What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[Cavcraft]

Should possibly be in the grumpy thread, but some of the replies on here are comical, especially the story about John Lewis selling Islamic clothing. 

 

https://www.facebook.com/britainfirstgb?fref=nf

 

 

It's actually frightening how some people can be so stupid and actually be able to breathe in and out without someone standing next to them telling hem to do so.

[Lacquer Peel]

 

Ms._Peel described the image of mentally challenged door-to-door washcloth salesmen to me earlier, they look like the types.

[Richard]

You don't hear much about the BNP any more, there must only be room for two crackpot parties in the media.

[Sloth in a bowl]

I've added a new thread to the Open Forums http://autoshite.com/topic/17813-joggers-bottom-for-the-shite-athlete-in-all-of-us/ so that we don't depress the rest of the shiters with our heart attack dodging antics.

[richardmorris]

Have just seen a 2CV in Egham with what appeared to be 2 great danes in the back instead of the seat - poking heads out of the open roof. Driven by a woman of mature years. Made me happy.

[Richard]

I have seen the Strathclyde Region tie in all its polyester glory. It is magnificent.

[vulgalour]

My eBay suggestions list is intriguing, but every now and then a little gem appears.


http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/151376728497

[Pillock]

Holy crap. I assume the clock at the back is set an hour different to the one on the dashboard?

[cort16]

Man that's sweet . Wouldn't fancy driving it on a road with other traffic mind you .

[Richard]

I have seen the Strathclyde Region tie in all its polyester glory. It is magnificent.

 

And here it is.

 

 

They had a load of them on display in the museum.

 

[KruJoe]

In a locked, refrigerated cabinet no less. Truly special.

[vulgalour]

There are few things more satisfying than not only catching two local oiks (can't have been more than 10 years old) stealing the plain metal valve caps from Mikeknight's Porsche, tell them off from the doorway and then stand with arms folded while they shame-facedly put them back on the car.  Of course there was no apology and they legged it as quick as they could, but I've not seen them on the street since so maybe it's a lesson learned.

 

I didn't even have to swear at them and they didn't say a word.

[Ghosty]

[AlabamaShrimp]

^^^^what's a fair trade town supposed to mean??

[Richard]

I think a certain proportion of the goods on sale have to claim to be fair trade.

[myglaren]

^^^^what's a fair trade town supposed to mean??

Shops stay closed in bad weather!

[Mr_Bo11ox]

There's a vending machine at my work that will sell you a bottle of 'fair trade' orange juice, for ONE POUND TWENTY!!!! Oh the irony. They've just moved the exploitation from one end of the supply chain to the other.

[purplebargeken]

 

 

I'll quantify that for you: how many fit birds arses do you see whilst our running in the hills?

 

This is possibly the only reason I go to the gym. 

[purplebargeken]

Can I claim the AS spot of the month please. Two, yes, TWO red Citroen BX's spotted on the M3 today. They looked pretty bloody tidy as well. Sadly no pics as I was too stunned by the mystical event.

 

I then poked myself in the eyes with a passing pineapple swiped from one of the trillion VeeDubs that I also saw - purely as punishment for not taking a picture. I am sorry. 

[Cavcraft]

Can I claim the AS spot of the month please.

 

No, that was won by the Mk1 Astra saloon.

[dollywobbler]

There's a fair chance one of those red BXs was on its way to Stratford. A chap from down that way came to visit today. 

[purplebargeken]

It looked bloody nice if it was the same chap.

[dollywobbler]

Did it have a full bodykit? He was in a 16valve. 

This one.

[purplebargeken]

It is possible as the second one went past fairly quickly and to my then overwhelmed mind looked as if it was the sporty version. The body kit thing may have hoodwinked me. The first one was driven by a woman who looked to be in her 50's or 60's. So that kind of rules out the bloke thing unless he wore a blonde wig. 

 

Seeing 3 red BX in one morning would have meant that I had died and gone to AS heaven. I'm not dead but appear to live in hell (London N9). 

[Cavcraft]

 The first one was driven by a woman who looked to be in her 50's or 60's.

 

 

Vanny?

[Parky]

I made home made pizzas, chocolate brownies, and banana bread today.

 

Parky junior declared they were "really amazing"

 

I AM PAUL HOLLYWOOD!!!

[Cavcraft]

Surprisingly eBay and a car boot sale made me happy.

 

Got up at stupid o'clock yesterday and did a car boot sale with the domestic manageress. Yeah, we had the usual morons who wanted everything for nothing but after some basic training my missus batted them off with aplomb.

We also met some great characters and had a right laugh with them.

 

eBay saw my bike go for about twice what I expected and the buyer turned up last night after a 1.5 hour drive with cash in his hand.

[beko1987]

We need to do a boot sale one weekend. Sw!go always does well with Evas old clothes and other tat, I normally have trouble with random bits of Hoovers and other tat but it can be a laugh!

[UmBongo]

Surprisingly eBay and a car boot sale made me happy.

 

Got up at stupid o'clock yesterday and did a car boot sale with the domestic manageress. Yeah, we had the usual morons who wanted everything for nothing but after some basic training my missus batted them off with aplomb.

We also met some great characters and had a right laugh with them.

 

eBay saw my bike go for about twice what I expected and the buyer turned up last night after a 1.5 hour drive with cash in his hand.

 

 

''I'll give you 50p, mate.''

 

''Er, it's priced at £3, pal. I'll let you have it for £2.50''

 

''I'll give you 50p, mate.''

 

''Eff off.''

[Conrad D. Conelrad]

Reminds me of something I posted on another forum a couple of years ago. I'd had a FUN DAY manning a charity stall at a car boot sale. 
 

Visitor 1: How much for the camera?

Me: Two quid.

Visitor 1 examines camera for three minutes

Visitor 1: It takes the big memory cards

Me: Compact Flash.

Visitor 1 continues to block stall while mulling over the life altering decision of whether or not to buy a £2 Nikon Coolpix

Me: It is a very good camera.

Visitor 1 leaves without camera.

 

Visitor 2: How much is the camera?

Me: Two quid

Visitor 2 reacts as if he has discovered a Picasso in a skip, until he opens the battery door

Visitor 2: Oh, it doesn't have any batteries

Me: It takes rechargable AAs.

Visitor 2 leaves.

 

Visitor 3: How much is the camera?

Me: two quid, it is a very good camera

Visitor 3: It's rather old

Me: Yes, this is why it is nestled between Friends VHSes on a pasting table and not on a rotating plinth in Jessops

Visitor 3 leaves

 

Visitor 1 returns to re-appraise the camera. Unfortnately it has not yet evolved an SD card slot. Visitor 1 leaves.

 

Visitor 4: Would you take a quid for the camera?

Me: Yes

Visitor 4's wife mutters something to him, apparently another stall has a Nikon D800 for five pence

Visitor 4: Oh, never mind.

Me: DIE IN A DITCH (not out loud)

 

Visitor 1 walks past slowly

 

I return home and put camera back in drawer.