Autoshite lexicon

[chaseracer]

"All generalisations are suspect - including this one."

Attributed to the motorcycling wizard of muttering rotters Leonard J K Setright, I believe.

[Saabnut]

Reducing the fleet - what a shiter say he is going to do before not selling anything and buying at least two more projects.

This phrase is mostly repeated at regular intervals with the same outcome.

[Cord Fourteener]

"Genuine reason for sale..."

Read: it's fucked and I don't want it to be my problem.

[Cord Fourteener]

"Reluctant sale..." It's nominally a nice car but this one is a shit heap.

[Richard_FM]

Housed in garage: often brought in when it's raining & the doors close so the atmosphere is always warm & damp.  Also all door outer edges have been given a good bashing against the walls.

Reducing the fleet could also mean a collector getting rid of their worst car.  Probably one that has sat around on damp grass up to the axles for years, with a leaky tarp over it while all the decent parts have been robbed to keep another car going.

[martc]

  On 29/10/2020 at 12:21, Tim_E said:

There's a GP lives near me who restores classic cars professionally from his huge barn! How he finds the time I don't know, but he does employ two guys so that helps.

But then if he were a hospital doctor he would truly have no time, I think he works office hours. Clearly a slacker 😅

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Does that mean he's an amateur doctor?

[HMC]

“Xyz are a great investment”

Asking more than its worth

[Cord Fourteener]

  On 02/11/2020 at 12:54, martc said:

Does that mean he's an amateur doctor?

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Sadly, no. He's an office hours GP and also a mechanic. And he had a family... Don't know how he does it (apart from having guys working for him)

[Nev]

"Never been welded" - but it's going to need a metric fuckload now

[HMC]

“I haven’t tested xyz” 

xyz is broken (commonly sunroof, aircon)

[1duck]

  On 14/10/2020 at 17:40, Tim_E said:

 

At one point she was going through a set of front tyres every six months. For ages I thought there was an alignment issue or something, actually she corners hard and says "weeeee"

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Excuse me, but I agree with the good doctor and do believe that the tyres are only meant to survive 6 months. If anyone questions my new driving style I'm telling them it was under advice from a doctor for my commute depression.

My other half is a doctor (animal kind not human) and if I wasn't around she'd just hand a garage a cheque to make issues go away. Plus she babies her car, the slightest noise is met with panic, she was on the verge of tears when it started rattiling, turns out the heat shield had got loose and needed clipping back down.

She did however work with a new zealander vet doctor who took the company car to the garage, it then failed its MOT but he didn't tell the bosses and just kept using it for 3 months. It wasn't his car and the company would  have paid the repair costs and he still didn't bother. If he was any more laid back he would have been comatose,  lovely guy just away with the fairies most of the time. He did catch one hell of a bollocking when the bosses found out.

[1duck]

Just been serviced :  oil changed for first time in 150k miles.

[warch]

‘Pregnancy forces sale’ translation ‘I can no longer wedge my massive gut behind the steering wheel‘

[Shite Ron]

  On 06/11/2020 at 18:00, Nev said:

"Never been welded" - but it's going to need a metric fuckload now

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Repairing rust in a car which has never been welded is infinitely better than cutting out bodges which have caused far more damage. Common practice in the 80’s and 90’s was welding cover panels over rusty original panels, how anyone thought that was a good idea I will never understand. This was why I learnt to weld as I realised I could not do any worse than the garages at the time.

[Richard_FM]

  On 21/11/2020 at 07:28, Shite Ron said:

Repairing rust in a car which has never been welded is infinitely better than cutting out bodges which have caused far more damage. Common practice in the 80’s and 90’s was welding cover panels over rusty original panels, how anyone thought that was a good idea I will never understand. This was why I learnt to weld as I realised I could not do any worse than the garages at the time.

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I've heard of Rover P6s being given this treatment, normally to get them through an MOT.  As the monocoque on them is an odd design they rust in odd ways.

[sheffcortinacentre]

They were welded like that as there repaired now, as cheaply as possible as all the owner cares about is getting another 12 months use from their vehicle to put bread on the table.

[Patent]

FSH - pick any that are not option 1.

1. Full service history

2. I've printed off the old MOT certificates

3. Regular documented oil changes but still wearing a cambelt installed when John Major was in power

[Cord Fourteener]

  On 21/11/2020 at 15:22, Richard_FM said:

I've heard of Rover P6s being given this treatment, normally to get them through an MOT.  As the monocoque on them is an odd design they rust in odd ways.

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They rust in odd ways, but they also rust in all the ways.

[Cord Fourteener]

First to see will buy

*As long as you don't know what you're looking at - it's shiny at least*

[Richard_FM]

Import:

Almost all the paperwork is unreadable unless you get it translated, parts almost unobtainable and insurance companies won't touch it with a bargepole.

[warch]

  On 23/11/2020 at 11:05, Richard_FM said:

Import:

Almost all the paperwork is unreadable unless you get it translated, parts almost unobtainable and insurance companies won't touch it with a bargepole.

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 But at least you can get Tokyo FM on the radio.

One of my mates was absolutely desperate to be the first person in our area to own a (then new) PlayStation 3. He decided to import one. I still remember the plaintive little group text he sent out shortly after he’d plugged it in asking if any of us (all white British) could understand Japanese 

[Cord Fourteener]

  On 24/11/2020 at 11:40, warch said:

 But at least you can get Tokyo FM on the radio.

One of my mates was absolutely desperate to be the first person in our area to own a (then new) PlayStation 3. He decided to import one. I still remember the plaintive little group text he sent out shortly after he’d plugged it in asking if any of us (all white British) could understand Japanese 

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I can read Japanese...

They have a lot of characters that mostly spell 'translation error'. I thought their language was much more ideomatic than that...🤔

[Matty]

  On 21/11/2020 at 22:21, sheffcortinacentre said:

They were welded like that as there repaired now, as cheaply as possible as all the owner cares about is getting another 12 months use from their vehicle to put bread on the table.

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Amen to that

[EssDeeWon]

A few golden lines from looking at car adverts this weekend....

"I changed the oil and filter in 2018"   (its almost 2021 mate, that is nothing to brag about)

"In the best colour in my opinion"  (exactly, in 'your' opinion, which counts for nothing when its me buying the car, not you)

"MOT until Aug 21 with no MAJOR advisories"  (but a long list of not so major advisories, right?)

 

[New POD]

  On 21/11/2020 at 07:28, Shite Ron said:

Repairing rust in a car which has never been welded is infinitely better than cutting out bodges which have caused far more damage. Common practice in the 80’s and 90’s was welding cover panels over rusty original panels, how anyone thought that was a good idea I will never understand. This was why I learnt to weld as I realised I could not do any worse than the garages at the time.

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You could and probably can buy an oversized sill for a mini.  I removed 2 extra sills from one, that came from a mini specialist in the West mids.  Miniman?  More bodges than thought possible.  The next owner lost his door in Tesco car park. 

[HMC]

“Here we have a........ for light refreshment”

Under the surface Its fucked

 

”.........needing recommissioning”

Under the surface It’s fucked and bring a trailer.

 

[HMC]

“......... been in storage”

anything mechanical is stuck, anything made of rubber has crumbled to bits. Unspecified components may be broken or missing 

[lesapandre]

  On 01/12/2020 at 09:11, HMC said:

“......... been in storage”

anything mechanical is stuck, anything made of rubber has crumbled to bits. Unspecified components may be broken or missing 

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Was in a damp shed - oh and it was 'stored' because the big ends had gone.

[strangeangel]

"It is what it is" - It's fucked.

 

[Split_Pin]

"Radio does not come with the car".

I am a potless, skinflinted halfwit.