2013 Autoshite Quote Thread

[Guest]

Here's Eddy's star vehicle resurrected for the New Year.

 

Cavette gets off to an early start:

 

The Chingalong So Happy Axe Murderer Madness Wing Wang Hong Kong Chopperbong moped is more than they cost new (plus they are TRULY fucking awful things)......

[vulgalour]

Just put a litre less oil in when you refil it. Obviously it will have to be first litre that you were going to put in that you leave out, as that would be the one at the bottom.

[cobblers]

Chap across the road got a van for £500 about a year and a half ago, had it for a year until the electrics started to go and still sold it for £375 or thereabouts even with it running like Oscar Pistorius before he got the carbon fibre legs.

[Tayne]

.

[SambaS]

"you can generally get the feeling if the seller is the type of bloke who sellotapes hamsters so they don't explode when he shags them. Or not."

 

[rml2345]

Highly lol-worthy effort from Mr. B;

 

That strut 'brace' is going to add about the same rigidity as if you stretched a fuggin jellied eel across the engine bay.

[Craig the Princess]

I told him I didn't have a clue what he was on about, but if he was going to start bullshitting he was wasting his time because while I may be a knobhead, I'm not a knobhead who knows absolutely nothing about cars.

[worldofceri]

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/FANTASTIC-EX- ... 0920886548

I am having to sell my Landrover as despite having a 10-yr unblemished driving record, the wolfbagging shite-eaters at the DVLA have confiscated my driving licence on the spurious grounds that I am a dog

[vulgalour]

Oi young Starlet, do you know you're talking to a Tagora here?

[Skizzer]

The top end was rattling like fuck and it was only running on three...it could have gone on Stars In Their Eyes singing Transit 2.5Di greatest hits and made it into the final

[M'coli]

New buyer plans to engine rape the Maestro for his Mini, good luck to him.

[Disco Fever]

Just imagine the noise from all that SHIT rattling about as you drive along, fucking hells bells.

 

[garethj]

Des, on All modern cars is ghey.

 

styled like most contempt inducing current stuff to resemble an upturned clog smeared in dogshit then rolled in glitter

[trigger]

I'm going to get a limo just like that and call it 'Pink Oboe'. I'd cruise round shitty town centres at 3.00am on Sunday mornings and offer to give birds a free lift home if they played a tune on my blue veined piccolo.

[catsinthewelder]

Brake cleaner shouldn't harm plastics, maybe with an aerosol air duster can to blast it clear.

 

This is going to turn into the automotive fluids version of the old woman who swallowed a fly.

 

 

[Lord Sterling]

This made I larf like a G6:

 

Cars between 1980 and 2000 are about as high-tech as they need to be, but all the subsequent 'advances' have been pretty pointless IMO.

 

[Split_Pin]

Albert Ross wrote of a Golf

 

It was fucked up before it became a car, by the mistake of British Bombers not quite destroying the fucking VW factory

 

...and indeed setting it back up again!!

[Cavcraft]

Cobblers: 'The closest I've ever seen to one of these buses on the road is a few of them poor old boxy dennis fire engines giving up their final few years on the road as a "sexy fire engine", ferrying creosoted veigny racists in fancy dress to and from working mens club hen parties.'

 

[Tayne]

.

[AeroNautiCal]

This is outstanding!

 

Cavette wrote:

Excellent! About as fucking useful as an advanced Meccano set for your pet ant.

 

Thanks to Albert Ross for the reminder to post in the correct thread.

[AeroNautiCal]

More outstanding stuff!

 

Verdict: Mobile neighbourhood devaluator

[Wilko220]

If we do get new mod's I hope he/she/they nuke the banger thread.

 

Maybe some Cyber Pikeys will arrive in a space-Hiab and nick it.

 

[michael1703]

Beat me to it, was just about to paste that here too

[vulgalour]

Another winning thread. Hopefully* this will turn into another argument, you can never have enough of them.

[Pillock]

 

'DUE TO HEATH CAN NOT FINISHED IT OFF'

 

Robinson, presumably.

[Wilko220]

http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/ROVER-MAESTRO ... 0800319987

 

This looks nice, its on the isle of man sadly buy the heater doesnt work so you could bring a load of manx kippers home with you without them spoiling.

[Skizzer]

Looking forward to the updates dw. Anyone who sets off to pickup a car that they know is broken before they set out with just a hammer (i presume you have a hammer), some rags, a tin of wd40 and some sandwiches is alright by me.

 

Amen to that.

[willswitchengage]

This is sadly not from our forum, but this did raise a few eyebrows and smiles at the BXClub:

 

I recently bought a bx and i understand the suspension system kinda and how it works but i know it has a driving height but as im 17 i want it as low as possible,

[Wilko220]

I enjoyed this...

 

Hats off to this Polo owner for not going down the usual lame-arse Dub route... Unfortunately hats back on again because it's absolutely shit

[Junkman]

I would think any big organisations would have to dispose of contaminated fuel in an environmentally friendly manner, which basically means paying somebody with the right paperwork to dump it in the sea.