What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[Cavcraft]

This long winded but bloody funny read...

 

http://www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/Mike_Golden

[Louise2cv]

This...

and this...

Love it. Big fan of beards. EDIT: Except on me.

[Angrydicky]

Two things made me jolly todayElderly British Tourist = [EBT] cute charming hotel receptionist = [CCHR]essential background fact 1. A common surname in China is Wang, and it translates literally to King – many people take the English name King to address foreigners.essential background fact 2. Reception staff use English to talk to each other in front of foreign guests rather than rabbit away in Chinese.EBT to CCHR: Excuse me dear, can I speak to the assistant manager about the television set in our room, I can’t seem to find any English channels. Room 1910.CCHR to EBT: Err… you want see Manager?{EBT pulls out Hotel Services Guide and points to picture of Mr King, asst manager on the inside front cover}EBT to CCHR: Yes please dear, this man here – Mr. KingCCHR to EBT: Aah, Assistant Manager Wang. Just one minute, I ask he come to your room.CCHR on phone: Nihao, reception, please Wang Jingli come to help guest with TV {waits}EBT to CCHR: Could we see Mr. King though?CCHR to EBT: Same people Sir – King is English name…CCHR on phone: Nihao Nihao, guest want Wang King Jingli in room 1910EBT: No dear, I just want to watch BBC World.CCHR: Yes Sir, Manager is Wang King. Manager Wang King in your room to fix TV.Words cannot describe the look on EBT's face. Meanwhile, I and several other guests in helpless mirth but do try and explain the situation. CCHR just had no idea what was so funny. AndDriving along deserted mountain roads coming into town at 06:30 in the Pajero listening to Mumford and Sons “Awake my Soul†at full volume.

Classic!!

[dollywobbler]

What's making me grin is finally booking our summer holidays. I say booked, we've booked an apartment for four days in July in the Swiss Alps. We head to Normandy for a family party on Sat 9th July, then we've got half a week to get to Switzerland.The only thing we haven't decided is the car to take. That pace is relaxed enough that we could take the 2CV and have a very jolly time of it. Could take the BX, but the BX has been to the Alps before.

[myglaren]

"Grin" doesn't go anywhere near describing the Spanish Auto-Tuner!

[Guest]

Work! (I know!)

 

Twat boy's data entry job hasn't been created! He has to go on furniture, which is the worst department on the contract! So, crap working conditions, random shifts, weekends in....WELCOME BACK MR. SHEEP, WELCOME BACK BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

 

I also ripped twat boy a new one when he thought it'd be clever to take the piss out of my Volvo. Bear in mind he admitted to me that he only has a provisional license and likes to drive his mates around Manchester thus equipped. Oddly he received a summons the other day for doing this very thing!

 

Anyway:

 

TB: 'Hey Jon, why don't you get a proper car?'

Me: 'Hey, why don't you get a proper driving license, you shady bastard?'

 

[silence, exeunt Twat Boy.]

 

I actually cackled like a nutter in the lift when I heard of his new work arrangements. The lift amplified my braying somewhat. Fortunately to avoid the odd stares I could legitimately blame it on the problems our Stannah has been experiencing recently.

 

Fit Colleague: 'Jon, were you laughing maniacally in the lift?'

Me: 'No, Thora's on the cock I'm afraid.'

 

Also, our utterly shit sister office in Durban is being shut down! Mainly because they're idiots! It was set up last year by several high ups who essentially went to South Africa and got shitfaced on Kudu and red wine, and neglected to train the staff at all. Hence our [complaints] workload tripled overnight. Annoyingly this means our Forres brethren will have the roles transitioned there, and they're only slightly better. If Durban was like having a hot chocolate teapot drip all over your bollocks, Forres melts the teapot and kicks you in the knackers instead.

 

I am ambivalent.

[ashmicro]

This long winded but bloody funny read...http://www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/Mike_Golden

The fucking tool with the eBay Para gear. Didn't know you were an ARRSE'r too, Billy.

[M'coli]

Anyway:

 

TB: 'Hey Jon, why don't you get a proper car?'

Me: 'Hey, why don't you get a proper driving license, you shady bastard?'

 

[silence, exeunt Twat Boy.]

 

ROFL , excellent pwnage.

[Mr H Sceptre]

I went to see K*nt and the Gang at a boozer in Leicester last night. Great, puerile stuff...

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1LOm4_JFMc

[Minimad5]

Well done Jon That will show the tw*t !

[fotorabia]

A screenprint I bought off Auction work for $25 last year just sold at a fine art auction for $600 last night..result!Ive got 6 days on Glastonbury hanging out with my old Berlin crew I havent seen for 15 years.And been offered a months free rent food beer in Dublin by an old Berlin mate who went from crustie alkie punk to professor of literature.And generally happy as larry to get the F out of New Zealand until the $10pw storage on Viva No1 exceeds its value and i have to return.And a big thanks to Autoshite for keeping me informed and laughing in my lonely moments here in Desert Island Dickheads!Just two weeks to go..

[Angrydicky]

I went to see K*nt and the Gang at a boozer in Leicester last night. Great, puerile stuff...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_1LOm4_JFMc

Seen "him" (and his puppet) three times so far, got one of his CD's as well, he lives in Basildon :DGreat man.

[trigger]

I went to the Coventry Transport Museum today, what a fab place to visit!, there is something for everyone to see and It's all free! Sadly i'm now stuck in New Look waiting for the wife to try about 100 different tops on in exchange for letting me go!

[Mr H Sceptre]

I went to the Coventry Transport Museum today, what a fab place to visit!, there is something for everyone to see and It's all free! Sadly i'm now stuck in New Look waiting for the wife to try about 100 different tops on in exchange for letting me go!

There surely is nothing worse than shopping with the other half.

[seth]

Mr_Bo11ox vs shefflee

LOL, what a nosher!

SOrry, I realise its not helping sell your car but he picked the wrong guy....Also Mr Sceptre. Is that Bill Werbeniuk? Even if it isn't I've not had cause to think of him for about 20 years

[Mr H Sceptre]

Also Mr Sceptre. Is that Bill Werbeniuk? Even if it isn't I've not had cause to think of him for about 20 years

Yep, sure is. He's the only famous person I've ever met. He was withdrawing a load of cash from the Victoria Square branch of the Nat West bank in Worksop in the early 80's. He lived in a flat above Cooplands Bakers, for reference. Legend.

[Cavcraft]

Apparantly Beki Bondage/Vice Squad are playing in a local pub on Saturday night. That should be a right old laugh.

[Gompo]

He lived in a flat above Cooplands Bakers, for reference. Legend.

..In Worksop??

[Mr H Sceptre]

 

He lived in a flat above Cooplands Bakers, for reference. Legend.

..In Worksop??

Yep, in Worksop indeedio. I used to live on Carlton Road from 1979 - 1990 & my Dad used to bank at said Nat West, so, in the days prior to cash machines, I'd go to the bank with him in th school holidays.

 

Apparently 'Big Bill' had a flat above Cooplands, mainly for when he was playing at the World Championships at the Crucible in Sheffield, but used to stay there quite a lot of the year. He used to cruise round in a big American Winnibago as well, if my memory serves me right....

[mnde]

I was grinning a lot last night. I found out we have the "Renault TV" channel on Sky+, and caught a magnificent programme about the history of the Renault 5. Chock full of Michel Boue's concept drawings, snippets of old TV adverts for 5s and other models, footage of French Cup races (8s as well as 5s), Jean Ragnotti rallying the Turbo, pictures from the Renault collection in France. Fab.

 

Mark.

[Pete-M]

I've just spent the night learning Czech phrases.. it's been a laugh.

 

Gonna be using them over this weekend, so you can all grin at the fact that the old car interweb is going to be devoid of a certain sarky Scouse Git.

 

(Major W.T.Claim, doesn't count..)

 

I guess it's gonna be universal love for diesels, Vauxhalls, microcars and the Sherpa Coupé until June..

 

P.S. The Liverpool Pageant of Power the other night was rather good.

[Mr Lobster]

I was grinning a lot last night. I found out we have the "Renault TV" channel on Sky+, and caught a magnificent programme about the history of the Renault 5. Chock full of Michel Boue's concept drawings, snippets of old TV adverts for 5s and other models, footage of French Cup races (8s as well as 5s), Jean Ragnotti rallying the Turbo, pictures from the Renault collection in France. Fab.

 

Mark.

I stick this on occasionally and theres sometimes some good stuff on it. Guy from The Apprentice doing some sort of charity rally in an R4 is pretty good. the R5 thing you mention is nice and there some really good old archive films on there too.

[RedSparrow]

This long winded but bloody funny read...

 

http://www.arrse.co.uk/wiki/Mike_Golden

The fucking tool with the eBay Para gear. Didn't know you were an ARRSE'r too, Billy.

 

OMGZ!

Love the letter from 'Sir Jackson'!

[Cavcraft]

I went to the Coventry Transport Museum today, what a fab place to visit!, there is something for everyone to see and It's all free! Sadly i'm now stuck in New Look waiting for the wife to try about 100 different tops on in exchange for letting me go!

There surely is nothing worse than shopping with the other half.

Oh there is. It's shopping with the other half and a stroppy teenage daughter.

By the time you've been in the 15th shop for the 11th time you really have lost all will to live.

 

Ash: I'm not a member of that forum, it was posted as a link on another website. Couldn't believe how dense that kid is but bloody entertaining reading all the same!

[Mr H Sceptre]

Oh there is. It's shopping with the other half and a stroppy teenage daughter.

By the time you've been in the 15th shop for the 11th time you really have lost all will to live.

 

I can well believe that Billy!

[retrogeezer]

Out for a drive today and I hear 2 window cleaners shout ' hey, look at that old Escort'...

 

Made me laugh.

[Parky]

Installed BT Broadband to replace shite tesco setup tonight.

 

Its quicker, cheaper, and worked out of the box. I am the king of the web! MWAAAAH HA HA HA HA HA!!

[Cavcraft]

What problems did you have with Tesco please? I'm with them and the sodding internet keeps cutting out at random times.

[Parky]

Cavette, that was the problem I had. Plus when I took it out four years ago the deal was competitive but since then BT, Virgin et al offer much greater speeds for much lower costs. Tesco werent too bothered about me leaving, they basically admitted they couldnt compete and made no attempt to persuade me to stay.

 

It had been very reliable until the last few months, then it was a case of "cant go online, its Saturday afternoon and it wont be working as the network will be clogged"

 

I am wondering if they are bored with the whole broadband thing and want the business to recede so they can shut it down. Certainly no-one is going to buy their 1meg broadband for £17.99 a month when they can get 10 or 50 meg for less from elsewhere.

[Cavcraft]

Thanks Parky. They've been a bit hit/miss with connection sometimes but used to be very good with customer services.