructible but completely anonymous that shrugs off impacts with ageing 3 series ratluks, PCP fiestas and corsas and anything slammed, so it is able to convey me away from the scene of the 'accident' without any tedious chavvy ranting laced wiv 'm8' or swapping of insurance details. In fact, if I find out I have something terminal, I'll make damn sure I have no insurance and see how the little shits like that, the entitled, millenial, 'you can't touch me, I've got rights' wankers.

Sorry....for hijacking YOUR rant bub!

Sent from my BV6000 using Tapatalk

Rusty as fuck ovlov 240 is what you need. My old shite blue one never failed to find a gap and if there was even a single space in a car park other than the one next to it you could gaurantee it would be alone. One place I worked even asked me to park it around the back as the locals (posh twats in Lutterworth) had complained it was lowering the tone of the area. Did I fuck.

[cros]

^^ That happened, the owner of the restaurant went to jail but the allergy sufferer died.

 

 

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2016/may/23/restaurant-owner-mohammed-zaman-guilty-of-manslaughter-of-peanut-allergy-customer

Nasty. I wouldn't trust Munir Mohammed's ready meals, especially one with ricin it.

[Cavcraft]

Billy you need to arrange a viewing - get him round while it's being hiab'd.

 

I'm just going to message him and say I got £35 for the car in the end because the battery was flat. That should piss him right off.

[Ghosty]

Rusty as fuck ovlov 240 is what you need. My old shite blue one never failed to find a gap and if there was even a single space in a car park other than the one next to it you could gaurantee it would be alone. One place I worked even asked me to park it around the back as the locals (posh twats in Lutterworth) had complained it was lowering the tone of the area. Did I fuck.

 

My Volvo works well enough!

[Bren]

Just found out that one of Widnes Vikings new signings for 2018 had died after training. He was 23 years old and due to come to the club next week.

 

Absolute tragedy.

[Lord Sterling]

London and the standard of driving of those who dwell within said place...

 

I collected a van in South Wales this morning to take to Enfield, boringly that went Ok. It's only when I got to London that things started to severely test my patience.

 

Now, I've driven in London a load of times so I must have been extraordinarily lucky all those other times as traffic had always been so-so.

 

This time, I'd been foisted with an impossible target of collecting a hire car 4 miles away, then leaving Enfield at school rush hour whilst a colleague begged a lift going the other way to Chigwell. This was not gonna end well.

 

I hit every arsehole on the road who couldn't drive for shit and I was in a Hyundai i800 trying to fit the bloody thing though gaps small enough for the original Mini.

 

Then one woman decided to leave her car at the side of the road blocking all the traffic behind her, when I asked her why she didn't park on the pavement her response; OI CANT HELP WHERE OI LIIIVE ... Now I'm normally a calm man and try to just get on with things, but the tirade of abuse that came out of my mouth In fact, I could actually sense I wasn't me, I had become this abusive shouty shell of man.

 

As a result of trying to help out a colleague and not getting to Reading via Chigwell from Enfield in the 2 hours I was given, I lost the job, plus I've got this massive hire car. I'm £50 down (petrol in hire car and loss of original job) and seething from having to try and fight my way through a barrage of dickheads in London for whom driving is a challenge.

 

I am now off to brew myself up a potful of chill-out tea and to try and forget this day happened. Work will also be warned never to ask me to do 3 vehicle a day if I ever have to touch London again.

[Tadhg Tiogar]

.... a barrage of dickheads in London for whom driving is a challenge.....

As a London resident, could I just correct you slightly? Driving is not a challenge for the barrage of dickheads in London. It's just that they don't give a flying f*** for anyone except themselves. You're lucky you don't live in the middle of an Orthodox religious community like I do - they're even worse.

[purplebargeken]

Should have said you were in Enfield mate.

[Lord Sterling]

Sorry Ken. It was all rush rush rush today plus I had another colleague tagging along. I reckon I will be there soon though with a bit more time as Iceland are gettind rid of thier fleet of ratty old Transit vans whoch tae ready to fall apart and some Enfield-based firm is buying them all up.

[purplebargeken]

Ok mate, whenever you are about...

[MarvinsMom]

I dream of doing this - with something properly indestructible but completely anonymous that shrugs off impacts with ageing 3 series ratluks, PCP fiestas and corsas and anything slammed, so it is able to convey me away from the scene of the 'accident' without any tedious chavvy ranting laced wiv 'm8' or swapping of insurance details. In fact, if I find out I have something terminal, I'll make damn sure I have no insurance and see how the little shits like that, the entitled, millenial, 'you can't touch me, I've got rights' wankers.

Sorry....for hijacking YOUR rant bub!

 

Sent from my BV6000 using Tapatalk

 

ah young man, step this way, i have just the thing....

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/1989-Humvee-Hummer-Military-Spec-6-2-V8-Diesel-4x4-U-S-Army/152852298950?hash=item2396b4fcc6:g:-VsAAOSwHUhaKCrv

 

 if that is to expensive, the maybe sir would like this instead?

https://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/V-T-55-Recovery-Tank/302575071468?hash=item4672e130ec:g:0V0AAOSw-wJaPTqN

 

sadly there aren't any Centurion tanks listed at the moment.....

[chodweaver]

Sorry, the tank would be slightly less satisfying due to only having a meat pattie to shout out after you've completely flattened his expression of his manliness, excess testosterone etc.

 

The humvee, however? Perfect. Quick enough, too

 

Sent from my BV6000 using Tapatalk

[chodweaver]

PS. Thanks for the suggestions, mind. I have a vague recollection of a film with Jeff Bridges playing a rogue racing driver who's car was equipped with a hydraulic ram and a scaffolding pole - he successfully skewered his opposition before being disqualified. V. satisfying

Did I dream it?

 

Sent from my BV6000 using Tapatalk

[Eddie Honda]

PS. Thanks for the suggestions, mind. I have a vague recollection of a film with Jeff Bridges playing a rogue racing driver who's car was equipped with a hydraulic ram and a scaffolding pole - he successfully skewered his opposition before being disqualified. V. satisfying

Did I dream it?

 

Sent from my BV6000 using Tapatalk

Nope.

 

 

See from 13m 37s: https://youtu.be/C0ARmWBQIiE?t=13m37s

[scaryoldcortina]

I dream of doing this - with something properly indestructible but completely anonymous that shrugs off impacts with ageing 3 series ratluks, PCP fiestas and corsas and anything slammed, so it is able to convey me away from the scene of the 'accident' without any tedious chavvy ranting laced wiv 'm8' or swapping of insurance details. In fact, if I find out I have something terminal, I'll make damn sure I have no insurance and see how the little shits like that, the entitled, millenial, 'you can't touch me, I've got rights' wankers.

Sorry....for hijacking YOUR rant bub!

 

Sent from my BV6000 using Tapatalk

What you need here is a Citroen Picasso, preferably badly beaten and scratched and if possible built up from two different coloured cars. Make sure the tailgate is dented and there are bits of front bumper missing or cable tied together. Nobody gets in my way when I'm driving that.

[chodweaver]

Nope.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VcCjU3fZTis

 

See from 13m 37s: https://youtu.be/C0ARmWBQIiE?t=13m37s

Ta!

 

Sent from my BV6000 using Tapatalk

[The Moog]

Quote of the day "Good entry level tank" 

 

 

On tank shite there will be someone complaining about the headlamps on that tank being from a post project drive model and therefore it is worthless... followed by someone moaning about the council having sent them a letter asking whether they have a personal army permit as 8 tanks is too many for a new build in Berkshire. 

[chodweaver]

Ta!

 

Sent from my BV6000 using Tapatalk

 

I'll tell you what I DID dream though, just last night. And really this should go in the Antidote to grump thread. Don't worry, this is not going somewhere pervy...

 

I am driving away from a motorway toll plaza - could be the M6 Toll, doesn't matter, and I become aware of an air cooled something being revved to within an inch of its life close by. I look to my left and see this old and properly slammed and pineappled beetle driven by an angry ratlukker, also having just left the toll booths, but now being mercilessly tailgated by another car. I can't remember what this other car was, but I just KNOW it was being driven by Hooli, and I realise there has been an altercation between them around the toll plaza and Hooli is now giving chase. Now apparently my dreams are starting to have plot devices, because the pineappling of this beetle includes lots of orange transit straps - they are holding all the usual shit on the roofrack and boot, but in true ratlook style, they're not tidy and lots of spare strap is dragging along the road behind the beetle. After just a couple of attempts, Hooli has managed to position his front wheels on these straps and is now slowing down, restraining the beetle in the process. The angry ratlukker is rapidly becoming a scared-shitless ratlukker, as their collective speed drops and claret is imminent. Alas, at this point I'm cheering, and I woke up, cheering!

 

As I say, one for the grin thread...

[alcyonecorporation]

M25 motorists:

 

Do any of you cunts have a clue what the lanes are for, and how long you're supposed to stay in them (or not)?

 

Liars!

[bub2006]

What you need here is a Citroen Picasso, preferably badly beaten and scratched and if possible built up from two different coloured cars. Make sure the tailgate is dented and there are bits of front bumper missing or cable tied together. Nobody gets in my way when I'm driving that.

Nobody got in my way with it when it was 1 colour. I'm surprised the old thing is going. Apparently it can shift with the 2.0 and manual box.

[Eddie Honda]

As I say, one for the grin thread...

Er, no. There's a thread for this: http://autoshite.com/topic/18307-stupid-dreams/page-4

[Kiltox]

What you need here is a Citroen Picasso, preferably badly beaten and scratched and if possible built up from two different coloured cars. Make sure the tailgate is dented and there are bits of front bumper missing or cable tied together. Nobody gets in my way when I'm driving that.

This is quite good too