Autoshite confessional booth

[anonymous user]

I once turned down a free, if I paid the storage fees, Bristol 410, it then got more vandalised and finally scrapped. I scrapped a running and mot'd early Espace because I couldn't face the thought of dealing with people if I tried to sell it.

 

I would really like a Mach 1 Mustang with side pipe exhausts, also a Nissan Figaro and if truth be told, a Mitsuoka Le Seyde, but wouldn't want to be seen driving them.

[vulgalour]

I would be seen driving a Figaro or Le Seyde and I would be proud of that fact but stop short of being a Crashing Bore .

[Lord Sterling]

I play loud early 90s rap/hip hop music in my Rover Sterling like some down and out pimp from Birmingham.

[fordperv]

I would happily be seen driving a daihatsu copen, i love these little cars

[beko1987]

I've been liking driving the meriva about recently. It's much more refined than the zx, and has better speakers.

 

The shit visibility, crap mpg and general image of it that puts me off actually buying one...

[Slappy]

I really like the look of Audi RS4s and RS6s. Especially the Avants.

 

Also, I spent far too long last week being talked into potentially buying a Focus ST (with the Volvo engine), to which I'd need to pop to a bank and ask nicely for some monies please.

[stephen01]

Last Wednesday I drove 570 miles to pick up a 100 quid panda, that's probably the worzst car I've ever purchased, actually it is the worst car, I'm that ashamed of it I'm yet to write  a collection fred..

[Sigmund Fraud]

Last Wednesday I drove 570 miles to pick up a 100 quid panda, that's probably the worzst car I've ever purchased, actually it is the worst car, I'm that ashamed of it I'm yet to write  a collection fred..

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I bet it can't be anywhere as bad as some of the cars that have recently appeared on here... Show us !

[Noel Tidybeard]

i may have owned a vectra 2.0 16v gls that i liked

[For Fiats Sake]

I regularly buy accessories for my cars which often never get opened from the packaging let alone fitted.

 

a fiat panda for £100 - at least the price was right!

[Barry Cade]

I once owned a Pontiac Fiero and didn't fit a Ferrari bodykit.

 

I set fire to a Saxo driving chav's hat with the sidepipes on my Dodge D100.

 

I owned a Dodge Challenger, but called it names because it was 2 years newer than the one I wanted. I then sold it at the height of the muscle car boom for a loss.

[Junkman]

Last Wednesday I drove 570 miles to pick up a 100 quid panda, that's probably the worzst car I've ever purchased, actually it is the worst car, I'm that ashamed of it I'm yet to write  a collection fred..

 

We had a curlektshun threat for a Pitty Snoozer, Jesus wept. It can't possibly get any worse.

[Captain Slow]

I came so close to buying an Alfa 164 that had been specialist owned, was a 12v Cloverleaf, and had just had the belts done - for £870. I chickened because it was 200 miles away and I had no time to go and view it first.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Moving on to the car I DID buy.

 

I once bought a SAAB 9000 in the cold, dark, and rain, from a mate, that 6 months earlier had been festering in a hedge. What could possibly go wrong, I thought?

 

Even by the time I sell it with a gearbox that's jammed in first I'll be £2500 down over 14000 miles thanks to various faults - including the £500 I spent on welding before the MoT with eight seperate fail points.

 

 

 

 

(Moral of the story, never take me with you to buy a car.)

[LabRat]

I ended up working for a man who can only accurately be described as a galloping thunder cunt. He fired me for something that wasnt my fault with no warning and at a really bad time for me, he then attempted to extort money from me.

 

I knew that he kept his car unlocked at night and drives with the windows down. I may have slightly taken a massive piss in his windscreen washer bottle.

When I worked in food microbiology labs, the supervisor there was a cockwomble of the highest order.

 

After a particularly long shift with this pleasant* individual screaming and throwing agar plates at us for not going fast enough, we drained the juice out of a prawn shelf life test down the windscreen air vents of his Alfa 146. (Prawns at 25 degrees for 5 weeks... ).

 

Draining a can of tuna in brine would have a similar, if less eye watering effect...

 

 

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[CHRIS1980]

I once bum raped a pre production Austin Metro for its 1275 engine. It was on a V reg and mint,in my defence at the time me lud I did not know it was pre production. That was until 2 weeks later when I read the inside back cover of mini magazine and the writer had said any that were V registered were from a pre production run. DOH!

[CHRIS1980]

When I worked in food microbiology labs, the supervisor there was a cockwomble of the highest order.

After a particularly long shift with this pleasant* individual screaming and throwing agar plates at us for not going fast enough, we drained the juice out of a prawn shelf life test down the windscreen air vents of his Alfa 146. (Prawns at 25 degrees for 5 weeks... ).

Draining a can of tuna in brine would have a similar, if less eye watering effect...

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Someone rammed dog shit in the vents of my Ford Escort for a similar desired effect. I almost crashed when I turned the blower on.

[Timewaster]

Someone rammed dog shit in the vents of my Ford Escort for a similar desired effect. I almost crashed when I turned the blower on.

Did they find out about the metro?

[MarvinsMom]

I once bum raped a pre production Austin Metro for its 1275 engine. It was on a V reg and mint,in my defence at the time me lud I did not know it was pre production. That was until 2 weeks later when I read the inside back cover of mini magazine and the writer had said any that were V registered were from a pre production run. DOH!

there are some crimes that can never ever be atoned for, and this is one of them.

[fordperv]

I once bum raped a pre production Austin Metro for its 1275 engine. It was on a V reg and mint,in my defence at the time me lud I did not know it was pre production. That was until 2 weeks later when I read the inside back cover of mini magazine and the writer had said any that were V registered were from a pre production run. DOH!

Goes off to shed to get pitchfork and flaming torch to start an angry mob

[Lord Sterling]

My Shuma is worth between £0.00 and £200 but i have spent £££ on it keeping it on the road.

 

My Sterling is worth -£0.00, it was when it was delivered, but I spent probably nearly £800+ getting down here, fitting a new exhaust/service/wings/bootlid/rear bumper etc...

 

Hopefully it'll be the reason why it's still going, although ideally it wants a new radiator.

[mercrocker]

When I worked in food microbiology labs, the supervisor there was a cockwomble of the highest order.

 

After a particularly long shift with this pleasant* individual screaming and throwing agar plates at us for not going fast enough, we drained the juice out of a prawn shelf life test down the windscreen air vents of his Alfa 146. (Prawns at 25 degrees for 5 weeks... ).

 

Draining a can of tuna in brine would have a similar, if less eye watering effect...

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

 

A first-class twunt in an SD1 (many years ago when they were twunt-positive and not just nice old cars) found out that night-fished smooth-hound guts do not add fragrantly to the damp-ness within.

[Junkman]

I once turned down a free, if I paid the storage fees, Bristol 410...

 

You fucking didn't, you muppet.

[steved40]

I once turned down a free, if I paid the storage fees, Bristol 410, it then got more vandalised and finally scrapped.

 

You utter, utter bastard.  Hell is too good for people like you.  Say 40,000 Hail Marys and give up sex for six months.  In fact give up sex forever, we don't want any more of your kind.

[John F]

I once removed the rotor arm from a mate's Mk 1 Fiesta 1.1 so he couldn't drive it home pissed.

 

I found out later than night that he'd actually been sick all over the car due to the effort of trying to bump-start it.

 

He was in such a rage that I never gave him the rotor arm back out of fear for my life... lol.

[cros]

Long ago when castrating pigs (I worked on a farm, it wasn't a hobby) my co-testicle remover and I detached the demister hose on my brothers Reliant Regal and dropped 2 newly removed knackers onto the matrix. Each morning we waited for word of an unpleasant smell on his journey to work, but nothing was ever mentioned. Therefore no penance is needed, our prank was scuppered by the useless heater. Maybe if the pig had been a Tamworth and not a Large White...

[fordperv]

I once removed the rotor arm from a mate's Mk 1 Fiesta 1.1 so he couldn't drive it home pissed.

 

I found out later than night that he'd actually been sick all over the car due to the effort of trying to bump-start it.

 

He was in such a rage that I never gave him the rotor arm back out of fear for my life... lol.

You did your mate and innocent motorists and pedestrians a favour that night, well done

[beko1987]

Long ago when castrating pigs (I worked on a farm, it wasn't a hobby) my co-testicle remover and I detached the demister hose on my brothers Reliant Regal and dropped 2 newly removed knackers onto the matrix. Each morning we waited for word of an unpleasant smell on his journey to work, but nothing was ever mentioned. Therefore no penance is needed, our prank was scuppered by the useless heater. Maybe if the pig had been a Tamworth and not a Large White...

Imagine the shock whoever took the pipes/matix off next got...

[captain_70s]

(Moral of the story, never take me with you to buy a car.)

I seem to recall that I told you to buy that Alfa AND said the Saab would be a heap....

 

(Moral of the story is to always listen to my car buying advice.)

[cros]

Imagine the shock whoever took the pipes/matix off next got..

 

Nobody dismantled the car, it lost 2 of its gears and after struggling on with just 2nd and top for a while it died and was buried in a spot where the course of a stream was being straightened. A couple of years later after some floods the bank eroded and a rear lamp was just visible, poking out of the soil. As far as I know its still there, but I've not been back to that area for 40 years. Maybe time for a visit.

[beko1987]

Autoshite time team dig! Someone on here has a discovery... And hair like the ginger yokel chap