funny driving test tales?

[needforspeed]

Anyone got any funny driving lesson or test stories?....

 

I failed my first test for speeding 😠,

But it was harsh. I had been on a nsl road and came in to a 30 i had slowed down safely and on time,did the rest of test was thinking i had passed no bother..got back to test centre and pulls in....

Tester turns and says "well, i dont think i need to tell you.... at this point im already thinking of out cruising lol..that you have failed" FAILED!!! "For what?" asks I, "oh you passed the first lampost in the 30 zone doing 33!!!

I was fucking raging, even worse i am short sighted and found it difficult to read reg plate from distance. So my instructer had told me to memorise 3 reg plates outside test centre, as it would be one of them lol.

Was gutted.

 

Got a few more from lessons i will add to thread as we go 😀

[CHRIS1980]

I reversed the instructors 1 week old rover 100 onto a lamp post. In my defence it was on the kerb,they had to cut the kerbstone to fit it. I also failed my test for not getting on to th a14 the traffic had come to halt and was total grid lock bumper to bumper so waited for someone to let me in and I failed for that. My instructor was raging. Mr Stevenson was the examiners name and he was well known as a cunt.

[gadgetgricey]

I think my mate failed his test in possible the shortest time ever (less than a minute)

Its shut down now but there was a test centre in Quinton right next to a dual carriage way with a central reservation to stop in and wait for a gap in traffic 

 

https://www.google.co.uk/maps/@52.4604164,-1.9965108,3a,75y,150.28h,98.08t/data=!3m6!1e1!3m4!1sSCpCcfACrLotH2vQnJ8VLw!2e0!7i13312!8i6656

Its the building on the left, right in front of you. Dual Carriage way 30 yards up the road.

 

There are traffic lights there now, but you get the idea.

 

Sets of, and is asked to go straight on. Looks right no cars, so proceeds over the dual carriageway and the examiner has to slam the brakes on to stop them hitting the car on the other side of the dual carriageway that he did not even see.

 

Probably less than a minute all in.

[320touring]

Taking the last roundabout in 3rd at 40mph put the icing on a fine performance!

 

it was a visiting examiner, wearing a brown short sleeved shirt-logo on the pocket bearing the legend "Amazon Safari". Didnt like him moment I set eyes on him.

 

on the plus side, the ride home being driven by an angry ex level 1 polis was superb. he made that corsa dance!

[DavidB]

Got in early morning pissed. Driving test was at 9am. Hungover and possibly over the limit slightly.

During test was sweating, shaking, with a bastard headache and holding back vomit. I passed somehow.

When I went to sign my name after the test on the form, my hand was so clammy, the pen slipped. The signature on my drivers license is a slightly curved line.

[gadgetgricey]

Also as an aside have any of the old farts like me who passed before the theory test was introduced, ever taken it out of curiosity.

 

Guy I knew at work failed twice and everyone was ribbing him, so found an online mock test for everyone,

I think 4 of us out of 12 passed, with some of the fails being quite spectacular.

 

http://www.safedrivingforlife.info/take-official-free-practice-driving-theory-test/car-practice-theory-tests/car-practice-test-one

 

If anyone feels the urge.

[gm]

I drove out of the test centre with no seat belt on - kind of ruined my concentration for the rest of the test - needless to say I didn't pass

[mercrocker]

I failed my first motorcycle test.   I don't remember the other thing but the main reason (of two given) was that shouting "Get out of the fucking way" to a doddery old woman who walked out into the road during my brake test was not considered to be correct "audible warning of approach". 

[beko1987]

Wrong side of the road coming out of the test centre, fair play

 

Wrong lane on one of those stupid double roundabouts where every other local cuts it up (which I didnt clock was wrong), fair play

 

Got beeped at for not mounting the kerb to get past stationary traffic in one lane, my lane was on filter. By the time I eyed the gap up beeep, fail. The examiner said it was a bit harsh too, why fail me then cocknose?

 

Second test, 2 minors, straight pass!

[dollywobbler]

Also as an aside have any of the old farts like me who passed before the theory test was introduced, ever taken it out of curiosity.

 

Guy I knew at work failed twice and everyone was ribbing him, so found an online mock test for everyone,

I think 4 of us out of 12 passed, with some of the fails being quite spectacular.

 

http://www.safedrivingforlife.info/take-official-free-practice-driving-theory-test/car-practice-theory-tests/car-practice-test-one

 

If anyone feels the urge.

 

I did actually. Got 50 out of 50. 

[fordpoplier]

I passed my US driving test some time in the 90s after driving in the UK for years.  Part of the US test was to reverse in a straight line parallel to the curb.  Looking over my shoulder to reverse I figured I wanted to get a bit closer to the curb so I went to turn the wheel slightly only to find that the tester (a state trooper) was holding the steering wheel so I couldn’t move it and could only go straight.

[quicksilver]

Not really a funny story but I passed first time in 2003 in my 1978 Fiesta, which I had chosen to use instead of my instructor's Fiat Bravo that I never liked - the examiner was quite taken aback to see such an old car and complimented me on how well I drove it This was just after the basic safety checks had been introduced to the test and I was disappointed he didn't ask me how to check the rear foglight so I could be a smartarse and tell him it didn't have one as it was built before they became a legal requirement.

[Richard]

I got 49/50 on that theory test, I didn't realise that level crossings show an amber light first, I'm sure the one near me doesn't.

 

I failed my test in May 1987 and didn't drive again until 11 hours before my second test on 30th September that year. I didn't have an instructor yet (first test was in a different town), so I had to use my mother's 1979 Viva estate with massive holes in the wings. The examiner recoiled visibly when he saw it.

[UltraWomble]

 

 

If anyone feels the urge.

 

Pwned that then - took my test in 1988, passed first time too.

[scruff]

Passed cat F first time aged sweet 16. You can/could drive a tractor at 16 on L plates and the cat F test is carried out at a location of your choice, the examiner meeting you on site. There is no restriction on how far you can drive on the L plates... so I borrowed a tractor from college and promptly drove it to my home town of Worthing about 20 miles away. Passed easily - examiner follows on foot and observes your manoeuvres from the footpath - then enjoyed a good blat around the town centre before heading back. 

 

Passed car first time, Ford Fiesta diesel, can't remember anything about the test apart from the elation afterwards.

 

Passed cat C ok, the examiner also took me for the CPC practical and agreed it was a total waste of money and couldn't really wait to get it over and done with.

 

Failed C+E first time within minutes. What didn't help was a hour's lesson beforehand in rush hour traffic in shitty fucking Peterborough. A warning to anyone taking their test at Peterborough: the length markers on the tarmac are damned difficult to read. I didn't reverse back into the box far enough; realised my mistake, told the examiner there was no point continuing.

 

Passed C+E second time no probs. On Good Friday so there was no traffic...!!

[Pillock]

I passed, but I did get two minors for lane discipline.

Basically, there's a long sweeping curve on the A38 as you come out of Sutton-in-Ashfield. Apparently, using the full width of the road and identifying the apex of the bend is not the way to do it, however with no other cars around it couldn't go down as a major.

The other minor was for doing the same in the opposite direction on my way back to the test centre. 

 

This is what comes of reading the Roadcraft Police Driving manual as a nipper.

[needforspeed]

I remember when i was taking my lessons all the local instructer's used to use the same area in pollokshields, as it had big straight wide roads and was in a proper block formation, so was great for first few lessons for turning, junction work, reverse parking etc.

So one time i am out on a lesson and we are coming down a nice straight road when up ahead we can see a bit of a comotion and a hole in a massive hedge,

Haha was another learner corsa in the garden on its roof!! Both occupents where out and unhurt, don't actually know what happened as i was on the clock but heard from instructor the week later that the pupil had panicked and mashed throttle somehow and hit curb and slowly rolled over into garden!

[bub2006]

I had two minors on my test for not checking mirror and having to straighten up on reversing into bay at end of test outside centre at Kirkby. I was told I made good progression down the a38 on way back. Instructor was a miserable fecker and I thought I'd failed so just booted it off the lights up to 70. Don't try it now folks,average cameras set at 50 all way from just past snipe pub to the Kingsmill island. Pillock are you a local lad then?

[Christine]

A cat ran across the road in front of me and i slammed on the brakes ... impressed by my superb reactions he said " we'll skip the emergeny stop bit  then..."

Obviously, he realised i was a brilliant driver ,so i passed  ...   

test car was '77 Mk1 fiesta ..

[Sealtainn]

Passed my car test 1st time in 1994 in a Corsa sans Theory test.

Passed my bus test 1st time in 2005 in an Olympian avec Theory test.

The examiner for my bus test said afterwards that he can usually tell if someone is going to pass within the first 3 minutes of leaving the depot and apparently I got bonus points as I was the only 1 person in out group of 5 guys taking the test that day who turned up in a shirt and tie.

We set off and ended up just chatting whilst I drove round, didn't feel like a driving test at all.

[Slappy]

Passed my theory with no revision. Instructor thought I was a cocky shite for that! Passed my practical first time under the auspices of an examiner known locally in Chichester as No-Pass Parker. 5 minors though, 3 of which were for mirrors I think. And I may* have forgotten my counterpart to bring along, which I somehow blagged around.

 

Talking of the theory, does anyone remember a Test The Nation style quiz on ITV one time I think with Phil Schofield? I think I was about 13-14 and "passed" that one too.

[LabRat]

Did my first driving test in an early mk1 Citroen C3.

 

Was going lovely, right up to the emergency stop, when muggins here hit the anchors... The car stopped lovely, just a crying shame that Citroen couldn't be arsed to bolt the dashboard clocks and both airbags in properly!

 

The bloody things fell out and the examiner went a nice shade of white before getting out of the car and walking back to the test centre... I was not impressed!

 

 

 

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[conkerman]

Passed. Slightly disappointing store of 44. Although I was cooking dinner when I did it. Passed car test in 89 and DAS in 99.

 

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[Vince70]

I did my driving test in my fathers Beige Austin Ambassador VP back in 1988 and the auto choke computerised black box thing went wrong on the test which was a really common fault on the twin S/U setup.. So I had to drive with my foot on the accelerator at all times while the car was trying to cut out while popping and banging away like a goodun.

 

When the test ended I was asked to pull over about 600 meters away from the test centre but as I thought I must of failed anyway I drove over the duel carriageway and pulled up outside the centre so my father didn't have far to walk and I also did an extra three point turn as I took a left rather than a right so I thought a fail was definitely on the cards.

 

After I answered a couple of questions the examiner said I passed to my amazement and he went over to my father and told him to scrap the bloody car as it was a heap of shite and he knew how bad the things were as he also had just got rid of a HLS version so really the Ambassador did me a big favour.

 

But on the way home we stopped off at a working mans club for a quick pint and when we came out the thing wouldn't start again as it had lost all its electricity as usual so I picked it up about a week later with a spare alternator belt and some jump leads which was quite normal for that motor..

 

The only reason it had done about 8000 miles in 5 years was because it spent more time off the road than on and no garage could work out why it would snap fan belts once a week but I was a dab hand at changing them but it still was a 1000 times more reliable than a Laguna Il.

[DSdriver]

I'm a smug git because I got 50/50. I also amazed my driving examiner because I double-declutched the Triumph Herald I was driving into first gear to take a downhill left turn into a side road. I had learnt to drive in a bubblecar with no synchro at all so was used to it.

 

Do they still expect you to do hand signals?

[cort1977]

I got 46, arm signals and trailer speed limits got me.  Also, amber at a level crossing?   Is that new?

 

Texas test is hilarious in itself.   Consists of driving around the block, reverse park and that's it.   You are then qualified to drive at up to 85mph on 16 lane freeways and perform the apparently lethal to Europeans undertaking manoeuvre.  

 

On my Texas test still picked up a couple of minors for not fully stopping at stop signs.   Not sure what they wanted, as I definitely stopped which is more than anyone does in the real world.

[brickwall]

Test took just less than 15 minutes. nothing to report except I got all the questions wrong at the end - he just told me to read the highway code. This was 1992.

[brickwall]

I got 46, arm signals and trailer speed limits got me.  Also, amber at a level crossing?   Is that new?

 

Texas test is hilarious in itself.   Consists of driving around the block, reverse park and that's it.   You are then qualified to drive at up to 85mph on 16 lane freeways and perform the apparently lethal to Europeans undertaking manoeuvre.  

 

On my Texas test still picked up a couple of minors for not fully stopping at stop signs.   Not sure what they wanted, as I definitely stopped which is more than anyone does in the real world.

 

 

Here it's flashing lights at the level crossing and has been for a long time. Same outside fire stations.

[Hertz]

Failed my first test in less than a minute, it was at the Wilmslow test centre (shut now I believe) which had a really bad uphill start. I got flashed to pull out by another car but the examiner didn't see it and engaged the dual controls, game over.

 

Second time I failed without even starting the car! How I hear you ask? Examiner did the walkaround (I was in my mum's Renner 11) and failed it due to no road tax that my Dad hadn't bought! Turns out the reason why he hadn't taxed it was because the MOT had ran out 2 weeks previously! My dad said he thought it would't matter!!!! I didn't speak to him for a while after that....

[NorfolkNWeigh]

As I was a cocky little fecker then , I wanted to pass my bike and car test within a month of my 17th birthday.

The bike test I did , a week after my birthday , the car test was booked for the following week and I booked 4 lessons. On the morning of the test I was sitting in bed memorising braking distances when Mike Smith on Capital Radio was talking about having a snowball fight outside Euston Tower. I threw back the curtains to find 6 inches of snow- test cancelled!

I had to wait 3 months for another booking, so much for my plan.