so what doesn't work on your shite?

[Taff]

I noticed on another thread that someone mentioned that they like to make sure that every little function of their car was working, got me wondering if anyone else was putting up with a growing list of faults, as my polo is starting to go downhill fast now.

 

As I've mentioned elsewhere, I didn't pay a great deal for it, and didn't expect two years out of it either.

 

It wasn't 100% when i drove it home, there was no stereo fitted but other than that all seemed to be working ok. I even had a stereo at home in the garage to fit which worked a treat.

first to pack up was the electric door mirror adjustment switch, press the button as often and as hard as you like and nothing happens.

next up was the fag lighter, not a huge problem but it meant i couldn't use plug-in my tyre inflator.

it was around this time that the central locking stopped working. no biggy as i rarely lock it anyway

about this time, one of the heater vents fell out, the passenger side one.

this was followed by the heater fan itself starting to rattle, like it had a bent blade that was clipping something? but, rather oddly, only on speeds 1 & 3, not 2 or 4. how can that make sense?

The front number plate fell off over xmas. one screw held it, just enough for it to drag noisily along the floor for a couple of hundred yards.

then another heater vent fell out, this time the left hand one above the stereo.

now another odd one. The stereo works fine, but when you put a CD on, only one speaker works. all four work when i listen to the radio (which has recently lost AM, by the way) but three of them cut out when i put a CD on.

then this morning it threw me a curve ball. I opened the door to start the engne and thaw out the windscreen while i scraped the frost off. With the frost all scraped away, i went to open the door and it wouldn't budge. of all the times to pack up, and the engine running as well. I had to climb in through the boot as the pass door was locked too.

wonder how long i can put up with sliding across from the passenger side.

 

Anyone else putting up with automotive character "traits", or am I the only lazy mug?

[John F]

The nearside electric mirror adjuster on my Calibra doesn't work, but I never adjust it anyway. And if I'm being really fussy, the driver's seatbelt inertia reel is a bit slow to retract the belt sometimes. Other than that, everything works as it should

 

There's not nuch wrong with the Disco either... I need to replace the central rear A frame bush at some point, and the bottom half of the heated rear screen doesn't work. Oh, and the driver's side windscreen washer jets are blocked at the moment.

 

The CBX750F really just needs to be used, although it does need slight attention to the ignition wiring.

 

The other Land Rover & the Maserati (and the Katana, if I ever get round to it) are projects at the moment, plenty of stuff to do on them.

[Pete-M]

The Jag's external boot release only works intermittently and one of the rear windows doesn't work (the previous owner disconnected it).

 

The BMW glove box light doesn't work. (Needs bulb refitting as the previous owner was trying to trace a battery drain - which turned out to be the hands-free kit being wired incorrectly.)

 

Jeep aircon needs gassing.

 

That's all I know about.

[Cavcraft]

Audi: thermostat, thermostat housing, temp gauge sensor.

 

Merc: CD player (properly pissed off about that), one interior light and the heated seats. To be fair the heated seats only don't work because they're not actually heated despite what the vendor said.

[Pete-M]

Oh yeah, the Jag CD changer plays up. Bad solder joint in the head unit, according to those who know.

 

Damn it, more jobs to do.

[HMC]

The Rover p4-

voltage regulator doesnt allow the battery to be charged.

 

Merc Estate-

faulty self levelling suspension

broken electric window (drivers)

inoperative sunroof

broken (probably corroded) radiator internals (coolant being pumped into transmission fluid)

non working radio (perhaps doesnt count as was stolen)

[eddyramrod]

It's not just you, don't worry! I will put up with quite a lot until I decide to have a fixing binge, or more likely sell the fecker (if I can!).

You learn to live with unreliable starting by parking it facing downhill ...except my driveway is flat. So I did have to get the starter solenoid replaced a couple of weeks ago. The handle broke on the Truckman canopy last year, and has been impossible to lock since then, even after I got it fixed. I think a sidelight is out. And, er, that's it really for this one.

 

You see it here with a broken balljoint, so obviously I had to get that fixed right away. The battery is of indeterminate vintage, so I think that'll have to be replaced very soon... if I sell the pickup, then immediately! Automatic choke is just a joke. The radio doesn't pick up any stations, but it's the original LW/MW 1972 Ford radio, with no FM. There's nobody broadcasting on AM in Cyprus any more. Can't really blame the car for that! The horn doesn't work, which is a bummer as I paid for a brand new pair a year ago, and watched them being fitted. Might have to see about that when the rain stops. One headlight is very dim, might need a blub. I tried the screenwashers yesterday, nothing happened, but that's a bit lower down the list. Couple of little plastic bits fall off occasionally. I still need the rear vent grilles!

Oh, and only the driver's door lock works; passenger's door I have to lock/unlock from inside.

 

Somebody stole the wheels and I can't afford to replace them. Other than that, I have no idea!

 

Er... yeah.... speaks for itself really.

[dollywobbler]

2CV

Fog light

Engine crankcase breather

 

BX (proving that there's still a lot to do!)

Heated rear window (needs wiring in)

Rear wiper (needs wiring in)

Driver's door lock (both with key and when unlocking the car via the passenger door).

Most of the dashboard lights (muscle memory is a useful thing)

Windscreen washer bar (pipe came off at the base of the wiper arm, though the washer seems to work better now as long as I'm moving...)

Heater on speeds 1 and 2. (3 works)

Thermostat

Engine (down on power)

Gearbox (no first gear synchromesh)

Engine mountings

Tailgate struts

Both electric windows are slow

The window seals don't.

The radiator cooling fan (switch)

 

Maverick

Front brakes (horrible noises! Will investigate later this week and won't drive it!)

HRW switch bulb

One headlamp washer (squirts straight up!)

Both electric windows slow

Heater on speeds 1, 2 and 3 (4 works)

 

Mini

HRW (well, one bar works)

[Spiny Norman]

The only thing that I've found that doesn't work on the Merc so far is that the alarm doesn't make any noise. It still works and the hazard lights work when you arm/disarm it but there's no beep or whatever noise it's supposed to make. It was like that when I got it and I have absolutely no intention of fannying about with it.

 

The Saab has a far more interesting array of failings.

Neither of the electric mirrors work, but since I adjusted them when I bought it a year ago and haven't had to touch them since that doesn't bother me. What is annoying, especially for a Swedish car is the heater is shite. And it leaks.

Out of the Stereo radio/cassette/10 disc CD autochanger, the radio works. The struts only just hold the tailgate up, to the extent that a small amount of snow settled on the spoiler is enough to cause it to drop slowly on my head, and the passenger door loch has succumbed to local pond life.

Oh, and the headlamp wipers don't work, but that's par for the course.

 

Apart from that it's all good!

[AndyW201]

On the Merc,

 

Heated rear window (just needs fuse replacing, had to borrow it...)

Rear electric windows (tried swapping switches and waggling wires in doors, no joy , so must assume knackered motors. They can wait...)

Dash lights were out when I bought the car, mate fixed the circuit board and got them working, but speedo hasnt worked since. And now the bastard lights have gone out again...

Springs all wrong for car. n/s/f has a pattern sportline spec one, o/s/f has a replacement standard height one, both rears are rusty, saggy and suspect n/s/r one snapped... (set of rocking horse shit good used sportline ones ready to go on)

Front ARB bushes to be replaced soon

Radiator has very slight leak (replacement ready to go on)

 

Octavia

 

Faultless apart from the good old Octavia knackered rear wiper motor trick.

[eddyramrod]

Oh yeah, dash lights, forgot about those. It's a while since I've driven the Granada in the dark, and that's one of the reasons!

[Albert Ross]

1970 Land Rover. Offside freewheeling hub.

1961 Land Rover. Everything, it's in 1000 bits.

1980ish Land Rover. Everything. It's in 999 bits.

1989 Siera Sapphire. Almost everything. It doesn't start, has no docs, so isn't going to be used anytime soon.

2006 Focus. Nothing. It's all good.

[DSdriver]

Pug 206: smug little thing, W plate, the only thing I have had to do on it is tighten the boot striker plate. I think it knows that one false move and its gone.

DS saloon (currently sorned) was only firing on three last time I started it up.

Safari (my daily driver): No reversing lights (is this legal?), no courtesy lights, radio not wired into ignition so if I forget to take the front off the battery goes flat and its jump start time. Heated rear window not working. Also an intermittent fault on starting, not the ignition switch and not the starter so must be in the loom? Whilst the guy I bought it from is an ace mechanic I don't think electrics is his strong point.

[dollywobbler]

Don't believe reverse lights are part of the MOT or that there is an obligation for them to work. If they're operated by a manual switch though, I think there must be a warning light or something. Living out in the sticks, reverse lights are essential! Hence the 2CV has one retro-fitted.

[The Moog]

V40 -

Climate control has mind of its own

No dash bulbs for heater control

Drivers door doesnt lock

Air Con needs regass

Service light on

sub frame bush is cracked and squeaks

Washer fluid sensor perm on

Ligher socket not working

Turbo not working *

 

850

Flat battery

 

T25

everything works!

 

*probably because a turbo isnt fitted

[DSdriver]

Living out in the sticks, reverse lights are essential!

 

Yep, thats how I found out they weren't working: single track lane with passing places and I was closest. Had to reverse with the brakes on to get a bit of light.

[CreepingJesus]

Heater. Bit of a mystery one, until I remember to buy an actual multimeter and stop dicking about with a continuity tester and a couple of bits of wire.

Front cigarette lighter. Bit of a mystery one, as the rear one works fine. Front one charges a phone/lights a fag once and once only, then blows its' fuse. Not a clue why. When I work it out, I can stop climbing into the back of the car to spark up, and put the steering rope and throttle brick back in the boot

[DSdriver]

Heater. Bit of a mystery one, until I remember to buy an actual multimeter and stop dicking about with a continuity tester and a couple of bits of wire.

Front cigarette lighter. Bit of a mystery one, as the rear one works fine. Front one charges a phone/lights a fag once and once only, then blows its' fuse. Not a clue why. When I work it out, I can stop climbing into the back of the car to spark up, and put the steering rope and throttle brick back in the boot

 

Have you tried the rear lighter in the front socket?

[stormee]

BMW claims outside-temp to be +50°C at whatever real temp... -5,8°C actually at the moment...

km-counter stuck at 253920 since when???

[CreepingJesus]

Have you tried the rear lighter in the front socket?

 

Tried that, and an old lighter I had from something in the past. The power lead for my phone and the MP3 player do exactly the same. I can't find the relevant HBOL, but from memory the two sockets are on the same circuit, so chances are it's the actual socket itself. I'll whip one off a scrapper to check, next time I'm at a graveyard.

Oh, and the rear wash doesn't work. Wiper's fine, but no water. I fucking hate tracing those, so it might be time to pull a new length of hose thro. Came to grief last time I tried that, with my old Mondeo - there was a joint above the B-pillar which refused to move until it went 'twang', and then the fucker pissed washer water down my neck one night...

[rml2345]

Well lets see here... Being a Toyota of course, it should all work*. In no particular order;

Cigarette lighter doesn't work. I don't smoke, but it would be handy for charging things and running the tyre compressor.

Gear selector or selector cables buggered, so changing gear is like stirring coal. Also doesn't like to select 1st or 2nd when cold.

Both front seats have collapsed bolsters, and are generally a bit past it.

Front ARB drop links could do with being replaced.

Air con needs a re-gas.

Hunts a bit at idle sometimes, and will idle at barely 600rpm when warm.

Beyond that, the bodywork is pretty battered, with a rather large dent in the nearside sill, and the paint is shite but none of those things prevent it from going.

 

 

*May contain cliché/lies/quote from Which? (delete as appropriate).

[Negative Creep]

Bluebird

- heater works but is crap

 

Yugo

- blower motor

- indicators

- reverse lights

- master cylinder

- probably a lot more I've yet to find

[catsinthewelder]

This could take a while

 

BX

 

Hydraulic pump is slow and rear strut return leaky

Reversing lights don't work

Blower rotary switch failed , replaced with on / off switch so I now don't have any speeds other than full.

The ashtray I mounted this on a year ago now won't stay shut

Temperature dial for the heaters keeps falling off

Dial for directing heat to different vents is iffy at best

Heated rear window has failed

Rear wiper effectivly doesn't work, will make the odd random sweep but not oftain

Rear washer jet kaput

I replaced the radio/cassette with an ebay bargain when we got the car as it had failed. The replacements LCD had gone but for 99p I wasn't complaining. Now tapes are playing too fast as well though.

Windscreen has 2 chips

clutch cable has stretched again

ditto handbrake cables (seemed fine until it rolled back into the bollard outside my house just as I got inside)

window seals have shrunk and let draughts in

annoying whiring noise from speedo

battered bumpers

dented wings

chips to paint and fibreglass

various rust

 

1100

 

radio was rubbish so hasn't been replaced when it fell off

brakelight switch has failed and will require much brakepipe dismantling to replace

otherwise minimal electrics all working

leaking scuttle so carpets are in the loft for the winter

various rust

 

VW Camper

 

HRW non funcional

heating iffy at best

water leaks through pop top and window seals

catch required to hold rear seat back vertical

exhaust knackered

various rust

[Skizzer]

Rover:

Most things work well, but offside passenger door only opens from the inside, left indicator doesn't flash on a trailer (ok on the car, suspect a relay), nearside headlamp just went (possibly another relay? will try a bulb first) and the ABS light came on yesterday although brakes work fine. Hard to believe the dual-zone climate control still works, although it's hard to tell in this weather (Wuvvum didn't run it in the summer either).

 

Lancia:

Bonnet release seized. Given that there's no battery in it, it's hard to tell what else doesn't work until I fix that. Thankfully it looks like I can burgle my way in by removing the grille.

 

Golf:

Mostly fine but I'm half way through replacing the front discs and pads and the driver's door won't unlock with the key (it'll just need the lock taking apart and greasing - same happened with the boot). Even the computer still worked last time I looked, which is fairly unusual, as does the aftermarket immobiliser. Oh, and it stalls and dies for a while if you run it less than about half full of petrol - must still be some rust in the tank from the knackered filler neck (now replaced), despite previous attempts by supposed professionals to clean the fuel line. If you want something bodged properly, bodge it yourself

 

Scirocco:

Doubt much works. The windows are still see-through, mostly.

[mk2_craig]

XR2:

Auto choke is goosed. no other issues aside from corrosion and paintwork.

 

Sierra:

Illumination for the fan switch doesn't work depending on what position it is turned to and the pump-up driver seat pad is probably punctured (passenger side still fine). Also the heated front windscreen doesn't appear to do anything although the warning lamp in the switch comes on, and there's something up with the front wiper motor - intermittent setting is intermittent intermittently and the wipers tend to stop where they are when switched off, then slowly judder back towards the parked position. Haven't bothered investigating any of the above yet, the latter two are possibly down to duff relays, but open to suggestions?

[RobT]

The BX:

 

-Tailgate struts. Replaced them with ones from a Rover 200 as an interim measure, but that was 3 months ago.

-Dash clock ticks like a bomb and is stuck at 7.24, non-essential so I can’t be bothered fixing it.

-Passenger sun visor is floppy so doesn’t stow away properly. So I removed it and have a pair of sunglasses for the passenger instead.

-Drivers window doesn’t shut properly as the glass tilts forward leaving a small gap, so I don’t open it in the first place!

-Rear screen demister works intermittently.

-Front struts groan a bit.

-Rear suspension loses pressure too soon after parking up (an hour or so usually). Rises up fine though.

-Starting is an issue in very cold weather. New glow plugs are on my garage shelf waiting to be fitted.

 

The Montego:

 

-Exhaust back box has a slight blow.

-PAS needs a bleed as it struggles a bit on full lock.

-Lazy temperature gauge as it reads below the quarter but actual running temperature is fine.

-Headlining is droopy, held up by pins.

-Dashboard rattles from various places which set my OCD off.

-And, of course, rust. The arches, door bottoms, outer sills, base of rear screen, around the filler cap, etc etc.

 

miniMetro (in hibernation at the moment):

 

-Points and condenser need replacing, that’s all

[Lord Sterling]

Daily Sterling:

Air-con - I've never had a car that does have working air-con.

Radio - Basically I dont have one, I was to fit one in when I found that one of the last owners did a really crap job of bodging in some 'Ford' spec wires in, cut the original block off apart from one wire and basically messed it up, so I've got to re-wire an original speaker block in if I can find one, then re-wire the power block, that'll be fun.

 

Heated Seat - I'm pretty sure this doesnt work, its kind of hard to see/feel as if I sit somewhere for a bit, it will warm up anyway

 

Feet heater - a setting on the climate control panel.

 

Drivers side electric window - As with all mk1 Rover Sterlings, the drivers side electric window is just crap, it gets to a certain level and just buzzes and rattles, then I have to help it back up to close it, pretty crap when trying to get a car-park ticket. Mind, this is the only mk1 I've ever had where the back windows actually work and dont get stuck, which is a bit of a novelty.

 

N-reg Sterling:

Air-Con again....And..er..thats it! Everything else worked when it was last used and then stored. Its just not used at all now, I should get around to doing something with it though....

 

E-reg Sterling:

Not really had a chance to use this car at all, it was delivered to my garage courtesy of Brad, I had it running it twice since I've had it, once to move it, second time to move it into its current storage garage.

 

Though if I do get a chance to look it over, I'm guessing these dont work:

 

Air-Con (Easy guess)

Radio - Not plugged in.

Windows - This is an old Rover.

[Pete-M]

BMW glovebox light fixed.

[Guest]

C4

 

Aircon (quelle surprise, despite being regassed)

NSF electric window works about 20%. It's probably a knackered switch.

NSF front speaker cuts out now and again.

 

460 Turbo

 

Interior light

Radio

NSF speaker

 

305

 

More or less everything

 

Amazon

 

Heater

Piston Rings

Brakes

Brake lines

Front floor

Door seals

Window seals

NSF window

Carburettor

Radiator

[meggersdog]

The central locking didn't work when I bought the Discovery (still doesn't five years later)

rear electric windows don't work from the central switch but do on the doors

the headlamp washers sprang a leak about three years ago so I blocked off the pipe

the reversing lights don't work as the second time I replaced the clutch fork I forgot to reconnect them

when the pikeys smashed all my windows I replaced the rear 'screen with a 300 series so the wiring for the heater element is different so that doesn't work

one of the alarm fobs just recently broke it's battery connection (no matter I have a spare)

and the steering box leaks slightly (they all do that sir).

Recently the heater fan packed up so I now have one of those plug-in cigar socket 150 amp jobbies.It clears the 'screen,eventually and I carry some gloves.

 

Last time I went out in the Maestro it wasn't running quite right.Today I have just replaced a split vacuum pipe.

the roof lining has always sagged and the gearstick gaiter has self tappers holding it in.