What makes you grin? Antidote to grumpy thread

[myglaren]

[Tayne]

1 hour ago, cobblers said:

I like burgers, I'm not a snob about them, I'll eat any burger, but I do appreciate a good one, and I've found the best burgers always come from the last place you'd expect. Five guys, In'n'out  and all those "hipster" burger places are great, but the really amazing ones take you by surprise.

On sunday I drove cross country to Warrington to pick our lass up after she'd had an operation, where she couldn't eat any solids for 6 weeks after. On the way back home I was fucking starving so I popped into a Spar on the way and they had some burgers in a hot cabinet, not thinking I grabbed one and wandered back to the car where she was sat and started eating it infront of her.

This burger was the best burger I have ever had. Lovely thick patty, cooked and seasoned perfectly. Soft bun, grated quality cheese on it. My mouth is watering just thinking about it. Three bites in I was just about to go off on how great this burger was, but I looked over at my mrs who can only eat jelly for two months and realised I'd dropped a bit of a bollock and just had to eat the rest of it very quickly and keep quiet about how bloody amazing this burger was.

I'm trying to find an excuse to drive the 40 mile round trip for another. 

(It's Spar in Calver, S32 3XH)

 

Find somewhere nearby that serves Beyond Meat burgers.

 

Seriously. 

[paulplom]

This car is like that everyday. The guy owns the convenience shop. Why not just by a car that fit for purpose? Completely over loaded. It's only 3 years old, I kind of feel sorry for it.

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[somewhatfoolish]

Dob him in to the dibble for overloading and wait until the heat death of the universe(approx 10 with another 99 zeros after it years) before they spring into action.

[myglaren]

 

 

 

[paulplom]

Are those carrier bags of petrol? What a great idea. Why waste your money on those green plastic things.

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[wuvvum]

When I was working in a BP petrol station years ago, we did actually have one bloke who'd run out of petrol up the road come in and try to fill a Tesco carrier bag with petrol.  Fortunately the woman on the till at the time was on the ball, spotted him on the camera and refused to start the pump.

[face]

That video also represents quite possibly the most dreadful musical composition the world has ever heard.

[myglaren]

3 minutes ago, face said:

That video also represents quite possibly the most dreadful musical composition the world has ever heard.

Crap isn't it?

I listen to it with the sound off.  Better that way.

[face]

Who the hell buys this shit?

I cannot for the life of me understand the attraction.

[Tadhg Tiogar]

3 hours ago, paulplom said:

Are those carrier bags of petrol? What a great idea....
 

....and she double-bagged it!

[HMC]

[barefoot]

I was first customer into the Loughborough branch of Nat West this morning. It was very warm inside the branch, but it was very cold outside. I know this because of the perky, puckering nipples visible through the flimsy white blouse of the young woman who opened the door. Katie, I know her because she wore a name badge attached to her firm yet pliant breasts, also wore a short black skirt and thick black tights. Despite her flowing blonde locks, her plump, moist lips and my huge tumescent cock which made it awkward for me to speak, it turned out that she was not able to help me and I was obliged to deal with Terry. I shall be first customer again next week, but now, I'm off for a wank.

 

[Tadhg Tiogar]

1 hour ago, barefoot said:

I was first customer into the Loughborough branch of Nat West this morning. It was very warm inside the branch, but it was very cold outside. I know this because of the perky, puckering nipples visible through the flimsy white blouse of the young woman who opened the door. Katie, I know her because she wore a name badge attached to her firm yet pliant breasts, also wore a short black skirt and thick black tights. Despite her flowing blonde locks, her plump, moist lips and my huge tumescent cock which made it awkward for me to speak, it turned out that she was not able to help me and I was obliged to deal with Terry. I shall be first customer again next week, but now, I'm off for a wank.

 

In other news: nothing else of interest in Loughborough.

[High Jetter]

2 hours ago, barefoot said:

I was first customer into the Loughborough branch of Fap West this morning.

FTFY

[Tenmil Socket]

20 hours ago, myglaren said:

 

 

 

I wonder if there's groceries stuffed down the filler neck...

[Wack]

On 12/10/2019 at 8:11 PM, iainrcz said:

We're away in Manchester for a few nights.

Reasonably pleasant trip over, despite the rain. Not to mention the wanker who was driving like a massive cock behind me so I pulled over to let him pass.

 

Had my belly filled and a few beers, we've decided it's bed time already.

 

Bonus points to the Mrs for packing some hot chocolate.

 

God we're fucking ravers.

 

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We're just on the train going to manchester tdress o see jesse Marchant at the castle hotel 

A woman in a party dress with massive tits the dress is struggling to hold in has sat opposite me 

I'm typing this to stop me looking at them 

[108]

6 minutes ago, Wack said:

We're just on the train going to manchester tdress o see jesse Marchant at the castle hotel 

A woman in a party dress with massive tits the dress is struggling to hold in has sat opposite me 

I'm typing this to stop me looking at them 

Pictures.

You can’t type something like that without attaching pictures. 

 

Enjoy the evening. 

[iainrcz]

We're just on the train going to manchester tdress o see jesse Marchant at the castle hotel 
A woman in a party dress with massive tits the dress is struggling to hold in has sat opposite me 
I'm typing this to stop me looking at them 

Pics or it didn't happen.

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[Wack]

My wife was sat next to me , I already had a kick under the table , knowing my luck the flash would go off , they were quite spectacular though 

[iainrcz]

I've been out having tea and twice been told "look at the state of that"
By the Mrs.

I am doing love, I am doing.

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[richardmorris]

If I’ve posted this before I’m sorry, I appear to be in a Groundhog Day loop at the moment.

 

the local fuzz are funny*

 

[wuvvum]

On 12/5/2019 at 7:20 PM, dozeydustman said:

I showed this to my colleagues at work as they asked what I was laughing at.  They had no idea what was so funny about it.

Either I spend too much time on Pornhub or they spend too little, I'm not sure which.

[wuvvum]

Also I passed an exam today, and now have more letters after my name, for what it's worth.

I am proper done with studying now though - a 40-year-old brain really doesn't retain information as well as a 20-year-old one.

[Wack]

Really enjoyed jesse Marchant , immensely talented, 25 people there 5 of which were family  I think 

 

Illusion of love is a brilliant album 

One twat knocked a pint of beer off a shelf though , not that I'd know anything about that obviously ?

 

[LeahStornes]

Saw the spirit of AS on the back of a crap car yesterday:

 

"I'd rather push this Lupo than drive a Corsa"

 

[wuvvum]

I'm going to hazard a guess that the driver wasn't Cavcraft.

[Tadhg Tiogar]

2 hours ago, wuvvum said:

... - a 40-year-old brain really doesn't retain information as well as a 20-year-old one.

 

[Zelandeth]

Seeing the results of my fuel injection conversion on the Lada in actual black and white data.

Getting this car through the emissions tests back with the carb was always a nightmare - scraped through its last one with it on 0.297% CO.

Today?  0.093%...That's more like it!

Ignore the failed first test, the cat is a long way back in the system on this car so it takes quite a while to get it up to operating temperature.  Lambda is slightly high on account of a slight exhaust leak.

Last year's test wasn't great because I was still chasing down a vacuum leak which was throwing the fuelling off a bit, so this is the first time I've seen proper data to show how well it actually works.

[barefoot]

On 12/12/2019 at 10:55 AM, barefoot said:

I was first customer into the Loughborough branch of Nat West this morning....

Just finished an ADW and realised that I'd forgotten to tell you about the reason for my visit to the branch. I realised that my 'savings' ac was paying 0.0001% so rang up to close it & open something better, but apparently you can't do it over the phone, nor can you do it on line, you have to do it in branch. Katie apparently wasn't qualified to assist me - I'd have let her have a bloody good try - so I was sent to Natalie who clearly didn't like the look of me from the start. Admittedly, I'm a bit scruffy, unshod & yesterday I was carrying five unmarked poly bags of veg from the market. She actually told me to put 'my belongings' down over there! Turned out she wasn't qualified either and gave me a look of pure hatred whan I asked her to open an account, 'execution only'. Apparently you now need to be trained how to complete an application form for a product when someone specifically asks for that product. Suddenly the senior advisor who'd been too busy to see me was free & he sorted things out. Although when he told me that a standing order & a direct debit were exactly the same & I queried it with him, he too sped up massively.

Don't judge a book by the cover you fuckers.

Incidentally Katie, although very attractive, is young enough to be my daughter and I'd just like to emphasise that anything that I may have said was in blokey style jest, I really don't need to find my way to the sex offender's register via a complaint about humerous comments on a motoring forum.