What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[Ghosty]

At the train station this evening, going the other way to me is a replacement bus service on the weekends at the moment.

The buses seem to just be drafted in from anywhere, usually it was a plain white K-reg coach of some description, but today this turned up:

 

What a terrible photo, but it's an H-reg Northern Counties of some description! Pitiful.

 

There's no real point in using the replacement bus either - it goes to Manchester, and a train to Manchester leaves three minutes after it. Eh???

[Inspector Morose]

Ex Maidstone leyland Olympian. Nice!

[fred]

Friday turned into an interesting night. I was chatting to the girl at uni I may have a bit of a crush on and the conversation turned to cars. That's when she casually dropped the bombshell that until recently she owned a Proton Persona She's as far from the stereotypical Proton owner as it's possible to get but she seemed rather fond of that car. Alas it's gone now but it's been replaced by some sort of Korean Chevrolet so she clearly has impeccable taste in cars. That little revelation just makes me want her even more...

Shes a keeper mate !

[fred]

I love this time of year, smell of fresh grass cut, flowers blooming and old cars pop out the woodwork being fettled with ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!

[cms206]

Been using Tapatalk on the phone all the time of late. Logged in here this morning on the work computer and I've just seen Billy's signature...

... for the avoidance of doubt, I don't want to win a fucking Punto!

[Cavcraft]

It was a general observation in the world of Autoshite.

[cobblers]

Got to work to see the secretary bird driving down the road  with a completely flat tyre hanging off the rim of her 09 plate fiesta.. 

 

It was apparently flat when she set off to work.

 

She's just took the car to Macdonalds to get some lunch.

 

I offered to fit the spare but she says "there's loads of stuff in the boot I can't be bothered moving". I've told her she'll shag the wheel up, and its unsafe so she'll probably get pulled over and shot with shit, but she says her dad will fix the car tonight so she's just gonna continue driving it because "it still moves doesn't it?"

 

Imagine literally not giving a single fuck like that. I bet it's quite refreshing.

[The Moog]

Bit like my mum driving. She is a proper mentalist just does what she needs to do, ignoring all the traffic. She gets out happy as day is long with passenger a gibbering wreck after all the cars just missing her..

[cort16]

unencombered by the thought process

[KruJoe]

Ken Bruce obviously busting for the bog, coming off the back of Pop-Master, once again played a long excerpt from War of the Worlds.

[Inspector Morose]

Never had an accident in their lives.

 

Seen thousands.

[HillmanImp]

Never had an accident in their lives.

 

Seen thousands.

 

Are you talking about not making it to the toilet there?

[EssDeeWon]

Got to work to see the secretary bird driving down the road  with a completely flat tyre hanging off the rim of her 09 plate fiesta.. 

 

It was apparently flat when she set off to work.

 

She's just took the car to Macdonalds to get some lunch.

 

I offered to fit the spare but she says "there's loads of stuff in the boot I can't be bothered moving". I've told her she'll shag the wheel up, and its unsafe so she'll probably get pulled over and shot with shit, but she says her dad will fix the car tonight so she's just gonna continue driving it because "it still moves doesn't it?"

 

Imagine literally not giving a single fuck like that. I bet it's quite refreshing.

 

This is precisely why I never fall for all this 'One careful lady owner' bollox when I buy a used car.

 

In my experience birds are the worst people to buy cars off of.

[EssDeeWon]

Just after typing the above I popped outside to take some rubbish out and found my female neighbour (about 50ish) outside with the bonnet up on her 2004 Pug 206

 

Me:  Everything OK?

Her:  No its keeps cutting out so im checking the oil and water (She proceeds to pour a pint of tap water into the expansion tank)

Me:  Oh right, does it start straight up again after it cuts out?

Her:  Yes it starts again after it cuts out

Me:  How long have you owned it?

Her:  From New

Me:  When was it last serviced?

Her: No idea, I cant remember it being serviced (Hahaha, she laughs away)

 

So thats another One careful lady owner car I know of....

[inconsistant]

[KruJoe]

You owe me 2 mins 45 seconds.

[Bobthebeard]

You owe me 2 mins 45 seconds.

"Thanks for watching". .... Lol!

[MrDuke]

I can just imagine that guy taking a massive snifter of Ketamine with every cup of tea he has. He must spend literally hours of the day staring at tools or watching oil drip from a draining sump. I reckon it took him a longish weekend to actually get that wheel off.

[forddeliveryboy]

[Cavcraft]

unencombered

 

Just like my hair.

[KruJoe]

WTF's going on with those Vioses in FDB's arab pic?

[forddeliveryboy]

 

Note M+S marked tyres.

[KruJoe]

Oh yeah... clear as mud now!

[Pillock]

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/STITCH-A-STAR-JOHN-NETTLES-ACTOR-BERGERAC-LIVER-BIRDS-CROSS-STITCH-CHART-ONLY/121600794136?

 

[EssDeeWon]

^ Brilliant!

 

Let us see when its finished Sandie 

[forddeliveryboy]

WTF's going on with those Vioses in FDB's arab pic?

 

It's an art craze, apparently.

[forddeliveryboy]

[daveb47]

-I thought I saw an eye-doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
-When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
-Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
-A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
-She was only a whisky-maker, but he loved her still.
-The batteries were given out free of charge.
-In a democracy it's your vote that counts; in feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
-A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
-The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
-A will is a dead giveaway.
-Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects.
-A rubber-band pistol was confiscated from an algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
-With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.
-A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
-A boiled egg is hard to beat.
-A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
-Police were called to a day care centre where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.
-If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.
-Did you hear about the fellow whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
-Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
-A bicycle can't stand alone; it is two tired.
-A backward poet writes inverse.
-Show me a piano falling down a mine shaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
-When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.
-When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
-If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
-A grenade fell onto a kitchen floor in France resulted in Linoleum Blownapart.
-Is my wife dissatisfied with my body? A small part of me says yes.
-Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.
-You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it.
-I'm very pessimistic. I'm like a German vegetarian in that respect. I fear the wurst.
-He broke into song because he couldn't find the key.
-The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine is now fully recovered.
-I used to be a plastic surgeon, which raised a few eyebrows.
-A calendar's days are numbered.
-A lot of money is tainted: 'Taint yours, and 'taint mine.
-He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
-When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.
-Rabbit hutch sellers; they'll give you a run for your money.
-A plateau is a high form of flattery.
-The short fortune-teller who escaped from prison: a small medium at large.
-When you've seen one shopping centre you've seen a mall.
-A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was, a nurse said "No change yet".
-If you jump off a Paris bridge, you are in Seine.
-When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she'd dye.
-Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead to know basis.
-When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.
-Marathon runners with bad shoes suffer the agony of de feet.
-The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.
-A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
-Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.
-Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
-conjunctivitis.com - that's a site for sore eyes.
-Two hats were hanging on a hat rack in the hallway. One hat said to the other "You stay here, I'll go on a head".
-No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

[vulgalour]

Dave, Dave, mate, Christmas Crackers are supposed to be saved for Christmas when we're all drunk enough to tell bad jokes more badly.  Put the tinsel away.  Step away from the baubles.

[RobT]

unencombered by the thought process

 

Sums up the majority of UK inhabitants perfectly.