eBay English

[Bobthebeard]

This has probably been done to death on here, but:

 

Scraped = Scrapped

Drives superb = Starts, runs and drives very well. Possibly

Cills = Sills

Tires = Tyres

will scrape if no offers = So what

Selling 4 a mate = Poorly described and overpriced. Mobile number only as a contact

Change of circumstanc forces genuin sale = Loss of council house due to antisocial behaviour

Willbe going up in value soon. Bag a bargin = No it won't

 

Sorry... Just had to get it of my chest!

[sawdustman]

"ideal for export." - As rusty as a shipwreck.

[Negative Creep]

Alpha Romeo

[pandarus]

'Tastefully modified'

[Jim Bell]

"Mint Condition." i.e. theres a big hole in the middle somewhere.

 

Usually followed by "only needs....................... Wing, welding, gearbox, cam belt (snapped), TLC, prayers, pity etc"

[Barry Cade]

Brought.

[wuvvum]

Seals = sills.

[Cheggers]

Bumber

[Albert Ross]

Pugot

Citreon

Meastro

I despair................... the name IS WRITTEN ON THE FUCKING CAR!

[Timewaster]

I despair................... the name IS WRITTEN ON THE FUCKING CAR!

 

SECURETY?

*Realises that isn't the first time I've taken the P out of AR's LR. Makes mental note to hide if I turn up to an AS meet*

 

Back on topic:

 

Spears or repairs.

[Cavcraft]

Bumber

 

That has to be the most annoying of the lot, weapons grade knobrottery.

[greengartside]

Barn Find - Covered for 'full effect' in hay and dust and buried under yellowed copies of Woman's Weekly and next door's strimmer, despite being sat there for a couple of days.

[Jack_Harpers_Teeth]

Rare = there is 105 of them on eBay right now.

[Rocket88]

"stunning".................dictionary definition is "capable of causing emotional shock or loss of consciousness". Yup, I've viewed a few cars that would cause that.

[Cavcraft]

'It'll definitely pass an MOT'

[monzaE]

"no time waisters" = I'm a fat arse time waster seller.

 

"minor bubbling" = it's shagged

 

"some paint rectification required" = it's shagged.

 

"some stitching required" = it's shagged

[Spiny Norman]

Pugot

Citreon

Meastro

I despair................... the name IS WRITTEN ON THE FUCKING CAR!

 

That one REALLY fucks me off!

 

Along with "Bought for the wife, but she doesn't like/wants a ....." = It's shagged.

[warren t claim]

Will be tax exempt next year- No, your 1989 Golf will certainly not be.

[Albert Ross]

"A real head turner"..... yeah, most people cover their eyes, too, as they vomit on their shoes.

[Alexg]

WOW L@@K

[Albert Ross]

"First to see will buy"...... what about the ones that see it on the street and drive past, laughing?

[Spiny Norman]

The amount of pointless waffle some people use pisses me off too. One in particular.....

[Jim Bell]

" Howmanyleft.com sez only four left in world "

[Fritz]

"Haven't tried starting it... ran well 5 years ago." BULL...SHIT.

[Tetleysmooth]

'NEW BREAKS'

 

Ok, what's broke then?

[babydriver]

Valuable Reg number worth trillions = not without a valid mot its not

[fotorabia]

good breaks...

[aldo135]

25 years old soon so will become a classic and be eligible for free road tax...

 

or "no offers" - correct!

[Skizzer]

"Well what can I say about this car? Where to begin?"

• Fucked if I know. You write like a 10-year-old. Get on with it.

"I also have a working engine/bodyshell/V5 that I will give the winning bidder a chance to buy if it makes the reserve"

• 

"Ran brilliant until it was parked up [in a field for the last 6 years]"

• 

"Need's welded"

• 

"No time wasters you bid to buy not to argue I know what your like U R SCUM"

• Oh right, I'll move along to another listing that is actively seeking winning bidders who don't pay up.
  Look, I sympathise. But if I'm a moron I won't care what you say, and since I'm not you're just being offensive. (And illiterate.)

"the engine management light is on this does not affect the car in any way and it drives perfectly fine and has been on since i bought the car"

• 

[45 lines of text with no paragraph breaks or punctuation.]

[ALL OF IT IN CAPITALS BECAUSE IT'S ALL REALLY IMPORTANT AND YOU MIGHT NOT NOTICE THE LISTING OTHERWISE.]

[Comic Sans font and lots of colours to show how wacky and fun I am.]

• I will never buy a car from you. Never. Because if I did I would have to meet you, and then I might be unable to prevent myself hacking away at your fat empty head with a rusty mattock.

[RedSparrow]

(Completely uninteresting) Number plate valued at £18000!