Reginald Nutsack's K-series Kapers - ROVER 623 MOT GUFF

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Hey Nige!!! No I still love busting out the mig and grinder. But I only have one decent indoor working area and its full of immobile Maserati!!! So I have nowhere to work on anything that kan't be pushed back outside at the end of the day. So no more 'major' projects until the Maser is back on its wheels and all bare steel kovered up!!

[cort16]

Mr_ko11ok

[jonathan_dyane]

Man you are truly living the dream; I am in the modern parlance 'well jel'.

[nigel bickle]

Luck mate. I.'ll enjoy the write up!

[Mr_Bo11ox]

Spoke to the seller, they sound perfectly normal and very easy to deal with so its all good!!!

[Cavcraft]

Just drive it back and stop every ten miles for the 'ice bucket challenge.' Perhaps just wear a pair of bright orange, bri-nylon Y-fronts and a Superman cape as you stand on the front bumper and get Daz and his mate from Road Wars to film it for you.

[cort16]

The k-series challenge. Loads of tiny little plastic pellets used for blocking thermostats are poured over you while boiling coolant is fired into your face from the expansion tank.

[Pillock]

How far is it? I reckoned Philibusted's Princess averaged 6mph with a buggered gasket, stopping for a refill every few miles. Remember your sleeping bag.

[dugong]

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/ROVER-75CLUB-SE-/111439953333

This should be a calendar shot for the following reasons:

 

1. It's a crap photo

2. The orientation is wrong

[Noel Tidybeard]

3. its a kettle

[garethj]

There's no doubt that señor_Bo11 is at the top of his game, this is like K Series Conkers.  He wins one game, then takes on another straight away with absolutely no fear.  And the value of the finished article is about the same as a horse chestnut seed with a hole drilled through it, hung by an old plimsoll lace.

 

For services to shite, we applaud you!

[greengartside]

One more Rover on the road thanks to Mr Bo11's efforts. Not only a matter of keeping a Kettle-series going but also there's a sense of national pride in all of it too. I salute you!

[Lankytim]

He's pushing the envelope here, he's going to go too far!

 

Quit while you're ahead man, you'll kill us all!

[TRW]

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/ROVER-75CLUB-SE-/111439953333

 

Garden looks nice, there's enough of it in the picture to see!

[Mr_Bo11ox]

I have just a-framed this 160 miles behind my mates Transit van

 

 

It was so stressful I could hardly speak at about 9pm, but i'm home now and nobody died so its all good.

 

 

 

Will tell you about it tomorrow.

[nigel bickle]

Heavy lump for an unloaded trannie Boll. Look forward to hearing your exploits

[Jim Bell]

Hello, is that the police?

 

I've just seen what looked a Rover 75 tailgating DANGEROUSLY CLOSE to a green Transit van.

Even through a petrol station.

[Parky]

Well I have to admit that even broken down its a nice looking thing. Looking forward to the fix and hope there isn't a bit of plastic jamming this one up....

[Mr_Bo11ox]

So, last night I went to pick up this Rover having won it for £149 on the bay. I borrowed my mate's Transit van and set off with the A-frame in the back. I had looked where it was, 'yeah its just off the M25' but as always had failed to look properly at what I was doing. Took 3.5 hours to get there including 45 mins sat on the M25 like a twat and a lot of driving in absolutely unbelievable, torrential rain FFS. Some route:

 

 

Eventually found the guy's house. It was down a little private lane off the main road, over a railway line then down a narrow gravel track to his place whcih was beside the grassy 'roundabout' at the top of this pic:

 

 

 

The Rover was at the bottom of his drive facing the wall. The seller was an old boy of about 70 so he couldnt give me much of a push. First off I thought 'how in gods name am I going to get this out of the grass, turned round and hooked up?' I tried to start it, but it just made a lame whirring noise from the starter. Tried to wind it out on the starter but that didnt work either, not sure why not but it didnt make even the slightest effort to move. So I tried pushing it myself. To my total amazement after a fashion I managed to shift it out the grass despite the 1400kg weight and slippy office shoes on wet grass . Eventually after a lot of heaving, and humouring the old chap who was wittering on in the background, I did manage to turn the car round enougn and get the A frame on. Turned the transit round and hooked up. All lights were working and the new LED trailerboard was 100% operational. Went in the guys house and paid up (the cash machine only had £20 notes and he didnt have any change, so he ended up £11 up on the deal) but came out again as quick as poss as his house honked unbearably of animals, he had god knows how many cats and dogs roaming the place, smelly cat food bowls on the kitchen worktops and all sorts man, horrendous.

 

Tried to get it out. He lived at the bottom of a long narrow gravel track - To get out you drive up the track and turn a very sharp right over the hump-backed railway bridge which is tarmaced. Its so tight that I was not sure it was even possible to tow a car out of there on an A-frame, I suspected it would clobber the drivers side of the Rover on the side of the bridge as you made the turn. So, I went at it quite gingerly. FUCKING TYPICALLY, the waterlogged gravel track was so slippery that the van just could not pull the dead weight round the corner even if I wanted to. I got halfway round and just sat  wheelspinning. Now I was going fucking mental as the stress level was going stratospheric. I backed down a bit, but you cant really reverse with the A-frame on so only a short distance, and had another go. Stuck again with the back wheels of the van spinning helplessly. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD MAN. The old boy said 'you'll just have to come back when the weather's dry!!!' Not fucking likely chief. I asked him to sit in the rover and hold it on the brake while I unhooked it from the van. He did that, I unhooked it then got in and rolled it all the way back down the drive. Backed the van down and had one last shot. The only hope was to get some momentum up, go at it and and try to get the back wheels of the van as far as the tarmac where theyd have a chance of gripping. But I didnt actually know if it was possible to get round. There was nowt else for it though, i wasnt coming back a second time, if I smashed the rover I had already decided to tell him to keep the £160 and just weigh the fucker in (althoguh i dont know how any scrap men would get their lorry anywhere near the bottom of his drive mind you).

 

I shifted all the flipping wheelie bins out the way and went at it as fast as i dared. When i opened my eyes I was sat on top of the hump back bridge, i looked round at the Rover and it was not all caved in on the drivers side. fucking WOW!!!! I shook the old boys hand and set off.

 

Drove all the way home at 55ish mph. The Tranny van towed it beautifully, its a LWB high-top RWD van with a 2.4 engine. Not sure what it weighs but its getting on for 2 tonnes I reckon and has a payload of 1500kg I think. The Rover is 1400kg so the weight balance is pretty good and it was stable and towed well, although the whole rig was seriously flipping HEAVY!!!! I burned £95 worth of diesel altogether which i calculate is an average of 15.5mpg!!!! Must admit if I had serisouly thought about how far it was and what it would cost at 15mpg to get it, i would never have bid on this fupping Rover. In terms of rozzers i saw one going in the opposite direction in Guildford and two separate patrol cars overtook me on the M1 but didnt take any interest at all. Got to bed at 2am.

[RobT]

Jesus what a palaver, I hope it proves worth it. But considering his house was rank the car looks tidy enough!

[cort16]

He had a long way to go and a short time to get there. North bound and down watch old bollox run.

 

Extra shite tokens for being arsed to drag a borked version of one of the uks most unpopular cars half way across the country . I hope it doesn't blow coolant into your eyes as a reward.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

So today I towed the Rover up the workshop and had a proper lok at it in the daylight.

 

 

 

 

Its presentable but I have to say, nowt to get mega excited about. Its got plenty of little dings and scratches all over it, including a cracker on the roof:

 

 

Also the wiper has scratched the windscreen to an MOT-failing extent which is a problem and some fucking cretin has been at the bonnet catch:

 

 

WTF!!! The guy had been having some problems with the bonnet pull. Someone has fixed it for him by removing one of the two bonnet catches and sawn the safety catch right off!!!! The mind boggles, I am going to have to try and weld a 'new' one back in.

 

The interior is quite presentable:

 

 

 

It looks ok, but I have to tell you, it seriosuly fucking STINKS in there of animals. I'm not sure how I'm gonna get rid of the stink but it might entail hiring some sort of badass upholstery cleaning machine I think.

 

Now then, the engine:

 

 

 

Oh yes, that looks about right for a K. Now i asked the old boy what happened when the head gasket went. He said, he was out and about in it, and it started to get hot on the temperature gauge. So, he headed home. I'm not sure how far from home he was, but he said that when he got home, there was steam coming out the sides of the bonnet and some clattering noises from the engine. He reckoned the engine stopped as he was pulling onto his driveway and wouldnt restart, so he just coasted down the hill to the spot where i found the car. When i tried to start the engine, it just makes a sort of feeble whirring noise, certainly doesnt sound like an engine cranking. So I don't know if theres no compression, or its seized completely, or what. I think i can be fairly sure the engine is completely destroyed though!!!! FUCKERS. its a shame as it only has 53k on, the engine is mega clean extarnally and doesn't look like it has been fannied about with at all. I am gonna take the head off at the weekend and see what delights await.

 

its an honest enough old car I think but nowt amazing. At £160 I cant grumble too much as it has 4 new tyres, a new Halfords battery and 3/4 of a tank of juice in it. I seriously underestimated the hassle and cost of collecting it which i am annoyed with myself about, basically I have paid £250 for a 75 with a knackered engine and could have done better I think. However, i'm not going to just chuck it away after putting myself through all that grief, so am expecting to have to find a cheap 1.8 K-series and replace the engine.

 

 

 

[Honey Badger]

Epic collection tales once again Mr B, are you going to strip the existing engine to look at the extent of the damage?

 

Shame you can't slap a trusty M or T series into it, it's probably the engine it should have got instead of various K type engines.

[mouseflakes]

Looks horrible - well done. I was on the edge of my seat reading about the extrication from the drive/railway bridge negotiation.

 

These things have headlights like the eyes of dead fish.

[Micrashed]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

its an honest enough old car I think but nowt amazing. At £160 I cant grumble too much as it has 4 new tyres, a new Halfords battery and 3/4 of a tank of juice in it. I seriously underestimated the hassle and cost of collecting it which i am annoyed with myself about, basically I have paid £250 for a 75 with a knackered engine and could have done better I think. However, i'm not going to just chuck it away after putting myself through all that grief, so am expecting to have to find a cheap 1.8 K-series and replace the engine.

Be mad - throw in a 1.1 8v from a Metro and have a right old laugh seeing if it shifts it!

[cort16]

I wonder how much of a battle a vvc k series would be to go in their. If it's not a ton if extra work (it will be ) it should make it a bit peppier over the 120 bhp or what ever these have as standard.

[saucedoctor]

What about a T Series? Has that ever been done?

 

24.6/10 for determination there, Boll.

[Mr_Bo11ox]

I don't want to fit a T series and I think a VVC would be difficult in terms of wiring - these have a completely different engine management system to all the other k powered Rovers. Might be possible to fit a turbo K, but tbh I can't be arsed with the hassle or expense (doubt I will find a turbo K for £150)

[Parky]

This is Autoshite - O series would be an excellent alternative engine!

 

Good luck Bol, I hope the engine is salvageable. This guy might be some inspiration. I might have posted this previously but it's a damn fine read

 

http://www.the75andztclub.co.uk/forum/showthread.php?t=146867

[Richard]

 

 

Drove all the way home at 55ish mph. The Tranny van towed it beautifully, its a LWB high-top RWD van with a 2.4 engine. Not sure what it weighs but its getting on for 2 tonnes I reckon and has a payload of 1500kg I think. The Rover is 1400kg so the weight balance is pretty good and it was stable and towed well, although the whole rig was seriously flipping HEAVY!!!! I burned £95 worth of diesel altogether which i calculate is an average of 15.5mpg!!!! Must admit if I had serisouly thought about how far it was and what it would cost at 15mpg to get it, i would never have bid on this fupping Rover. In terms of rozzers i saw one going in the opposite direction in Guildford and two separate patrol cars overtook me on the M1 but didnt take any interest at all. Got to bed at 2am.

 

That Transit van will weigh something like 2500kg unladen, maybe even a bit more. Mine is a mid-top MWB RWD effort and it's 3100kg with my gear, which weighs about 700kg, in it.