Autoshite credentials questions - a bit of fun...

[Dick Cheeseburger]

After reading a post of Vulgalour's thread just now where someone posted they'd never driven a Maestro, I started thinking about questions which could be asked to prove your Autoshite credentials. 

I'm struggling to narrow it down to one as there are so many, but here it is. For now.

Feel free to share one question per post to prove your own Shite credentials. 

[Dick Cheeseburger]

Have you ever spun your Morris Minor on black ice at 11pm, lost all lights and ignition after twatting the kerb with a back wheel, and then had to scrabble around in the dark to reconnect the loose battery clamp so you can get on your way again? 

Yes. 

[loserone]

Have you ever bought your girlfriend a Ginetta G26 with a 1600 pinto as a first car?

Have you ever driven your family in a a 87 beige 305 to Chumley to be greeted at the gates with "Autoshambles is it?"

Do you have a car sitting with no engine for four years or more?

 

[HMC]

Has someone* ever looked at your vehicle situation and asked; WHY?
 

*Partners, friends, members of the general public.

[spartacus]

Has a friend, who knows you like and own 'old' cars, every said to you, "one of my colleagues has owned fifteen cars!"

You then have a quick count up and get to fifty quite easily, knowing though, that on the forum you frequent, there are members with that amount stashed in various barns and garages.

[busmansholiday]

Has one of your neighbours (the first time they met you) ever said " Oh, you're the one with all the cars in the drive".

Or "Just how many cars have you got".

Or "8 ! FFS why do you need that many".

[bunglebus]

Have you ever had to start your car in a petrol station, by shorting out the starter terminals with a large screwdriver?

[ProgRocker]

Have you ever driven a mark 3 Cavalier* on a skid pan track? Would that count? 

* might even have been an 2.0 Sri for extra bonus points. 

I've never driven a Maestro either. However if my parents had kept their shite MG 1600 for an extra year / 18 months I could have been a named learner driver on theirs. 

[busmansholiday]

Have you ever been pulled by plod and asked why you have such a large tool box in the boot weighing the back of  your car down.

Then watched their faces when you explain it's an old car and the tools are for when it brakes down.

[jon.k]

Do you get sent pictures of complete shitboxes that have been spotted  by friends at random on the street, with the words "this looks like your type of car"?

[Sham]

Have you ever driven from Norfolk to Wales and back in the pouring rain, in a 1987 Cavalier with duff shocks, 130k on the clocks that uses more oil than petrol and creates a sauna on every roundabout due to blocked drain channels?

Have you ever turned up for a first date in a 1992 Proton, to find out she loves AutoShite as much as you do?

[Asimo]

...on eBay, bid for something broken, hopeless and miles away whilst hoping you get outbid?

[Asimo]

Or driven across the country in something dangerously decrepit and with no chance whatever of passing it’s “pre-booked MOT” back home?

[Dan the van]

....ever had to walk 'cos none of the chod will start...

[eddyramrod]

Has your car, parked within public view, become recognised by locals as a landmark?

[Shite Ron]

49 minutes ago, HMC said:

Has someone* ever looked at your vehicle situation and asked; WHY?
 

*Partners, friends, members of the general public.

Often. I used to get asked a lot why I do not sell all my old cars and buy a new Porsche or similar. The fact I have no interest in new cars is usually not understood at all by such people.

Do you only consider a proper holiday to be one in a 20+ year old car sometimes with 200,000 + miles on? often where you have travelled 1,000’s miles  through several countries 

[MorrisItalSLX]

Did you take your driving test in a 35 year old Jaguar with a slight* exhaust leak, a sunroof that didn’t close properly and no rear seat fitted?

Or have you been told off by the HR lady at work for fixing your high quality automobiles in the work car park during your lunch break?

[garellikatia]

Have you ever been a young and stupid enough to give the car  ball joints a grease up, by greasing the caliper bleed nipples 

[eddyramrod]

Do you look at "classic cars" and think "I had one of those when you could buy them for a tenner!" - Or worse... "three of those!"

[Tamworthbay]

Have you ever pointed out to a mate that your car cost less than the deposit on their PCP cash pit?

 

Have you ever been asked to park your car around the back as it wasn’t the image the company wanted? (Volvo 240 and it was a bit of a shed)

[Talbot]

Have you ever driven down a road and been able to identify the significant number of locations along it that you have broken down in various lumps of chod over the years?

Have you ever had to carry a certain "special" tool to be able to use the vehicle in question, due to a minor problem that can be worked around. (Mk2 Cav.  Starter would stick on after starting the engine, so I had to carry a lump of steel with me to tap the starter almost every time after starting it.)

Have you ever seen a car going in for scrap and thought "that's better than my car" and bought it for £peanuts, thus gaining you an upgrade on your current vehicle?

Have you ever had the MOT man look at you and go "oh shit, not you again!"

[Ian_Fearn]

23 minutes ago, Shite Ron said:

Do you only consider a proper holiday to be one in a 20+ year old car sometimes with 200,000 + miles on? often where you have travelled 1,000’s miles  through several countries 

^^^^^^^^^^ this

[Talbot]

8 minutes ago, Tamworthbay said:

Have you ever pointed out to mate that your car cost less than the MONTHLY PAYMENT on their PCP cash pit?

FTFY.

[steveo3002]

have you ever made a structual repair with newspaper /chicken wire/filler /fibre glass?

do you keep filler and fibre glass in stock?

do people know you as "youre the one with the xxx car " not by name?

[sutty2006]

Do you insist on buying bASe spec over top of the range? 
 

 

 

 

welcome aboard. 

[eddyramrod]

21 hours ago, steveo3002 said:

have you ever made a structual repair with newspaper /chicken wire/filler /fibre glass?

do you keep filler and fibre glass in stock?

do people know you as "youre the one with the xxx car " not by name?

Ahem, see my Cadillac thread...

And yes, I do get identified in that way!

[rainagain]

Have you ever had to ask the driving test examiner if he wants his seat adjusted before the test as the handle is broken but it’s ok as you’ve thought ahead and brought a pair of pliers with you. 

[eddyramrod]

Does your other-half refuse to travel in your preferred fleet member?

[Tetleysmooth]

Have you ever driven a Rover P6 with leaky rear inboard rear calipers and lost your brakes on the horrendous A13 at Limehouse, East London?

[Cavcraft]

Has someone at work said 'Whose is that shit old car outside?' and before they've even looked, everyone replied it was yours?