1996 MGF - Safety [Kettle] Fast

[dugong]

The ex PBK, ex B.Shitpeas MGF VVC has now passed into my hands. I narrowly missed out on buying this from Ken the first time around; alas Barry squeaked in before I could get a decent insurance quote, leading me to bid (and win) an MX-3 instead. 

It isn't the first time I've tried to acquire an 'F - I went after another VVC but got distracted by the decrepit magnificence of the KNOB VAN. In my mind they're like peas in a pod. 
Sir Shitpeas got LBL instead of me but struggled to get comfortable in its cabin. I may be podgy but I'm a damn sight shorter than he is, and fit just fine. I liked work's otherwise appalling TF enough to take a punt on this VVC - aficionados told me 'Fs were far better resolved so I trusted their judgement. 

The North East was not an area I was familiar with, despite reading Radio Newcastle's weekend travel news for the best part of two years. I needed to do some Christmas shopping and Barry knew of some decent Xmas markets; with the car all paid for, I'd empty my bank balance on some hand-crafted tat and gently roast it heading back down the A1. 



Peterborough station offered a means of escape, and coffee which inexplicably cost £2.30 for a cup of tepid soil. 



When you're not having to travel diagonally, huge swathes of the country can be covered quickly, even if the train can't run at full pelt. I typed up some copy from my table as Durham Cathedral spooled by. 



Soon, it was time for a mode of transport referred to only as the 'Mehtroooh'. It seemed efficient, if breezy. 
I ended up trawling the North Shields Christmas Market, the place where alpacas and Series 2 Land Rovers converged.







Metro staff pressed a colossal free mince pie into my hand as I headed for The Coast :



Near journey's end, I was distracted by a smorgasbord of trinkets, books and Nazi memorabilia; I was unimpressed by the former and missed the latter, thankfully. 



Soon, the final stop loomed and I bade the Metro farewell. 





Shitpeas esquire was most unwell, having contracted a mutant form of the flu which nearly flattened me the week before. Nevertheless, we went for a spin in the MGF and stopped for the obligatory round of photographs at Tynemouth harbour:





The light was fading at this point and my S3 and D60 didn't make much of an effort to hide their disdain for the conditions. 



After brimming the tank, I headed for the A1058 and the A19 via the Tyne Tunnel - a pipe I'd mentioned hundreds of times in my booth over an ISDN line but never experienced for real. £1.60 later and I was beside myself, although strict speed limits prevented me from getting the car on cam for the induction kit to work its magic. 

I got as far as Durham services and plotted my route home amid wailing kids and despondent catering staff. 



The monotony of the A1 really wasn't the best place to appraise the 'F - although I worked out quickly that the dipped headlights were dire. All the equipment worked and the abundance of kit made me realise I'd boughty a Japanese market VVC; the tell tale signs were there for all to see. My car had air conditioning, a distress flare holder in the passenger's footwell and a taxi driver dispatch frequency key fob that needed several attempts to lock and unlock the car. UK models operate on a different band, or so I'm told. 

Shitemushy had kindly provided me with a deranged neon headunit that picked up Radio 4 sporadically - with the hood up and the radio on, the 'F was pretty cosy. The rain hammered down near Newark letting a few freaks of water dribble through the offside latch - but that was the sum total of my complaints. 

Truth be told, I've wanted an MGF for a while. I realise this post consists mostly of knock-off llamas and public transport allusions - but  I'm sure LBL will shine when I take it for a drive later. 

[KruJoe]

Your kettle's well posh Jon. Brill write-up.

 

I think we still have the new* front bumper for this somewhere between us. Have you been seeing the PM's about its movements?

[beko1987]

You have lots of tweets... Nice trip! Mince pie looks good...

[skattrd]

Looks good Jon, I hope it serves you well.

[Mr Lobster]

NIce! Hope it all works out ok as I have a bit of a soft spot for MGFs.  The classic car hire place that I can't remember the name of run an MGF on fleet, I might splash out and have a go at some point next summer.

[purplebargeken]

Great write up and I am glad that another decent individual has obtained LBL. Sad that Mr. Shitpeas was too giant for the car. I think I may have suggested some kind of surgery to make his legs less long but for some reason he never went ahead with that option.

 

Yes, the key fob has a bit of an odd frequency and it helps to place it under your chin when you press the button (I kid you not). The battery is a new 'un but I reckon it had shit range from new. Fit some Osram Nighbreakers for better light activity.

 

The latch lock may need a slight adjustment, there is a small hex bar in the latch, prise off the clip and give it a turn. It was water tight until just before I sold it. It can be again.

[Jim Bell]

 

Such pleased. So exite. Not contained.

 

 

Sun going down on a new owner.

 

 

 

I will miss this thing. It was a good thing, if cramped.

 

 

Was great to see you Jon. Sorry we couldn't make a better day of it.

[purplebargeken]

Great pics! 

 

The MGF is a great looking car, lovely shape. Damn!!!!!

[Craig the Princess]

I liked that one from the PBK - B Shitpeas delivery, it is express (for me) high up in the rev range but still quite comfortable.

 

If you ever come to sell it there will be a long queue.

[tooSavvy]

 much Metrollism and TT2ishnesses... muchoo likee.

 

... going south it just gets more...mmm... NOT Tyneside.

 

 

TS

[Cavcraft]

Brilliant pictures and write up as expected. Is this to be a daily driver, Jon?

[Pillock]

Great write up.

 

Yes, headlamps are shit. Please find better bulbs so I can buy the same ones and forego all that having-to-choose thing myself.

 

The UK remote locking is also wank and has to be operated approximately three inches from the car. This was massively improved on mine by taking out the stereo, finding the yellow wire (remote receiver) and taping it to a support bar behind the dash instead of having it dangle and wrap around the loom. I can now lock my car outside the garage if I forget, before I had to unlock the garage and go back inside.

[Shep Shepherd]

Smashing write up

[Magnificent Rustbucket]

Nice cars these. I think they're quite underrated.

[RoadworkUK]

MGFs are Quite Good To The Max.

 

I find them A LOT more rewarding than various other low-capacity open-top thrashers; MR2s and the ilk, probably because of the very slight mushiness they exhibit in extremis. Not being absolutely pin-sharp razor-edge handlers makes them far less headache-inducing than they might otherwise be for daily use. I think they're fab.

 

I think I'd rather have one of these than an Elise.

 

If it eventually rots out, please re-shell it using a Metro Vanden Plas.

[purplebargeken]

Did you sort out another Nexxen for the front O/S wheel? All the others are new or nearly new. 

[Lacquer Peel]

If it eventually rots out, please re-shell it using a Metro Vanden Plas.

 

BACKWARDS METRO.

 

This must be one of the better sorted MGFs out there, I'd love a shot of one.

[purplebargeken]

There is feck all wrong with her apart from the front bumper. If I was being picky I would say the VVC mechanism is a little chatty but the MG bloke who did the belts said it isn't anything to worry about. 

 

Some better discs and pads would also have been on the agenda but again, am being a bit picky. 

 

She was real fun to drive and was quick enough for most situations, I wish I could have gone round Brands in her.

 

I look forward to her new adventures. Have fun

[Barry Cade]

Mr Shitpeas must be mahooosive. I'm a big long streak of piss, but found the F comfy.

[HH-R]

WOTS THE 0-BOILED TIME, MISTA?

[Jim Bell]

WOTS THE 0-BOILED TIME, MISTA?

 

0-90mph (top of third) is less than 9 seconds. Thats taking into account starting at the wrong side of a roundabout too.

 

MGF VVCs simply pick up their gussets and GET TO FUCK, when prompted. I think that F is the quickest off the line I have ever stewarded.

 

Even my missus got confused and hit the limiter in 2nd.

"I'm really sorry, we were going so fast I forgot what gear we were in!"

 

So fast that it effects the memory. Phact.

[dugong]

 

Went for a drive with Jozza today - that's his 1960 Austin Se7en in the middle with work's mostly toilet X300 flanking the right. 

 

 

Still haven't taken these off. Why do people do this? Vile. 

 

 

I seem unable to take photos of this car from any other angle at the moment.

[Pillock]

Even my non-VVC loves to be revved. Years of driving TDI cars for work made me forgot that >4000rpm existed, which is exactly where these like to be all of the times.

[dugong]

Apparently 1.6-litre MX-5 MkIs are 'much faster', according to Trespassing Nonsense Online (AKA the AS Facebook page). 
Got to be a joke, shirley?

[stuboy]

did like these when they first came out

[chaseracer]

Yes, Jon - the AS Farcebook page IS a joke.  Oh... ISWYM...

 

Please bring LBL to the Tour de Cafe on NYD.  I've never driven an MGF and it's a box that needs ticking 

[dugong]

Yes, Jon - the AS Farcebook page IS a joke.  Oh... ISWYM...

 

Please bring LBL to the Tour de Cafe on NYD.  I've never driven an MGF and it's a box that needs ticking 

 

Er........that may be difficult. C4's broken and I'll probably have the MX-3 because shitemushy's insurance will have switched over by then. 

[HillmanImp]

I would say that the MX5 has a serious weight advantage as they rot so sodding badly but this will equate to a serious disadvantage going round corners with no structural strength in the sills.

 

 

The only one I recall racing was marginally quicker than my GT6 in a straight line and that's not very fast, it just sounds and feels fast. 

[dugong]

I would say that the MX5 has a serious weight advantage as they rot so sodding badly but this will equate to a serious disadvantage going round corners with no structural strength in the sills.

 

 

The only one I recall racing was marginally quicker than my GT6 in a straight line and that's not very fast, it just sounds and feels fast. 

 

I reckon a 1.6 MX-5 would drop a boggo 1.8i MGF no problem. 4bhp fewer (114\118) and the Mazda's at least 100kg lighter. But 114bhp against 145? Really? I could get rid of MX-5s on carriageways in my 460 Turbo. 

[Pillock]

Yes, Jon - the AS Farcebook page IS a joke. Oh... ISWYM...

 

Please bring LBL to the Tour de Cafe on NYD. I've never driven an MGF and it's a box that needs ticking

You're more than welcome to have a drive of VLU at CMA if you can't meet LBL. Although no VVC so you may not be OMG.