Grimmest car of all time

[sdkrc]

I'd like to propose the 2004 BMW X3 as the grimmest car of all time. Can anyone top this?

Base spec: cloth, 2.0 diesel, non-colour coded bumpers, mid 00s BMW reliability*

I can think of fewer cars which evoke such powerful sighs.

[Cavcraft]

 

 

 

[iainrcz]

I once took my top of the range Peugeot 508 GT saloon in to Peugeot in Scunthorpe for a nav update and service, they gave me a SEAT Altea as a courtsey car. It was grim as fuck.

Grumbly, inflexible diesel. Horrible, scratchy cheap interior, tiny pointless touchscreen radio. Think it even had rear keep fit windows.

Thing is, the fucking thing wasn't a cheap car, I'd have forgiven it being shit at £12k, but I think it was about £18k.

I dread to think what the new price was.

 

[spartacus]

10 minutes ago, sdkrc said:

I'd like to propose the 2004 BMW X3 as the grimmest car of all time. Can anyone top this?

Base spec: cloth, 2.0 diesel, non-colour coded bumpers, mid 00s BMW reliability*

I can think of fewer cars which evoke such powerful sighs.

I saw one of these the other day and honestly thought that somebody had fitted new bumpers but just not colour coded them, until I took a closer look. It was an extremely miserable spec.

[HMC]

10 minutes ago, Cavcraft said:

 

 

 

Due to my obsessive e bay trawling I can tell you that escort was pictured at the premises of “lord and lady brassic” Bridgwater, Somerset. I’ve bought an mondeo st24 and a vectra c off them. When I was there the mk3 fiesta ghia in the background was still there under the ivy.

Agreed that mk4 escort does look grim!

[Fumbler]

1 minute ago, HMC said:

 Bridgwater, Somerset.

Oh God.

[SiC]

14 minutes ago, Cavcraft said:

 

 

 

At least that is practical with the hatchback boot. What's worse?

Genuinely had a nightmare once that I owned one. 

[NorthernMonkey]

I’ll just leave this here....

[sierraman]

Astra Mk5 1.7 Diesel Life. Awful. Just awful, I’ve nothing against Vauxhall’s as such, quite like the new Insignia. The Astra diesel though, absolutely nothing to recommend it. Probably disproportionate dislike here but the Mk1 Zafira, my dad had one, a 1.6 Life, horrible to sit in, horrible to drive, embarrassing to be seen in - the times I’ve trudged up the bypass as a teenager to avoid being seen dropped off in that piece of utter shit. 

Conversely he recovered from an extremely dark period in his life and binned the bastard thing off and bought a Panacotta Beige Vectra 1.9 SRI which was lovely. Went like stink and looked fantastic. Unfortunately someone else also thought so as he only had it a year before it got nicked. 

As you were...

[sierraman]

4 minutes ago, Fumbler said:

Oh God.

Bridgewater... what a ghastly place, about the absolute worst is Wembdon, the most nondescript shit hole place in possibly the nicest part of the country. 

[loserone]

21 minutes ago, sdkrc said:

Can anyone top this?

Doesn't look like it.

 

Diesel Cayenne, perhaps?

[HMC]

I think some of this depends on the perspective of the observer. For instance- for some that x3 cited by the OP has the badge to forgive all manner of sins. Such is the power of a brand in many people’s eyes.

[Dick Cheeseburger]

1 minute ago, NorthernMonkey said:

I’ll just leave this here....

Almost as grim as these. Hideous, hideous things. I liken the mk1 Fabia to a cheap, forgettable appliance which only just manages to do its required job, and where you feel a sense of relief when it's thrown into a skip after lasting half the length of time it should have. 

[Timewaster]

Are we talking about grim by design or grim condition? 

I can think of a friends Fiesta that stank of wet dog and drove like it had flat tyres and loose wheel nuts. 

[Split_Pin]

Any one-time respectable premium brand car now built for neds living in a new build Bellway box on some cultural desert just outside Glasgow.

That whole scenario genuinely makes me want to weep for the human race.

[Fumbler]

9 minutes ago, sierraman said:

Bridgewater... what a ghastly place, about the absolute worst is Wembdon, the most nondescript shit hole place in possibly the nicest part of the country. 

Indeed it is. Cannington, where my college is, is second to being the most uninspiring and uninviting clump of buildings. Horrible area to stay in.

[iainrcz]

3 minutes ago, Timewaster said:

Are we talking about grim by design or grim condition? 

I can think of a friends Fiesta that stank of wet dog and drove like it had flat tyres and loose wheel nuts. 

If grim condition I once got a lift in a very leggy (200k miles) Vectra Sri diesel.

The first thing the guy said was "don't judge me"

The interior looked like someone had opened the sunroof and emptied their recycling boxes in to it.

He later traded it in and got finance on a 1 series convertible that had had an engine replacement.

For some reason.

[Cavcraft]

16 minutes ago, SiC said:

At least that is practical with the hatchback boot. What's worse?

 

Genuinely had a nightmare once that I owned one. 

The Escort van, especially in diesel flavour is. Sorry @bub2006, I know you like them but even the thought of them brings me out in a cold sweat.

It's the horrible smell of those horrible interiors and that dreadful, dreadful wanky asthmatic boat anchor of an engine.

[Lankytim]

I remember years ago a sorted a mate out with cheap modern car, an ex police N reg Escort Diesel. My mate bought it but it was the slowest thing in the world, the performance was absolutely dismal. No extras of any sort whatsoever. I think he had it for 6 months and got rid when the battery tray collapsed and ended up in the glove box. It was just one of those cars that had no redeeming features at all. 

*edit* @Cavcraft, psyche!

[chancer]

9 minutes ago, Split_Pin said:

Any one-time respectable premium brand car now built for neds living in a new build Bellway box on some cultural desert just outside Glasgow.

That whole scenario genuinely makes me want to weep for the human race.

Like this?? 😂😂😂

[goosey]

37 minutes ago, sdkrc said:

I'd like to propose the 2004 BMW X3 as the grimmest car of all time. Can anyone top this?

Base spec: cloth, 2.0 diesel, non-colour coded bumpers, mid 00s BMW reliability*

I can think of fewer cars which evoke such powerful sighs.

Funnily enough my son mentioned to me the other day they have a 2003 X3 with 10 miles on the clock at the BMW training academy in Reading.

[Asimo]

World’s grimmest convertible.  A cold and empty pop-tart of a car.

[sdkrc]

30 minutes ago, Timewaster said:

Are we talking about grim by design or grim condition? 

Grim by design but I'm intrigued by grim condition.

I originally thought the early Zafira meant you'd given up on life. You can imagine the crumbs and sticky plastic but it's not the grimmest car out there, there's something about them which intrigues me now.

 

1.8 non turbo Golf convertible anyone? 

 

I think the criteria for grim is that it shouldn't have much character, it can't be so bad that it's good. I'm sure the X3 is marginally competent but that's what makes it so extremely unappealing. Oh, and silver paint

[NorfolkNWeigh]

26 minutes ago, loserone said:

Doesn't look like it.

 

Diesel Cayenne, perhaps?

Yeah, realy grim things, 380 bhp 0-60 in 5.4 seconds, 40 mpg. Refined luxurious , handles better than a lot of so called sports cars .  Must be awful things to own, they’ll never sell any.

[HMC]

This probably fitted the description in 1988. Screenshot from “Shirley Valentine” Just now on telly. Was scrapped that same year.

[sheffcortinacentre]

Morris marina nuf said game over!

[SiC]

39 minutes ago, sierraman said:

Bridgewater... what a ghastly place, about the absolute worst is Wembdon, the most nondescript shit hole place in possibly the nicest part of the country. 

I'll take the bait. What's wrong with Wembdon? Crime rate is low and no real mention of any bad news articles. Worst I found was of last year from some offensive graffiti in a kids playground. 

[Fabergé Greggs]

Nothing causes me to despair like these do 

[NorfolkNWeigh]

About 20 years ago I helped a friend of my wife find and buy a new car, we found a nice Mk2 Mondeo Ghia X at a car warehouse type place near Wellingborough. They took her K reg Escort LX in p/ex, I drove it the 20 odd miles on the day of 5he deal.

What a horrible car, I can’t remember ever driving  anything so grim and that includes  a £20 Wartburg that I couldn’t use at night because the headlamp bowls had rotted out, , a Zastava and even Zafiras and Picassos ,which I despise. It somehow wallowed like big car , felt slow and rattly like a little old thing and had such poor trim quality you could file your nails on the hard plastic dash.

The worse and most outdated new car I’d driven was a Volvo 460 , compared to an R8 , ZX or even Astra it was 20 years out of date with no redeeming features at all, slow noisy , handled terribly. The one I drove - a high spec 1.7 made such an awful noise when it’s mudflats scraped the road on every bend, I pulled over and kicked them off.

Now a 460 quite appeals, a Mk5 Escort, not so much.

[goosey]

A company I worked for hired me one of these for 2 weeks back in 2002,

I hated it, the crap looks, the stupid dashboard, the centre mounted speedo, the weak 2.0 petrol engine that got crap mpg and got blown away by a j reg 1.8 Cavalier on the kiddy ring road.

just miserable