Stupid things you've seen on the road today

[warren t claim]

I'm the cunt who rings the truck companies and complains about it if they're taking the piss.

 

I now have a mission and purpose in life. I simply NEED a Pete-M complaint sent to my boss!

 

Seriously though, all that will happen is your complaint will be filed in the waste paper bin along with all the complaints we get for creeping along 60mph NSL roads at 40mph. We get plenty of those!

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Belgians are shit drivers

 

As are the Dutch - the clog wearing schmokers are appalling drivers on the motorway. The French aren't bad, but the Master Race really have it sussed. It's only on the old Hitler era two lane 'bahns and the Berlin ring road that I've had any delays. Normally you can literally storm across the Fatherland at a steady 100 mph, stopping for fuel/piss/refreshments.

[Formula Autos]

One thing that does really annoy me is this old boy in a tractor who drives me bloody mand. He's on my road to work every morning when the road's at its busiest. It causes all kind of jams and manic overtaking. It doesn't seem to matter what time I leave in the morning I aways seem to get bloody stuck behind him.

Now I've nothing against farmers driving their tractor on the road but 1: could he not do it at 9.10 once the traffic had died down and 2: I think he's using the tractor to drive to the supermarket to pick up his morning paper and not some more relevant farmer related activity.

 

That sort of thing is common around here (West Cumbria). It's all the more frustrating as there are almost no safe overtaking places when traffic's busy. Mind you, I've heard a (probably apocryphal) tale about a farmer who was hauled over the coals for popping to the next town in his tractor - apparently you're not meant to stray more than six miles from your farm if you're running on red diesel.

 

I have heard farmers boasting about tailbacks they've caused (my wife has relations who are shitkickers, and they sit around at parties comparing notes). They have a little game around here where they refuse to pull in and drive slower than normal in their tractor to cause the maximum length queue. They get another shitkicker (presumably by using a mobile whilst driving) to drive the other way and verify the length of queue. The 'winner' then gets all their drinks paid for by their friends in the pub next to the cattle auction*. The record is apparently over 400 cars in a queue.

 

I nearly boiled over when I heard this, but thought it was better not to kick off in my wife's relations' house. My retaliation came in the form of drinking loads of their Stella and throwing up beside their Land Rover.

 

* No doubt followed by drink driving home with a trailer full of cattle, as they seem to think that's perfectly OK as well

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

One thing that does really annoy me is this old boy in a tractor who drives me bloody mand. He's on my road to work every morning when the road's at its busiest. It causes all kind of jams and manic overtaking. It doesn't seem to matter what time I leave in the morning I aways seem to get bloody stuck behind him.

Now I've nothing against farmers driving their tractor on the road but 1: could he not do it at 9.10 once the traffic had died down and 2: I think he's using the tractor to drive to the supermarket to pick up his morning paper and not some more relevant farmer related activity.

 

That sort of thing is common around here (West Cumbria). It's all the more frustrating as there are almost no safe overtaking places when traffic's busy. Mind you, I've heard a (probably apocryphal) tale about a farmer who was hauled over the coals for popping to the next town in his tractor - apparently you're not meant to stray more than six miles from your farm if you're running on red diesel.

 

I have heard farmers boasting about tailbacks they've caused (my wife has relations who are shitkickers, and they sit around at parties comparing notes). They have a little game around here where they refuse to pull in and drive slower than normal in their tractor to cause the maximum length queue. They get another shitkicker (presumably by using a mobile whilst driving) to drive the other way and verify the length of queue. The 'winner' then gets all their drinks paid for by their friends in the pub next to the cattle auction*. The record is apparently over 400 cars in a queue.

 

I nearly boiled over when I heard this, but thought it was better not to kick off in my wife's relations' house. My retaliation came in the form of drinking loads of their Stella and throwing up beside their Land Rover.

 

* No doubt followed by drink driving home with a trailer full of cattle, as they seem to think that's perfectly OK as well

 

Maybe you and your mates should have a competition about how many hay barns you can set fire to in one night?

 

The winner gets - total satisfaction.

[DSdriver]

Point 1. Megatractors round here wizz along at speeds well in excess of the posted speed limit.

Point 2. Everyone knows that the only thing farmers keep in barns is old cars.

[myglaren]

BMW318Ci drove straight out onto a roundabout in front of me, proceeded to drive at 30 mph in a 40 zone, drove straight out in front of a Mondeo on the next roundabout the floored it in a 30 zone.

[Futuramic]

Driving home from work in my woeful shitheap. In the words of The Deacon I decided to get said shitheap moving and unleashed the full fury of the secondary throttle butterfly (on a fuel injected car it's orrsumm!!)

 

A 1.8 Focus in the slow lane took exception. A new 1.8 Focus I may add; which is significantly less powerful than aforementioned woeful shitheap. Anyway I got past and sat at eighty. The Focus overtook me. Bear in mind this happened at the Boreham interchange (A12 Northbound, the happy highway).

 

I thought nothing of it. The Focus pulled back in. that should have been the end. Alas no. He slowed down. I bore down and overtook again. He receded in the mirror. But then threw the hammer down and passed me again.

 

He slowed after doing that and I re-overtook him. But then he sped up and barrelled past. And then slowed down. I overtook again. For fans of brevity imagine this happening a further six or seven times (!). It did. All the way back to Colchester. I only got rid of him when I reached my exit and he carried on.

 

At one point his anger peaked and he sped up whilst I was passing him for the fifth or sixth time somewhere near Kelvedon. I floored it and left.

 

I can only assume he didn't want an old car to be in front of his new one. Which is fine; I don't care but if you must then fecking go faster than I want to. I will not drive slowly just to defer to your finance deal.

[RoadworkUK]

(Boreham interchange), (Kelvedon).

 

You too, eh! I'd like to nominate the A12 between Boreham and the A120 Colchester turn-off as the absolute epicentre of idiotic fucking how-dare-you-overtake-me shenanigans by folk in new, mediocre cars. They simply will not allow you in front of you, even if they have no particular interest in driving faster than you.

 

Bunch of wands.

[Pillock]

Not today, but driving south on the M1, around J24ish (East Mids Airport).... a Mk3 Golf towing a coach down the hard shoulder!

One of those spacky-looking short coaches admittedly, but Golf. Coach. Shonky towrope. Motorway.

[eddyramrod]

BMW318Ci drove straight out onto a roundabout in front of me, proceeded to drive at 30 mph in a 40 zone, drove straight out in front of a Mondeo on the next roundabout the floored it in a 30 zone.

 

Is anyone surprised? Certainly not here.

 

Pillock: That's a half-hour of YouTube waiting to happen!

[jakebullet]

Twunt on a shagged out moped going uphill on the dual carriageway suddenly slows to 2 mph in front of me. Then 'drives' over the central reservation, goes 150 yards against oncoming traffic before zapping off the wrong way up a one way street. Wish I'd had my cam on the windscreen

[jonny69]

Another journey through central London over the weekend. I've decided you can't just take it easy on that route because leaving a sensible gap results in someone doing something spastically stupid and the gap being filled with it. So the drive wasn't so bad. Found out how fast the new Pug is and I am pleasantly surprised. Someone on here said how French cars have an ability to get up and go on the motorway when you need them to. I decided to overtake a car and the BMW Mini sat on my corner (driven by a bloke with a permanent WTF look on his face) decided to gap-fill to block me as soon as I indicated. Floored it and the VVTi-y0 kicked in in conjunction with kick-down and left him standing. Was quite pleasantly surprised when I saw it was a Cooper as well.

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

I had a bellend this morning. Twat in a white 1 Series Disesesel M Sport cutting everyone up dicing in and out of cars on the A61 to Barnsleh. Tried it on with me. Gave him a performance test in the Ingignum on a nice straight bit which, when he realised that OMG Voxalls r as fast as u r m8, really upset the poor lamb. He made a rude hand signal to me - I'm shocked.

 

Apart from that, just the usual low level clueless twattery.

[R9UKE]

Old man in an Avensis trying to JOIN THE MOTORWAY THE WRONG WAY as I came off on the slip road this afternoon. He then reversed back up the slip road and nearly caused an accident at the junction.

[jonny69]

Overtaken by a skip lorry at a pinch-point who clearly forgot he was pulling a trailer as well. Not often I pull the brakes as a 'just in case' life saver, but this was one of them. Then, later, I pulled over and stopped only to find a woman had followed me over and also stopped behind me. If I was a van that she couldn't see through or past I might be able to understand this manoeuvre, but I'm a skinny bloke on a bicycle pulling over to chain my bike outside Marks and Spencer on an empty road. Dozy cow then had the nerve to give me a WTF have you stopped for look.

 

Another bizarre thing I'm noticing is the number of people who stop on roundabouts (as in completely stop) and signal me on. I don't understand the logic of this one at all. The problem is when people do completely unexplained things like this it panics me on a bicycle. I'm quite aware and observant, so my brain goes into overdrive trying to spot the circumstances that I've missed that have required someone to stop dead on a roundabout, like a vehicle approaching out of control who clearly can't stop in time, or an emergency vehicle needing to come through or whatever. An old lady was the first one to do it. I was approaching the roundabout quite fast (for a bike) ready to slot past behind her as she went across as there was no car behind her. Instead of continuing, she came to a complete stop on the roundabout right in my planned path and way too close for me to stop in time. So I had to hit the brakes as hard as I possibly could without binning it, now with a car right behind me who also couldn't stop in the distance without an emergency manoeuvre and who couldn't tell how hard I was braking and now other vehicles joining the roundabout. Ridiculous behaviour. Today's one was a taxi and I was just rolling up to stop, on a fixed gear, so my pedals were in completely the wrong position to get going again and the cabby signalling 'come one then' to me. Argh! The rule is give way to the right, not stop on the roundabout and wave cyclists on!

[chaseracer]

OI! Farmer feckin Giles! Do NOT pull up in your bloody tractor to a roundabout that I'm already on, look at me, smirk, then pull out. This will result in my overtaking you, safely yet at a significantly greater velocity than you can be arsed to do, indicating by way of a digital gesture that you worship frequently at the Temple of Onan.

 

Twat.

[M'coli]

You have to clip the tractor just right to get it to tip over!

[Pete-M]

On the M6 today I was a few cars behind some tw@ in a dark green 59 plate BMW 520d estate who'd fitted two blocks of LED lights just inside the top edge of his tailgate to make a pretty much perfect copy of the unmarked Dibble cars. He stuck to 70 mph all the way from Warrington to the M6 Raceway, driving in a properly twattish way as if to say "Overtake me and you're nicked". Fucker caused mayhem if anyone tried to pass him. Didn't switch the lights on, but he'd sit in the middle lane at 70 and if anyone was 'making progress' in L3 he'd just pull straight out in front of them and hit the anchors. I was a few cars back for a good while and he must have been close to causing 15-20 accidents in under an hour with his twattish behaviour. He was wearing an orange Hi-Vis vest and a pair of shades in an attempt to freak people out with his fake-Dibbleness. When I managed to pass him he gave me an evil look as if to say "How very dare you" but couldn't do jack shit about it. I noticed he had what I assume to be his kid in the back of the car, playing on a PSP type gubbin, not belted in... Takes all sorts.

 

Just to add insult to injury, on the way home from work a grubby, scottish registered, dark blue '05 plate 530d saloon with blue lights in the grille, genuine dibble on board and a towbar came flying through the rush hour traffic. A bloody towbar - complete with white aerosol cap - on an unmarked Dibblemobile. That's just not cricket.

[AnthonyG]

On the M6 today I was a few cars behind some tw@ in a dark green 59 plate BMW 520d estate who'd fitted two blocks of LED lights just inside the top edge of his tailgate to make a pretty much perfect copy of the unmarked Dibble cars. He stuck to 70 mph all the way from Warrington to the M6 Raceway, driving in a properly twattish way as if to say "Overtake me and you're nicked". Fucker caused mayhem if anyone tried to pass him. Didn't switch the lights on, but he'd sit in the middle lane at 70 and if anyone was 'making progress' in L3 he'd just pull straight out in front of them and hit the anchors. I was a few cars back for a good while and he must have been close to causing 15-20 accidents in under an hour with his twattish behaviour. He was wearing an orange Hi-Vis vest and a pair of shades in an attempt to freak people out with his fake-Dibbleness. When I managed to pass him he gave me an evil look as if to say "How very dare you" but couldn't do jack shit about it. I noticed he had what I assume to be his kid in the back of the car, playing on a PSP type gubbin, not belted in... Takes all sorts.

.

 

Surely this is getting close to impersonating a police officer - I would give the police a ring with his reg number to hand.

[autofive]

M1 Durham to Leeds and back today. I saw some truely terrifying driving, the worst was a tatty white combivan in lane three braking hard, cutting across all three lanes to take an exit, he caused at least half a dozen vehicles to brake hard as he shot in front of them.

[Cavcraft]

An Iveco Cargo with a Hiab on the back been driven full tilt from Weymouth to the nearest docks. He must have been desperate to get abroad for some reason.

[Jon]

An Iveco Cargo with a Hiab on the back been driven full tilt from Weymouth to the nearest docks. He must have been desperate to get abroad for some reason.

 

Did you notice whether one of the rear wheels wasn't painted silver? What colour was the cab?

[Cavcraft]

Rust coloured like all Ivecos.

[scaryoldcortina]

Isn't it the Le Havre Pre-98 truck and bus beach race and barbeque this weekend?

[chaseracer]

I do hope so...

[boobydoo]

I didn't realise hearses were allowed on motorways? A right tailback on the A1(M) by Stevenage today....(M) meaning this section is actually motorway....caused by a funeral procession doing 30mph on the inside lane.

 

I can't see why they had to use it really, as there are plenty of other roads running parallel. I feel a bit guilty about being annoyed about it.

[DSdriver]

I didn't realise hearses were allowed on motorways? A right tailback on the A1(M) by Stevenage today....(M) meaning this section is actually motorway....caused by a funeral procession doing 30mph on the inside lane.

 

I can't see why they had to use it really, as there are plenty of other roads running parallel. I feel a bit guilty about being annoyed about it.

 

Was the chap who usually walks in front wearing a top hat sprinting?

[retrogeezer]

Just coming through Nantwich approaching the roundabout at Sainsbury's, I indicate right as I am taking the 2nd exit and as I go past the 1st exit the van coming out nearly hits the back of me and honks his horn at me!!

 

I stop behind traffic 40 feet up the road and see him shouting so wind the window down and he says something like I'll punch your f'ing mother in the c***.

 

Nice start to the day...

[The Reverend Bluejeans]

Talking of underhand...sorry, unmarked Filth; watch out for a black VXR stylee Astra Van on the M1, Notts/Derbys region.

[Craig the Princess]

I didn't realise hearses were allowed on motorways? A right tailback on the A1(M) by Stevenage today....(M) meaning this section is actually motorway....caused by a funeral procession doing 30mph on the inside lane.

 

I can't see why they had to use it really, as there are plenty of other roads running parallel. I feel a bit guilty about being annoyed about it.

 

I doubt there is a specific ban, that said a few years back an Alfa 156 hearse went past me on the M3 doing at least 85. It had a coffin in the back, hopefully an empty one.